Times Didn’t Change. People Did. And That’s the Problem.

“We live in different times now.”

That sentence gets tossed around like a moral hall pass. As if the calendar flipped and suddenly integrity expired. As if respect went out of style. As if accountability was a limited-time offer that quietly ended while everyone was distracted by trends, timelines, and hot takes.

Here’s the uncomfortable truth: time doesn’t change morals. People do.

Why have values disappeared?

Values aren’t seasonal. They don’t evolve because an algorithm shifted or because public opinion found a new favorite thing. Right and wrong don’t need software updates. The standard didn't change, but the willingness to live up to it has.

Integrity still matters. Respect still matters. Accountability still matters.

They matter when it’s inconvenient. They matter when it costs you social standing. They matter when nobody’s clapping.

Values have been replaced with "vibes". Vibes feel good. Values hold firm. Vibes shift with the room. Values stand on its own. 

What happened to accountability?

Accountability is another casualty of the “times have changed” excuse. Everyone demands it for others, but almost no one wants it for themselves. Mistakes are reframed as misunderstandings. Bad behavior gets rebranded as growth. Apologies come with excuses and a reminder that criticizing them is somehow worse than what they did.

That’s not accountability. That’s public relations.

Does respect still exist?

And respect? Respect now gets confused with agreement. If you disagree, you’re a “hater.” If you question someone's opinion/idea, you’re “toxic.” If you don’t clap on cue, you're side-eyed. Somewhere along the way, respecting people turned into obeying narratives.

Healthy societies don’t work like that. Neither do strong individuals.

Here's the truth: Your character shines the brightest when you have something to lose.

When standing on principle means standing alone. When telling the truth risks backlash. When doing the right thing doesn’t come with applause.

Times didn’t change morals. They just exposed who had them—and who was borrowing them.

I know that I'm sometimes too nostalgic for the past, but I am also realistic about the present. 

The Death of Accountability in Modern Dating

Somewhere between “you do you” and “I owe you nothing,” accountability died.

That’s right — we’ve managed to turn relationships into self-service stations. People walk in, take what they want emotionally, physically, or even financially, and walk out without so much as a “thank you” or “my bad.” And the wild part? Society cheers it on. We’ve convinced ourselves that “protecting our peace” gives us a free pass to treat others like disposable accessories.

We glorify independence so much that loyalty and responsibility have become optional. Everybody wants the benefits of commitment with none of the obligations. Folks want the title without the work, the intimacy without the vulnerability, and the attention without the accountability.

But here’s the thing: relationships don’t usually crumble because of incompatibility — they collapse because of inconsistency.

One day it’s “good morning, beautiful,” and the next it’s “I’ve been busy.” One week it’s deep conversations about the future; the next it’s unread messages and ghosting. People don’t get tired of love — they get tired of confusion.

If you say you want something real, you can’t keep operating like everything’s temporary. Real relationships require showing up even when it’s not convenient. That’s what separates adults from people just playing dress-up in grown-up bodies.

Good decision-making isn’t about doing what feels right in the moment — it’s about choosing what aligns with your values when it’s inconvenient. That’s called character, and it’s the rarest currency in the modern dating economy.

Don’t confuse freedom with selfishness. Freedom means you can choose — but it doesn’t mean your choices don’t have consequences. The strongest people aren’t the ones who move on the fastest; they’re the ones who stay consistent even when no one’s watching.

Accountability isn’t control — it’s commitment. And maybe, just maybe, if we brought that back into dating, love wouldn’t feel like a game we’re all pretending not to care about.

The Disrespect of Convenient Friendships

We live in an era where friendship has become a subscription service—you’re valuable only as long as you’re available. Once your “free trial” of usefulness expires, the check-ins stop, the calls fade, and suddenly people are “too busy.”

People love you when you’re useful—but forget you when you’re unavailable. That’s not friendship. That’s networking disguised as companionship. Too many relationships today are built on transactions—a favor here, some exposure there, or a little validation to feed the ego. 

But real friends don’t disappear when life gets inconvenient. They don’t need you to be “on” or accessible to prove your worth. Real friends check in just to see if you’re breathing, not because they need something. They defend you when you’re not in the room. They’re consistent even when the vibe isn’t convenient.

Here’s the thing: loyalty isn’t tested when it’s easy—it’s proven when it’s hard. When life gets busy, stressful, or messy, that’s when true friendship steps up. That’s when you find out who’s in it for you, and who’s in it for what you can do for them.

Convenience breeds counterfeit relationships. They look real on the surface, but when you pull back the layers, there’s no substance—just a history of favors and forgotten moments.

If someone only values you when it benefits them, that’s not friendship—that’s disrespect. Stop pouring consistency into people who only offer convenience.

Because the right people won’t make you question where you stand—they’ll show you.

Happy 55th birthday to my homie, "Buck Flash"!

Standards vs. Preferences: Knowing What Matters and What’s Just Nice to Have

Humans love treating dating like a trip to the hardware store. Say “standards” and suddenly people act like they’re choosing lumber. Say “preferences” and they start imagining paint colors for a house they don’t even own. Meanwhile everyone’s confused, frustrated, and single… but fiercely loyal to a checklist that’s never worked. 

Look at that split screen on the photo below. On one side: Kindness 🤝, Loyalty 🔒, Maturity 🧠. You know… qualities that decide whether someone makes your life peaceful or turns it into a group project from the ninth circle of chaos.

On the other: Height 📏, Hairline 💇‍♂️, Cosmetics 💄. The glamorous stuff folks swear is “non-negotiable” until someone amazing pops up and suddenly 5'8" doesn’t feel like a federal offense.

The problem isn’t having standards or preferences. It’s pretending the pretty stuff belongs in the same category as the important stuff. Kindness shapes your daily life. Loyalty shapes your future. Maturity keeps you sane. Hairlines… don’t. Not unless you’re planning to date a scalp. 

Somewhere along the way, people started confusing what matters with what’s just aesthetic icing on the cake. And that’s how you end up tossing out great partners while holding tight to a list that hasn’t delivered a single meaningful connection.

Time to fix the sorting error.

Your standards should protect your heart. Your preferences should decorate the experience. You can teach someone communication. You cannot teach them to sprout three more inches to meet your minimum height requirement. 

So take another look at that image: values on one side, vanity on the other. Decide which one is actually steering the ship. If the wrong half has been in charge, no wonder nothing sticks.

Rethink the checklist. Keep what matters. Let go of what doesn’t. Your dating life might finally stop feeling like a malfunctioning vending machine.