Sunday, October 10, 2010

Involved Ladies, Let Me Help You Out...

Ladies, most of you truly don't know how easy it is to satisfy a man. Sure, most of you have mothers who may have taught you that "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach", but things are different in today's world.

A lot of you with boyfriends/husbands knew the way at one time, but have either forgotten it or have chosen to ignore it. Involved ladies, let me help you out when it comes to easily keeping your man happy with you.

The way to a man's heart is through his ego. It's just that simple. That three letter word can be the difference between you having a happy man or a man who eventually grows tired of being around you.

If a man can't be uplifted by the woman he was willing to give up his single life for then his ego will be crushed and his happiness will slowly erode.

Let me give you an example of how a man can easily be separated from his woman emotionally:

John works 40+ hours a week as a salesperson. He's worked really hard to do well and sell his company's product. In his office, his co-workers really like and admire the work that he does and compliment him regularly on his performance.

John gets home from a good day at work and tells his wife, Tonya, about his day and how he sold more product than he has ever before. She says "that's great, honey" very dryly and quickly changes the subject to "what's for dinner?"

Now, this doesn't sound like much to most women who probably read that, but to the men who read it, it's something they've probably all experienced before. Even though it wasn't a huge bonus or promotion, John chose to come home and share a good work experience with Tonya and she blew it off as "no big deal".

Men always get stereotyped for not sharing, but sometimes when we share something that is important to us, if it's not important to you, it hurts. If you can't get enthusiastic about something that excites your mate, then why are you with him? If he's happy and it's not a big deal to you, then why would he continue to share anything with you?

Now, I'm going to show you how "bad" can turn to "worse": John gets back to work the next day and in walks Sasha. She's a curvy co-worker who is single and aggressive. "Great job with the extra sales, John", she starts. "I think you do such an excellent job."

Ladies, this is how relationships go wrong. It's not always about a man not getting sex at home like some of you have been trained to think. It's about a man not getting uplifted at home. If he has to leave home to find someone who appreciates his achievements, then that's sad. If his support and compliments come from outside of the place he lays his head at night, then his mind will eventually wander from that place.

Tonya didn't recognize the fact that John was seeking her approval when he mentioned his extra sales. He wanted to show the person he chose to spend his life with that he was excelling. Now that he hasn't received that support from home, do you know how much better Sasha looks at the moment now that she's given him the lift he was craving?

When a man's ego is crushed, he will always think that it is something wrong with him. It will plague him to no end that his girlfriend/wife isn't satisfied with his efforts. He'll feel less of a man.

When another woman comes along and decides to stroke his ego, then he will start to think that there's something wrong with his girlfriend/wife. At that point, he starts to look at her as a negative in his life instead of a positive.

All of this sounds so simple, yet it's very real. Many of you may not know, but you've probably already lost a man or two because of your failure to support his ego. Some of you put down your man without even realizing it.

A man can go out and do something nice for you and still wind up feeling crummy afterwards. He can actually regret doing something nice for the woman he loves.

Let's say Tonya always does the dishes every evening. She washes them and puts them away in the cabinet every single night. One evening, John decides to surprise Tonya and do the dishes so that she can relax. He washes them, but leaves them in the drain instead of drying and putting them in the cabinet.

Instead of Tonya being thankful for what he has done, her response is: "why did you wash the dishes and not put them up?"

I'm sure 99% of the ladies reading this is asking herself the same question: "Yeah, why didn't he?"

It doesn't matter that he didn't. He put forth an effort to make Tonya's evening easier yet she was unappreciative because he didn't make it easy enough for her.

Every man who's reading this now is smiling and thinking "Thank, God someone finally said this."

Let me flip the script for a moment: A woman could go outside, grab the lawn mower and proceed to mow only 25% of the yard. That man will brag about it to his friends that his girlfriend/wife made the effort to help him with yard work. He won't show displeasure for her not finishing it all. That's just not how the average man's mind works.

But, let a man only do 25% of one of his woman's chores and not only will she not appreciate the fact she only has 75% left, she will feel insulted by it.

If you want to run a man off, literally or emotionally, then keep doing this. Because I guarantee you that Sasha will appreciate every single, little thing that he does at the office.

Every sales strategy he provides. Every inside tip he shares. Every good joke he cracks. Everything he does well, she will remind him of how well he does it. She will show him the same admiration that you once showed him at the beginning of your relationship.

What happens after that point strictly depends on his character.

(For a different take on parts of this post from a woman's perspective, check out what was said over at Pish Posh! Involved Men: Women Need Appreciation


  1. Woop Woop I love this! I didn't learn how to do this from my mother...I learned this from a drunk uncle actually! He told me about the ego thing recently and I have been working it like crazy on my current BF!

    He's going through nursing school, and I ask him questions about what goes on in class and his grades. No matter what grade he makes, I applaude him like I'm his biggest fucking fan! He modestly brushes it off like its no big deal...but then again he ALWAYS comes back to tell me more!

    I still haven't gotten it all worked out yet. I just don't want him to get cocky and like other dudes I've ran into and run off to share the wondrfulness that is him! lol

  2. Good for you, Falen! It's nothing that has to be overdone by any means. It's just that the stereotypical married couple is a woman turning a man from a young stallion to that guy in the mall holding his wife's purse. That occurs when a woman tells a man what he does wrong more often than what he does right.

    Sadly, there are plenty of men who think they're worthless because they can't get their girlfriend/wife's praise. Eventually, he'll hate to be around her because she brings him down.

    Now, I'm not saying all marriages that have this dynamic is simply the fault of a woman. I'm just giving a man's perspective. I'm leaving the responsibility of one of you women to tell your side of the story.

  3. wowww everything you said is so on point!! i might have to share this for real. because i know so many ladies who are sorely confused about the realities of their situations. mm.

    who ARE you?! lol

    i'd love to respond to your blog post with one of mine own for the fellas but i have no clue where to begin. my mind is just blown away by this post right now!

  4. sssdawna, I truly appreciate the kind words and please feel free to share this with whoever needs a "hint".

    As for a response about the guys, I'd love to read one from you!

    Who am I? I'm just a life referee. I call it like I see it.

  5. Hi Quincy, you hit the button smack bang on the nose. This is so damn true it is scary. Thanks for sharing, I am sure a lot of girls will have a wake up call after reading this post.

    Thanks for dropping a line on my last post, I think we totally agree on the idea of what 'sexy' is.

    Hope your week is going to be great.

  6. Hi, Colin! Thanks for the kind words. I think although people portray relationships as difficult, but I don't think they have to be. I think if people stop being concerned about themselves, then the rest would come naturally. Then again, that's true in almost any type of relationship.

    Selfishness can destroy anything from a marriage to the economy. Sometimes a little support goes a long way to happiness. By no means am I giving guys a pass for not "getting the job done", but when it does get done, they should be praised with the same intensity they are scolded.

    And I think you're doing a great job on your page! I will definitely drop in to see what you've posted next!

  7. *** This blog has been updated with a testimony at the bottom...

  8. This isn't too far off my post "How to make your man feel like the man". Men aren't that hard to get...they really aren't. They want to be the hunter/protection/provider. They will try their best to support you emotionally but it's just not your thing most of the time. They will make sure your car is safe to drive, your house isn't falling apart, the bills are paid, the kids bike has air in the tires, the lawn is cut...etc. Appreciate it!! They show their love different ways and they need just as much emotional support and encouragement as we do but will never come out and bitch about it the way we do.

    IT'S NOT HARD, Ladies. He does good, tell him. He tries (even if it falls short) acknowledge it). He may not respond right after a hard day at work but the next day he hangs that shelf and organizes those cluttered pots in the kitchen...he's trying to lessen your stress and help...THANK him. All us ladies can drive a nail and turn a screwdriver...let him, tell him he'll do it better can he please do it...then make him feel like the man for doing so. It takes two extra minutes and means the world to him.

    I'm ranting--I'll stop. Well said, Q. Too many women get caught up in their stress and miss these signs. I don't. Maybe I've just answered the "why do men in relationships always want to cheat WITH me?" Wow...mind blown. Thanks for that. *walks away shaking head*

    1. Great comment. I can't think of anything to say behind that. Some feminist make not agree with that statement, but keeping a man happy isn't all that hard.

  9. Love this! Many women are completely misguided about this. Relationships are a give and take, just like women like compliments and an ego boost so do men. There's absolutely nothing wrong with telling your man how proud you are of him and what a manly man he is. Too many women "take take take" and don't give back like it's their right and privilege, well these are usually the women that end up alone. What makes mistresses so alluring is that they know how to make a man feel good in and out of the bedroom. Great post!

    1. Thanks, SDD! You're right. The take, take, take is what scares a lot of men when it comes to settling down. We wonder if the lady we're dating will change once she gets comfortable in the relationship. People (men and women) don't realize how much they change when comfort sets.

  10. *Standing Ovation* Truth! Plain, simple, sweet truth! More focus should be on stroking a man's ego than on any other part of his body! A sandwich and sex may show a man you care but words will show him respect. The higher you build up a man the stronger his loyalty to you. Love this post!!!! LOVE IT!

    1. (takes a bow) Thank you! Your last sentence is so spot-on! A man will be loyal to the woman who strengthens him.

  11. Great points you make here! There has to be more US in relationship building and less ME ME ME!!!


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