Your Generation Doesn't Want A Relationship

Why are we fooling ourselves? A majority of people no longer desire to have the spouse, 3 kids, dog, and white picket fence any more. Because society no longer glorifies being married. Sure, we love weddings, but not marriages.

I'm a 70's baby and I think that my generation is the last who really care about being married. A ton of people my age have either tried it or wanted to, but 1980 and beyond, I'm not so sure.

• You want someone to do happy hour with you every now and then. 
• You want a plus one to social gatherings. 
• You want someone to text you "good morning" and "good night". 
• You want someone make small talk with via text when there's a break at work. 
• You want someone to contact to fill that intimacy void when you're lonely and in need of something physical.

But you don't want all of this at the same time. Or sometimes not even with the same person.

• You want to feel like you're in a relationship without actually being in a relationship. 
•  You don't want the commitment. 
• You don't want the pressure of remembering and shopping for anniversaries and birthdays. 
• You don't want the difficult conversations that come along with finding long-term compatibility. 
• You don't want the same person in your face every... single... day. 

How many times have we seen someone post on Facebook about how they've been single for "X" number of years?  "Why don't I have someone already?"

Because you haven't put in the effort. That "everyone is a winner" mentality you learned as a kid is the reason you're sitting around waiting on your participant trophy.

• You don't want to invest in a relationship, but you want to reap all of the benefits. 
• You don't want to make yourself a better candidate for someone to want you because you work harder on our Match.com profile than you do on your personality. 

 So, let's just admit it: you live in the generation that doesn't really want relationships.  You want something that is a bit relationship-ish.  Luckily for you, there's an app for that!

More Honey, Less Bee

A lot of time we get stuck in comfort. We get so familiar with a person that we tend to show more than what we should. Sometimes you can go from royalty to a peasant with just a few actions.

Now, over at The Chocolate Knot, Mrs. Maberry has already listed eight things for women not to do in a relationship. So, I figured I would piggy-back that with some traps for men to avoid (even though seven of those eight things she listed could apply to us as well. I'm sure you can figure out which one doesn't apply to us.)

I heard someone on a BlogTalkRadio show (Chloe Brainstorming) that used the phrase, "More honey, less bee." It basically means more of the sweet stuff and less of the bug behind it.

Men, we make our mark on women by our actions. We do things in the beginning of the relationship that captivate our mate. We give her the honey. It could be through flowers, dinner dates, foot rubs, or washing her car. Whatever the way, we're bombarding her with sweetness.

But naturally, over time, we decline in producing nectar. She starts to see more of that big-eyed bug walking around the hive and less honey in which to satisfy her cravings. It's easy for long-term couples to lose focus and forget what attracted their mate to them in the first place.

Treat each interaction as if it's your first date.
If you do that, then your significant other will have more honey than she can eat. Wanda Sykes once said that if a guy and his woman are sitting on the couch and he catches her looking upside his head for no reason, it's because she's thinking of the guy that she should have married instead of him. Don't give her second thoughts.

Treating each day like the first date will also prevent her from falling prey into any of those eight things that are mentioned at The Chocolate Knot. Sometimes, that lack of honey can even lead to her letting her guard down and becoming more like Peg Bundy or Mrs. Castanza instead of more like June Cleaver or Claire Huxtable. We fellas love to say, "she let herself go," but maybe we helped motivate her slothful behavior.

I won't lie and say it's easy. Everyone reaches a comfort zone. It's very difficult to maintain focus when every day is the same routine. Be different. Be out of character, but in a good way. If you're the same ol' "plain John" each day, then your wife may start paying more attention to the guy she runs into regularly at the grocery store and start to think about the fact you haven't been in a grocery store since you were single (guilty as charged). It doesn't mean it will lead to anything bad, but it does break down the image.

Men and women should all have an image of their significant other as the most perfect person in the world.
If you don't, then why are you with them? With every fart, act of selfishness, or any other rude act, that image breaks down even further until you're nothing more than friends who occasionally sleep together or worse, roommates.  That's how you go from royalty to a peasant.  You take away from being special.  You take away from being different from the others.

Don't allow your image to be broken down. Protect your brand.

My final thoughts to the ladies: Go to The Chocolate Knot and start crossing those things off of your list. Protect your brand and be the queen he thinks you are.

My final thoughts to guys: be the man she fell in love with originally. Be her knight in shining armor. Give her flowers for no reason. Cook her dinner. Tell her how nice she looks. Say that you love her.

(Memo to self: take my own advice)

Gotta go.

QOTD: Can You Say Coke Is Better If You've Never Had Pepsi?

Question(s) of the day: I think that everyone should experience multiple (more than two) relationships in their lives so that they can learn how to separate "the good" from "the bad".



You can't say Coke is better if you've never had a Pepsi, right?

People who find love in high school and go on to marry and stay married to that person are very rare. I know two couples who were each other's firsts and they are both happily married 20 years later. I have also recently encountered a young lady on TheBlogFrog.com who has dated her boyfriend since high school and they're each other's first and look to get married. But, I also know countless others from high school who tried and failed miserably by their mid-20's. They realized that they made a grown up decision without being a grown up.

So, it can work, but are the odds stacked against it?

If a teen-ager isn't mature enough to vote or drink, how can they possibly say I want to spend the rest of my life with my first boyfriend/girlfriend without experiencing another?

Do they look at other couples and use them as a measuring stick?

Are they able to be honest with themselves and know that they are satisfied with their mate?

Are they able to attend different colleges and feel secure that the other one is not being tempted by something new?

What's your take on this? Join the discussion here!