I Have One Lovely Blog!

Props to Vinny C over at "As Vinny C's It" for the blog award! I now have the opportunity to share seven things about myself that you don't already know. Yeah, good luck with that. With over 300+ posts, what have I not told you yet? I've recently told you about getting trapped in an elevator with a wild animal. I've also shared how my college roommate and I took down a killer. I've even shared how I almost went to jail over a hamburger.

What seven more things could I possibly add at this point?

Well, since Vinny was nice enough to bestow the award upon me, the least I can do is reach deep into my brain and pull out seven new things. Here we go (and no, I'm not calling the dog from the beer commercial):

1. I've fulfilled two of three dreams I've had since being in my early 20's: being a sportswriter (for my local newspaper) and hosting a radio show. The third dream is to be a contestant on Jeopardy, but in all honesty, I've had second thoughts about my desire to be on a game show.

2. I will kill you if you attempt to put a snake, real or fake, on me. That's pretty much self-explanatory.

3. I've visited 16 states so far in my life. I still have 33 to go (Alaska is out of the question). The next state to cross off of my list will probably be either Nevada, Arizona or California.

4. I once beat Samuel L. Jackson's relative in a game of Mortal Kombat. When Sam was shooting "A Time to Kill" in a neighboring city, he came to the mall with this kid. At the time, I thought it was his son, but I later found out he doesn't have a son. Whoever it was, I was destroying him when Sam walked into the arcade with his beefy, female security guard and told him that it was time to go. It was probably the first time I'd ever had a conversation with a celebrity (although it was only two sentences).

5. My brother had two scenes in "A Time to Kill."

Guess which one is him?  And no, it's not Photoshopped. 

5. I guess that one doesn't count since that's more about my brother than me, so I'll do another #5. One of my influences from television when growing up came from James Bond movies. I was always quick-witted thanks to my father's genes, but Bond taught me timing. It's not always how you say something, but when you say it. Knowing when to be funny and when to be serious is important.

6. I watch Univision multiple times a week because I miss being able to speak Spanish fluently. In high school, I won multiple competitions (for skits) and was vice president of my high school's Spanish club. I once spoke it very well, but now mi espanol es muy malo. I still watch Univision with the closed caption on and try to recapture what I once had.

7. I love accents. My favorites being New Orleans and Jamaican accents. Now, I only like them when it's a female speaking. Hearing dudes speak in any dialect means nothing to me, but a good "Nolia" accent or any form of patois spoken by a woman will make my ears perk up like a German shepherd.

Okay, those are seven new things that I've shared about me. I will now pass this award on to three people to do the same:

Cari from Bubble Gum On My Shoe
Christina from Solitary Mama
Marjorie from Don't Call Me Marge

Now, ladies, if listing seven things about yourself is simply not your thing, ladies, then feel free to just accept the award and keep it at that. I just wanted to let you know that your blogs are definitely appreciated!

Do As I Say

Thanks to Vinny C for being the first person to see the light and recognize that I need to be in charge of the world. Ironically, in order for me to rule the world, I have to list three things that I would enforce once I take control of all of your lives. Who forces an overlord to make a list? Sheesh.

Anyway, here are the three things that will change in this world as proclaimed by the new, all-powerful, Q:

1) Congress will be limited to one four-year term. I'm so sick of these career politicians robbing the country. Sure, there may be a handful of honest politicians, but for the most part, they have more interest in being re-elected than making the country a better place. If there is no re-election option, then maybe people who ran for office would actually do so to help.

2) All reality shows will be on one channel. I'm so sick of hitting the guide button on my DirecTV remote and seeing it littered with reality show garbage. "Basketball Wives," "Baseball Wives," "Keeping up with the Kardashians," "Hillbilly Hand Fishin'," etc., etc. There's a new reality show debuting every month it seems. Place it on one channel so I can have some quality programming on the others. Besides, the only reality show allowed on TV should be the one I created with the help of some of my blogging friends.

3) Jails will return to being a place that criminals do not want to go. No more luxuries in jail whatsoever. Just put me in charge and I'll have people trembling at the idea of prison. Prisoners will now grow their own food. No more mooching off of the tax payers and no more kick backs to these privatized prisons. The only television allowed will only show two channels: Headline News and PBS. Let those idiots learn something for a change while in jail.

Those are the first three things that come to mind that I will install during my reign as overlord. Now, here comes something else Vinny wants me to do although I don't like it: I have to share my power with five people. Huh? So, are they like "underlords" serving under me or something? I can't be the end-all, be-all if I have to bestow power on five others, can I?

Then again, I guess Vinny was nice enough to share his power with me. Maybe we can take different parts of the world and run them together. I'll take Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama. They'll need someone who knows the area to give them the tough love that they need.

Anyhoo, let me list the five people who I would trust with this great power of running things on this great planet of ours:

the Tsaritsa - I'm guessing it'll be karaoke-related
The Chocolate Knot - Whatever she chooses, I know it'll be smart
Mooner Johnson - This will be a must-read regardless of what comes to his mind
According to Jewels - Something sexual or alcohol-related, maybe?
Thoughts of a Randomista - I wonder what ideas she'll come up with for this?

In the words of Harvey Korman in "Blazing Saddles," "Now go do... that voodoo... that YOU do... SO WELL!!!!"

And props to MelanieD for being Follower #125!

BILF & Cookies?

Okay, there are no cookies involved this time. It's been a while, but I've received another blogging award! It's by far the most unique award I've ever received and it appears that a previous post of mine sparked the idea. My east coast buddy, Jewels, from the forever-entertaining According to Jewels blog site, came up with the idea. Brandon from My Own Private Idaho encouraged her (some how, you knew he was involved, didn't you?) and Jewels ran with the idea.

I wound up being the first recipient of this illustrious award! I'm honored and I'll be truthful with you when I say that my chest is stuck out a little farther than normal today after receiving this award. Every man wants to say, "I still got it!"

But, here's dilemma #1: as a married man, I have to be careful of how I pass this award along. I can't be too descriptive in why I think some woman deserves this award. Also, I don't want to creep the person out by giving them this award. It would give an entirely new meaning to "blog stalking." So, ladies, I want you to accept this award and realize that it comes from a good place. No, not that place, but from a platonic if-I-were-single-and-lived-in-your-city-then-I-would-totally-hit-on-you place.

Dilemma #2: Brandon already gave this award to two BILF's that were high on my list in Annah and TOAR. Annah's blog was the first I ever read and TOAR and I disagree with each other so much, that it's no doubt we'd totally have explosive, angry, neighbor-waking... whoops. Sorry. You see? This is the trouble I was trying to avoid, so let me just give out the award to the five people before I find myself homeless:

The Tsaritsa - She's open-minded, intelligent and comfortable in front of a camera. 'Nuff said.

The Reckmonster - Feisty and eats gumbo for breakfast. Marriage material.

AllieOopsie - Like Jewels, Allie is expressive and won't shy away from any topic.

Maneater - If the name frightens you, then you're just a boy.

Ms. Manhood - Her blog can educate you on relationships and sex. What man wouldn't want to be her naughty student?

Congrats on the award and I hope that you all don't unfollow me because of it. LOL! Pass it on and have fun with it!


And follow #JewelsTurning30 on Twitter!




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The Elite Tweet

I've been more into Twitter than Facebook over the past couple of months. Twitter is short, sweet and complete and gets right to the point. I like that. Now, I follow roughly 60 people and quite a few of them are bloggers. Some of them are very entertaining and even cause me to laugh out loud in public while reading their tweets. Others have very enlightening tweets that make you think. Give these eight a try and tell me what you think!

This award goes to the following people:

@jillsmo, @TheKrayze1, @ManWifeDog, @ALollipopWorld, @EmDottie, @BeauTAILful7, @maneatersblog and @meetjuliet!

Feel free to add this to your blog sites!

Follow them! You will not be disappointed!

Who Are You Calling "Psycho?"

I wanted to take a break in the E8 action for a bit to thank my man over at Squatlo Rant for giving me The Psycho Carnival Award For Originality!

I've had it for a few of weeks now, but with this blogger tourney going on, I haven't had a chance to acknowledge and thank him for it. In fact, once I finish this tourney, I may take a blogcation for a bit and see if The Mrs. still remembers me. Don't worry though, I still have a few posts to tie you over while I'm gone. :)

When I first started blogging, it was politically-motivated. Rush Limbaugh said something to piss me off and my first blog post was born. Over time, my blog became a reflection of me. I'm very diverse and although I'm not an expert at anything, I try to know a little something about everything. I pride myself of being able to have a fun conversation with an 18-year old about Nicki Minaj or have a serious conversation with an 88 year old about the evolution of family structure. My versatility gives me the range that allows me to show contempt at how Corporate America preys on us yet show a vulnerable side of myself being caught in a compromising situation.

Anyway, let me step off the soapbox a sec. Squatlo gave the award to me on the condition that I publish a picture of myself and give the award to three other deserving bloggers. I've decided to bestow this award on three bloggers. Two of them I've just recently started following:

This "half-American and half-crazy" Filipino piece of dynamite has blown me away with her rants. She can make you laugh and make you think in the same sentence. Now that's talent! Check her out here! This award goes out to you, Michelle!

Wanna hear the truth? Then you definitely need to check out The Writing Assassin. This young lady reveals the world through her eyes and exposes a lot of hard truths. I think any woman would learn from this blog and any man can appreciate the talent she types with each click of her keyboard. Check her out here! This award goes out to you, Tameka!

This last recipient I've followed on Twitter for a minute, but recently got deep into her blogosphere during the 1st Annual Thank, Q for Bloggers Tournament (hey, it's my site, I can plug it whenever I choose). This site asks questions that some people are afraid to broach. EmDottie is a site where the author speaks her mind, so if you're offended by tweets like, "Fat men are so unattractive. . . No offense..." then this site isn't for you.

Luckily for me, I'm married and don't have to worry about being rejected by her for having some extra lbs. around my mid-section. LOL! Besides, blogging is all about free speech and opinions. Remember that the next time you get ready to comment on someone's site. Check her out here! This award goes out to you, Mone't for actually saying what other people only think!

So, just like I did, you ladies will have to pass this on to three other people that are worthy. Oh, I almost forgot! The photo that I have to include for being presented this award baffled me for the longest. What photo should I place here for my followers to see? For the most part, you've seen my ugly mug in a few posts here and there, but if you want to see me, then you have to earn it. Click here. While you're at it, you might as well go ahead and "Like" my FB page while you're there.

LOL! Marketing myself = "Duh, winning!"

Sonia is probably so proud of me right now. :)

For those of you who are lazy and without Facebook accounts (believe me, people like that actually exist), then here's a little something...



(Just keep scrolling until your hand gets tired...)






































(Just a little further...)

Diego Maradona better be glad I was only 10 when he won the World Cup or his career may have finished differently.

Smashing!

Who would have thought that I'd have back-to-back posts with "smash" in the title?

I got another blog award! The Smashing Blog Award was given to me by blogger-in-crime, Israel Carrasco, of the hilarious "Israel Carrasco Monologue Jokes" blog. He's full of one-liners, funny videos, and plenty of observations.



Thanks, Iz, I truly appreciate the award. I hope I can be like you and get over 100 followers some day. Hopefully, before the year is out.