@RealEarthquake Had His Hands Full in Memphis

Comedian got more than he bargained for at a Memphis comedy club.

Okay, so last night, I'm at the Chuckle House Comedy Club in Cordova, TN.  It's a nice community just east of Memphis.  I've been there before and enjoyed myself immensely, so I took the time to return and see one of my favorite comedians, Earthquake.  It was my first time seeing him in person, so I was excited, but I had no idea that he wasn't the only "performance" I'd witness that night.

The crowd in that club was drunk beyond control!  My first (and probably last) time attending this place on a Friday night.

EQ is a vet, so he handled them like a pro, but I could tell that his patience was tested as he performed.  Let me lay out some things that happened:

Drunk white lady

You can barely see her on the left in the photo.  She was the catalyst to all of the heckling.  EQ interacts with the crowd during his set.  He'll speak to you or give you some dap just to show love to the audience.  Drunk white lady (and her race has something to do with the story) made a pass at EQ.  He essentially responded that although he could care less about people dating interracially, he prefers black women and had no interest in her.  DWL was offended by this.

Eventually, she stood up in front of the stage and started talking to her friend.  Her friend, who is black and had a big forehead (that's relevant, too), was trying to calm her down.  DWL drew the attention of EQ (because she's standing directly in front of him while he's performing) and he went in on her.  Big time!  Insult after insult.  Referring to her as "Becky" for the duration of the verbal assault.  This infuriated "Becky" who then slumped in her chair, arms folded, staring into space.

Black friend-girl with big forehead

The crowd is erupting in laughter as Earthquake is going in on "Becky".  Black friend girl with the big forehead (far right of photo) starts talking to EQ.  She decides that she wants to speak up for her friend and asked EQ for the microphone.  Seriously, BFGBF?  A comedian is going to give you the mic in the middle of a performance?  EQ starts to go in on her and how her eyebrows and hairline are in a civil war and that's why they are so far apart from one another.  Crowd goes wild with laughter again as he starts to go in on BFGBF.  However, during all of the laughing, there is this guy who starts barking.  Not like the old Arsenio Hall "woof, woof, woof", but a deep, hound dog kind of barking.

Que Dog

This guy is well-dressed and sitting directly in front of me.  That's his hat in the photo above.  For those who aren't aware of Que Dogs, they are members of a fraternity found mostly at black colleges/universities.  Omega Psi Phi has many popular members from Shaquille O'Neal to Michael Jordan.  Evidently, this guy, who was drunk, thought EQ would respond to his barks, which is something a lot of Que Dogs acknowledge with a return bark when they hear it.

Well, either EQ isn't a Que Dog or chose not to acknowledge it, because he ignored the barking the first few times it happened.  But, this guy wouldn't stop.  He was barking intermittently just like a hateful dog in your neighborhood who doesn't want you to get any sleep at night.  Every six seconds or so, this dude would bark.  It was the most annoying thing I've ever dealt with in public.  For the last 30 minutes of the show, this guy barked at random.  Even stood up at his table and asked EQ what he wanted to drink and the he would pay for it.

Conclusion

After awhile, EQ asked, "what is going on in Memphis, TN?"  He had a drunk white lady, big forehead black friend girl, a dog, a drunk dude with jheri curl in an Adidas track suit that I didn't mention, and a jealous boyfriend who wouldn't let EQ shake his girlfriend's hand, and a black lady who sat behind me who spewed racist hate at "Becky" all evening.  All of this in less than an hour.

Now, don't get me wrong.  It was an enjoyable show, but I truly wish that I could have heard all of it.  I don't think that EQ even got to do the last 15 minutes of his set because of the rowdiness of the crowd.  Even the bouncer had to get involved and threatened to throw people out.

I know that this blog post comes off erratic and random, and I'm sorry for that, but this is a case where you truly had to be there.  It would probably take me an hour just to lay out and explain all that I saw and heard last night.  EQ did his thing and handled the crowd masterfully and still made the night funny.  But, after this weekend, I don't think that he will ever come back to this venue in Memphis because he had his hands full.

New Year's Eve on Bourbon Street

Okay, so last night my cousin from Minnesota and I decided to roll down to New Orleans and spend NYE on Bourbon Street.  He wanted to experience something different and frankly so did I.  In 2013 I was asleep on my couch shortly after 11 PM.  I wanted to at least be awake and away from home this year.

Just to give you a bit of history, back in 1999 cuz and I decided to roll down to New Orleans that night to experience NYE during the Y2K hype.  I was 28 years old and unmarried at the time.  We arrived in NO shortly after midnight and walked up and down Bourbon Street a couple of times.  We were gone in three hours and back on the road to home.  To this day we don't know what prompted us to drive down in the first place, but we just did.  It was just something to do to say that we did it.

Fast forward 15 years later and we're at it again.  Much older, but just as determined to do something fun on NYE.  Now I'm 43 and unmarried.  So, since I'm not "boo'd up" why not get out of the house and do something fun?

Our trip on the way down was enjoyable because we listened to great music.  My cousin and I enjoy music differently than most people.  We both have a musical background and we listen to music instead of just hearing it.  Dissecting some of the intricacies of the music with someone who listens to music allows you to hear things you may have missed in a song.  We both enjoy isolating instruments and sounds that make up the song.  Each instrument plays a part in the total sound that we enjoy.  Time passed by quickly as we listened to everything from The Doobie Brothers to Maxwell during the three hour drive.

We arrived in NO at 11 PM and after walking six blocks we're on Bourbon Street by 1130 PM.  There were people everywhere!  Not just because it's NYE and Bourbon Street is a huge attraction, but also because the Sugar Bowl is being played on New Year's Day in the Superdome.  A lot of the people visiting the area are football fans of Ohio State and Alabama, the two competing colleges.

Despite the youth of the huge college crowd there were still plenty of people of all ages walking around with beads around their necks and adult beverages in their hands.  If you've never been on Bourbon Street on a holiday then I'll paint the picture for you: constant bumping and jostling from people who are sometimes shoulder-to-shoulder with you as you navigate through the crowd.  There's also the occasional jarring bump from drunk people who are having difficulty keeping their balance.  Sporadic nudity or extreme flirts from people who haven't a care in the world at the time.  The sounds of multiple genres of music emitting from each bar you pass every 20 feet.  There is so much to see and hear that it's really overwhelming to the senses.  The downside to all of the delightful distractions is that your safety can sometimes become secondary without you even knowing it.

It's so difficult to pay attention to every single thing going on around you that you sometimes forget that "people are people."  There are good ones and unfortunately, there are bad ones.  So, it's easy to accidentally be too close to a fight that breaks out, hit in the head with large beads being thrown from the balconies above, or stumbling over trash in the street and risking being trampled by the crowd.  If you decide to go for the first time then go with a group and make sure that you're watching out for one another.  My cousin and I are pretty big guys yet we still feel the need to watch over each other.  I can't imagine how some of the petite women that I saw last night made it from one bar to another.  Especially while drunk.

But, back to the NYE experience...  As the clock ticked down towards midnight you could hear the soundwave of people counting coming towards you.  By the time the clock was five seconds away the entire street was counting down in unison and Bourbon Street erupted (even more) as every person screamed "Happy New Year!"  I got a hug from an attractive, but too young for me, Alabama grad as we exchanged beads from each other's necks and made small talk.  But as quickly as the euphoria came, it left.  Everyone went back to doing the same things they always do on Bourbon Street.

Was that it?  Was NYE on Bourbon Street what I expected to be?

Actually, it was.  Hey, there's only so much you can do on a street filled with 5,000 drunks, right?  There wasn't an apple dropping from the sky or anything dramatic like that.  Just a bunch of people kissing and hugging in the street which is normal for Bourbon Street anyway.

What made the trip fun to me was hanging with my cousin and enjoying the sensory overload of Bourbon Street.  The eye candy, music, smell of good food, and more makes every trip to NO a memorable one.  Having someone special to share it with and a nearby hotel room would have made it even more memorable.  But, there's always next year, right?

Powdered Alcohol? #Palcohol

"Would you like a sprinkle of Cosmo with that, dear?"

Alcohol was a cool person's hobby at one time.  You can watch the classic movies and see the well-dressed man talking to a well-dressed woman at a bar.  He'd order her a drink and would light her cigarette.  The bartender would grab two bottles, mix the drinks into a glass and pour it "over the rocks."  The couple would sip their drinks and exchange numbers before he'd kiss her hand and call a cab for her.

That's how they got down in the 60's.  Fast-forward to 2014 and the scenario barely resembles itself.

A casually-dressed man talking to a casually-dressed woman at a bar.  He'd ask to buy her a drink, but he can't light a cigarette for her due to the no smoking ordinance.  The bartender would grab a Dasani bottled water and a Palcohol pack, mix the drink and powder into a glass and pour it "over the rocks."  The couple would sip their drinks and exchange Instagram Likes before he took her home, did her without a condom, and got her pregnant.

Wait.  Too much?

Anyway, I said all of that to talk about the new company called Palcohol.  Their newest contribution to society is powdered alcohol that comes in small packs.  Well, it's not necessarily new, but it is the first, to my knowledge, to be government-approved.  When you think about it, carrying "Kool-Aid packs" of vodka is a lot easier than a crate full of bottles.  This move that could take nightclubs by storm and save tons of money in shipping costs.

It also doesn't hurt that everything else is pretty much flavored now.  Flavored water, coffee, beer.  You name it and someone has added a spice or fruit to it.  This is the logical next step.  Some of the flavors include: Lemon Drop, Cosmopolitan, and Mojito.  It basically takes about 1/2 cup to equal one drink.  Just add water and stir.

Of course some idiot will probably snort the powder.  It will absorb immediately and will get them as high as giraffe booty, but I'm pretty sure it can harm you, too.  So, I would advise against it although I know there are minors waiting in line to try it as soon as the stuff is released in the stores.

Does mixing your martini with a swizzle stick take the "class" out of drinking for you?  After all, drinking is still a sophisticated act for some.  To most people in today's society it probably will not.  People don't necessarily drink to be cool any more.  They drink to get drunk.  They could care less if it's a bottle of Grey Goose poured into a classy glass or some powdered Mad Dog 20/20 mixed into a coffee thermos.

Does mixing your alcohol in a glass at the bar take the classiness out of drinking?

(VIDEO) Judge Joe Brown Caught Slippin'

Judge Joe Brown & Wife (photo credit)

Oh, Judge Joe, say it ain't so!  If you haven't heard by now, Judge Joe Brown was caught slippin' recently.  He was in Hollywood drinking on a few Bombay Sapphires when a guy with a camera thought it would be a great idea to interview him.

Unfortunately for JJB, he was clearly drunk.  Now, although JJB's show has been canceled for six months, the guy still has a reputation for being "old school" and for "taking care of business."  That reputation could have probably led to politics or public speaking if he wasn't interested in returning to your everyday courtroom again.

However, despite his right to have drinks and enjoy life, he put himself in a very vulnerable position.  This tends to happen to mostly everyone who drinks for more than just the taste.  He left himself wide open to be embarrassed in social media and on TV news gossip stations.

He constantly used profanity during the interview as he posed with some young, attractive ladies.  He even mentioned that he made as much as $20 million per year on his show.  I'm not sure if that's true or not, but if it is, then that must mean that Judge Judy is raking in $30 million per year because her show has kicked butt routinely for a decade now.

The one thing that I will say about JJB is that he's truly a man in love.  He bragged on his hot wife constantly during his slurred interview and he appeared to be very proud of her.  Ladies, any time a man is drunk and he can't stop talking about you, then that man definitely has some love in his heart.

JJB is someone I looked up to in regards to being a model TV personality.  I still think that he's that guy because we all make mistakes.  But, he put himself out there in the worst way.  He showed a side that the public didn't need to see.  We all have something, regardless if it's as innocent as having a few too many to getting busy in the bedroom, that makes us look different to people if the public sees it on camera.

Drinking alone in public is a bad idea if you don't know when to stop.  Someone sober should be around to prevent something like this from occurring.  Judge Joe Brown now has one more court appearance to make in his life: and it's in front of the court of public opinion.

Did Judge Joe Brown do this to himself or did the interviewer take advantage of his situation?

What Is Rape?

The topic of rape has really been in the news a lot as of late. Especially, given the recent case in Ohio with the two teen-aged boys who were convicted for raping a girl at a party. There are so many variations of rape and I don't think that a lot of people understand that.

Most think that rape is when a man hides in the bushes, jumps out, clubs a woman over the head and forcibly takes her.  Or maybe some creep puts something in a drink that renders a woman unconscious.  Those are definitely two examples of rape and should be punishable to the fullest extend of the law.

But, rape can come in a lot of forms.  However, with the other forms of rape, should there be a different approach to how they're tried in the court of law?

Date rape

Date rape is normally a he said, she said sort of deal.  A guy goes out with a woman and at some point they have sex.  The next morning, she calls the cops and he gets picked up for rape.  My question is: without physical evidence of forced sex, should it be that easy for a man to go to jail?

Now, I'm not saying that date rape doesn't occur because we all know that it does.  I'm just asking if a man should go to jail on a he said, she said argument?  Rape is difficult to prove, but if all it takes is a crying plaintiff and a sympathetic jury, then a lot of innocent men, who pissed a woman off, will land in jail.  It's safe to say that more innocent people are probably in jail for being falsely accused of rape than any other crime in the world.  Shouldn't we require more proof before potentially getting it wrong?  And why put the woman through a defense lawyer painting her as a whore if the only evidence is a her word against his?

Alcohol-influenced rape

This is going to upset some people, but some things just need to be said.  In the case of the Ohio teens who went to jail for raping a girl at a party, in some cases like this, does the victim actually have some culpability in the matter?  I know that's going to rub people the wrong way, but listen to why I ask the question:

If a woman gets drunk in a room filled with men, then she's definitely not asking to be raped.  I'm not saying that.  It's not smart, but it's still not an invitation to rape.  However, if the person is under-aged and the alleged assailants are as well, then isn't there some culpability there?  It doesn't make rape right, but should something similar to the "clean hands rule" apply?

An example of the "clean hands rule" is a drug dealer who takes someone to court for stealing his drug money.  If you come into court with "unclean hands," from an illegal act, then you can't reap the benefits of justice.

So, with that being said, if a minor gets drunk, then shouldn't they have some responsibility to bear if they fall prey to having naked photos taken and sexual contact by other minors?  I stress the word "some."  Wouldn't the illegal drinking be considered having unclean hands?

What if a woman and a man get drunk together and have sex, can he be charged with rape?  If she's in no condition to consent to sex, is he in a condition to adhere to the non-consent since he's drunk, too?  Since he is also drunk, would he also have a claim to being raped?

These are things that I think our courts should address.  More needs to be done to prevent a guy from going to jail because a woman is pissed at him, scared of what her parents/friends may think or because they got high together, had sex and she woke up with regret.

We'll be discussing this very topic on April 7th.  I'll be presenting these questions to callers and chat room participants to find the best suggested remedy for the courts.

You can join me live on the show at 10 PM EST in the chat room or listen to the podcast if you happen to miss the live airing.  I know that I may have missed an important detail or two, so come on and give your opinion on the matter.

How can we define what is rape?

My Uncle Bernie

Well, he was really my great uncle...  Anyway, since my mom passed away in June, I've spent a lot more time with my father.  I've also paid a lot closer attention to the stories that he tells about his childhood.  After all, I may some day have to pass these family stories down myself.  Then again, I don't have any kids.  I guess I could tell my god kids, but they wouldn't understand the dynamic of my family.  Maybe my cousin will pass it on to his kids.  In the meantime, I guess I'll share this one with you.

My Uncle Bernie was a character.  He was my grandmother's brother (father's side) and he is the subject of many funny, family stories.  For the most part, he was very mild-mannered and didn't have much to say.  That is, until you get a drink or two in him.

When my Uncle Bernie had a few sips, he became a "Me vs. The World" type of guy.  I remember him when I was younger and I'm guessing I was about 10 years old or so when he passed away.  Of course, I was too young to remember a lot of his antics that may have occurred when I was around.  After all, kids used to be kids back then.  We stayed out of grown people's business.

My father told me of a story that happened before I was born about a man who once came by looking for my great aunt, Leanne.  Who this man was is still a mystery to us to this day because Uncle Bernie rarely asked questions. He just frustrated you with short answers until you left him alone.

Uncle Bernie was sitting on the porch having a drink and cleaning his church shoes when a car pulled up.  My uncle was immediately skeptical because he didn't recognize the car.  Out pops a middle-aged white guy dressed in a suit.  Now, I specify the man's race because it does play a role in the story.  My uncle was not a fan of white people (especially back when this incident occurred - approx. 1960).  Luckily, that's not a trait that I inherited.  Quite a few of my older relatives had some very bad experiences with racism prior to 1975 before things got slightly better in Mississippi.

So, when it came to Uncle Bernie: Alcohol + White Men = Sarcasm.  The man approached the porch and my uncle never looked up from cleaning his shoes.  "How are you doing, sir?" the man asked.

"I'm doing well," Uncle Bernie replied.

"Is Leanne home?"

"No, she isn't."

"Do you know where she is?" the man asked as he put his foot on the first step of the porch.

Not my uncle's house, but it does look like it a bit.

That's when my Uncle Bernie looked up, first glancing at the foot on his porch and then the man.  My uncle was a skinny guy (his nickname was "Rib").  About 5'8" and 115 lbs.  He talked slowly with a raspy voice and he had a look that he would give you as if he wanted to punch you in the mouth.  He gave that look to the man.

"Yeah, I know where she is," he finally replied after staring at the man for up to 10 seconds.

The man paused for the answer of my aunt's location only to be met with silence as Uncle Bernie lowered his head and focused back on cleaning his shoes.  After about 10 more seconds of silence, the man finally spoke softly, "can you tell me where?"

Uncle Bernie looked up again.  He's clearly agitated at this point because he's being disturbed from cleaning his shoes.  After another uncomfortable moment of silence, "Yeah, I can tell you...  She's at the church."

There was a church within walking distance of where my uncle lived.  It was a church in which a majority of our family were members.  "Do you expect her back soon?" the man asked knowing that he was pushing his luck.

"Nope."

"How long has she been gone?"

Uncle Bernie then looked up and put his shoes down which caused the nervous man to take his foot off the first step of the porch.  "About 15 years," he replied while staring intensely.

The man laughed at what he thought was a joke until he realized that my uncle wasn't laughing.  "Okay, I'll go up there and see if I can find her," the man said as he put his hat back on and turned towards his car.

He had just gotten his right leg in his vehicle when my uncle got his attention one last time, "Hey," he started.  "don't you want to know where to find her when you get there?"

"Yes, sir, that would be most helpful," smiled the man thinking he'd finally broken through my great uncle's tough exterior.

Uncle Bernie started rattling off directions, "go into the church parking lot and go all the way to the back.  Get out and walk about 30 feet and look down.  She's buried right next to my daddy's grave."

The man looked horrified and mad at the same time after he put 2 and 2 together.  He never responded as he quickly got in his car and sped away up the dirt road leaving a huge trail of dust.

My great Uncle Bernie sure was mean when he was drunk.

Do you have a family member who just doesn't play nicely with others?

How Close Do You Keep Them?

From the 1995 must-see movie, "Kids."

I'm not a parent, but I know plenty. The struggles they have with their kids are many, but everyone has their own style of parenting. What works for one could be appalling to the next. For example: spanking. It worked for me when I was growing up, but some people view it as child abuse.

Since there are so many styles of parenting, it's very difficult to say which method is right or wrong. Especially since each child is different. But, how far will a parent go to keep an eye on their children as they grow into the teen years? How close do you keep them when it comes to more "adult decisions."

Would you allow your child to have sex in your house? How about getting drunk? Or smoking weed? Some of you are re-reading that and freaking out. However, there are some parents who think it's okay to let their kid do something that may seem immoral or even illegal as long as it's within the confines of the home. Some parents think that as long as they know about it, then they can control it.

There was a parent of one of my high school classmates who used to buy her son cigarettes. She said that she would rather buy them for him than have him sneak and do it. Is there a difference just because she knows?

Would some of you be okay with your daughter/son having sex in the house as opposed to someone's backseat or a seedy motel?

What about marijuana? Would you rather take the risk of purchasing the dope for your child than to have them in the streets with no experience?

What's your style of parenting?

300: Gettin' Funky

This pic has jack to do with my post, but it's pretty cool for #300

I didn't know what to do for post #300, so I decided to do something that I haven't done in a while and tell a story from back in my college days. My only regret from college is that I didn't film half of the things that happened on that campus in the middle of nowhere at Mississippi Valley State University. Unfortunately, they didn't have cell phone cameras back then and I didn't start toting around a camcorder until my senior year. If I only had visual proof of the things I saw on that campus. (Sigh) I'd probably be a rich man by now because Tosh.0 and America's Funniest Home Videos would be blowing my phone up.

In my junior year, in 1992, my roommate, Tim, and I were lucky enough to stay in a dorm named College Hall II. This was once a girls' dormitory, but due to renovations being made to the dorm we stayed in the previous semester, it was temporarily converted into a boys' dorm. Now, that doesn't sound like a big deal except for the fact that it was located only 50 feet from the freshman girls' dorm and the honors girls' dorm. Ummmmm, cake mix.

Anyhoo, one night, Tim and I are sitting on the front patio of our dorm just watching the ladies walk by from night class. At the time, I was dating someone from the honors dorm, so I wasn't in flirt mode this particular evening. Tim also had a squeeze in that dorm, but he was rarely deterred by much. It was around dusk, so the sun was behind the honors dorm and the campus lights were starting to come on. Tim and I glanced across the campus at the library and noticed five animals running around near the entrance. "Whoa! Those are some funny-looking cats," I said.

"Are you sure those aren't squirrels?," Tim asked.

"Nah, squirrels don't get that big," I replied.

We watched the animals frolic (that's a word I've never used before) until they disappeared at the base of the library. It appeared that some ladies coming out of the library spooked them into hiding. Tim and I thought nothing of it. It was a hot September night and the only thing on our mind was keeping cool and female-watching.

The next night, Tim and I are returning from a late night run to Burger King. It's around midnight and it's a Thursday night which is normally club night in the area. Multiple nightclubs have drink specials for ladies on Thursday night, so a lot of people take advantage of it. As we pull into my parking space next to my dorm, Tim and I get out and see a young lady walking back to the honors dorm. I wish I could remember her name, but for the life of me, I cannot. But, we'll call her "Flower." Flower was visibly drunk. She couldn't walk in a straight line and she stumbled from time-to-time. Tim and I leaned against the car and decided to partake in the show to see if Flower could make it to the dorm. She was doing well until she got distracted.

One of the furry animals Tim and I saw the night before was running in the area. At this point, Tim and I really started focusing on the animal because we realized that it wasn't as graceful as a cat. The library was about 75 yards from our dorm when we saw it the previous night, but we were roughly 25 yards from the creature this time. Our focus on the animal was broken when Flower stooped down to her knees and proceeded to call the animal... "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty!"

At that time, a group of girls came out of the honors dorm spooking the animal in the direction of Flower. The animal was running directly towards her and as it passed under the street light, Tim and I were finally able to identify it. That's when Tim shouted out in his country, Booneville accent, "Flower! Run, gull, run!"

Before I could join in the evacuation attempt, the animal turned around, stood upon it's front legs and lifted it's tail. Yep. It was a skunk. Unfortunately for Flower, it was too late to get off of her knees and run for cover. We weren't sure she was sprayed until we heard a loud scream and then an "Oh, God!"

Bambi fans now know the significance of the name I gave our poor victim.

Flower rolled around on the ground like a scalded dog. Tim and I ran to her aid until we got within about 20 feet of her and decided against it. It was the most awful thing we had ever smelled. She smelled like she needed an autopsy. Flower laid on the ground and sobbed like a child in between screams of "help me!" It was pretty disturbing, yet no one was willing to get within range of that stench. Someone got a water hose and sprayed her, but I really don't think that it was effective. Soon, Flower's scream had everyone outside of the surrounding dorms trying to sneak a peek at the commotion.

Tim and I eventually went upstairs to try and see if we could still put down our BK burgers. We heard that Flower's parents arrived that night from Shaw (a small town about 30 miles away) and took her home. She never returned that semester and from what I understand, the next either. I'm not sure what the remedy is for "skunk skeet," but I would have made her ride in the trunk if I were her parents.

Thursday nights are for clubbing and "gettin' funky" is normally something reserved for the dance floor.



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Being Drunk

Zzzzzzzzzz!!!!

Some people live for the weekend just to get drunk. When quitting time hits or class ends on Friday, they leave the office/school, stop by the liquor store and head home to start the buzz. Is there anything wrong or illegal about this? No. But, what about the people who take being drunk to another level? A level that leads them vulnerable to whoever comes in contact with them?

I've never been drunk. I've had enough to throw off my balance a bit when getting out of a chair once, but never drunk. I have a healthy fear of not being in control of myself. It extends beyond alcohol, too. I wasn't comfortable when I had my knee surgery recently and had to deal with anesthesia. I was really grumpy coming off of that anesthetic high (from what I was told) because I couldn't do/function the way I wanted. Being out of control is just something that I do not crave to do which is why I rarely drink.

So, what about the people who don't mind? I don't think any less of (some of) them because I know so many people who have done it. A lot of my friends/associates have gotten drunk around me before. Me getting married was a sad day for a lot of them because they lost their reliable designated driver. "Q can drive because he's not going to drink anything!"

I just wonder who's cleaning this up tomorrow.

Look, I don't mind drunk people as long as I don't have to babysit them, they don't pee/puke in my presence and if they're around responsible people. I do have a problem with blackout drunks who run the risk of having things happening to them. The ladies who pass out in a room full of strangers. The guy who thinks he can make it home despite the fact that he could barely make it to his car. Those are the people who concern me because they pose a danger to themselves and others.

As a guy who made the roadie down to Mardi Gras seven times in his life, I've seen evidence of them all.  I've called a cab for guys needing a safe way back to their hotel.  I've actually played protector of drunk women in the club who are constantly being pawed by guys. Not how I wanted to spend my evening, but like Judge Joe Brown always says, "You have to protect womanhood."  But, I've also seen my share of men (and women) molesting unconscious ladies. I've seen guys passed out, face-first, in the gutters of Bourbon Street around tons of foot traffic (and sometimes vehicle traffic).

"Dude, undress her.  She'll never know."

All I'm asking is if you're drinking to get drunk, then please have a plan before your first drink. Being drunk isn't all what it's cracked up to be when you awake upside down in your vehicle with blood on the windshield or waking up in a strange place with the soreness from sex that you don't even recall.




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Trend Setter

Every now and then, I get curious to what brings people to my site. I go through the keyword searches to determine how my blog is found. Feel free to click the link to open another window and show you the blog posts that are trending on TQ!

(keyword and # of hits)
hooters 1,143

cereal killer 989

drunk 864

taylor stone 382

monster ball 366

The remaining of the Top 10 Keyword Searches That Bring People to TQ:

jillian barberie 350
black hockey players 257
friend zone 254
monsters ball 246
slim shady 223

I guess these searches aren't that bad. I've seen crazier keyword searches over at Brandon's site or on Annah's site. I guess I should feel pretty good that no one finds me through a keyword search like "arrogant know-it-all who isn't as smart as he thinks he is."

Royal Pain 2: Let's Get Drunk! (An American Tradition)

Guess what? I ended up watching most of the Royal Wedding after blogging that I would not. I didn't see the actual ceremony, but I did see the grand entrance and I have to say, I was impressed.

It was everything I thought a royal event should be and more. It made me think back on Obama's Inauguration (which is the closest thing I can compare in America to a royal event) and the two are completely polar opposites. Here are the differences I noticed:

Royal Wedding - appeared to have a vast majority of the country showing unity for an event that represents a lot to their culture.

Inauguration - was mainly celebrated by only those in favor of the political party of the President.

Royal Wedding - was attended by dignitaries and royal figures from around the world.

Inauguration - was attended by other politicians and Hollywood types. They had multiple camera shots of celebrities from Jamie Foxx to Puff Daddy (who both were too ignorant cool to even take off their sunglasses). Can I coin the word "ignorantaries?"

It made me think. We don't take anything seriously here. Even a once distinguished event as the Inaugural Ball has turned into a Red Carpet affair. What is a true American tradition? I know we're the "Melting Pot," but can't we all agree on at least one thing to do together?

Wait! I know what our tradition is! It's something we do each and every time we see certain dates pop up on the calendar and we all participate in this American tradition:

We get drunk on American holidays.

Heck, we even get drunk on Irish and Mexican holidays, too! Cinco de Mayo is here. Although the Battle of Puebla isn't considered much of a holiday in Mexico, it is something celebrated by Americans despite the fact that most don't even know its meaning. Who cares? We're getting margaritas, right?

Cinco de Mayo celebrates Mexico's underdog win over the French forces on May 5th, 1862. It wasn't their Independence Day, it was a victory in a battle that many people think that they should have lost. Mexico celebrates their Independence Day on September 16th. That's the day that started the war when Mexican-born Spaniards and Native Americans kicked the heinies of Spain.

But, that doesn't matter to us. We're Americans, right? If Mexicans won't celebrate May 5th, then we will! And we'll say that we're honoring your heritage in the process, so it's win-win, right? As long as we can drink! ¿Dónde está mi cerveza?

New Year's Day, we drink. St. Patrick's Day, we get blitzed. Memorial Day, a holiday dedicated to the memory of U.S. Soldiers, but we barbecue and drink! Independence Day, barbecue and drink. Labor Day, watch college football and drink. Halloween, dress up and drink. Thanksgiving... Wait. That may be the only holiday where we don't get toasted. Christmas Eve, company parties, egg nog, and a whole lot of misteltoe.

I know I'm beating a dead horse at this point. You get where I'm going. I was actually jealous of the Royal Wedding. The only time we, as Americans, tend to come together as a country is when there is tragedy. It took 9/11 to scare us into unity. That fear kept us together for a long time. Osama bin Laden's death brought people back into unity, but I'll be doggone if less than six hours later people were on Facebook and Twitter arguing over who should get credit for it: Bush or Obama? The tragedy of Hurricane Katrina brought us together. Shortly afterwards, we're calling our own U.S. citizens "refugees" and pointing fingers at President Bush and blaming him for not knowing how to handle the nation's biggest natural disaster.

Sad. The concept of the Melting Pot is wonderful, but without long-standing traditions for all of us to embrace, will there ever be unity amongst us? We have recognized holidays from many nationalities and religions, but we need to actually learn what they are about. Let's do that instead of planning who will be the designated driver that weekend or who will bring the hot dogs. Maybe then, we'll have some unity.

Oh, wait! I DID think of a day where a majority of Americans come together for four hours: Super Bowl Sunday! Football and beer commercials! Guys chest-bumping each other and women holding empty mixed drink glasses screaming, "that's my jam!" to every song that comes on during halftime.

I guess I just can't get around the alcohol influence on our holidays. I just need to accept that beer is our tradition. Oh, well. That's better than nothing. I guess we do have unity after all! Suck it, England!

I Don't Condone Violence, But I'd Understand...

Thanksgiving means football, but something that happened a couple of weeks ago merited a discussion. An 8-year-old Jets fan in Cleveland was tackled by a drunken Browns fan after their game. 8 years old, people!

The boy went to the game at Cleveland Browns Stadium in a Jets jersey with his father, who is from New York. The Jets came back in spectacular fashion to win the game in overtime.

As the family was leaving the stadium, the drunk began cursing the kid for his jersey and throwing food at the family. Once outside the stadium, the drunk tackled the kid and left him on the ground crying with scrapes and bruises.

Now, the husband didn't retaliate (which was the correct decision although I doubt I would have made the same decision), but where he lost me is when he didn't call the cops either. He put the family in the car and they left abruptly.

Huh!!!??? Some drunk assaults your child and you can't even call the cops? The only reason we know about this incident today is because your wife called the Cleveland newspaper and told her story?

On top of not defending your son, you allowed this drunk to go unpunished for a heinous act. I'm not sure if I'm more upset with the drunk or the dad. If the dad would have gone to the car, put his family in it and returned with a tire iron from the trunk, I think most people wouldn't be upset with him. I don't condone violence, but I'd understand if he had a temporary bout with rage and decided to take it out on the drunk.



Again, that would have been the wrong decision to make and I would applaud him for taking the high road had he not taken the coward road and fled the scene like a little punk! If you can't swing on the man who attacked your son, then at least call the cops and bring the loser to justice so that no other child suffers the same fate.

I don't even have a child and I'm mad. Am I overreacting on this people? Chime in below or here.

Drunk, Be Gone

I'm out and about last night and decide to stop into a gas station before heading home. It's 2 AM and me and The Mrs. decide that we want to get a soda before heading home. I have on my Lakers t-shirt because it's comfortable and I like to represent my sports teams. I'm walking into the Cefco on County Line Road and I'm greeted by a guy near the counter with a very slurred "whassup, mane?" as his eyes glance down towards my chest area where the Lakers logo is displayed.

"Oh, no", I'm thinking. "This drunk is getting ready to try to talk sports with me". So, here I am. Stuck in 'No Man's Land". I'm going to have to have a conversation with a drunk guy while I wait to purchase a couple of Diet Pepsis. Great.

At this point, the only thing going through my mind is "how drunk is he?"



"Kobe is gonna be ready for dem boys in Miami, mane!" he blurts out as he proceeds to offer me "some dap".

Great. He's really drunk. "Yeah, I think L.A. has at least one more ring in them before the Heat get it together".

"I know, right! I know. Check it. Check it... Check it... Phil Jasson didn't even try last year and the Lakers still won. Imagine if he try".

"Uh, yeah. If Phil Jackson keeps L.A. stays healthy and focused, they're still the best team in the League".

"My, mane. I'm tryna tell e'rbody that. My mane. Mane... You got on the right shirt, mane".

At this point, I just smile and slowly back away while making a memo to myself: "Don't wear sports-related paraphernalia during late nights".

Sports has an uncanny way of bringing people together. I get that. But the only thing worse than a drunk who likes your team is one who doesn't.

Wearing a Cowboys t-shirt a week or so ago. Drunk guy sees it and immediately proceeds to tell me how much Tony Romo sucks.

"Man, y'all ain't gonna never win til y'all git rid of Tony Homo!" he shouted.



Wow. A gay slur? Really? Why does everyone hate on Romo any way? Obviously these are people who watch ESPN highlights more than they do the actual game. They haven't a clue on what they're talking about. They're only regurgitating what they heard some hack on ESPN say.

Anyway, I just smiled and tried to walk by as I grabbed a Pepsi Max from the cooler. "Hey! Hey! Hey! How bout dem Saints!!!???" he quipped as he lets out a hearty laugh.

Again, I smile and then start praying that the line of three people move a little bit faster as I approach the counter.

"Hey! Hey!" I hear behind me as I give a huge sigh of frustration knowing that I'm not going to be able to leave without talking to this drunk.

"Yeah?" as I turned around.

"Y'all will never win with Homo at quarterback".

"Romo", I started with a noticeable emphasis on his name, "is not our problem. He was two or three years ago, but he wasn't last year. Our offensive line didn't protect him".

Now I'm mad at myself because I'm just realizing that I'm engaging in a debate with a drunk.

"Homo sucks and Dallas sucks!"

Wow. Excellent debate, dude. I can't top that one, now can I? At this point, I'm considering shoplifting just to get out of the store. LOL! Okay, not really, but I'm hoping to pay for my drinks and make my way to the exit before he can think of something else to say.



I pay for everything and I don't even wait for my 13 cents in change. Out the door I go. Faster than Clive Owen leaving the bank in "Inside Man".

Immediately, as I reach the sanctuary of my driver's seat, I start to feel bad for every woman who goes to a nightclub, looking to enjoy socializing with friends and dancing, only to be accosted by drunk guy with tight eyes and wet lips due to being on the verge of slobbering. Sucks for you.

I know how I'm going to try to avoid late-night drunk guy going forward, I'm going to buy some plain t-shirts next weekend. Free of sports logos.