The Mind of a Child

I recently spoke in an interview with a young guy that I admire by the name of Jay Mayo.  Jay and I discussed something that I never really studied all that closely.  Something that probably goes unnoticed by most of the people in this country: what is your purpose?

Just about every one of us remembers a time when either a parent, relative, or teacher asked, "what do you want to be when you grow up?"

I remember being asked that in 1st grade.  My response, "A king."

"You want to run your own country?  That's sweet, Quincy."

"No, ma'am.  I want to run the world."

Of course my teacher and classmates laughed.  That is until they saw the photo I drew of myself on a throne and the flag that I designed.  Yeah, I was dead serious.

Fast-forward 37 years later and I haven't conquered any countries to claim as my own as of yet.  Maybe I'll get there, but in the meantime I have other things to do.  I have a purpose to fulfill.  You see, my purpose evolved over time, but I had the right mentality for it in place all along.

I had reasons for wanting to be a king: my grandmother worked in a nursing home on the overnight shift for years.  My mom worked long hours as a supervisor in a factory for over two decades.  My father also worked in a factory for around the same amount of time and rarely missed a day of work.  I wanted to become a king because I knew by doing so that my grandmother, mom, and dad would never have to work again.  I wanted to have people do things for them.  

Even as a 6 year old my focus for wanting to rule the world was so that I could share its riches.  Riches don't necessarily refer to money either.  Wisdom is considered one of life's greatest wishes in my opinion.  I discovered that my purpose was to help others in some shape, form or fashion. A lot of it I've done through giving advice and sharing stories of life experiences here on the blog and over at T2Q.

However, not everyone has realized that they have a purpose.  That's something Jay pointed out to me that I'd never considered.  The people that I've seen on the nightly news who have been arrested for (insert crime here) didn't recognize their purpose.  No one probably told them that they could truly be something in life and overcome almost any unfortunate circumstance put before them.

Everyone in the world possesses multiple talents and it's the duty of the parents to discover those talents.  Whether you're an artist, dancer, architect, scientist, or actor, it's something within you.  The key to being happy and productive in life is to find something that you enjoy and find reasons to do it!  It's just that simple!

But, if a kid is never taught that dreams can come true then eventually they'll stop dreaming.  And they will walk around aimlessly like zombies not knowing where they are going.  Not having a reason or a goal to make life worth living.  One thing that I remember Jay saying is that there is so much "untapped potential in the cemetery."  People who could have been something if they only knew what that something was to be.

The mind of a child is like a safe that contains riches.  It's up to us, the adults, to unlock it so that everyone else can benefit from what's inside.  

Shut Your Pie Hole!

Back in December, I recommended that some parents "Bring Back The Shame." Well, this kid's parents did it. Boy, did they do it.

Here's the story I saw on online:

Corner punishment is working, Mom says: MyFoxTAMPABAY.com

Now, I have no problem with what the mom did. In fact, I applaud it. So, why the title of the blog post? The idiot (or idiots) who reported this woman and said she was in some way mentally abusing her son.

Shut your pie hole! I'm so sick of these chumps who don't have the guts to do anything that may hurt their kid's feelings. Your child is not your friend. Let me repeat. Your child is not your friend!

Besides, every child is different. What may work for one person's child won't work for another. Now, although we don't know what efforts the mother made to truly turn her son around, we can't argue that although extreme, her desire to "bring back the shame" can be effective. It was very effective when I was growing up. Just the threat of being humiliated by my parents was enough for me to "straighten up fly right" for most of my childhood. Maybe a haircut may have been a start for this kid, but to each their own.

Why is it when someone does something of "shock value" to let their kid know they're not playing, another person has to call Child Protective Services?



People complained about the "Tiger Moms" and how they raise their kids. It's not up to us to determine if someone's culture is effective or not if there is no physical harm being done to the child. Obviously the "Tiger Moms" are very effective in what they do since China runs rings around Americans in pretty much everything except gym class. Their kids won't be asked to the prom, but the Prom King and Prom Queen will probably be working for those "Tiger Cubs" 10 years after Prom Night.

Look, it's okay to voice your opinion. That's why I blog in the first place. So, I'm not saying that a person doesn't have a right to vocally disagree with what Rhonda Holden did or what "Tiger Mom," Amy Chua, has suggested.

But, that's all you should do: vocally disagree. Without any signs of physically harming her child, I wouldn't call CPS on them any quicker than I would call CPS on one of you for taking your child's cell phone or Xbox 360 away. Sure, children can be emotionally damaged, but in order to build anything, you have to test it first. A parent should know the limits of their children's emotionally stability. You can't say that taking your kid's cell phone is any more stressful on the child than standing on the corner holding an "I'm A Dummy" sign.



Besides, isn't raising a child about preparing them for life? No one goes through life without bringing something on themselves. How we recover from it is what makes us who we are in life. Rhonda Holden may not have the means to be a stay-at-home mom. Her son may not be able to go to a nice private school. Just like the mentor said, this may just be a "cry for help."

Shouldn't we meet cries for help with assistance instead of resistance?

Bring Back the Shame

The Mrs. and I were talking over Chinese food today about kids and how they are at school these days. We hear all kinds of horror stories because we have a friend who is a high school teacher.

The Mrs. made a very important point to me that I had not considered: kids no longer have shame.

Basically, it means that the things that made me so embarrassed, that I got my act together and did better, don't affect today's child.

I remember being in 1st grade and having the messiest desk in the room. I'd stuff papers inside the cubby hole of my desk and think nothing of it. One day, my teacher came by and said, "Quincy, you have the messiest desk in the school."

I was hurt. I didn't want to be the messiest desk in the school. As I slid out of my desk and squatted down to collect the papers from inside of it, I can remember the other kids just staring at me.

After that day, my desk was never messy again. Why? Because the shame I felt prompted me to want to do better/not be in that situation again.

It starts at home. Doing something stupid wasn't rewarded in my parents' home. There were consequences to what I did. My parents knew how to embarrass me. I knew that if I did something really dumb that it would result in my mom taking a day off work and sitting in my classroom to make sure I acted correctly. Now, that never happened, but the thought of my mom sitting in my classroom and humiliating me in front of my friends terrified me.

Do parents threaten to do that today? I wonder.



Today's child seems immune to shame brought on by criticism. Why? Maybe it's because we reward even last place in competitions. Maybe it's because we use "pleasant" colors to grade homework instead of a big, harsh, red "X" that I received on mine as a child. Maybe it's because behavior levels at school are like terror alerts. "Little Jeffrey is on 'red' today." Garbage. How about "Little Jeffrey is bad and needs some discipline!"

We're too nice to kids. We focus so hard on not hurting their feelings that when they should be hurt, they don't even know it. Kids on sitcoms talk back to their parents and the laugh track plays. You don't think children see this? You don't think they feel as if they're able to say what they're thinking without consequences?

Not in my household! I learned at a very early age that TV was fantasy thanks to "The Brady Bunch". Yes, "The Brady Bunch". That wholesome show got me in a load of trouble as a youth from one particular episode. The episode when Greg called Mike and Carol by their first names instead of Mom and Dad did me in. I tried to call my parents by their first names and my father went off on me like I had called him an expletive.

So, I'm not saying that you have to scream your child down with profanity a la Kenny Powers from "Eastbound and Down". Nor am I saying that you have to break out the belt like James Evans did in the 70's on "Good Times". I am saying to you, no, I am begging you, that you do something to let the child know, "hey, that's no okay that you did that!"



It's time to bring back the shame... hardcore to the brain.

What Do You Mean "You're Out?"

Ok, so I'm looking for an evening meal since The Mrs. and I had a late lunch. I go to a local restaurant not too far from my house and grab a seat. The server comes by and asks me what I want to drink. I ask for iced tea and she quickly replies, "I'm sorry, we're out."

"What do you mean 'you're out'?" I inquire while looking at my watch.

It's 8:15 PM and the place closes at 9 PM. Now, granted, I'm the only person in the place not sitting at the bar, so it's safe to say I'm the only one asking for tea. But, still, it's 45 minutes until close and your response to me is "you're out"?

"Yes, sir. We're out. We do have Coke products." she replied.

Now, since I've worked in a restaurant before, I know that it's nothing to go to the back and brew some fresh tea. Yeah, it seems like a waste to brew a new urn for one person, but given that iced tea is one of the biggest price mark-ups in restaurants, I don't see the big deal.

I was a bit frustrated, so I chose to go elsewhere since iced tea with my meal, to me, is like morning coffee to half of the world.

Another incident was with a recent trip to another restaurant in the town north of me. Now, I knew based on my experience and their reputation that they tend to be slackers, but it was convenient to go this day. I choose to go inside since I could probably hatch and raise chickens during the time it takes to get served in their drive-thru.

"Here or to go?" the lady asks.

"Wow." I think to myself. "Not even a 'welcome to (insert name)' or anything."

It's 830 PM and they close at 9 PM, so I know I'm pushing my luck in getting what I want. "I'll take a two piece, mild, please?"

"We're out of mild. All we have are spicy thighs and legs."

Well, that would be great if I were ordering women, but I'm ordering chicken and I don't prefer those particular pieces. "What do you mean you're out? What time do you all close?"



"In 30 minutes, but we've been out for 20 minutes now."

Do you see a theme here? Places that say they close at one time, truly close an hour prior to that time. That's bad management. I realize that no one wants to get stuck at work when it's time to leave, but if you're scheduled to work until 9 PM, then do it. Don't stop at 8:30 PM and start putting everything up. You do that after you close, not before.

Needless to say, I don't frequent these places much any more. They'll probably never miss my presence, but in the long run, it will hurt them. Mainly because I've complained about both places to my friends and co-workers. Also, toss in the fact that I review restaurants regularly on Yelp and Urbanspoon.com.

It just shows the mentality of some people. They do just enough to get by. Not just in crappy service, but life in general. They do just enough in their relationships, just enough in parenting and just enough in being respectful.

School Board Shenanigans

First, I lay out the story for you and then I proceed to rant afterwards...

I was reading yesterday's newspaper and an article about iPads caught my attention. The Rankin County School District spent $25,000 on iPads (50 iPads) for principals, school board members and district department heads. District officials say the new technology will help educators "stay mobile and abreast of new technology".

The deputy superintendent of elementary programs in Rankin stated that the world is so technologically advanced that the iPads will help them "stay on the cutting edge".

The first few iPads were bought with Parent-Teacher Organization money for a few principals, but then more principals wanted one. After receiving a federal grant for $116,000 to improve internet connections and related infrastructure, $25,000 of that money was use to be more iPads for principals.

The plan is to get iPads for the teachers and high school students within the next few years. The reasons given are:

"There are educational games on the iPad."
"Principals can use the iPads to do teacher evaluations and give instant feedback."
"They also can use the devices to quickly look up student information without having to return to their offices."

Some parents have even chimed in to support the purchase of iPads in the schools. "Book bags are really heavy for the kids, and if they can eliminate the books and condense them onto an iPad, it would be beneficial."

Okay, now here comes my cynical view of this garbage. I think I've held my tongue long enough to give you an overview of everything.

(clears throat) To the lady who stated iPads are easier to carry than books: how sorry must your children be to not be able to carry books? Books have been carried to school for decades and now all of a sudden they're "really heavy"?

It's parents like that who make me wish a license was required to even have children. It's the "punkification of America". Parents babying their kids so much that we wind up with a bunch of Lindsay Lohans in the world. But, that's a story for another blog.

Sorry, but I got a bit off-track. iPads for upper-level administration is supposed to be for the improvement of the school system? Really Rankin County? My god kids' mom is a high school teacher in the Rankin County school district. I can't count how many times she's had to come out of her pocket for every day school supplies for her kids and now her principal is trekking around the office setting up his iTunes playlist.

So, upper-level admins (whose jobs are mostly made up) can get $500 toys while the students don't even have the necessary items that they need to participate in a normal school day. And the reason I say most upper-level admins are "made up" positions is because the Department of Education has a superintendent or bureau director for every single thing in school:

Bureau Manager of Healthy Schools, Bureau Director II Child Nutrition, Bureau Director II Innovative Support, Bureau Director II Conservatorship... Do I need to continue? Conservatorship isn't even recognized by my spell checker so how in the world is it a legitimate position? LOL! The MS Dept. of Education hiearchy chart looks like a family tree that dates back to the Mayflower.

MS ranks at the bottom in education every year because these losers are destroying the budget by creating these fake jobs for their friends and buying company vehicles and toys. Stop pissing on the people's legs and telling us that it's raining.

Corruption isn't just on Wall Street any more. It's every where. Everything is a business now. Hospitals have to keep their rooms full. Can't make money if people aren't sick. Prisons have to keep their jail cells fulls. Can't make profits off of cheap labor without someone to work it.

Add our school system to the list of corrupt businesses. We have to deal with school board shenanigans simply over one reason: because there is money in it. That money should be for the kids, not the fat cats who probably haven't stepped on campus in months.

Parents are blaming teachers for their kids not learning, but low wages and lack of supplies isn't helping the situation. Do you really think those kids are going to get iPads in a few years? Or even the teachers?

I hate to play the role of Conspiracy Brotha, but some one has to say something. I work with so many people who complain about some of the same things I do, yet they don't ever do a thing about it. They don't vote. They don't attend meetings at City Hall. They sit back and fuss as if that alone will change things. Guess what? It hasn't!

In the words of my 6th grade teacher, Mrs. Ellis, "get off of your rusty dusty (translation: butt) and do something about it!"