Let's start with the men. Why do we cheat? We cheat because of multiple reasons: We cheat because we want something different sexually. We cheat because our woman pissed us off that day. We cheat because of peer pressure. We cheat because our egos coerce us into wondering if we "still got it" or not.
However, we dudes get a pass. There aren't too many guys in the U.S. who believe that their woman would leave them if they got caught cheating. In fact, if I had to guess, I'd say that 8 out of 10 women would give him a second chance. That's not scientific. That's just my personal opinion.
What guy has an incentive to be loyal if he goes into a relationship thinking that he has "Get Out Of Jail Free" card?
Should guys cheat? No. Should women continue to take them back if they do? No. Once women stop that, then guys will slow down on the cheating.
As for the women, don't act like they don't cheat. They cheat almost as much as the guys do. At one point, women were very good at cheating, but now that's not the case in my opinion. From social media blunders to physical tells, a guy only has to open his eyes and be unbiased to see it.
But, women don't normally cheat for the same reason that men do. They usually cheat because they're looking to move on to someone that they think is better than what they have at home. Maybe the guys isn't exciting enough and she craves a little more pizazz. So, she'll go out and try to recruit something fresh and invigorating.
It's not uncommon for women to secure a new boo before dumping the old one. After all, who wants to be alone, right?
Pay close attention when I say this: do not trust anything that anyone says. Period.
People will woo you with words while their actions will drive a stake through your heart. Don't fall for it. Pay attention and if you find out that they're dishonest, then get out of the relationship cold turkey. Don't drag it out or pray that it gets better because it won't. You have no guarantees that a person will change, so why waste your time?
Actions will speak louder than words every time and these days I approach relationships with ear plugs and you should, too. Don't care what they say, but only what they do. Do they do what you say they're going to do? If they do, then the two of you should get along just fine. If they don't, then don't not waste time with them. Just push on like Flintstone. Because these folks are cheating out here in these streets.
Somewhat of a harsh reality. I'm not an authority on the matter, but I think life experiences and research for two books provide a bit of insight for me. I agree with your perspective on why men cheat, and although these ideas may not work for everyone, they may work for the majority. In a relationship, honesty regarding what you want is necessary. 1.)Tell your mate what you want intimately, and offer suggestions. From the female perspective, this is something most women over 30 should understand. As such, switch things up. No holds barred in a committed relationship. Change your hair or the way you "dress up" just for him. It provides an answer for the difference that is needed. 2.) Upset- agree to disagree on things you can't agree on. Never allow being upset to cause you to deprive your mate of intimacy. If you are doing it, then upset or not, he will think twice about cheating. 3.) Peer Pressure- Not sure what a woman can do to influence this one. 4.) Ego- Women should always make their mate feel as if he is the only man around. If you keep his ego inflated, then no one else has to. If he is your king, then he should be treated as such. This positions you to secure your throne as his queen.
ReplyDeleteFrom a woman's perspective, there is truth in your analysis on why we cheat. 1.) Greener Grass- sometimes. However, if this is the case, then there is something lacking in the relationship. Her mate is not giving her exactly what she needs. My ex-husband tried to compensate what was lacking in our marriage by making a big ticket item for me. His inability to provide what I needed emotionally during the loss of my grandparents could not be replaced with a car. 2.) More Pizazz- I think this goes hand in hand with #1. There is something lacking in the relationship and she is looking for more than he can provide. Honesty is the foundation. Tell him what you are in need of, and if he is unwilling to provide it, then rather than cheat, move on.
If the relationship is worth having, then having a conversation about needs must take place. A lot of the reasons cited by the author can be avoided with honesty. Know your worth and the worth of the relationship. If its not worthy of you then its time to move forward.
When people tell you what they want, who they want, and who they are--- BELIEVE THEM.
Very well said. There's nothing wrong with mixing it up for a guy as long as he's receptive to it. Agreeing to disagree is very important as well. It appears to be the hardest thing for some people to do. Peer pressure will only apply if he's unhappy and/or immature. Ego is the easiest thing to handle, but some ladies just don't get it. That's why strip clubs will never go out of business. Great stuff! I like what you put for women, too. Interesting!
DeleteI think an excerpt from my first book details it well. There are three cords to a successful relationship (naturally and biblical). Let's look at it from this perspective.
ReplyDeleteNaturally- Conversation, Intimacy, and Committment- You must be able to talk about anything openly, without judgment. You must provide what is needed for your spouse intimately. You both must be committed to the relationship and each other.
Biblically- Prayer, Covering, and Submission- Pray for one another. Provide a covering for one another. By providing what the other needs, you cover them from the temptation of cheating. Submission- Moreso for the married couples. Submission is a part of the original design for marriage. Don't get it twisted, I'm talking about submitting to the commitment you made before God.
Just my two cents.
Those two cents go a long way!
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