Thank God for Growth!

I started this blog over a decade ago.  Every now and then, I'll go back and read some of my older posts just.  Sometimes I find myself laughing at loud at a story that I barely remember today.  Other times, I smack myself in the head and say, "What were you thinking?".

So many things that I believed years ago I don't believe now.  And even if I do believe in them, I now have a different approach to it.

I've always tried to take an old school approach when it came to solving problems in society.  I still believe that approach can work more times than not.  But some of the things I said in previous posts were harsh and therefore rendered ineffective because I was trying to enforce an old school approach in a new school society.  That tends to make things worse.

Thankfully, I now understand that finger-pointing is no longer the way to instill accountability.  Even if it's true, it doesn't make it helpful to people to get it thrown in their faces.  I've learned to take a different approach to things.  As much as I hate sugar-coating the truth, it's simply something we have to do in today's fragile society.  And I can't take back anything I posted years ago, but I can atone for them with a changed approach.

It's amazing how a person's mindset can change simply by continuing to live.  Of course, it takes an open mind, but it can be done if people allow it to happen.  I'm glad that it happened to me.  13 years later this blog still exists and it continues to show the progress I've made as an individual.  

Thank God for growth and Happy 13th birthday to my blog.  I have a teen-ager now.

Guys Haven't Changed

From generation to generation, one constant thing in the U.S. is that a lot of guys will want to have sex with as many women as they can.  That has not changed over the decades.  What has changed is that the responsibility to care for any children made with these women has faded.  

We've all heard stories back in the day about "Mr. Earl" having an entire family on the other side of town that "no one knew about".  Mr. Earl would bring his "other kids" to his house and his wife would feed them, no questions asked.  In a lot of cases (not all), he would do what he could to take care of both households.  

Fast-forward to today and "Mr. Devante" does the same thing Mr. Earl did decades ago except he doesn't stop with just one household.  He'll have babies in multiple households.  And in a lot of cases (not all) he will not do much to take care of those kids he's created with others.  

What happened?  Where did the disconnect start?  How did the responsibility fade over the generations?

If you know me, I place a lot of the today's societal woes at the feet of 70's babies (for the record, I was born in 1971).  70s babies spend more time these days trying to defy growing older instead of using that time to train up the young ones.  We want to compete with them.  Not teach them.

But it's not all on us.  So much has contributed to the erosion of responsibility in the U.S.  Especially in the black and brown communities.  We blame women.  We blame men.  We blame the white man.  

Regardless of who gets the blame, nothing seems to ever change for the better, so my only suggestion is simply for people to change themselves.

- If you're a guy who doesn't want a bunch of baby mamas and child support orders then wear a condom or don't have sex at all.

- If you're a woman who doesn't want the responsibility of raising a child on your own then use some form of birth control or don't have sex at all.

Mr. Earl lived during a time when one salary could pay a lot of bills.  Not in Mr. Devante's world though.  One salary can barely even take care of a single-person household.  You'd think that would be more of a deterrent from spreading one's seed, but nope.

The person who doesn't want the responsibility of being a parent should be the one who uses the birth control.  It only takes one person to do it to prevent a baby.

There are too many examples of people in bad situations for us to allow this to continue to happen.  Share this blog post on your timeline and at least change the minds of people you care about.

Combating Social Injustice Issues in America

I was fortunate enough to be tagged for a discussion about racism along with some very insightful minds. 

You can check out the discussion here.

I participated in the second episode of the Holism For Advancement Roundtable hosted by Dr. Herman SJr. himself.

I've been fortunate enough to interview him a couple of times on T2Q and as he usually does, he dropped science on this topic as well.  His other guest, Miguel Conner, was amazing in establishing a base to some of the societal problems we endure as a country today.

So, please enjoy this discussion and share, share, share!  The world needs to hear more insightful opinions on race and not the same old babble and catch phrases.

Seeing & Combating Inculcated, "Invisible" Fundamentals That Create Negative Systems 

* (Please excuse the audio-only format due to technical issues) *

This is the second show of the Holism For Advancement Roundtable founded by Dr. HermanSJr. to present the most powerful, no-nonsense, science-backed solutions to highly-complex world issues that can be used immediately to begin forcing step-change in people's lives across all landscapes (business, educational, personal, social).  

Experts: Dr. Chandra Babu (Ph.D.) | Right.Academy | (not present in show due to technical issues) Miguel Conner (B.A.) | TheGodAboveGod.com 
Quincy "Q" Shelton | Talk2Q.com 
Dr. HermanSJr. (A.A., B.A., B.Msc., M.A., M.Msc., Mpsy.D.) | DrHermanSJr.com 

This roundtable is based on Dr. HermanSJr.'s Holistic Vision program taught to experts and laypeople across countries, industries, and languages to force step-change via game-changing action and thought. 

Start the Holistic Vision program now for your business, educational, personal goals at https://DrHermanSJr.com.

White People Need To Stop Being Racists

This logo is as accurate as it is iconic.  PE#1.

Now that I have your attention, let me give some background on myself to explain why that I think that statement is 100% true: I grew up in a predominantly white school system.  I had a lot of white friends in my childhood, so I saw the good in white people.  I was oblivious to a lot of the atrocities in the U.S. because of the type of education that I received and the environment in which I was raised.

Then I went to an HBCU (Google it if you don't know the acronym) and I met other people who looked like me who had totally different experiences growing up.  By the way, this is generally how one learns about the world.  Being exposed to all walks of life is what expands our way of thinking.  But, back to the topic at hand...

I spent a lot of my youth and some of my adult life explaining to minorities how "the conversation" about racism should be approached with white people.  I found myself speaking from a place that protected the good white people that I knew.  It took growing older in society to realize that they didn't need me to defend them.  Their privilege alone gave them the protection that they needed.

The point I'm trying to make is that black people have no responsibility in stopping racism.  White people do.  And it's always been that way despite how others have tried to spin it over and over again.  It's not a woman's responsibility to have "a discussion" with an abusive husband.  He just needs to recognize that he's wrong and stop abusing her.  See how simple that is?  Problem solved.

We don't need a table of "black leaders" to sit down and discuss why we shouldn't be unlawfully shot by police, denied opportunities for leadership positions from being a CEO of a Fortune 500 company to being an NFL head coach, or refused loans and/or housing based solely on the fact that we are enriched with melanin.  Black people have complained for decades on the things that prevent us from truly being equals in this country, so there's nothing new to talk about.  All white people have to do is stop doing it.  It's just that simple.  Nothing else is required.

And for all white people who have done things to help promote the end of racism, I thank and applaud you.  We wouldn't have made it this far without some of you.  But, you're going to have to do more.  Because in order for you not to be unfairly grouped in with racists, you have to convince the racists to cut it out.  So, it looks like you have the responsibility of helping this madness end.  Not black people.

It's Been A Long Time... I Shouldn't Have Left You...

What's going on, people?  Long time, no blog, huh?  Well, I'm still around.  I won't lie and say that I've been busy because I haven't.  I've just been doing my thing and enjoying life.  There has been so much to blog about over the past few months, but I just haven't felt the need to put the fingers to the keyboard.  Part of it is due to the way society reacts to things now.

An opinion is no longer something people appreciate.  To some, it's a slap in the face and I don't get that.  Why is it that people just can't agree to disagree any more?  Why is it that folks are expected to be sworn enemies for life simply because of differences in their mindset?

Just recently, people were going off on Ellen Degeneres for being cool with President George W. Bush.  Just because Bush's ideologies don't align with hers she can't enjoy his company per society.  That's absolutely ridiculous!  That's the equivalent of not being someone's friend because they root for a different sports team than you do.

So, after some soul searching, I've decided to continue doing my thing here at Thank, Q.  And if someone I'm cool with disapproves of something that hits home, then so be it.  Nino Brown once said, "It's always business.  Never personal."

I don't write these things with anyone in mind (normally).  I just try to continue my role as a "life referee" and calls things like I see 'em!

Why Do We Do Things Not In Our Best Interest?

It's amazing how strong emotions are.  Emotions have caused wars between nations, fights within family, and falling outs amongst friends.  Sometimes these things can't be avoided, but most of the time, they can be.

All it takes is someone stepping back and thinking of consequences, but the very nature of emotion prevents that.  Emotions and logic cannot exist within the same space.  I don't understand why people act before thinking, but I guess that's what makes the human mind so fascinating.  And I'm not just talking about a knee-jerk or impulsive reaction to something immediate.  Someone can actually have plenty of time to think things over yet still allow their ego to cloud their judgement.

People will do and say things that will hurt them and they'll act like they're okay with the consequences.  From women who vote for politicians who spit on Women's Rights to someone losing a friendship because they have too much pride to admit fault.

I've witness three indicents this week alone that have not played out yet.  One of them is more serious than the other two.  As I watch everything unfold, I wonder if any of those people involved will simply walk away and bring about peace or will they retaliate and spiral things into more chaos?

Sad to say, I'm putting my money on chaos.

Why Do Women Do It?

It's amazing what some women go through each and every day of their lives.  I don't mean the very task of being a woman and dealing with double standards an inequality each day.  I mean the optional struggles that some women have.

Makeup.

It's a billion dollar industry and I'm sure that it will be a trillion dollar industry by the time Millineals reach my age.  And don't get me wrong.  I won't be naive in acting as if I don't understand the concept.  I truly do.  Makeup is an enhancer for most people who use it.  But like most things in society these days, it's on another level and has reached the point of ridiculousness.  The cost for eye brow shaping, hair coloring, weave, lipstick, fake nails, nail polish, and more has reached astronomical proportions, but women seek these services more than ever these days.

Why do women do it?  It's very expensive and extremely time-consuming.  I've had multiple women tell me because it's the only way a man will look at them.  That's not quite true, but I can see how some women think that.  Men do tend to pay attention to shiny objects when we walk into a room.  That's only natural.  It doesn't mean we want those women though (at least not long term).

The best way for me to put this from a guy's perspective is like this: If I see a red Corvette driving down the highway at 70 mph, it's going to get my attention.  I will stare at it and want one.  Maybe even "rent" one some day just to say that I had it.  But, when it comes to what I park in my driveway, it will be something a lot more sensible.

Comparing women to cars may be a bad idea, but analogies are funny like that.  All I'm trying to say is that if you're looking for a guy who only likes fast cars, then by all means primp away.  But, there are many reasons that very few guys own Corvettes: they are expensive to acquire, the maintenance is even more costly, they will always draw attention (good or bad), your mom won't think it's safe, and it's not practical for kids.

So many of you ladies are beautiful as you are.  Stop letting makeup companies trick you into thinking that spending hundreds of dollars to look like someone else is the only way to get a man.  And no, I'm not anti-makeup by any means.  I just hate when pampering becomes tampering.  Where you draw the lines is subject to debate, but some sort of stance needs to be taken.

Look at it this way: you may get him, but you won't keep him.  Not on false pretenses.  Because at some point the cosmetics have to come off. 

All I'm asking for ladies to do is be original.  Stop looking like everyone else.  I've always come down on guys for buying Jordans and certain designer clothes because it makes all of those guys look like clones.  I want the same individually for women, too.  Find something and make it yours!

Why Are There So Many Churches Yet So Much Evil?

I left church yesterday and I drove around my city to find a good breakfast spot.  I live in a city of 24,000 people.  My North Jackson, MS suburb is about 18 square miles.  However, as I drove from the east side of the city to the west side, I must have passed 6 or 7 churches.  I saw all of the vehicles parked outside of each church.

I started thinking about all of the churches in Jackson (population 170,000).  You can drive a 5 mile stretch in that city and easily see 10+ churches.  I'm not sure how it is in other parts of the country, but in the South, there are more churches than gas stations on every other corner.  I'm not saying that this is a bad thing.  If you refer back to my first sentence, I attend church, too.  However, what I'm wondering is how are there so many evil people in the world if so many people attend church?

That leads me to believe one of two things: either most of the people who attend churches are hypocrites or churches are not effective teaching its parishioners how to become better people.  Or maybe it's both, I don't know.  Either way, there's a problem somewhere.

No one is perfect.  We all sin, but the level of nastiness in some people these days is astonishing.  I've met some very nasty and petty people in my life who are at church every time it opens.  They sing praises on Sundays and mistreat people the rest of the week.  Adulterers, liars, racists, greedy CEO's, gossipers, abusers, etc.  The list goes on.  Yet, they clean up on Sundays and sit in church and shout "amen" to a way of life that they don't even attempt to follow.

And despite the fact that so many of them know their holy scriptures like the back of their hand, for some reason, it doesn't apply to them.  You can't tell them that they're doing anything wrong without backlash

.  After all, only God can judge you, right?  Good luck with that when you meet Him.

I Hate This Hyper-Sensitive Society

Petty (adjective) - of little importance; trivial.

This word describes so many people that I know in this country.  Too often, I see people take nothing and turn it into something negative.  The reason: people love to be victims.  A lot of us tend to enjoy the "Me vs. The World" mentality.

Unfortunately, as a black man, I see a ton of pettiness in my community.  In fact, there are a lot of black people who embrace pettiness as if it's something in which to have pride.  I recently saw a "Black, Educated, and Petty" t-shirt on a young lady downtown.  All I could think to myself is, "why are you embarrassing yourself by wearing that ignorant shirt?"

I hate this hyper-sensitive society that we live in today.  No matter what you say, someone can take it, twist it, and make it look as if you are out to get them when you're not.  And if you say something that someone deems as criticism, and they are not sure if you're referring to them or not, then they'll use this other dumb term to justify their negative feelings: "throwing shade".

You'll have to go to the Urban Dictionary for the actual definition, but essentially, it means to say negative things about a person, but to try and do it in a discrete or indirect manner.  So, the person can only assume that you're talking about them because their name is never mentioned.  Almost like a subtweet, for those familiar with that.  It's why you can sometimes post something at random on social media and later get an inbox message from some offended follower who assumed that you were talking about them.

What's the point of even speaking if people are going to hear what they want to hear instead of what's actually being said?

From the President on down, people get in their feelings way too often and it's frustrating.  No one can have an opinion any more without someone being bothered by it.  What happened to the "sticks and stones" mentality?

Social media was supposed to be a great means of rekindling friendships and networking, but it's turned the U.S. into a country filled with chumps.  Instead of taking advantage of an amazing opportunity to get viewpoints from people from all over, we take sides with those who agree with us and bash those who don't.  Gone are the days when two people can just disagree and move on or maybe even actually learn from one another.

If Jesus came back today, he'd probably turn around and leave.  SMH.

Learn The Difference Between "Respectful" and "Fake"

In 2017, being respectful is going the way of the dinosaur.  People have no chill these days.  No respect for the elderly.  No respect for women and children.  No respect for themselves.  The way that we talk to people has to change.

At one time in society, people used to be aware of their audience before they spoke.  They chose their words wisely because they cared about their reputation and they didn't want to offend certain groups.  Men would not curse if women or kids around.  Now women curse just as much as men do now.  Kids do a healthy share of cursing, too.

I discussed that recently to someone (not a Millenial) who responded to me by saying "people who hold their tongues are 'fake'".

Yes, that's right.  People who choose their words around others are "fake" in her eyes.  She explained how everyone in her family curses freely around one another.  It doesn't matter the age, if you are in the room, then you may hear a curse word.  Just deal with it.  Not speaking freely is being fake?  That was the craziest thing I'd ever heard.  Why is showing restraint a bad thing?

Don't get me wrong.  What a person does in their home is their business.  But, some people do it no matter where they are.  At the grocery store, at restaurants, in other people's homes.

There's a time and a place for everything.  You don't drop f-bombs in your boss's office.  Why?
Because it's considered as being disrespectful in the workplace.  No one unleashes curse words when speaking to the preacher at church.  Why?  Because it's a sign of disrespect.  Or in her eyes, it's being fake, I guess.

So, why do people look at you sideways when you ask them not to curse in public?  Is it that hard not to curse?

We keep making excuses for doing what we want to do.  At some point in society, there will be no rules or standards.

You're Only As Funky As Your Last Cut

That title is part of a lyric from an Outkast song called "Rosa Parks".  André 3000 rapped that when he was essentially stating that you're only as good as the last thing you produced.  Live in the past and you'll be a has-been.

That's a very true statement that is just starting to soak into my thick skull.

I have a very, very bad habit of trying to help people.  I know that it looks bad to say that, but hear me out.  Everyone has a purpose in life.  I feel as if my purpose is to uplift others, whether it be through service, encouragement, or just a smile.  Sometimes I will go above and beyond the call of duty to help someone out or try to make their day.  But, what I struggle with so mightily is what happens after you're unable to give someone what they want.

Within the past couple of months, I've had a female friend approach me and ask for help on a project.  Our relationship has always been platonic.  Her brother is a good friend of mine.  This is someone I've done numerous favors for including going out of my way to give her a ride when her car was broken down to helping her work on her resume so she can get a better job.  However, prior obligations prevented me from being able to help her with this particular home improvement project.  When I told her that I wasn't able to make it because I already had other commitments, she got upset with me.

Now this is where I have a problem not getting mad.  If I have a history of helping/being nice to someone, then I feel as if they don't deserve to get upset with me when I can't help them.  Maybe I'm wrong for feeling that way, but that's just me.  I feel that if you help someone 9 times and on the 10th, you're unavailable, then that person shouldn't get upset with you.

However, she did.  She told me that I was "just like everyone else" and I was bailing on her when she needed help.  This infuriated me.  Being lumped into a group of people ("just like everyone else") is insulting to me.  Especially since I'd done so much for her in the past.  Recent past, too, I might add.

And it's not just this one incident that has me salty.  This is just the straw that broke the camel's back.  I could describe at least three or four recent scenarios from where I got dissed by others for not being able to accommodate someone who is used to me doing so.  It's as if I've never helped them before.  Never!

I had an ex tell me once that I "wanted a pass for being a good guy".  I didn't quite understand what she meant then, but it's all too clear to me now.  "You're only as funky as your last cut."  It's not about what you have done in the past.  It's all about what you're doing now.  You can be an "A" student for 7 straight semesters, but what's going to happen when you bring home a "C" after that 8th semester?

I now realize the answer to that question.

All my life, I've prided myself on having a good reputation.  I didn't father any kids out of wedlock.  I didn't go to jail.  I've protected womanhood and promoted manhood.  I went to college.  I've attended church regularly.  I always say "yes, ma'am" and "yes, sir" to my elders.  And I've tried to help people whenever I can.  But in 2016, none of that means anything to a lot of people in today's society.  If you're not giving them what they want at that time, then you're nothing.  Doesn't matter what you did before, you're not doing it now.

Well, you know what?  Society wins on this one.  I'm done.  I can no longer bust my behind to attempt to be something special for a world that could not care less about my track record.  It doesn't mean anything in a lot of workplaces, in the dating game, or even with some family and friends.  It's all about "what have you done for me lately?"

Comment below if you need me to explain this saying.

I'm officially no longer putting myself out there.  If I'm going to be lumped into a category unfairly, then I may as well respond as those people do.  "Sorry, I can't help you."

I can't take any more of this, so I'm forced to take a different approach.  I think that for the first time in my 44 years on this planet, society has officially broken me.  It's a shame that it's come to this, but I'm just worn out.

We All Want Something for Nothing

You want sex, but you don't deserve it.  You want to be wined and dined, but you haven't earned it.

A work ethic in relationships are starting to become a thing of the past.  Society has turned into a bunch of "a'ights" and very few "exceptionals."  So many people simply do the minimum required to maintain a relationship instead of committing 100% and allow the relationship to thrive.

For example, let's talk a bit about guys...

A guy may approach a woman simply because he has sex on the brain.  He will take the shortest path to sex more times than not.  If a woman requires little, then he will do just enough to satisfy her requirements so that he can satisfy himself.

His peers will promote his behavior, too.  After all, in 2016, how many fathers are teaching their sons anything about respecting women and relationships?  It's all about "how many can you hit?"  It's a sad cycle that will continue because very few have an interest in doing the right thing.  That's no longer required of a man in 2016.  Just be charming and the opportunities will present themselves.

As for the ladies...

Some are quick for wanting to be treated like queens despite the fact that they lack the qualities to be one.  They curse like sailors in public.  They treat their sons like spouses thus causing them to be dependent on their moms and useless to their future girlfriends.  They teach their daughters how to put on makeup, but ignore educating them about how to command respect.

Some just want to be seen.  They're interested in what impresses other women.  So they only entertain guys that come with a stamp of approval from their girls.  If he drives a nice car, has a certain look, or maybe a certain status, then he's a keeper.  That is until he cheats with the next one who is impressed by shiny objects.

Conclusion

It wasn't always like this, but this is the world that we live in now.  Prior to 2000, the most popular agenda people had when dating was marriage.  Now it can be anything from free trips to late night encounters.  TV, radio, and social media promotes superficial things 24/7.  It was bound to affect our brains at some point, right?  Why settle on someone who just wants to make you happy when you can have some happiness and excitement somewhere else (if you don't mind a few tears/headaches here and there.).

There are a lot of "single" men and women walking around.  They'll tell you that they're single by choice.  Don't believe them.  They just don't need anything right now.

Why Is Sex No Longer Sacred?

I was watching the "Amber Rose Show" just recently.  In all honesty, I was watching the show for all of the wrong reasons.  I just think that Amber Rose is smoking hot, so I decided to tune in.  But the show was so awful that I know that I won't be watching it again.

The entire show was basically Amber Rose asking women questions about sex.  Women were disclosing everything from how many side dudes they've had to being on top during sex.  Some people call it "women empowerment" and other people call it "women being promiscuous".  Whatever you want to call it is totally dependent on your upbringing.

As for my upbringing, I was taught that sex was something sacred.  You didn't share what you did with everyone.  It was deemed disrespectful to your partner to discuss your sexual experiences with them to someone else.

Fast forward to today and everyone is doing it.  People are getting on TV, radio, and social media and discussing their sex lives like they're talking about their day at work or something.  I watched Amber Rose talk about sex for her entire show except for the last segment (which was only a couple of minutes long).  She "interviewed" rapper, T.I., and asked him his favorite sex position, the craziest place he's had sex, and if he masturbated.

I was thinking to myself, "how in the world are kids going to not be teen parents if all they see on TV is how much fun sex is?"

I guarantee you that there are a ton of kids under 18 years old watching Amber's show and shows like hers.  It's not like parents pay attention to what their children watch.  A ton of the girls watching probably want to be Amber Rose and a ton of boys want a girl like her.  She has a glamorous lifestyle and makes a lot of money for basically doing nothing truly talented.  Who wouldn't want that life?

But, back to the topic... Sex isn't sacred any more.  People will tell you all of their business without any thoughts to how you feel about it or how their partner would feel if they found out.  And if you feel awkward discussing it with them, then you're looked at as someone abnormal.  A conversation that may have been reserved to close friends and siblings is now something you can get from a coworker you barely know.

In roughly 30 years, the United States has done a 180 degree turn around in morals.  Sex is "empowering" and not something kept private.  Cursing is simply just talking and not something done out of the public's earshot.  Being reckless with your life is no longer scolded, but it is praised by everyone for you "expressing yourself" (and sometimes rewarded with money and fame).

Nothing is sacred any more.  TV has dumbed down in 30 years what took hundreds of years to create.  The end result is me watching Amber Rose ask a woman if she has a side dude (actually, "dude" wasn't the d-word that she used) and this young lady must have named 10+ guys.  She was applauded for it.

To each their own, I guess.  It makes me wonder what conversations are parents having in households across the U.S. with their children?  Is this type of thing even being discussed?  Based on what I'm seeing on TV, it is being discussed.  Just by celebrities instead of parents.

The Greatest of All-Time Has Left Us #Ali

I had fallen asleep on my couch with my TV on ESPN.  However, I woke up and noticed a mural on the left hand side of the screen showing Muhammad Ali's face.  Before my eyes could adjust and focus on the words on the screen, I knew that Ali had died.  I'd just spoken to my cousin about Ali just hours ago about how grave his condition was.

My first "favorite athlete",  Muhammad Ali, was dead at the age of 74 years old.

There aren't many men like Ali being produced in this country any more.  Now, don't get me wrong.  He had his issues when it came to his wives.  He wasn't perfect.  But he did more for this country than anyone who may have stepped foot on the White House lawn in the past 50 years.

People who don't know the man think that he was "The Greatest" because of what he did inside the boxing ring.  No.  Ali was "The Greatest" for what he did outside of the boxing ring.  Ali inspired the world with his approach to day-to-day living.  He was a motivational speaker.  He was a civil rights activist.  He was an entertainer.  Oh, he was such an entertainer!

Ali had a relationship with the media that we will never see again.  He gave interviews that resembled stand up comedy sets.  The beneficiary of many of those interviews was a sports commentator named Howard Cosell.

Cosell and Ali were partners.  They fed off of each other in their interviews to become two of the biggest figures in sports.  The respect that they had for one another provided entertainment for more than a decade.  Despite their close relationship, Cosell remained unbiased in his journalist approach unlike what we see with some talking heads today.

Howard Cosell and Muhammad Ali turned each other into legends.

Ali won many awards and honors during and long after his boxing career.  I won't go through all of his accomplishments because the talking heads will do that over the next week.  However, I will mention his impact on today's culture.  Ali started a culture of brashness that we see in sports today.  This was a man who not only showed you in the ring that he was "The Greatest", he would tell you that he was, too.  The predictions that athletes make today, the "getting in the head" of their opponents, and things like that were made famous by Ali.

Seated: Bill Russell, Muhammad Ali, Jim Brown, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

He embraced his blackness and his message resonated throughout black communities around the country.  He stood for his beliefs regardless of the controversies and criticisms that surrounded him which is something athletes refuse to do today.  Ali didn't care if you liked him.  He didn't care if he lost money from losing fans.  Heck, he didn't even care if he went to jail for what he believed.

Muhammad Ali and Malcolm X

There are many things that I wish that I could change with the world.  There are many things that I wish that I could go back in time and fix.  But if I had one wish to change anything regarding Muhammad Ali, it would be for him to forever have his voice.

Ali was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease in 1984 and it slowly robbed him of all of the gifts that he'd displayed for us over the previous 25 years prior to that.  If he only had the opportunity to continue speaking, what would his contributions to black communities and to his religion would have meant to society today?

Muhammad Ali and Sam Cooke

Would he have put black athletes and celebrities in their place when it came to their selfishness?  Would he have continued to inspire people to do more with their lives and not be ordinary?  What would Ali have given us had his voice not been trapped inside of his body?

We will never know.  The first athletic entertainer is gone.  A lot of people speculated that Ali was in a bad place this time around as we got word that he was being hospitalized.  Over the course of 24 hours, we all knew that his condition was getting worse and that he may be passing on.  Despite that being the fact, it still feels like a body punch to the gut to wake up and find out that my favorite athlete is gone.

R.I.P., Champ.

The Mind of a Child

I recently spoke in an interview with a young guy that I admire by the name of Jay Mayo.  Jay and I discussed something that I never really studied all that closely.  Something that probably goes unnoticed by most of the people in this country: what is your purpose?

Just about every one of us remembers a time when either a parent, relative, or teacher asked, "what do you want to be when you grow up?"

I remember being asked that in 1st grade.  My response, "A king."

"You want to run your own country?  That's sweet, Quincy."

"No, ma'am.  I want to run the world."

Of course my teacher and classmates laughed.  That is until they saw the photo I drew of myself on a throne and the flag that I designed.  Yeah, I was dead serious.

Fast-forward 37 years later and I haven't conquered any countries to claim as my own as of yet.  Maybe I'll get there, but in the meantime I have other things to do.  I have a purpose to fulfill.  You see, my purpose evolved over time, but I had the right mentality for it in place all along.

I had reasons for wanting to be a king: my grandmother worked in a nursing home on the overnight shift for years.  My mom worked long hours as a supervisor in a factory for over two decades.  My father also worked in a factory for around the same amount of time and rarely missed a day of work.  I wanted to become a king because I knew by doing so that my grandmother, mom, and dad would never have to work again.  I wanted to have people do things for them.  

Even as a 6 year old my focus for wanting to rule the world was so that I could share its riches.  Riches don't necessarily refer to money either.  Wisdom is considered one of life's greatest wishes in my opinion.  I discovered that my purpose was to help others in some shape, form or fashion. A lot of it I've done through giving advice and sharing stories of life experiences here on the blog and over at T2Q.

However, not everyone has realized that they have a purpose.  That's something Jay pointed out to me that I'd never considered.  The people that I've seen on the nightly news who have been arrested for (insert crime here) didn't recognize their purpose.  No one probably told them that they could truly be something in life and overcome almost any unfortunate circumstance put before them.

Everyone in the world possesses multiple talents and it's the duty of the parents to discover those talents.  Whether you're an artist, dancer, architect, scientist, or actor, it's something within you.  The key to being happy and productive in life is to find something that you enjoy and find reasons to do it!  It's just that simple!

But, if a kid is never taught that dreams can come true then eventually they'll stop dreaming.  And they will walk around aimlessly like zombies not knowing where they are going.  Not having a reason or a goal to make life worth living.  One thing that I remember Jay saying is that there is so much "untapped potential in the cemetery."  People who could have been something if they only knew what that something was to be.

The mind of a child is like a safe that contains riches.  It's up to us, the adults, to unlock it so that everyone else can benefit from what's inside.  

Cage Fighting In; Boxing Out

Cage fighting simply represents our current culture: fast action. Boxing, once dubbed as the sweet science, is all about strategy. There's a patience involved in the sport of boxing as you study, approach and then slowly pick apart your opponent. Cage fighting has a bit of strategy involved, but the action is more fast-paced and a majority of the fights end in someone being knocked out or tapping out. It's a microwave version of boxing. You don't have to wait on two guys dancing around waiting on an open shot, now you just have two guys throwing punches until one of them connects. The result: cage fighting in; boxing out.

Before I get too far into this, let me state that I do enjoy cage fighting. Boxing will always be my first love (although it will die with my generation), but cage fighting is much more accessible and it is entertaining.

The point I'm trying to make is how society dictates our entertainment. Cage fighting has been around for decades, but now has a following that surpasses boxing because of a young generation of fans who crave action. Since we're on the subject of sports, let's discuss how the scoring has gone up in the NFL and MLB. Why? Because rule changes were made within the last decade and a half to allow for more scoring. Scoring gets the attention of our attention-deficit society.

Movies have more fight scenes and explosions than ever now. Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol ran commercials 20 times a day. I've seen so many commercials for M:I that I feel as if I've seen the movie already. In these commercials, they were showing basically every explosion and fight scene in the movie. Explosion and fight scenes gets the attention of our attention-deficit society.

I even had a recent discussion with someone about today's cartoons. There is no more classical music playing in the background and non-speaking roles a la "Tom & Jerry" or "Pink Panther." Today, every cartoon features noisy characters and bright colors. Have you watched SpongeBob? Every character yells and the colors on the show could probably trigger a seizure. Noisy characters and bright colors gets the attention of our attention-deficit kids.

So, the sports, movie and cartoon world is just a microcosm of our society. We want constant stimulation to keep our attention. That's why we can't walk any where without ear buds in our ears and why we keep our faces buried in our smart phones.

Patience? What's that? Why should I wait to be entertained? I want it now.





Thoughts and prayers go out to all teachers who try daily to figure out how to keep the attention of today's children. You have a thankless job and you are severely underpaid.



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We've Failed Our Youth

Where to start? I wish I knew, but I'll do the best I can. Buckle up because this is a long one...

It's hard to say what generation dropped the ball when it comes to our youth. The Generation X group from 1961-1981 would be where I'd start.

We didn't preserve our core values that our parents (from the Baby Boomer era) taught us. We compromised on our beliefs and because of it, we live in a country full of young, lost souls.

So many of us were raised in two-parent households, but ended up as single parents ourselves. Dads raised their sons to be men, but now that job seems to belong to a lot of women. Women have "worn the pants" in their families for so long that their daughters never seem to learn how to be ladies.

What made us change? Why did we, out of all of the people before us, choose to be the group to compromise our values?

Why did we choose to be the generation to make it "okay" to have children without a two-parent household?

Why did we choose to be the generation to make it "okay" to choose buying a material thing over this month's rent?

Why did we choose to be the generation to make it "okay" to have enough visible tattoos to make it hard to tell where your shirt ends and skin begins?

Society played a role in it. Corporations got greedy and inflation out-paced salaries requiring more two income households. That meant no more "June Cleavers" staying home while the "Ward Cleavers" went off to work to bring home the bacon.



With both parents now working in households lucky enough to have two, who's watching the kids?

Well, when I was growing up, I was lucky enough to have responsible adults to look after me while my mom and dad worked. My grandmother lived in my neighborhood and my best friend's grandmother stayed just two houses down. All of them allowed me access to their homes as if I were their kid and they also kept me in line if I acted up.

What are our options now? Daycare? A system that rarely allows for people who truly have love for your child to nourish, educate, and discipline them? That's our resolution? To have strangers raise our kids?

My aunt and uncle, who own a daycare, wouldn't be happy with that statement, but I'm just making a point. :)

So, if kids aren't getting the love, discipline and life lessons at the day care, then it's pretty much up to the parents (or in most cases, the mother) to instill that at home. Is that easy to do when your child is spending 40 hours a week around strangers learning new habits?

Gen X'ers, we've failed our youth. It has led to females who lack lady-like qualities and options in a suitable mate as well as males who are in a perpetual state of boyhood.