Chick Flicks Lie

Okay, so I'm seeing the "New Year's Eve" movie advertisement for the 70th time today. This movie features an appearance by pretty much everyone in the world who has ever acted. Pretty much everyone except Andrew Dice Clay has a part in this film.

Anyhoo, these movies draw tons of women to the theaters (along with the guys who are willing to sit through the movie to get into their pants). Well, I hate to be the one to break the bad news to all of you ladies, but you know that here at the Thank, Q site: "Some things just need to be said."

Chick flicks lie. They're modern-day fairytales that never come true. They sell a pipe dream about boy meets girl, boy loses girl and boy eventually finds girl and marries her. Well, relationships don't normally work like that. In real life, it's very uncommon to see a guy leave a woman at the altar to run to the woman he truly loves. Rich men don't save prostitutes off the street to show them a better life. A guy doesn't stop banging his sexy boss simply because he's attracted to an intern who's a better fit for him.

Wake up, ladies! It doesn't work like that. These films give false hope that romance still exists behind every corner. It doesn't. Romance isn't dead, but it's on life support. So, make sure you don't leave the theater all starry-eyed and waiting on some Matthew McConaughey to bump into you on a girls' night out with your homies, okay?

To be fair, I need to speak to the fellas, too. Guys, you have to stop thinking that the next woman you meet is going to be just as good as the hooker actress from the last porno you watched. We guys will watch these pornos and then try to figure out how we can get our girlfriend/wife to do some of the things we see in them. Get real, fellas! Stop thinking that life imitates porn! Every woman you date will not be Vanessa Del Rio or Jenna Jameson (sorry, but I don't know any other porn stars).

This could be your girl...  not!

Movies are fantasy. A lot of time, they show us the lives that we wish we could live. They sell a love story to the ladies that preserves hope that they'll actually find that Prince Charming. They can also sell a fantasy to us guys of a double-jointed woman who can suck a BB through a 50-foot garden hose. I have a former co-worker who claims to have watched "The Wedding Planner" over 50 times. She says that it gives her hope that true romance still exists.

Hmmmph. Well, I saw "The Transporter" for the third time the other day. It gives me hope that some day I'll be able to clear a room full of thugs with my martial arts moves.




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