What Does a Man Bring to the Life of a Successful Woman?

What does a man bring to the life of a successful woman?

Because there are plenty of successful women who can pay their own bills.

She can buy her own house.

She can take herself on vacation.

She can buy the designer purse.

She can make the restaurant reservation.

She can call somebody to cut the grass, fix the plumbing, clean the house, or assemble whatever piece of furniture some genius decided needed 47 screws.

And if we're reducing relationships to transactions, she can hire somebody for sex, too.

So, if a man approaches a successful woman expecting her to financially support him, provide him with a lifestyle, and take care of his needs, the obvious question becomes: What exactly is he bringing to the table?

Being good-looking isn't enough. Putting it down in the bedroom isn't enough. Being able to change a tire isn't enough. And simply being a man isn't an accomplishment.

A successful woman doesn't necessarily need another expense.

She needs a partner.

Here are three ways a man can bring tremendous value to the life of a successful woman.

1. Give Her Peace Instead of Creating More Work

Do you see how the word "peace" always seems to pop up whenever I discuss relationships? I wish that more people understood what it truly means.

A successful woman may already have enough responsibilities.

She has a career. She has bills. She has goals. She may have employees, clients, children, family obligations, and a calendar that looks like somebody threw a grenade into Microsoft Outlook.

The last thing she needs is a grown man who becomes another responsibility.

A valuable man understands that partnership means making life easier, not harder.

That doesn't mean he has to make more money than her. It means he has to be dependable.

If he says he's going to do something, he does it. If something needs to be handled, he handles it.

If she's having a difficult day, he doesn't turn her problem into his opportunity to complain about his own life.

And when conflict happens, he doesn't immediately reach for childish tactics.

He communicates.

He listens.

He knows when to speak or when to just shut up, feed her, and rub her feet.

That last one is an underrated skill. 

A successful woman may have plenty of people competing for her attention.

A man who gives her a place where she can relax, laugh, be vulnerable, and not always have to be "the strong one" is offering something valuable.

She's not looking for another project. She's looking for a partner.

2. Bring Leadership, Protection and Stability

A successful woman doesn't need a man to "save" her. She has already demonstrated that she can save herself.

But there's a difference between being independent and wanting to do everything alone.

A strong man can still provide leadership without trying to control the woman he's with.

He can be decisive without being domineering.

Protective without being possessive.

Confident without being insecure about her accomplishments.

And masculine without needing to constantly remind everybody that he's masculine.

That's particularly important when you're dealing with a successful woman.

If her career has taken her into rooms where she's had to negotiate, compete, manage people, make difficult decisions, and carry responsibility, she's probably not impressed by a man whose greatest contribution to the relationship is telling her what she should do.

She wants to know that if life gets complicated, you've got it.

Not because she can't handle it. Because she shouldn't have to handle everything.

That's value.

When a woman knows she can depend on her man during a crisis, that's different from simply having a man around.

A successful woman can hire an attorney.

She can hire an accountant.

She can hire security.

She can hire contractors.

But she can't simply purchase genuine courage, integrity, emotional strength, and reliability.

Those things have to come from the person.

3. Be the Man Who Adds to Her Life Instead of Competing With Her

This might be the biggest one.

Don't compete with the woman you're supposed to love.

There are men who are perfectly comfortable with a successful woman until her success becomes bigger than theirs.

Then suddenly her confidence becomes "attitude."

Her ambition becomes "masculine."

Her independence becomes "she doesn't need a man."

Her accomplishments become something he feels obligated to diminish.

That's insecurity wearing a necktie.

A successful woman doesn't need a man who constantly reminds her that he's supposed to be the leader because he's terrified she might actually be better at something than he is.

She needs a man who can celebrate her victories without feeling personally defeated by them.

If she gets the promotion, celebrate.

If she starts the company, support her.

If she makes more money, don't trip about it.

If she has an idea, listen.

And if she succeeds at something you couldn't do, congratulate her instead of immediately searching for a reason why it doesn't count.

At the same time, a man should have his own purpose. Being supportive doesn't mean becoming her dependent.

He should have goals, ambitions, interests, principles, and a life of his own.

The relationship should feel like two capable people building something together, not one successful person dragging another adult through life. That seems to be the going trend these days.

The Successful Woman Doesn't Need a Male Employee

There's another uncomfortable truth here.

A successful woman may not care whether her man earns more money than she does. But she probably cares whether he has value.

Money is only one form of value.

Character is value.

Loyalty is value.

Competence is value.

Emotional intelligence, leadership, humor, wisdom, and reliability are values.

Being a good father is value and a flex.

Being the person she can trust when everybody else disappears is value.

Being able to tell her the truth when everyone around her is afraid to do it is value.

Knowing how to disagree without disrespecting her is value.

None of those things require a six-figure salary.

But they do require something that's becoming increasingly difficult to find: Substance.

Stop Asking What She Can Do for You

If a man wants a successful woman because she can provide him with financial security, expensive vacations, a nice home, and a comfortable lifestyle, that's not necessarily a relationship.

That's an arrangement. And arrangements can be canceled.

The better question for a man to ask is: "How does this woman become better because I'm in her life?"

Does she feel safer?

Does she laugh more?

Does she feel supported?

Does she trust you?

Does she respect you?

Does your presence reduce her stress instead of increasing it?

Can she tell you her biggest fears without worrying that you'll use them against her later?

Can she succeed without worrying that her success will make you resent her?

Can she fail without you treating her failure like an opportunity to say, "I told you so"?

That's partnership.

A successful woman deserves a man who brings something to her life, too. Not necessarily more money, or status, etc. Something deeper.

A man who brings peace, strength, loyalty, wisdom, protection, companionship, and purpose to a successful woman's life may be worth far more to her than a man with a bigger paycheck.

Because when two successful adults get together, the goal shouldn't be figuring out who needs whom.

The goal should be creating a relationship where both people make each other's lives better.

That's the difference between being someone's dependent and being someone's partner.

And if you can't bring anything to the relationship except a list of things you want the other person to provide, you aren't looking for a partner. 

You're looking for a sponsor.

The more that I think about it, the more that I realize that I should be charging all of you for this game I'm giving you.