The Smartest Person in the Hotel Was Eight

There’s something almost disrespectful about the size of Gaylord Opryland Resort & Convention Center. You don’t stay there. You survive it. The place is so massive you half expect park rangers to hand out trail maps and emergency flares near the elevators. Human beings really saw a hotel and decided, “What if we also made it a rainforest, shopping center, riverboat attraction, and a small municipality?”

Still, I enjoyed every minute of it.

One of the standout attractions inside the resort was the fountain show. For about 12 to 15 minutes, water shot into the air in choreographed patterns while music played alongside a synchronized light display. The fountains moved almost like dancers. Every burst of water seemed timed to the rhythm and emotion of the songs. It was one of those moments where people stop walking, stop scrolling, and just watch. In modern society, that alone feels medically significant.

But the part that stuck with me wasn’t the technology or the production value.

It was a kid. 

A young boy, probably elementary school age, stood close to the fountain completely locked into the experience. While the music played, he started pretending to conduct the show like he was leading a full orchestra at Carnegie Hall. Every time his arms lifted into the air, the fountains erupted upward. Every motion he made seemed connected to the water. In his mind, he wasn’t watching the show. He was the show.

And honestly? He was having a better time than most adults in the building.

No phone in his hand. No stressed expression. No mental checklist running through his head. No worrying about deadlines, bills, obligations, politics, back pain, gas prices, email notifications, or whatever fresh disaster humanity had cooked up before breakfast.

He was just... happy.

Watching him reminded me of something simple that adults forget all the time: life cannot be only responsibility. Yes, the bills have to be paid. The work has to get done. Family matters demand attention. None of that disappears. But when those things finally quiet down for a moment, even briefly, you have to allow yourself to enjoy something.

Otherwise, life turns into one long maintenance shift.

Too many people treat joy like it’s irresponsible. They postpone fun until some mythical future where every problem is solved and every task is complete. That day never comes. There will always be another bill, another issue, another obligation waiting around the corner like an unpaid intern asking for guidance.

You still have to live.

That little boy reminded me of that in the middle of a fountain show inside a giant hotel in Nashville. For a few minutes, he conducted water, lights, and music like the happiest person on Earth. And maybe that’s the real trick to surviving adulthood: finding moments where you stop managing life and actually experience it.

Sometimes you need to laugh harder.
Sometimes you need to travel.
Sometimes you need to sit quietly.
Sometimes you need to eat something unhealthy while staring at dancing fountains in a building large enough to have its own weather system.

Whatever it is, do something that reminds you you’re alive before stress convinces you that existing and living are the same thing.

They aren’t.

Stop Asking for Advice You Plan to Ignore: The Accountability Crisis Nobody Wants to Fix

People love advice. They just hate using it.

Everybody wants to vent. Everybody wants support. But the moment you try to offer something useful, suddenly you’re “judging,” “hating,” or “not understanding their situation.” Funny how that works. You asked for help, but what you really wanted was an audience.

I’ve got people in my life like this. Good people, but stuck on repeat. Same problems. Same complaints. Different day. It’s like watching a rerun nobody asked for. You already know the plot, the ending, and the excuse they’re going to use when nothing changes.

And let’s be honest. At some point, it’s not bad luck. It’s bad habits.

You can’t keep dating the same type of person and act surprised when it ends the same way. You can’t ignore opportunities to grow and then complain about being stuck. You can’t surround yourself with chaos and expect peace to magically show up like an Amazon Prime delivery.

Growth requires discomfort. Accountability requires honesty. And both of those seem to scare people more than the problems they claim to hate.

Here’s the part nobody wants to admit, and I've discussed this in the past: Some people don’t actually want solutions. They want validation. They want someone to say, “You’re right, it’s not your fault,” even when it clearly is. Because accepting responsibility means you have to change. And change means work. 

And work? That’s where the enthusiasm mysteriously disappears.

So, what do you do as a friend?

First, understand this: you can’t fix someone who is committed to staying broken. That’s not your failure. That’s their decision.

Second, stop overextending yourself. Listening to the same complaints over and over without action isn’t support. It’s emotional babysitting. And unless you’re getting paid for that, it gets old fast.

Third, set boundaries. You can care about someone without carrying their problems like a second job. Offer advice once. Maybe twice. After that, you’re just repeating yourself to someone who already decided not to listen.

And finally, protect your patience. Because nothing drains you faster than trying to pour into people who refuse to hold anything.

Helping someone only works when they’re willing to help themselves. Until then, all you’re doing is talking to a wall with feelings. And walls don’t change.

The Real Reason Some People Stay Broke and Heartbroken (Hint: It’s Not Luck)

There are a lot of bullet points here but stay with me. There’s a certain species of adult who is permanently confused about why life keeps “happening” to them.

Bad luck with money.
Bad luck with dating.
Bad luck with bosses.

At some point, if everywhere you go smells like smoke, it might be worth checking your own pockets for a fire.

And I'm not mocking struggle. Life can be brutal. I get that. The economy is weird. Dating apps are a a joke. People absolutely face real obstacles. But here’s the uncomfortable truth: Most people who claim chronic bad luck aren’t unlucky. They’re resistant to knowledge.

Advice Feels Like an Attack

When someone is stuck financially or romantically, advice doesn’t feel helpful. It feels accusatory.

“Budget better.”
“Work on your communication.”
“Stop chasing people who don’t want you.”

Translation in their head: “You’re the problem.”

That stings. So instead of evaluating the advice, they evaluate the messenger.

“Oh, he got lucky.”
“She had advantages I didn't have.”
“That only works for certain people.”

Pride preserved. Nothing changes.

People Protect Their Story More Than Their Future

If someone has built their identity around being unlucky, overlooked, or misunderstood, changing means admitting something painful: “I’ve been participating in my own stagnation.”

That’s heavy.

It’s easier to believe that the system is rigged, finding love is impossible, yadda, yadda, yadda. There’s comfort in a narrative that removes responsibility. Responsibility requires action. Action requires discomfort. And discomfort is not trending.

Success Advice Is Boring

Financial progress is rarely dramatic. It’s discipline. It’s delayed gratification that involves saying "no" to yourself repeatedly.

Romantic success isn’t mystical either. It’s standards, emotional regulation, self-awareness, presentation, accountability, and consistency.

That's not sexy though. Nobody goes viral saying, “I fixed my spending habits and stopped pursuing dating chaos.”

But post “Nobody values loyalty anymore,” and you’ll get a standing ovation because validation pays faster than transformation.

Some Successful People Do Give Bad Advice Though

Let’s be fair. There are out-of-touch millionaires who think everyone can “just grind harder.” There are married people who forgot what modern dating looks like. There are privileged voices who mistake advantage for wisdom.

Not all advice is good advice. But here’s the test:

If multiple financially stable people tell you some version of:

• Increase your value.

• Spend less than you earn.

• Build leverage.

• Be consistent.

And multiple emotionally stable couples say:

• Choose better.

• Communicate clearly.

• Work on yourself.

• Stop chasing chaos.

At some point, the pattern isn’t coincidence. It's the real deal. We need to stop trying to protect our ego all while suffering the consequences of it. It's okay to admit "I don't know everything". I've said many times in this blog before that I'm "forever under construction". I'll never be a finished product because there is still room for me to grow (hopefully not physically - LOL).

Common sense isn’t cruel. It’s corrective.

And sometimes the most compassionate thing you can tell someone is this: "You’re not cursed. You’re just resisting."

Stop Calling It Peace When It’s Just Avoidance

 We’ve gotten really good at dressing up dysfunction in affirmations and aromatherapy. These days, “protecting my peace” often looks a lot like dodging accountability. We ghost instead of grow. We block instead of build. We call it healing, but really—we’re just hiding.

Let’s be honest: comfort is the new hustle. We chase it like it’s the prize, when really not. Comfort is easy. It’s soft and it’s seductive. But that rascal is also sneaky! It’ll have you thinking you’re okay while your soul is screaming for a reset.

We’ve confused peace with pampering. But peace isn’t a bubble bath and blackout curtains. It’s not a personal playlist or a weekend getaway. Real peace is alignment. It’s knowing your choices match your values—even when those choices cost you convenience, applause, or the company of people who liked the old you better.

Comfort says, “Stay here because it’s safe.” Peace says, “Go there because it’s right.”

We can't ghost our problems and think that they won't be there on Monday morning. Don't spend money on a day spa when you have a power bill to pay. Don't spend an evening at the bar when car insurance is due.

It's not "protecting your peace" when all you are doing is avoiding responsibility for the time being.

Dealing with Disappointment

When it comes to dealing with people, we have to understand that things aren't what they once were when my parents were young adults in the early 60's.  Not keeping your word back then was almost the equivalent of slapping someone in the face.  If someone gave their word then it was a big deal if they broke it.  Being selfish was really frowned upon and we rarely saw it in older TV shows and movies.

Things are different now.  There aren't too many Ward and June Cleavers living in each neighborhood these days.  Society teaches us that satisfying yourself is quite okay.  "Do you" is a very popular statement still.  So, if someone tells you that they're going to do something for you or with you and they don't come through, then you have to find a way to cope with that.  Understand that this isn't the end of the world.  Each day is a new beginging and an opportunity for a fresh start.  Just focus on trying to keep people in your life who rarely disappoint you.

We all get disappointed and lied to on a daily basis.  It can be about simple things that shouldn't even require a lie.  "I'll call you back."  "I'll take care of that."  "I love you."

Ooh.  That last one stings a bit, huh?  LOL!

As difficult as it is at times, there are numerous instances in life when you have to take a deep breath and hit the reset button.  No one likes to do it, but it's just a part of living.  The longer that you remain on this planet, the more that you will realize that some people will let you down.  It can be a family member, friend, or even a significant other.  It may not always be intentional, but it happens nonetheless.

I Know More "Never Married" Parents Than I Do Married Ones

Is marriage before having children officially a thing of the past?

I won't make this a cultural or race thing, although it's very difficult not to do so.  After all, it is Black History Month, so I want my black brothers and sisters to understand how extremely important this is to us.

Of course, my intent is not to offend anyone, but I'm pretty sure that some will be offended.  So let me say in advance that I am not picking on a group people.  I'm just sharing my life's experiences like I normally do on this blog.  I've seen some evidence of co-parenting working well.  The father and mother are in different households and they share custody.  For some, it works.  However, for many, it doesn't.

Sometimes the reasons for a mom and dad to not be together is completely understandable.  Maybe one of them is abusive to the other physically or emotionally.  Maybe one of them doesn't understand the concept of loyalty and commitment.  Whatever the reason, not everyone is meant to be a married couple.

For kids' sakes, it would be nice for people to realize this before they bring a child into this world, but to sum it up in society's terms: "things happen."

But it really doesn't matter how or why "things happen" after everything is said and done.  We all wish that we could change or rearrange certain aspects about our past.  The problem that I have with the whole "Team Single Parent" thing is that I rarely see never married parents promoting the traditional order towards being a family:

Couple + Marriage = Family.

I realize that not everyone believes in my traditional marriage formula or that it's some sort of cure-all.  Some people divorce.  Some couples are cool with co-habitation.  But the aforementioned formula was the traditional route to having a family 50 years ago.  I don't see single parents stressing marriage to their children and here's my two cents to why that's the case: to do so could be considered admitting failure.

How many never married parents want to tell their child to get married before having children only to get the response, "Why didn't you do it?"

Who wants to have to answer that question?  Not many people like teaching life lessons when they are the case study.  Even though the lesson could make the child's life easier/better in the long run, most never married parents would rather not look bad in front of their kids.

Which is a reason why never married parenting is celebrated by so many people today.  Instead of saying, "Don't make the mistake that I did," we hear people saying "I've got this."  It's why we hear some people proudly boast, "my baby doesn't want for nothing." 

That may be true.  But because of that "I can do it myself attitude," their children, more times than not, will grow up and do the same thing.  And that's one of the reasons I now know more never married parents than I do married ones.

A lot more.

Lessons in Accountability from a 12-Year Old

I was at my god son's football game last Monday. On their only touchdown play, he was called for holding and the penalty resulted in nullifying the TD.

He was taken out of the game and the coach talked to him about what happened.  His body language on the sidelines showed that he was angry with himself.  After the game, he was visibly upset and said that he "let the team down."

Words can't express how proud that I was to hear him say that.  This is a 12-year old thinking about his team when most adults can only think about themselves.

If everyone took the same approach to accountability as he does then how much better would we all be for it?  If everyone at work gave 100% then our jobs would be easier.  If everyone at home gave 100% then our family lives would be easier.

Take a lesson from a 12-year old playing a game and make sure that you're accountable for your actions.

My god son may have gotten a penalty, but he's still my MVP.

You Can't Fix The Inside with The Outside

It's almost 2015 and it's that's time of the year when people start making promise of change in the new year.  People plan to improve something about their standing in a situation and that's not a bad thing at all.  However, it takes more than the transition of the calendar to make the changes that some of us need.  Instead of focusing on just improving your fitness, relationships, or finances, which are all great, we need to improve ourselves as a person.

There are a lot of horrible people in the world.  A lot.  The longer that you live and pay attention, the more you'll see what I'm talking about.  There are people who feel that outward appearances determines happiness.  That how you look, what you wear, where you live, etc., all determines happiness.  That mindset is as far from the truth as one can get.

Happiness comes from within.  You can work for that banging body or you can get two jobs to afford nice things, but that doesn't lead to happiness.  Those things are important, but they're not the source of bliss.  You can't fix the inside with the outside.  If you want to be a better person then try the following:

• Be in tune spiritually.  Not everyone is a believer, but for those who are you can seek strength in your faith.  If you're Christian, then be more Christ-like and improve your outlook on life that way.
• Surround yourself with quality people.  A lot of us refuse to cut ties with some "friends" due to longevity, but if someone isn't a positive person then they don't need to be in your life.
• Be accountable for your actions.  That is very important when it comes to being a better person.  If you can't say "I'm sorry" then you are sorry.

Sure, there are more ways to renovate your soul, but those three things are a great start.  The bottom line is: treat people the way that you want to be treated.  Even a child knows that, but so many adults refuse to do that.  Get rid of that "I got mine, you get yours" attitude and watch things get better.  Start by not complaining for 24 hours and you'll see the effects of maintaining a positive lifestyle.

Life happens.  Things go wrong and the world doesn't stop when they do.  Bad things have happened to all of us.  But, it's not what happens to you that makes you who you are.  It's how you respond to it.

What Just Happened?

Sometimes in life, you're thrown a curve ball.  You're going through your everyday life as normal and * wham * something unexpected throws you for a loop.  Before you know it, your life has changed for the better or for the worse, but you never saw it coming.  All you can do is ask yourself, "what just happened?"

Someone once told me that "certain people are placed in your world to get you to a certain place in life."  I'm a firm believer of that statement.  I think that it is sage advice and that is very true.

I felt that way after losing The Mrs. to breast cancer last year.  Although she is no longer with me, I am in a better place as a person because of the time I had with her.  I didn't realize how much that I learned from her until I had to use it on my own.

We go through life expecting the people that we love to always be there each morning we awake.  We wake up thinking that today will be pretty much like yesterday, but that's not always the case.  Things change.  Our loved one could move on to another phase in life like an out of town job.  Maybe a change in lifestyle or a work schedule means that you're unable to see each other as much or at all.  Or maybe, God forbid, they pass away.

No one wants their "cheese moved," but the one constant in all of our lives is change.

You don't know what to do.  

You don't know what to say.  

You don't know where to go.  

However, it's how you adapt to change that defines you as a person.  You can let it negatively affect you which may lead to your life spiraling out of control.  Things start to have a domino effect on you and before you know it, an unfortunate situation has turned into multiple unfortunate situations.

Or you can meet the change head-on, face your fears, and go on with your life.  You realize that whatever you once had was just a piece of the puzzle in what you call "your life."  It was a part of your life that somehow makes you a better person, regardless if you realize it or not.  Also, aside from the person dying, whatever happened doesn't mean that person is gone from your life forever.  Just like the double helix pictured below, maybe your paths will cross again.

Only You Can Change Your Life in #2012

I'm not one to make a big deal over a new year. I'm not saying it's not worthy of celebrating. I'm just saying that it's not worthy of motivating.

If you want to be true to yourself, then don't let a fake milestone fool you into thinking things with your life will change. If you can't change your life for the better on April 15th or September 23rd, then what makes you think something is special about January 1st? Changing a calendar doesn't change a person. Not to rain on anyone's parade, but you know my motto: some things just need to be said.

So, don't join a gym because it's a new year. Don't stop smoking because it's a new year. Don't stop being an a-hole because it's a new year. Make improvements in your life because you want to do so.

Only you can change your life. A new calendar can't do jack but tell you the date.




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The Cereal Killer

Back in my college days, food was a very precious commodity. The average college student is flat-broke, so anything you can do to prevent losing what you had, you took action to make sure of it. But there are some people who don't care about your lack of funds...

Meet Dre. Dre was notorious for freeloading. If he could get any item of food from you, he would. He claimed that he never had any money or groceries, but was the fattest guy on the hall. Dre's food drug of choice: cereal.

Like clockwork, Dre would stalk the 3rd floor dormitory hall on Saturday mornings with an empty mixing bowl. He would knock on doors to try to bum as much cereal as he could to fill his bowl. Sometimes by the time he made it back to his room, he would have four different cereal mixes in his bowl from multiple people who were generous enough to spare a little of theirs. Dre was a cereal killer living amongst us.

I was two doors down from him, so normally when I heard him knocking next door, I knew the deal. Now at first, I didn't mind donating a little cereal for the cause, but after a while, I started to feel like I was being part of a "morning meal shakedown."

(sounds of someone banging on the door)

"Q? Tim? It's Dre!"

"What do you want, man?"

"Let me holla at some cereal, dog!"

That was his famous quote. How can you "holla" at cereal? Anyway, this went on for a semester and a half until one day, Dre overdid it. I was home for the weekend this particular Saturday morning and Tim allowed Dre into the room. Tim was not paying close attention to the portion size Dre was getting and he took advantage of Tim's distraction to ironing clothes and made off with 3/4, yes that's 75%, of my Fruity Pebbles.


I returned to school Sunday evening and immediately noticed the carnage. "Tim, why is all of this cereal on my desk?"

"Dre probably did that."

I shook the box only to see a few lonely crumbs that were hardly enough for a couple of servings. "You let him eat this much cereal, man? This box was unopened!"

"My bad, Q. I wasn't paying attention. I'll get you some more."

"Nah, this has to stop! We're going to the grocery store before next Saturday."

Dre had to be taught a life lesson. That following Thursday evening, Tim and I drove into town and went to the grocery store. I bought a box of Captain Crunch and a box of King Vitaman. I'm sure all of you have heard of Captain Crunch, but very few have heard of King Vitaman. King Vitaman is a very cheap cereal that has tons of fiber. One bowl of KV would send you to the bathroom for hours. It didn't just contain fiber, it contained more fiber than raw twine. Also, it looked and tasted almost identical to Captain Crunch.

The plan was to swap bags from the Captain Crunch and King Vitaman. But, roomdog, Tim, wanted to take things a bit further. Tim bought a box of laxative gel caps. We used a knife to split the gel caps in half and squeeze the contents onto the KV cereal. We laughed like school kids as we squeezed the contents of six laxative gel caps onto the top of the cereal kernels and let it absorb its way inside. We then shook up the box to mix it in. We couldn't wait until Saturday morning!


That next Saturday, Dre shows up like clockwork with his bowl and shovel-sized spoon. "Let me holla at some cereal, dog!"

I didn't want to let Dre in the room because I knew I wouldn't be able to contain my laughter. Besides, I needed him to take the entire box of cereal without arousing suspicion. If he came in and I just said "take it," he would know something was wrong. So, I barely cracked the door and looked out at him and whispered, "Look, my girl is in here. I'll let you have some cereal, but if you get more than just a serving, we're moving some furniture up in this dorm! Don't kill all of my cereal, Dre!"

For the slang-impaired, "moving furniture" indicates a very physical and fast-moving fight.

I knew that he would not be able to control himself when it came to eating a reasonable serving size. I was counting on it. I pushed the box of cereal through the opening of the door and Dre happily took it. Was my girlfriend in the room with me at the time? Nope. I just needed Dre to think that I'd rather pass him the box than be bothered right then.

I closed the door and heard his lazy butt slide his house shoes down the hall and close his door. Tim and I went up and down the hall, knocking on doors, to inform some of the other cereal victims what we had done. Everyone was cracking up when we explained the plan. After notifying the other victims of the cereal killings, we sat and waited...

Roughly six or seven hours later while Tim and I were playing Super Nintendo, we heard a knock at the door. We answered it and it was our friend Kenny from down the hall. It took him 30 seconds to suppress his laughter just to get his words out. "Yo, Dre is in the bathroom, man, and he's blowing it up!"


We knocked on a few more doors and all of us ran down the hall to the west wing bathroom. We cracked open the door and were greeted by the sound of "Dre's symphony." Machine gun squirts brought us to tears of laughter outside of the bathroom door. (In fact, The Mrs. just asked me what I'm laughing at now as I type this because it's still funny to me.) Dude sounded hollow as his life force continued to be drained on the porcelain throne. I slowly laughed my way back to my dorm room.

30 minutes later Dre comes down the hall and knocks on the door. I open the door and see a dehydrated 6"3" figure standing in front of me. He looked as if he'd just finished a marathon, but he wasn't sweating. With a straight face, I said, "Where's the cereal I gave you this morning?"

"I know you did something to the cereal, Q. Bernard told me."

At the time, I didn't care someone told him. I tensed up as I feared that furniture would be moved at this point. But the code on campus was not to come off weak. So, with the straightest face I could make, I said, "I want a new box of Fruity Pebbles by next Saturday."

"After what you did to me you want me to buy you a new box?"

"Next Saturday, Dre!"

I slammed the door in his face and then turned around and exhaled. I was by no means a fighter and I didn't want to spend the rest of my college days looking over my shoulder for payback. But, I had to let him know I wasn't afraid of him. Although Dre was a sloppy, dorky, pear-shaped, short T-Rex-arms-having dude, I didn't want to throw down with him.

Next Saturday morning, I heard a knock at my door. I opened the door and Dre very aggressively shoved a new, and most importantly, untampered box of Fruity Pebbles into my chest and walked off. As he was walking back towards his room, I said with a smirk, "Yo, Dre? Let me holla at some milk, dog!"

We've Failed Our Youth

Where to start? I wish I knew, but I'll do the best I can. Buckle up because this is a long one...

It's hard to say what generation dropped the ball when it comes to our youth. The Generation X group from 1961-1981 would be where I'd start.

We didn't preserve our core values that our parents (from the Baby Boomer era) taught us. We compromised on our beliefs and because of it, we live in a country full of young, lost souls.

So many of us were raised in two-parent households, but ended up as single parents ourselves. Dads raised their sons to be men, but now that job seems to belong to a lot of women. Women have "worn the pants" in their families for so long that their daughters never seem to learn how to be ladies.

What made us change? Why did we, out of all of the people before us, choose to be the group to compromise our values?

Why did we choose to be the generation to make it "okay" to have children without a two-parent household?

Why did we choose to be the generation to make it "okay" to choose buying a material thing over this month's rent?

Why did we choose to be the generation to make it "okay" to have enough visible tattoos to make it hard to tell where your shirt ends and skin begins?

Society played a role in it. Corporations got greedy and inflation out-paced salaries requiring more two income households. That meant no more "June Cleavers" staying home while the "Ward Cleavers" went off to work to bring home the bacon.



With both parents now working in households lucky enough to have two, who's watching the kids?

Well, when I was growing up, I was lucky enough to have responsible adults to look after me while my mom and dad worked. My grandmother lived in my neighborhood and my best friend's grandmother stayed just two houses down. All of them allowed me access to their homes as if I were their kid and they also kept me in line if I acted up.

What are our options now? Daycare? A system that rarely allows for people who truly have love for your child to nourish, educate, and discipline them? That's our resolution? To have strangers raise our kids?

My aunt and uncle, who own a daycare, wouldn't be happy with that statement, but I'm just making a point. :)

So, if kids aren't getting the love, discipline and life lessons at the day care, then it's pretty much up to the parents (or in most cases, the mother) to instill that at home. Is that easy to do when your child is spending 40 hours a week around strangers learning new habits?

Gen X'ers, we've failed our youth. It has led to females who lack lady-like qualities and options in a suitable mate as well as males who are in a perpetual state of boyhood.