Get Ready for Kimye!



Move over, Bey/Jay... there's a new baby coming to town!

What better way to close out 2012 and enter into 2013 than the announcement of a royal pregnancy!  No, not those people overseas, but our local royalty here in the states!  We don't do the fancy titles and pompous stuff here.  A sex tape and a rap album will put you on Mount Rushmore in the states these days!  So, without further ado, I present to you: Kanye West and Kim Kardashian!

Now, now, just wait.  Hold on.  I know some of you are frowned up and you think that I'm being facetious.  And in a way, I am mostly, but also in a way, I'm not.  You see, royalty is in the eye of the beholder idiot fan.  Some of us treat athletes as royalty.  Some of us treat actors as royalty.  So, why can't a socialite and rapper be included as well?  After all, all of the above walk on red carpets like kings and queens, don't they?  They have high-level security and have people following them, 24/7, looking for a photo op.  Sounds like royalty to me!

Kim is rumored to be 3 months pregnant with Kanye's seed.  So, I'm guessing that she's known about the pregnancy for a while.  But, what better time to release the news than when everyone in the world, who isnt' partying or drunk (and some who are), will be tuned into TV to see the "ball drop" for the New Year?  And what story will lead each show tonight?

"Get Ready for Kimye in 2013!"

This is marketing gold!  This is bigger than the season finale of "Scandal" and it will be much bigger than anything Jay-Z and Beyonce' could have ever imagined for their child.

Wait, wait, wait.  Okay, there you go giving me the side-eye again.  You're thinking, "Q, you act as if these people planned this."

Uh, yeah, pretty much.  Look, I'm skeptical by nature.  The reason is: a majority of the people that are on TV or radio are trying to pull the wool over my eyes.  Shows are passing themselves off as reality when it's a known fact that many are scripted (yeah, I'm talking to you, Tru TV).  "News" media outlets are passing opinions and assumptions as facts.  So, why should I believe that a rapper at the top of his game along with the hottest body in America (who's still legally married) isn't doing the same with this announcement?

Personally, I don't care that Kim is pregnant.  I hope that she has a happy and healthy, bouncing baby boy or girl, but it has no bearing on my life.  In fact, I'm not coming down on her or Kanye at all.  I think they're geniuses, or at least surround themselves with them.  We'll hear potential, stupid baby names all night on New Year's Eve and a few months from now, people will be guessing the baby's gender.  Maybe that can be centered around some upcoming awards show in the Spring or something.  You know it just won't be revealed on a Tuesday afternoon on some peron's Tumblr site.  Some huge event will be going on when that's revealed, I'm sure.

So, congratulations to Kim Kardashian and Kanye West on their child!  Maybe you come up with a creative name, trademark it and add millions to your millions!  I do hope that he or she will at least get their talent from their dad's side of the family. 

So, Kim and Kanye sitting in a tree... Business decision or just a couple in love who coincidentally revealed it around New Year's?



"That's a nice blog post Q made for us, huh?  Just look at it!"

Blow Bill. Book Deal.

"Hey, Hillary!  Hey, girl!"

She's baaaaacccckkk! After 14 years, Monica Lewinsky, everyone's favorite White House intern has returned! Well, by "everyone," I mean men.

She's reportedly received a $12 million deal to tell how she and President Bill Clinton "got it on" under the nose of Hillary Clinton in the White House. 

According to the Huffington Post, a friend of Monica's said, "She has been through enough already and all this happened 14 years ago. She has put it behind her and moved on with her life."

O_o 

Choke yourself, fool. If she was past it, then she wouldn't be releasing a book on how she she gave oral in the Oval.  I can't stand when someone makes such an idiotic statement in an attempt to protect someone who doesn't deserve it.

Yes, I said that she doesn't deserve it.  Although I never thought that Monica Lewinsky was attempting to gain fame back in 1998, she was still a bad person for what she did.  Sure, she was only 21 years old when she was "taken advantage of," but even 16 year olds understand the concept of being a "side piece."  She knew exactly what and who she was doing when she did Bill.  Back then, I honestly thought that her intention was to steal Bill from Hillary.  So, because of that, I never thought she was anything other than a jaded lover.  However, the money she's made from spreading the news on her and Bill with interviews and now a new book qualifies her as a whore.

Whore (noun): a woman who engages in promiscuous sexual intercourse, usually for money.

The fact that Dictionary.com defines it as "a woman" may be a little sexist.  LOL!  But, I digress.  Now, before any of you fix your mouth to say, "But, Q, Bill cheated.  Why aren't you chastising him?"

Because Bill didn't use this story to elevate his social status in the world.  He was already the President of the U.S. and a well-documented cheat.  He didn't sleep with Monica to get paid, he slept with her to get his rocks off.  That doesn't make him a good guy, but it doesn't make him a hooker either.

Monica flipped this into interviews, books and even had a TV show shortly after the scandal went public.  Only in America can you be a mistress, gold digger or low-budget porn star and get treated like a hero or role model.

Monica was the blueprint for many famous people that we see on TV now.  Kim Kardashian, Amy Fisher and quite a few others went from scandal to household name.  She took what most people, from before my generation, would have been ashamed to admit and turned it into fame and fortune.  Do you remember way back in the day when people used to cheat and actually tried to hide it?  Yeah, those were the good ol' days, huh?  Now, not only will someone steal your significant other from you, they will email the photos/videos of it to you as well.  There's no self-respect now.

Monica will make plenty of money once she releases her book.  I do think that people are still nosy enough to want to know about how Bill and her "got down."  They'll want to hear if he said anything negative about Hillary.  They'll want to hear how Monica, keeping that nasty, stained dress, was simply keeping a memento of the man that she loved and that it wasn't "insurance."  Miss Lewinsky just wants you to understand where her state of mind was back in the late '90's.  She wants to convince the public that she didn't go into the relationship thinking "blow Bill, book deal."  She's not interested at all in being a household name at all, right?

When it's all said and done, remember that you can't spell "household" name without the "ho."

"Like this, right, Monica?"

Oh, Please Let This Be True!

Any resemblance?

Okay, so by now you may have heard the rumors that Khloe Kardashian was fathered by "The Juice!" That's right. The man who cannot keep his name out of the news despite being only four years into a 33 year jail sentence: Orenthal James Simpson! Oh, please let this be true!

Why am I so excited about the possibility of O.J. Simpson being Khloe's father? Because THIS is reality TV. Although it's just a rumor, isn't this the type of thing that these reality shows portray in their shows? The Maury Povich type of plots that are scripted happen to occur on these shows that causes you to tune in the following week?

The story originated with two of the ex-wives of the late Robert Kardashian. Of course, Khloe denies it (can you blame her?) and said that the rumor is "laughable." A source told The National Enquirer (which is about as reputable as a hooker facing a 3rd strike) that Robert Kardashian acknowledged that he wasn't having sex with his then wife, Kris Jenner, when Khloe was conceived. O.J. also bragged about fathering a millionaire's love child, but never came clean on who because of the possible backlash ruining his endorsements. Endorsements he would later lose after killing two people... allegedly.

In the meantime, Khloe will stick to her guns and not address the allegations. Of course, a DNA test would solve everything, but she'll never take one. The possibility of her being a Simpson probably causes her to cry herself to sleep every night.

"Do I look like a killer?"

#Kardashian Influence

Kris Humphries was voted the most hated person in the NBA by Forbes magazine. For those who don't follow the NBA, Kris Humphries is about as relevant in basketball as a pair of cleats. He wasn't voted most disliked for anything he's ever done on the court, but for what he did off the court:

Marrying Kim Kardashian.

When I saw the survey results, I was surprised. Here I am thinking that the survey was completely basketball-related and it was quite the opposite. Pop Culture influenced these results. Outside of the state of New Jersey, I doubt 1 in 250 people knew who Kris was prior to him dating Kim.

I have to give the Kardashians credit for completely embedding themselves into the lives of millions of people in the country. What started as a sex tape has turned into a multi-million dollar industry. Everything they touch turns to gold which is why guys seem to flock to them.

Guess who else made the list? Lamar Odom. One of the most liked guys on the court is one of the most disliked off of it. Why? You guessed it! He also married a Kardashian. I can't remember if it's Khloe or Kourtney, but she's the one who looks like a white Wendy Williams. "How you doing?"

I could care less about Khloe and Kourtney because they're just accessories. Kim is the main course and drives the money train. Now that she's attempting to get an annulment from Kris, I'm sure she'll move on to another high profile athlete or celebrity to keep the ball rolling. And who can blame her? In a country where ignorance trends on Twitter, can you blame her for cashing in on the country's inability to care about something worthwhile?

As for Kris Humphries, milk this for all you can, dude. You'll make more off of Kim then you'll make in the NBA unless you step your game up a bit. She's a walking cash register with a big booty, so as long as you can get your face on some episodes of her show, then do so. In fact, if I were you, I'd be talking to E! about a Kris Humphries Show to tell your side of the story.

Use that Kardashian influence to collect a few more pay checks. Happy New Year, everyone!




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#Tebowing? Seriously?

I'm sorry, but I have to play the role of angry black man for a post.

If you haven't heard by now, then you will soon. There's a new craze taking the sports world by storm: Tebowing! Here's the definition of Tebowing: (verb) to get down on a knee and start praying, even if everyone else around you is doing something completely different.

I didn't make that up. I took that definition from a website.

Aaron Rodgers of the champion Green Bay Packers has a move that he does when he scores a touchdown. He does an impersonation of someone putting on a championship belt a la boxing or wrestling. I've seen countless stories done on this craze on ESPN and FOX Sports.

It's caught on like mad since last season with all of the exposure it gets.

Okay, non-sports topic. Kim Kardashian is praised for her butt. She released a sex tape with loser, Ray J, some years ago and her butt has been all over TV, websites and magazines ever since. She is extremely curvy and has even been credited with the influence of Booty Pop Pads. Even though J-Lo ignited the craze, Kim K. was the gasoline that set it ablaze and turned it into an inferno. Now booty is something that people are actually paying money for to have surgically implanted for those who weren't blessed with the bump at birth.





(Insert angry black man here)
Are you kidding me? Why is it a trend now? Why is it that things black people either did first or have done for years are being hyped when someone white does it?

Tebowing Kneeling after a touchdown was done before the invention of the internet. Tebowing? Seriously? Players have been doing this for as long as I can remember, but now it has a name? And why isn't it just called "praying?"

Way before Tebow

As for Aaron Rodgers' championship belt move... Are you kidding me? Freddie Mitchell, who played for the Philadelphia Eagles, was doing this back in 2004 and he's one of many. Why is it such a big deal now? Mitchell made the mock championship belt famous while Rodgers was still a junior in college.

Way before Rodgers

And don't get me started on K.K.'s booty. Black women have had "apple bottoms" since man first walked the earth and now all of a sudden it's attractive? After years of seeing women resembling the letter "I" on my TV and on magazine covers now it's in vogue to be shaped like an "8?"

I just wanted to add her photo because she's fine, but, yes, before K.K.

These type of things have been going on since before I was born. Back in the '70's The Jackson 5 got their own cartoon while the Osmonds got their own cartoon, TV show and movie. Rap was a predominant black genre for decades, but Eminem has won more Grammys in the last 10 years than any black rapper has from 1979 to now. In fact, it takes rap legends Jay-Z, Kanye West and L.L. Cool J. combined just to have more nominations than Eminem. That's over 60 years of rap experience combined to just to beat one man.

Do you see where I'm going with this now? Look, I don't want to discredit any of the people listed above. Tim Tebow has the heart of a champion. Aaron Rodgers is the best quarterback in the NFL right now. Kim Kardashian is one of the finest women on the planet. (I have no comment on the Osmonds -- LOL!) Eminem is one of my favorite all-time rappers. Not once did I say weren't worthy of being great.

The point I want to leave everyone with is that I wish the mainstream media would not act like black people who came before them (doing what they did) don't exist. Don't hype one without hyping them all. Enough of this Columbus Day syndrome and giving people credit for discovering something that was already here.





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Royal Pain

There's a wedding happening across the pond? Do you care? Should you care?

I remember when Princess Di and Prince Charles did their thing back in the 80's. As a kid, it seemed cool to see a Disney movie come to life. I didn't know the significance of it nor how it affected me. But, it was still something I felt as if I needed to see.

25+ years later, I still don't know the significance of this "Royal Wedding." What I do know is that there will be specials all over the television and tons of online coverage. I've been told that I should appreciate the history and culture involved in the way the British monarchy works. I get that, but, I can't get with two people who are getting the "royal treatment" (pun intended) just because one of them is related to someone.

Is that why we love Paris Hilton? Is it because her dad was "somebody" then she is, too?  Kim Kardashian is the "Princess of Beverly Hills" because her dad won some high-profile court cases and was friends with O.J.? These ladies aren't royalty, they're royal pains. But, they've gained status as an elite here in the states for what their parents did. England has "princesses," we have "socialites." I think things are a bit backwards in the media.

Parents should be praised for raising a successful child. Children should not be praised for having successful parents.

So, I wish Kate Middleton and Prince William the best in their marriage, but, I don't think I'll be watching. I guess the one thing I can take from this is that it's been a long time since the U.S. has cared about something going on in another country that didn't involve an oil field.

Okay, it's up to you to convince me that this wedding should mean something to me... Go!

Charlie Sheen and Snooki Polizzi Get Married

Okay, no, they really didn't get married, but if they did, how huge would it be?  As much as I hate reality TV and how TMZ makes D-list "celebrities" into stars, I think Charlie and the Snookster need to get with me on this money-making opportunity!

Let's be honest, TV determines what we like and dislike.  Stupid, right?  Well, welcome to America: where most of us get our instructions from the boob tube!  Anyway, since we know this fact (and I challenge anyone to prove otherwise about TV thinking for us), let's continue to do even more manufacturing of a news story, shall we?

Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi gained her fame by being a reality show participant on the now-famous "Jersey Shore."  Snooki, who is actually Chilean, but raised by Italian-American parents who adopted her, has gone from a no-name to a best-selling author and TV personality.  She gained her status through being argumentative, disrespectful, a drunk, and whoreish.  Any one of those qualities can get you 15 minutes of fame in today's society, but if you pull off all four, then you're a bonafide star!

Charlie Sheen, born Carlos Estevez, has turned a so-so acting career into a huge money with "Two and A Half Men."  A show that I've only watched once or twice, but it was a Top 25 show each week with the Nielsen Ratings.  "Chuck" Sheen made over $1.25 million dollars per episode of that show.  Per episode!  To celebrate, he did more hookers and blow than Keith Richards in his prime or Simon Adebisi on a work-release from "Oz."

So, why not put them together as a couple and let the cash roll in?  Charlie, Snooki, get with me and I'll make you some serious cash!  First you two need a couples' nickname a la "Bradgelina."  I'm thinking something simple like "Charlie Shore" or "Jersey Sheen."  Then you can release a sex tape showing how a Treasure Troll and a warlock get down (Bow-chicka-wow-wow).  Finally, you can spring your love child on the world!  Can you imagine how much magazines will pay for photos of Snooki and Charlie's child?

Introducing Snooki Charline Sheen - Age 3

Snooki Charline Sheen - Age 20

Think of the headlines: "No Class meets Shot Glass."  "A Bag of Snacks meets a Bag of Smack."  "Tan Lines meets Coke Lines."  Duh, winning!

Afterwards, I can work with Paula Abdul / Simon Cowell (their love child will be an air-head that wears tight shirts) and Kim Kardashian / Donald Trump (that child be will all booty and hairpiece).




What two TV personalities would you match in order to get America's tiger's blood racing?

How to Get Famous 301

In 2010, it is not about if you're talented or not. It's all about if you are memorable.

Society has set the stage for us to find our way onto someone's flat screen! Will you do something so mind-numbingly stupid that people will remember you and want to see more of you?

How to Get Famous 301 starts now!

Reality show contestant

Gotta love reality TV. Mindless, manufactured drama which costs the broadcasters very little and doesn't require its viewers to do much thinking.



These people recognize their opportunities. They know that if they can act a big enough fool, that they will get their 15 minutes of fame and maybe even more.

Now, there's nothing "real" about a reality show. When's the last time you went to someone's house and they had 15 people living in it of different gender, race and/or sexual orientation? Mix in nightly trips to the bar with people of the opposite (or sometimes same) sex coming on to you with alcohol-induced flirting and you have instant drama! When you put people in that type of living arrangement, then something is bound to pop off.

That link is one of my favorite funny reality show clips, by the way. Anyhoo, I look at reality shows as a newer, sexier version of daytime soap operas. I remember being at work, a decade ago, and listening to women in the break room discussing "Y&R" or "All My Children". Now, when I enter the break room, it's all about Snooki (what's a "Snooki" anyway?), Nene or whoever. Snooki makes $30k per episode for being obnoxious and a drunk. Some of my readers probably do the same for free. LOL! Stop short-changing yourself! Get paid for those drunken rants you end up blogging about weekly! :)



There have been some talented and successful reality show contestants: Elizabeth Hasselbeck turned "Survivor" into a spot on "The View". Kelly Clarkson used "American Idol" to springboard into a successful music career. Kim Kardashian turned "ho-dom" into "stardom" (I'm sorry, but if you create and release a sex tape of yourself, you're a ho).

So, anyone can grace the cover of multiple magazines or home pages of websites. All you have to do is simply this:

a) Get a spot on a show .
b) Act the biggest donkey known to mankind.

Even a moron could do it! You could be the next big thing!

And when you do, don't forget to give me a shout for helping you learn how to get famous!

How To Get Famous 101

A few decades ago, it took talent to get on TV. Not only did you have to have acting skills in the days of Sammy Davis, Jr., Elvis or Fred Astaire in order to get on TV, but you also had to know how to sing and dance, too. Everyone on TV was the "complete package" when it came to truly being famous. That meant years and years (for some) of doing stand-up comedy in night clubs, or singing in bars or going on the road and performing in plays.


In 2010, it is not about if you're talented or not. It's all about if you are memorable . I don't know who won last season's "American Idol", but I remember the "Pants on the Ground" guy, Larry Platt.

Society has set the stage for us to find our way onto someone's flat screen! Will you do something so mind-numbingly stupid that people will remember you and want to see more of you?

How to Get Famous 101 starts now!

Sex Tape/Scandal

Monica Lewinsky, Paris Hilton, Ray J, Kim Kardashian are a few names that immediately come to mind when I mention sex tapes and scandals. Each of them were either the furthest thing from my mind or completely unknown to me before their tape/scandals put them on the map.

I had absolutely no idea who Kim Kardashian was before her sex tape. Aside from the fame generated from the sex tape, I really don't know what her accomplishments are in life. For that matter, the co-star of her tape, Ray J, was an extremely small-time R&B singer before the release of the flick. I simply knew him as "Brandy's brother" prior to its release.



Now, he is going into his 3rd season of his reality show "For The Love of Ray J". A show where actresses, er, uh, I mean contestants try to win his affection through whoreish tactics, er, uh... Scratch that. I mean, by spending quality time with him.

Kim K. is going into her 5th season of "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" which is about a family of losers spending their dead dad's money. And while I'm on the topic of Kim, if I hear one more white guy comment on her butt, I'm going to blow a gasket!

Black women have had booty for centuries and they have gone unnoticed. Now I have to hear my white friends go on and on about Kim's butt?

I'm going to give it to you straight because I'm a Life Referee: I can go to my local historically black university and see 25 Kim Kardashian booties from the time I park my car until the time I walk to the first dormitory. If you don't believe me, then you better ask someone. It's not to hate on Kim's shape because it's the one thing I've seen evidence of that she does well. Well, maybe one of two things. So, it's not her at all, but it is about the guys I deal with regularly who act like Kim and J-Lo invented round butts. Fail!



If Kim were black, she would be another curvy shape and not some "wide hips revolution". It may sound harsh, but it's true. Not to turn off any of my readers, but my blogs are real and I call it like I see it. Sorry about the tirade. My blogs are simply my thoughts put on-screen. What comes up, comes out.

Back to sex tapes/scandals. Monica Lewinsky turned her romps with Bubba Clinton into a TV show and a book deal. Only in America can a person turn from a ho to a household name.

Paris Hilton was the first person who I ever heard referred to as a "socialite". Dictionary.com says that a socialite is "a socially prominent person". My translation of that is "a person who shows up at parties and tries to get on camera every chance they can". Speaking of cameras, how can someone take a million different photos and have the same expression in each one of them?



When she released "One Night in Paris", she became an internet Google search sensation virtually overnight. She helped paved the way for many shameless people who "leak" sex tapes to get, for lack of a better word, exposure. Although Pam Anderson was the first one I remember, it was Paris who did it during the Digital Age which skyrocketed her popularity. Sorry, Pam. I hope "Dancing With The Stars" worked out for you.

Next topic: YouTube

Keeping Up With The Idiots (On TV)

I hate reality shows. I hate them like Lindsay Lohan hates rehab. Yet, I'm not only surrounded by reality shows, but I'm also surrounded by people who watch them.

Now, I will admit that I watched some reality shows back in the day when they were new. Years before they littered my TV guide on my DirecTV receiver. I watched "Real World: Hawaii" and wondered how in the world someone like Ruthie Alcaide (I wonder if she's related to Tiger) would ever live to the age of 30 at the rate she partied.



I watched Richard Hatch walk naked on an island and win a million dollars on the first "Survivor" and fail to report it for tax purposes later. I also watched Reuben Studdard win the second season of "American Idol" after the show changed the rules and allowed Clay Aiken to return after being eliminated.

So, I can honestly say that "I've tried". But no more. I can't bare to watch a season of anything deemed as a "reality show" other than "Cops". Because it didn't take me long at all to realize that they're far from real.

Now, back in the "Real World" days, reality shows felt real. The show was designed to take several young and volatile people and put them in close quarters. It's only natural, like lab rats, that something was going to "pop off" as Tanisha from "The Bad Girls Club" once yelled. It wasn't truly a "real life" situation, but the reactions to what was going on seemed genuine.

Today, things are a little different. The attitudes and confrontations aren't always (if ever) even slightly real. They're scripted. Manufactured just like the weave that all of the "Flava of Love" women wear.

Because of this, people now go on "A.I." and sing as horribly as they possibly can in an attempt to earn themselves 15 minutes of fame. Did Larry Platt really think that singing "Pants on the Ground" would get him to Hollywood? And why did "A.I." let a 60-something year old even participate on a show with an age limit? Because it was entertaining and that's all that matters. FOX doesn't care if the show comes off as real or not. They only want people to watch it and discuss it at work tomorrow.

That's why broadcasters use a new math when it comes to creating shows:

Attitude equals ratings: Omarosa Manigault or Tiffany "New York" Pollard
Controversy equals ratings: Kim Kardashian or Ray J
Sex appeal equals ratings: Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino or Parvati Shallow
Acting a fool equals ratings: Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi or (insert Real Housewife here)



The bottom line is: it doesn't have to be real for us to watch it. We watch it because it makes us feel better about ourselves. We watch it because we love to see other people with problems. Or, if you're like me, you watch "The Soup" for comedic effect.

But, what about the people who can't seem to separate entertainment from the real world? What about the people who clutter their bodies with tattoos because of what they see in a music video? What about the women who pose pigeon-toed/or do the peace sign and pouty lips in every Facebook photo because they saw it on TV first?




My parents taught me at an early age that TV wasn't real. I remember the day I found out wrestling was fake. I think I was about seven years old. It changed my perspective on it which eventually led to me to not watch it on a weekly basis as I once did. Sure, I can still watch a few minutes of it now and then because the sheer athleticism that some of those wrestlers have are amazing. But you won't see it in the Series Manager of my DVR. But, when I'm flipping channels and catch a glimpse of WWE, I see an arena filled with paying fans. All of them screaming for what a majority realize is fake. It makes me sit back and put things in perspective a bit. Why are they actively participating in something that everyone knows isn't real? Then it dawns on me:

One purpose of TV is to entertain, right? To take you away from your life and allow you to peek in on someone else's. Have I've forgotten that? Am I so cynical now that I can't even enjoy watching TV?

Maybe reality shows aren't just a cheap way for broadcasters to fill their time slots. And I do mean "cheap"! Snooki, one of the higher paid reality stars gets $30,000 per episode for "Jersey Shore" while Charlie Sheen, a real actor, now rakes in $1.8 million per episode for "Two and A Half Men". I guess if I owned a TV station and had a choice at those rates, I'd fill my line-up with reality shows, too!

Maybe I'm reading too much into the fact that reality shows are exploding on VH1 and MTV where my music videos used to reside. I guess as long as you're entertained, who cares if the show is real or not?

Give your opinion here!