Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Being Drunk

Some people live for the weekend just to get drunk. When quitting time hits or class ends on Friday, they leave the office/school, stop by the liquor store and head home to start the buzz. Is there anything wrong or illegal about this? No. But, what about the people who take being drunk to another level? A level that leads them vulnerable to whoever comes in contact with them?

I've never been drunk. I've had enough to throw off my balance a bit when getting out of a chair once, but never drunk. I have a healthy fear of not being in control of myself. It extends beyond alcohol, too. I wasn't comfortable when I had my knee surgery recently and had to deal with anesthesia. I was really grumpy coming off of that anesthetic high (from what I was told) because I couldn't do/function the way I wanted. Being out of control is just something that I do not crave to do which is why I rarely drink.

So, what about the people who don't mind? I don't think any less of (some of) them because I know so many people who have done it. A lot of my friends/associates have gotten drunk around me before. Me getting married was a sad day for a lot of them because they lost their reliable designated driver. "Q can drive because he's not going to drink anything!"

I just wonder who's cleaning this up tomorrow.
Look, I don't mind drunk people as long as I don't have to babysit them, they don't pee/puke in my presence and if they're around responsible people. I do have a problem with blackout drunks who run the risk of having things happening to them. The ladies who pass out in a room full of strangers. The guy who thinks he can make it home despite the fact that he could barely make it to his car. Those are the people who concern me because they pose a danger to themselves and others.

As a guy who made the roadie down to Mardi Gras seven times in his life, I've seen evidence of them all.  I've called a cab for guys needing a safe way back to their hotel.  I've actually played protector of drunk women in the club who are constantly being pawed by guys. Not how I wanted to spend my evening, but like Judge Joe Brown always says, "You have to protect womanhood."  But, I've also seen my share of men (and women) molesting unconscious ladies. I've seen guys passed out, face-first, in the gutters of Bourbon Street around tons of foot traffic (and sometimes vehicle traffic).

"Dude, undress her.  She'll never know."
All I'm asking is if you're drinking to get drunk, then please have a plan before your first drink. Being drunk isn't all what it's cracked up to be when you awake upside down in your vehicle with blood on the windshield or waking up in a strange place with the soreness from sex that you don't even recall.


Saturday, January 28, 2012

#Verizon Rage

This is a long post, but I'm telling a story with a lesson, so bear with me. When I was in the Verizon store today, I received some news of a policy of theirs that aggravated me so greatly, that I couldn't wait to get home to blog about it. I was tweeting about my displeasure while in the store and how the only reason I'm still with Verizon is because they're less evil than AT&T. A person shouldn't have to choose any company based on who sucks less, but that's what we have in 2012.

But, by the time I got home, I grabbed my laptop and started this rant. Verizon will only allow one phone to be upgraded on a family plan. Dumbest thing I've ever heard in a long time. Two phones on the plan, but I can only upgrade one of them today. I'll have to wait until August before the other phone is eligible to upgrade (and they can get another 2-yr contract out of me eight months from now). Don't hold your breath, Verizon.

I do want to mention that there was a nice, young lady who assisted me (I said I wouldn't mention her name in the post despite the fact that she was the only pleasant thing about my trip into the store). She answered all of my questions and explained things to me thoroughly before we made the decision to buy the phone anyway. I can't have The Mrs. without a phone she can't rely on, so it was necessary to go ahead and get the phone for her.

So, I'll just hope that my phone can last me until August because if not, I'll have to pay full price for a new phone since I can't upgrade. But, despite my aggravation, there was another guy in the store who was just a tad bit more pissed than I was. Well, let me stop lying, he was way more pissed than me. Here's what happened...

A young, male employee storms back to the counter followed by what looked to be a pre-teen boy. They're having a heated discussion about equipment insurance. The boy is being really rude to the Verizon rep and the rep loses it and says, "Look, I'm grown! You're not going to talk to me like that!"

The boy rushes out of the store and returns seconds later with his father who appears hot under the collar. He slams his hand on the counter which causes everyone to stop talking and turn around. "I want your general manager's name NOW!"

The Verizon employee bites his lip and looks like he's about three seconds from performing an over-hand gorilla slap on the guy when a co-worker escorts him to the back room. The man beats on the table and screams out again, "I want your general manager's name now! I've spent $35,000 for my business in this place and you all are constantly rude to me! This is the 3rd incident I've had happen in this location."

A store rep comes out and tries to calm the man down, but he's not having it. She starts, "Sir, I can get your number and have our general manager call you?"

"I don't want him to call me! I want his name and number now or I'll get you fired, too!"

"Sir," she says calmly, "let me get your name and number..."

He then turns to his son, "Were you rude to that man?"

"No, sir," replied the son which was a blatant lie.

The man pounds the desk one more time and then screams his demands. Everyone in the store is staring at this point and I'm borderline ready to pull out my phone and start filming in case he goes "O.J." on an employee. But, after three-to-five minutes of ranting, he finally gets a name, pounds the counter one last time with the palm of his hand and storms out mumbling about "idiots." His storming out did include him slamming up against the door as if he wanted to take it off the hinges.

Everyone in the store is standing in disbelief in complete silence. The young lady who was helping me did confirm that the man does spend a lot of money in the store. She personally knew of $3,000 worth of equipment he bought once, so he was a valued customer. "Valued customer?" Hmmph. Isn't that an oxymoron? Kind of like "jumbo shrimp?"

But, despite the fact that the man handled everything all wrong, I don't really fault him. I fault the employee who got into it with his son. When you work with the public, you have to know how to control yourself and not let people push your buttons. Yet this dude got riled up by a 12-year old? Seriously, dude? Chris Brown thinks that you have a short temper. You can't let a child cost you your job. Even 15 minutes after the man and his son had left, this guy is still coming out of the back room and cursing under his breath. These young bucks today are way too emotional. Man up.

As for the angry customer, although he was wrong in acting a donkey in public, I get his frustration. Although he pays a ton more money for his business to have cell phones than I do for me and The Mrs., we're still two paying customers not getting the basic service. For him, it was not getting the customer service that he needed and for me, it was being told that I'm not important enough for any perks until my contract runs out.

This economy has kicked this country in the backside, but Congress has bestowed power upon these corporations that allow them to treat their customers any way they want. Where are you going to go? You're going to pay a termination fee to go some where else and be obligated for two more years? Hardly. And they know you're not able to go any where. Termination fees has replaced customer service. So, they're not obligated to even give you basic service yet alone, go the extra mile for you.

Companies used to bend over backwards for customers because we weren't obligated to stay. Current laws handcuff us to companies which allows them to mistreat you until a couple of months before your contract runs out. After that happens, then all of a sudden, "Mr. Q, sir, we will give you this cell phone today for free with a new two year agreement."

But, after I sign that agreement, then it's "screw you" for the next two years. I think the man who lost his cool today was tired of being screwed. What makes the afternoon so crazy is that I was more than likely going to get that Motorola Razr Maxx today. That was $300+ going to Verizon that they may now never get because of their policy. Now, I can't wait to cut ties with this company and let some other company put the screws to me. At least maybe they'll kiss me first before bending me over.


Thursday, January 26, 2012

Duck Face, the Booty Pose and Pigeon Toes

Which one of the three has ruined the art of photography? Ever since they installed a camera in every cell phone, we've been subjected to duck face, the booty pose and pigeon toes. Now, some of you are saying to yourselves, "Q, what in the world are you talking about?"

Well, I'm glad that you asked. You see, here at "Thank, Q," I do more than just rant and tell stories. I try to educate as I entertain. "Edutainment," if you want to quote an old school hip hop group called Boogie Down Productions. So, I will break down all three of these phenomenons that have changed the way we take and view photos:

Duck Face

Quack Click to enlarge.
You can blame Snooki for this one. That busty bag of Cheetos can't face a camera without going into "Mallard mode." This type of pose has probably over taken the peace sign. Then again, there's a high probability that you'll see the peace sign in conjunction with the duck face. I guess some people may think that it's cute when done properly, but I just don't get it. Especially those who overdo it and end up looking a little too much like a duck.

The Booty Pose

Click to maximize the gluteus.
The booty pose has been around since the 2 Live Crew's "Move Somethin'" album. Over time, it's hit mainstream and can be found any where from someones TwitPic to an actress on the Red Carpet at an awards show. The most unsettling thing about this provocative pose is that it's crept its way even into elementary schools. I can't count the number of Facebook photos I've seen from my "friends" who have their daughters turned around with their butt pointed towards the camera. Seriously? Do you think this is cute? If so, "Toddlers & Tiaras" is looking for more tramps in training. If you're grown, then do whatever you want with your butt and your camera, but please keep little kids innocent.

Pigeon Toes

Click to see why pigeons are filing a class action lawsuit.
The "celeb" that I blame for this one? Paris Hilton. Despite the fact that she hasn't been relevant since Brooke Hogan had a hit, her long legs forming a less than / greater than sign has stood the test of time. Now, despite the fact that some people look as if they have a physical disability when they pose, it doesn't look as bad on taller and slimmer women. Kind of like the lady who does the T-Mobile commercials. Although the pose makes her look immature, it doesn't look as deformed as some. I can't stand to see someone who is 5'2" trying to do a pigeon toe pose. It looks like they have to use the bathroom and they're trying to hold it in.

These three poses have changed photos in the 21st century. What poses irk you the most?


Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Ms. New Booty

After perusing Brandon's genius countdown list recently, I started thinking about the phenomenon known as "the booty." It's not new, but it seems as if it's popularity has soared over the past few years with J-Lo and Kim Kardashian taking it mainstream. The popularity is soaring to the point that ladies are getting fake butts to try and get attention.

Now, when boob jobs became affordable, A-cups went the way of the dinosaur and C-cups multiplied more than a family of rabbits on Viagra. Now it appears that booty is in style and everybody wants one. Now, there are multiple ways to work on turning your gluteus minimus into a gluteus maximus:

Workout plan

There are tons of fitness experts who say there are certain workouts that can give you the lift that you need. Ice-T's wife, Coco, who is a fitness model turned... turned... well, I don't know what she is now. I guess she's a reality star/model or something. Anyhoo, she claims to have developed her assets by doing squats in high heels. Now, I don't know if squatting in high heels will give a woman extra curves, but I bet she has the strongest ankles known to man. It appears hard to argue with her results though.

Buttocks Augmentation

This is becoming more and more popular among women now. You go to sleep with a ba-doink-a-dink and wake up hours later with a ba-doink-a-doink. There are little-to-no complications reported with this surgery. The downside to the surgery is having to throw away every pair of jeans that you own and shop for more. The upside is never having to pay for another drink at a bar in life. For about $8,500, you can get the deed done and add some curves below your waistline. Some people believe in silicon injections, but I think they're nuts. A "doctor" recently got arrested for injecting concrete in a woman. Click here to open a new window to see the story. That alone shows how crucial obsessive having a round butt is to some people.

Booty Pads

This is the cheapest and quickest way to put a bump on your rump. There are countless companies that makes panties, blue jeans or even negligees that have sewn in pads to add a little roundness. An even cheaper option is buying adhesive silicon pads that allow you to have a booty in whatever outfit you own. My only question is: with this option, what do you do when it's time to do the horizontal mambo? If you meet a guy and he's appreciating your rear, what do you say to him when you take off your panties and go from Jessica Biel to Ally McBeal? How do you explain that, Ms. New Booty?

I'm all for round butts. I grew up desiring women whose thighs had shade. It's not a deal breaker, but it is pleasing to the eye and turns heads. But, if you're going to do it, then either put in the work(out) or pay for the surgery. Leave the booty pads alone. Women who wear booty pads should be charged with fraud. It's not right. Maybe it helps your dress fit that much better, but a disclaimer should be given to anyone who compliments your figure. The only pad a man wants to hear that you own is an iPad.

Props to #TheKrayze1 for sending me this most appropriate video link!


Sunday, January 22, 2012


"Did you get my text, Q?"
It's Sunday, January 22, 2012 at 7:03 AM. My cell phone buzzes with a text message. I reach over from my bed to the night stand and pick it up. It's a message from a friend of mine from high school. It simply reads: "R.I.P. Joe Pa."

Huh? I sit up and try to focus my eyes. I read the message again... "R.I.P. Joe Pa."

20 minutes later, I get another text from someone else with a similar message. Now, I'm really pissed. Not because I have some sort of connection to the late, great Penn State Coach, Joe Paterno, who passed away from cancer. But, because someone has disturbed me out of my sleep trying to be Katie Couric. Cell phones and social networks have turned everyone into news anchors. In a world where news travels the speed of a click, I'm stuck with a bunch of people trying to be the first to deliver breaking news.

On the night prior to this, CBS Sports released a report from a Pennsylvania blogger that Joe Paterno had died. No one bothered to verify the report, but CBS, wanting to be first, posted the false report and later had to retract it and post an apology. However, before the apology was posted, the false report generated tons of tweets and Facebook status updates. I even got into a brief argument with a former co-worker of mine about it. She posted Joe Pa had died and I told her the allegations were premature. Then she had the nerve to get snarky with me.

Of course, she never responded to my last update. She was so anxious to be the first person to announce breaking news that she was willing to look like an idiot doing so. And to announce the death of a person who was still alive on top of that! When singer, Etta James, died this past Friday, a 20-something FB "friend" of mine posted "R.I.P. Etta James. You will be missed." Someone replied to her and asked what her favorite Etta James song was and the lady never replied. The post was subsequently deleted by the young lady and my guess is: she probably had never knowingly heard an Etta James song in her life. She just wanted to be the Walter Cronkite of Facebook and post that Etta had died. I'm guessing she was even too lazy to Google Etta's hit songs and fake a reply to the post. I saw the same thing happen when Elizabeth Taylor died. People who only knew the overweight Liz were baffled at some of the photos they saw of the young, absolutely stunning, Liz. They never really knew who she was, but felt the need to post "she will be missed."

Social media and cell phones have turned our society into a bunch of low-budget reporters. Everything gets filmed. Everything gets passed on to millions of people online. Can you imagine the number of YouTube hits the Rodney King beatings would have received had it happened in 2012? Can you even fathom the overload on Twitter had it been around when John Lennon was shot? Or what about the Facebook updates you would have seen from Baby Jessica falling in the well. (BTW, if you don't know any of those stories, then I suggest that you Google them and get caught up on some American Pop Culture history).

Baby Jessica rescue in 1987
I'm a huge fan of technology, but I hate when it falls into the wrong hands. Social media and cell phones allow for people who crave attention to have an opportunity to entertain their fans followers. Actual knowledge of the topic need not apply... as long as you're first.


Saturday, January 21, 2012

Oh, Please Let This Be True!

Any resemblance?

Okay, so by now you may have heard the rumors that Khloe Kardashian was fathered by "The Juice!" That's right. The man who cannot keep his name out of the news despite being only four years into a 33 year jail sentence: Orenthal James Simpson! Oh, please let this be true!

Why am I so excited about the possibility of O.J. Simpson being Khloe's father? Because THIS is reality TV. Although it's just a rumor, isn't this the type of thing that these reality shows portray in their shows? The Maury Povich type of plots that are scripted happen to occur on these shows that causes you to tune in the following week?

The story originated with two of the ex-wives of the late Robert Kardashian. Of course, Khloe denies it (can you blame her?) and said that the rumor is "laughable." A source told The National Enquirer (which is about as reputable as a hooker facing a 3rd strike) that Robert Kardashian acknowledged that he wasn't having sex with his then wife, Kris Jenner, when Khloe was conceived. O.J. also bragged about fathering a millionaire's love child, but never came clean on who because of the possible backlash ruining his endorsements. Endorsements he would later lose after killing two people... allegedly.

In the meantime, Khloe will stick to her guns and not address the allegations. Of course, a DNA test would solve everything, but she'll never take one. The possibility of her being a Simpson probably causes her to cry herself to sleep every night.

"Do I look like a killer?"

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

I'm Too Sexy for My School

School photo or Maxim photo?
“Some people might think it’s a little bit sexy or inappropriate. But I think it’s artistic. I think it’s a good expression of who I am as a person,” Sydney Spies told 9News. “I’m a dancer, I’m trying to be a model, I really enjoy photography and I think that this is a good thing to represent me and I think they are taking away my freedom of expression.”

A Denver high school removed Spies' school photos simply because they appeared to be too racy. Imagine that. Yeah, 20 years ago, a person would not have even been able to wear that outfit to school, yet alone take a photo in it for a school publication.

Fast-forward to the 21st century and things have changed. The United States has numbed itself to children and their attire. In fact, even the departments in ladies' clothing stores indicate that society has changed. Here are the different sections these teens can shop in at an average store: Girls, Juniors, Womens, Ladies, Misses and Whores. Okay, maybe I lied on one of those. I don't think "Ladies" is a real section in a department store.

So, when Spies says that she thinks the outfit is "a good expression of who I am as a person," who do you think she is?

I'm sure this Spies girl could be a nice person. She may even be an A-student. But, at what point does someone draw the line? Obviously, her mom supports her when it comes to "expressing herself" since she's picketing for her daughter's so-called rights. So, no help from the "adult." At one point in time, school rules were school rules. Now, each year, it seems like there's some youth movement challenging something. What happened to children being seen and not heard? I guess all of that went out of the window when parents started supporting their children no matter what they wanted to do. "Your teacher took your cell phone just because you were texting in class? The nerve of her! I'm going up to the school tomorrow."


Let me explain to some of my younger followers who may be too young to know: parents used to tell kids "no" to certain things back in the 20th century. They would say "no" and there wasn't any further discussion. No negotiating or anything. It was "no" and then silence. They were obligated to raise the child to have standards rather than try to be their friends.

Okay, I know I'm coming off as a butthole to the 20-somethings, but the point I'm trying to make is we have to stop lowering our standards and giving in to everything as a nation. Today, Sydney Spies, tomorrow Dennis Rodman, Jr. will show up to class naked to express himself. When does it stop? Aren't the prom photos we've seen over the last ten years scary enough?

All about expression, right?

Attending a prom or a "Spartacus" audition?

Looks like her expression has already earned her a stalker!

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Book #Giveaway!

Don't want to wait? Buy it here!
TQ is having its first book giveaway! One of you will get the opportunity to receive an autographed copy of "Full Rising Mooner" by my man, Don Legacy! In order for you to secure this laugh-out-loud funny book, you'll have to earn it by participating in a caption contest!

You will have to use the comments below and give the funniest caption for the photo. I'll allow The Mrs. to choose which one is the funniest and select our winner! The winner of TQ's first giveaway will be announced on February 5th, so don't wait too late to get in on it. The beauty of the competition is that you can enter as many times as you'd like since I don't believe in putting a limit on funny!

As for the book you'll be winning, let me tell you a little about it:

Buckle-up your sanity and step inside the ADHD-addled mind of Butcher Einstein "Mooner" Johnson, a wealthy redneck, liberal-thinking compost manufacturer from Austin, Texas. Mooner has strong political, religious and environmental beliefs and interesting ways to state them. Things are all fun and games until the real trouble starts: a severed arm is discovered in a compost pile at Mooner’s plant. Hysterical, thoughtful, and wildly inappropriate, Don Legacy’s debut is a raucous ride into the mind of a true American character, a man so scatological that there must be some sort of brilliance in there somewhere—if you can find it! Daring and provocative, Full Rising Mooner: The Most Inappropriate Man in the World is the most unpredictable and uproarious ride you’ve ever taken!

Click to read autographed caption
Okay, so now that you know what you're trying to win, it's time to get your thinking caps on and give me a caption in the comments that will tickle the fancy of our judge, The Mrs. She likes cats, so I figured I'd go with this one below. Good luck to all!

"98... 99... What?  A cat can't work on his abs?"

Saturday, January 14, 2012

#Tebow or Not Tebow?

Tebow mania is running rampant throughout America! Women love him for his looks, guys love him for his passion to win and Christians love him for promoting God's word while he has the country's undivided attention. What's there not to like about this guy?

Truthfully, there isn't anything. Well, I do think the "Tebowing" thing is a bit over the top. I don't have a problem with him praying, but who flexes their muscles when they pray? Anyway, I'm not trying to come down on Tebow in this post because it's not his fault that so many people hate on him. It's the media's fault.

The media will promote people who either lack talent or have yet to achieve something in their profession. Now, let me say that as of today, Tebow has made some great accomplishments including winning a playoff game against the Pittsburgh Steelers. But, his hype started back in November before he even won his 3rd game as a starter this season. MSNBC even compared Tebow to Michael Jordan who is a 6x champion and a Hall of Famer. Really? A man who just won his first playoff game is comparable to arguably one of the greatest winners of all-time? Only the media. Because in order to sell magazines, newspapers and get TV ratings, they have to make you think that (insert person here) is the second coming. Let's look at a few household names the media has forced upon us over the past couple of years:

Snooki: Party girl, drunk and flirt

Nene Leakes: Former stripper and loud mouth

Antoine Dodson: Bad hair day and funny quote
As you can see, it doesn't take any talent or meaningful achievements to get rich in this country. Sure, Tebow was on two national championship teams at the University of Florida which is a tremendous accomplishment, but other players have done that as well without the fanfare. And real football fans know that no one cares what you did in college when you reach the NFL. When Tebow became the starting quarterback of the Denver Broncos, the media immediately turned him into the Golden Boy. Skip Bayless, of ESPN, actually insinuated that John Elway, Denver's former Hall of Fame QB, could actually be jealous of Tebow.

Wow. So, the guy has received high praise despite having one of the lowest QB ratings in the league. Despite all of that, Tebow keeps winning. Although so many people have said insulting things, including myself, he has taken Denver farther than anyone has expected. In the process, he's captured the minds of Americans without taking a drink, sleeping around or getting arrested.

So, how do you feel about Tim Tebow? In the words of a modern-day Shakespeare: "Tebow or Not Tebow? That is the question."


Wednesday, January 11, 2012

What's Wrong With A Yellow Dog?

Yellow dog - A slang term referring to a school bus.

Okay, this is another one of my rants about when I was young, we did things this way type of deals. When I was young, (stop laughing), I would guess that 85% of the students in my school rode a bus. We would get up early, make our way to the bus stop, hop on and sit two-to-a-seat on the way to a day of school. This was done to-and-from school for 10 years for me. Eventually, I got old enough to drive and chauffeured myself the last two years of high school.

Fast forward to 2011. I have no way of verifying this, but based on what I'm seeing, I think it's safe to say that 85% of kids don't ride the bus these days. How do I know? Because every day, I sit behind a line of cars and minivans dropping off their kids at a nearby elementary and middle school.

(start rant here)

What's wrong with the bus? Is your child too good to ride the bus? Are you one of those parents who think that removing your child from the real world is some how protecting them? Now, if your bus happens to be over-crowded, then I can understand not subjecting your kid to that. But, don't think that it won't some how cause some animosity with the kids who do ride the bus. Kids will hate on other kids who are different. Bullies may ride the bus, but they will still see your child at school and could harass them for being too good for the bus.

Can someone explain to me, a non-parent, why so many kids don't ride the bus?

If I'm barking up the wrong tree on this, then tell me. I can admit when I'm wrong and I know that there are exceptions to every rule. But, I just don't see why half of my hometown sits in front of the school, blocking traffic, as I go to work daily.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Do As I Say

Thanks to Vinny C for being the first person to see the light and recognize that I need to be in charge of the world. Ironically, in order for me to rule the world, I have to list three things that I would enforce once I take control of all of your lives. Who forces an overlord to make a list? Sheesh.

Anyway, here are the three things that will change in this world as proclaimed by the new, all-powerful, Q:

1) Congress will be limited to one four-year term. I'm so sick of these career politicians robbing the country. Sure, there may be a handful of honest politicians, but for the most part, they have more interest in being re-elected than making the country a better place. If there is no re-election option, then maybe people who ran for office would actually do so to help.

2) All reality shows will be on one channel. I'm so sick of hitting the guide button on my DirecTV remote and seeing it littered with reality show garbage. "Basketball Wives," "Baseball Wives," "Keeping up with the Kardashians," "Hillbilly Hand Fishin'," etc., etc. There's a new reality show debuting every month it seems. Place it on one channel so I can have some quality programming on the others. Besides, the only reality show allowed on TV should be the one I created with the help of some of my blogging friends.

3) Jails will return to being a place that criminals do not want to go. No more luxuries in jail whatsoever. Just put me in charge and I'll have people trembling at the idea of prison. Prisoners will now grow their own food. No more mooching off of the tax payers and no more kick backs to these privatized prisons. The only television allowed will only show two channels: Headline News and PBS. Let those idiots learn something for a change while in jail.

Those are the first three things that come to mind that I will install during my reign as overlord. Now, here comes something else Vinny wants me to do although I don't like it: I have to share my power with five people. Huh? So, are they like "underlords" serving under me or something? I can't be the end-all, be-all if I have to bestow power on five others, can I?

Then again, I guess Vinny was nice enough to share his power with me. Maybe we can take different parts of the world and run them together. I'll take Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama. They'll need someone who knows the area to give them the tough love that they need.

Anyhoo, let me list the five people who I would trust with this great power of running things on this great planet of ours:

the Tsaritsa - I'm guessing it'll be karaoke-related
The Chocolate Knot - Whatever she chooses, I know it'll be smart
Mooner Johnson - This will be a must-read regardless of what comes to his mind
According to Jewels - Something sexual or alcohol-related, maybe?
Thoughts of a Randomista - I wonder what ideas she'll come up with for this?

In the words of Harvey Korman in "Blazing Saddles," "Now go do... that voodoo... that YOU do... SO WELL!!!!"

And props to MelanieD for being Follower #125!

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Bringing Down The House

It must be nice to be rich. It's even nicer to be rich off of someone else's money. Elin Nordegren, Tiger Woods' ex, walked away from their marriage with $100 million dollars. What better way to spend her money than to buy a $12.3 million dollar home in Palm Beach, FL. No big deal right? Well, after she bought the home, she then paid a demolition company to demolish it and take it down.

Yep. Elin didn't pay $12.3 million because she wanted the home. She paid $12.3 million because she wanted the property. She will eventually build her own home there (which I'm guessing will be some where between $15-$20 million dollars to fit in with the neighbors). The Palm Beach Post newspaper reports the mansion that was destroyed was a two-story, 17,000-square-foot-home built in 1932. Maybe Elin thought that bringing down the house was the best thing to do for a home built in the 1930's. Maybe she's been watching HGTV and had some newer ideas.

So, what do you think? Is this blowing money? Because a person has $100 million (and is dating a Wall Street guy now), does that make it okay to pay $12.3 million to tear down a home because she likes the neighborhood? Couldn't she have just found some where else to build her dream crib?

What's your take on this? Big deal or not?



SN: Thanks to Vinny C for bestowing the "Overlord Award" on me! Now all of you are under my command! Bwu-ha-ha-ha-haaaaa!


Thursday, January 5, 2012

What Happened to @TaylorCorley927?

As you know, I did a couple of posts on Taylor (Stone) Corley a while back (here and here). A college cheerleader turned Playboy model was supposed to be getting into the reality TV biz. I started following her on Twitter (after declaring myself as her underground agent) and I waited for her show, "Girl Swag," to air.

Now, for those of you who have read even just a few of my blog posts, you know that I despise reality shows. But, I was pulling for Taylor simply because I thought she was mistreated by my local media when it was revealed that a Mississippi State cheerleader had decided to pose for Playboy. She really caught a lot of negative publicity which ultimately led to her quitting the cheerleading squad. She eventually disappeared off of Mississippi State's campus.

Now it appears that she's disappeared off the face of the earth. Her tweets are few and far between and outside of partying and tanning, I don't know what she's doing career-wise. Maybe she's chillin' until her Playboy money runs low. Who knows?

I do know this: "Girl Swag" doesn't even appear in IMDB. Did the show not get the green light? I'm guessing that it didn't which means it's back to the drawing board for Taylor. Coming off of a Playboy shoot, I'm thinking she should give "Girls Next Door" a try or "Celebrity Apprentice." There's absolutely no reason why she shouldn't get an opportunity to build a career off of her looks like so many others have done.

Taylor, if you're still out there, then I'd love to hear what you have coming up as far as future endeavors are concerned. Hit up my comments section and catch me up!

Don't give up, Taylor! Hit me up and I'll give you some ideas for shows! :)

Monday, January 2, 2012

Parents, Do Your Research

Every Christmas, I experience the same thing: some parent buys their child something they're really too young to have. It never fails. Whether it's a relative, friend, co-worker or a stranger I happen to stumble across, they'll buy their kid something they can't comprehend.

Gaming consoles
Growing up in the 80's, gaming consoles were a bit different. You had a cartridge, you put it in and turned on the power. That's it. The joystick consisted of a stick and at the most, two buttons. GC's are different now. Maybe not so much the Wii, but the Xbox 360 and Playstation 3 are completely different. Delicate discs, comprehensive menus and a joystick that consists of no less than six buttons and multiple sticks. Do parents care that some of the games they buy are inappropriate for their kids? No. Do parents care that their 1st grade child struggles to master their games? No. Can some of the kids manage to "button mash" their way through some games? Sure. But, seeing a six year old trying to play Madden is downright sad. A lot of parents don't research to see what game is best for the kid, they just buy the popular titles. My god son is almost 9 years old and I consider him a super-smart kid. When he comes over, I allow him to play my 360. He plays some of the games well, but the more complex games really frustrate him. Well, they should because he's not old enough to understand the rules/concept of the games and/or he simply lacks the skill to play it. Mix in the high price of the consoles and that most kids don't understand care and maintenance and it can leave you scratching your head.

Cell phones
For the life of me, I will never understand why someone not old enough to drive needs a smart phone. To see a 10 year old with an iPhone baffles me. First of all, the iPhone service plan is expensive. I had one recurring bill when I was 10 years old and it was a subscription to Sports Illustrated. And even then, I paid that out of my own allowance. A kid under 16 having an $80 phone bill and something else to distract them from more important things in life just has to be explained to me. I've heard numerous stories from teachers I know who say that they can't compete with the cell phones in class. Can't kids just be kids and do things that promote creativity rather than something that simply deadens their brain for periods of time?

These new old Jordans came out last week and quite a few parents were in line for their kids. Do students really need a pair of $180 shoes? I mean, even if you can afford it, why does your kid need a pair of $180 shoes? Isn't that grooming your child to be materialistic? Aren't there other things kids should be focusing on besides wearing name brand items? I've seen parents complain (locally) about not wanting their kids to be forced to wear uniforms to school. The parents claim that it robs the kids of their identity. When is the last time they walked into a classroom? All of the kids look exactly alike because they're all wearing the same clothes Lil' Wayne wore in his last video.

Look, I know some kids are an exception. Some children are mature enough to be given certain gifts. But, stop getting your kids things simply because other parents are doing it. Parents, do your research. Is your child even old enough to comprehend what you're getting them?

SN: My most popular blog post recently crossed 10,000 page views! Check it out!

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Only You Can Change Your Life in #2012

I'm not one to make a big deal over a new year. I'm not saying it's not worthy of celebrating. I'm just saying that it's not worthy of motivating.

If you want to be true to yourself, then don't let a fake milestone fool you into thinking things with your life will change. If you can't change your life for the better on April 15th or September 23rd, then what makes you think something is special about January 1st? Changing a calendar doesn't change a person. Not to rain on anyone's parade, but you know my motto: some things just need to be said.

So, don't join a gym because it's a new year. Don't stop smoking because it's a new year. Don't stop being an a-hole because it's a new year. Make improvements in your life because you want to do so.

Only you can change your life. A new calendar can't do jack but tell you the date.


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