Ms. New Booty

After perusing Brandon's genius countdown list recently, I started thinking about the phenomenon known as "the booty." It's not new, but it seems as if it's popularity has soared over the past few years with J-Lo and Kim Kardashian taking it mainstream. The popularity is soaring to the point that ladies are getting fake butts to try and get attention.

Now, when boob jobs became affordable, A-cups went the way of the dinosaur and C-cups multiplied more than a family of rabbits on Viagra. Now it appears that booty is in style and everybody wants one. Now, there are multiple ways to work on turning your gluteus minimus into a gluteus maximus:

Workout plan

There are tons of fitness experts who say there are certain workouts that can give you the lift that you need. Ice-T's wife, Coco, who is a fitness model turned... turned... well, I don't know what she is now. I guess she's a reality star/model or something. Anyhoo, she claims to have developed her assets by doing squats in high heels. Now, I don't know if squatting in high heels will give a woman extra curves, but I bet she has the strongest ankles known to man. It appears hard to argue with her results though.

Buttocks Augmentation

This is becoming more and more popular among women now. You go to sleep with a ba-doink-a-dink and wake up hours later with a ba-doink-a-doink. There are little-to-no complications reported with this surgery. The downside to the surgery is having to throw away every pair of jeans that you own and shop for more. The upside is never having to pay for another drink at a bar in life. For about $8,500, you can get the deed done and add some curves below your waistline. Some people believe in silicon injections, but I think they're nuts. A "doctor" recently got arrested for injecting concrete in a woman. Click here to open a new window to see the story. That alone shows how crucial obsessive having a round butt is to some people.

Booty Pads

This is the cheapest and quickest way to put a bump on your rump. There are countless companies that makes panties, blue jeans or even negligees that have sewn in pads to add a little roundness. An even cheaper option is buying adhesive silicon pads that allow you to have a booty in whatever outfit you own. My only question is: with this option, what do you do when it's time to do the horizontal mambo? If you meet a guy and he's appreciating your rear, what do you say to him when you take off your panties and go from Jessica Biel to Ally McBeal? How do you explain that, Ms. New Booty?

I'm all for round butts. I grew up desiring women whose thighs had shade. It's not a deal breaker, but it is pleasing to the eye and turns heads. But, if you're going to do it, then either put in the work(out) or pay for the surgery. Leave the booty pads alone. Women who wear booty pads should be charged with fraud. It's not right. Maybe it helps your dress fit that much better, but a disclaimer should be given to anyone who compliments your figure. The only pad a man wants to hear that you own is an iPad.



Props to #TheKrayze1 for sending me this most appropriate video link!
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