Your Generation Doesn't Want A Relationship

Why are we fooling ourselves? A majority of people no longer desire to have the spouse, 3 kids, dog, and white picket fence any more. Because society no longer glorifies being married. Sure, we love weddings, but not marriages.

I'm a 70's baby and I think that my generation is the last who really care about being married. A ton of people my age have either tried it or wanted to, but 1980 and beyond, I'm not so sure.

• You want someone to do happy hour with you every now and then. 
• You want a plus one to social gatherings. 
• You want someone to text you "good morning" and "good night". 
• You want someone make small talk with via text when there's a break at work. 
• You want someone to contact to fill that intimacy void when you're lonely and in need of something physical.

But you don't want all of this at the same time. Or sometimes not even with the same person.

• You want to feel like you're in a relationship without actually being in a relationship. 
•  You don't want the commitment. 
• You don't want the pressure of remembering and shopping for anniversaries and birthdays. 
• You don't want the difficult conversations that come along with finding long-term compatibility. 
• You don't want the same person in your face every... single... day. 

How many times have we seen someone post on Facebook about how they've been single for "X" number of years?  "Why don't I have someone already?"

Because you haven't put in the effort. That "everyone is a winner" mentality you learned as a kid is the reason you're sitting around waiting on your participant trophy.

• You don't want to invest in a relationship, but you want to reap all of the benefits. 
• You don't want to make yourself a better candidate for someone to want you because you work harder on our Match.com profile than you do on your personality. 

 So, let's just admit it: you live in the generation that doesn't really want relationships.  You want something that is a bit relationship-ish.  Luckily for you, there's an app for that!

Online Dating is Window Shopping

Okay, so I broke down and did it.  After my unfortunate separation, I decided to try something different in regards to dating.  I decided to give online dating a try.

I went to Match.com and didn't like it.  I just didn't care for the site itself.  Sometimes you have to go through too much just to get started on some sites.  I understand that Match wants to find the best option out there for me, but people have answered less questions on government job interviews.

There was no way I was trying an adult site because I didn't want to deal with the unexpectedness.  Let's be honest: people who use adult online "dating" sites are a lot more full of surprises than the average person on a regular dating site.  I didn't need Mordacai showing up at my doorstep with a pink boa wrapped around his concealed Adam's apple.

So, I did the unexpected and tried BlackPeopleMeet.com.  I remember the first time I saw a commercial for this site I laughed until tears filled my eyes.  "What a stupid name!," I remembered thinking.

However, after perusing the site for a bit I realized that it may be pretty fun to try after all.  So, I signed up and decided to give it a whirl.  I figured that the worst case scenario would be a future blog post, so what the heck?  Try something new and give BPM a try.  Well, it was not what I expected.  At all...

First of all, there are a ton of profiles to view.  You can search any zip code for a wide range of people from certain height/size ranges to if they have kids or not.  Traditional categories, but they do a good job of laying it all out to pick and choose to narrow down selections.

I went through the Mississippi profiles and of course I immediately excluded those without photos.  Although I recognize that some people want to get to know you before revealing if they look like the Crypt Keeper or that random chance maybe a Halle Berry, but most people hate spending time getting to know someone only to not be attracted when meeting.  That's a huge letdown.  I don't know of too many people who said that Mr. Snuffleagus was such a nice guy that I dated him anyway.

However, all I found myself doing whenever I logged on was browsing photos.  Headshot after headshot after headshot.  Was I looking for a date or looking for a suspect?  It was hard to tell after awhile.  The site gives you so much to see yet you really don't get much of a return on your investment of time.

You may search 100 profiles and find 20 that you like.  You will probably message about five of them depending on your assertiveness.  If you're lucky, three of them will visit your profile and at least look at it, but only one may actually reply with a message.  And that message may generally be a sentence less than seven words in most cases.

Well, I was diligent.  In my time using BPM, I sent exactly 100 messages to dating prospects.  Most of them were in my homestate, but I did try a few in some major cities in neighboring states.  Out of all of them, I received 87 views to my profile.  Out of those views, I received 42 messages.  Out of those 42 messages, I received 19 worthy of a reply.  Out of those 19 replies, I actually got decent conversation from five people.  From those five people, I actually got phone numbers and met with three.

When I decided to leave the BPM alone I just didn't feel that the amount of time I spent messaging people was worth getting three serious replies.  Now, that could be saying something about ME -- LOL!  However, I'd like to think that some people just window shop when they online date.  In fact, I found myself doing the same.

I found myself clicking on photos of women located as far as Seattle, Washington on over to Providence, Rhode Island simply because they were attractive.  Although I knew that there wasn't much of a chance to find a love connection with someone 2,000 miles away I got distracted by shiny objects.

And after polling some people on my Facebook fan page afterwards, I realized that a lot of people just look at the pictures.  They want something that is going to catch their eye.  Unless you're a reader, which let's face it, is a dying art in this country, then you're not going to view a profile until after the photo gets your attention.

Ultimately, I would probably try online dating again if the urge hit me.  I would even consider BPM again although a friend, Ms. Manhood, swears by Match.com.  So, despite all of the questions and high cost, maybe I would give that a try if I ever did it again.

What happened with the three people that I met?  Well, that's a blog post for another day! ;)