Parenting Suffers, Too

This is part four of a five-part series entitled "Cell Phones, Social Media, and the Quiet Depression Affecting Women". It's based on a series of discussions I've had with multiple women including my wife, some coworkers, and random servers at restaurants. The women's ages range from 20 - 53 years old. I'd love your feedback.

Parenting Suffers, Too

Children notice distraction long before adults admit it.

Many mothers are physically present but mentally trapped inside their phones. Some are exhausted from late-night scrolling and enter the day emotionally depleted before parenting even begins.

Kids compete with notifications now.

A child trying to tell a story interrupts a scrolling session.
A family moment gets shortened because someone wants to check social media.
Attention spans weaken for both parents and children.

And there’s another issue people avoid discussing: children absorb emotional energy. If a mother constantly feels insecure, anxious, resentful, lonely, or emotionally overstimulated because of social media consumption, that atmosphere eventually touches the household.

Children don’t need perfect mothers. They need emotionally available ones.

Part 1: Comparison Is Quietly Destroying Peace

Part 2: Doom Scrolling Is Destroying Sleep

Part 3: Relationships Are Slowly Being Eroded

Part 5: The Validation Trap

Back In My Day...

When I was a kid, I remember when my dad started many sentences with, "Back in my day...".  I also remember when I hit the point in my life when I started sentences the same way when talking to my god kids.

However, I feel differently about that than I once did.  

Because of the lack of technology, society evolved at a snail's pace 50+ years ago.  The only way to know what someone was doing in another region was via TV, radio, or word of mouth.  That meant a lot of traditions and pastimes stayed intact for a lot longer back then than it does today.  Thanks to the internet, a new trend can start all over the world in a matter of hours as opposed to decades.

My father's generation and the generations prior to it enjoyed fishing and hunting as kids because that was one of few recreational options they had at the time.  Fast forward to my generation and we also enjoyed those things, too.  Until they were replaced by computers, video games, shopping malls and music videos in the 80's.  For me, sitting in front of a computer for hours was the equivalent of my dad sitting on the bank of his favorite fishing hole all day.

As we mature, we want younger people to appreciate and embrace what we once did without taking into account that they deserve a chance to enjoy their pastimes just like we did.  We need to stop putting them down for going to establishments just to take selfies, the music they enjoy, or the fact that they can't function without a smart phone.  We're always going to think that our generation is better just as our parents think that theirs was.

As someone from Generation X, I'll always be thankful that...

• I got through hundreds of mall visits and 12 years of public school without fear of a mass shooting.
• I attended many concerts and comedy shows without fear of a viral infection.
• I got to slow dance in nightclubs.
• I was able to get away with a lot of knuckleheaded things because there weren't cell phone videos.

The list goes on.

Going forward, whenever one of my god kids tells me about something they enjoy doing, I'll refrain from saying "back in my day..." as if to dismiss their pastimes.  I'll save my stories for when I'm asked about it.  After all, they deserve to have their own memories to embrace just as I have mine.  And it's only a matter of time before they're also starting sentences with "Back in my day..."

Learn The Difference Between "Respectful" and "Fake"

In 2017, being respectful is going the way of the dinosaur.  People have no chill these days.  No respect for the elderly.  No respect for women and children.  No respect for themselves.  The way that we talk to people has to change.

At one time in society, people used to be aware of their audience before they spoke.  They chose their words wisely because they cared about their reputation and they didn't want to offend certain groups.  Men would not curse if women or kids around.  Now women curse just as much as men do now.  Kids do a healthy share of cursing, too.

I discussed that recently to someone (not a Millenial) who responded to me by saying "people who hold their tongues are 'fake'".

Yes, that's right.  People who choose their words around others are "fake" in her eyes.  She explained how everyone in her family curses freely around one another.  It doesn't matter the age, if you are in the room, then you may hear a curse word.  Just deal with it.  Not speaking freely is being fake?  That was the craziest thing I'd ever heard.  Why is showing restraint a bad thing?

Don't get me wrong.  What a person does in their home is their business.  But, some people do it no matter where they are.  At the grocery store, at restaurants, in other people's homes.

There's a time and a place for everything.  You don't drop f-bombs in your boss's office.  Why?
Because it's considered as being disrespectful in the workplace.  No one unleashes curse words when speaking to the preacher at church.  Why?  Because it's a sign of disrespect.  Or in her eyes, it's being fake, I guess.

So, why do people look at you sideways when you ask them not to curse in public?  Is it that hard not to curse?

We keep making excuses for doing what we want to do.  At some point in society, there will be no rules or standards.

I Know More "Never Married" Parents Than I Do Married Ones

Is marriage before having children officially a thing of the past?

I won't make this a cultural or race thing, although it's very difficult not to do so.  After all, it is Black History Month, so I want my black brothers and sisters to understand how extremely important this is to us.

Of course, my intent is not to offend anyone, but I'm pretty sure that some will be offended.  So let me say in advance that I am not picking on a group people.  I'm just sharing my life's experiences like I normally do on this blog.  I've seen some evidence of co-parenting working well.  The father and mother are in different households and they share custody.  For some, it works.  However, for many, it doesn't.

Sometimes the reasons for a mom and dad to not be together is completely understandable.  Maybe one of them is abusive to the other physically or emotionally.  Maybe one of them doesn't understand the concept of loyalty and commitment.  Whatever the reason, not everyone is meant to be a married couple.

For kids' sakes, it would be nice for people to realize this before they bring a child into this world, but to sum it up in society's terms: "things happen."

But it really doesn't matter how or why "things happen" after everything is said and done.  We all wish that we could change or rearrange certain aspects about our past.  The problem that I have with the whole "Team Single Parent" thing is that I rarely see never married parents promoting the traditional order towards being a family:

Couple + Marriage = Family.

I realize that not everyone believes in my traditional marriage formula or that it's some sort of cure-all.  Some people divorce.  Some couples are cool with co-habitation.  But the aforementioned formula was the traditional route to having a family 50 years ago.  I don't see single parents stressing marriage to their children and here's my two cents to why that's the case: to do so could be considered admitting failure.

How many never married parents want to tell their child to get married before having children only to get the response, "Why didn't you do it?"

Who wants to have to answer that question?  Not many people like teaching life lessons when they are the case study.  Even though the lesson could make the child's life easier/better in the long run, most never married parents would rather not look bad in front of their kids.

Which is a reason why never married parenting is celebrated by so many people today.  Instead of saying, "Don't make the mistake that I did," we hear people saying "I've got this."  It's why we hear some people proudly boast, "my baby doesn't want for nothing." 

That may be true.  But because of that "I can do it myself attitude," their children, more times than not, will grow up and do the same thing.  And that's one of the reasons I now know more never married parents than I do married ones.

A lot more.

The Mind of a Child

I recently spoke in an interview with a young guy that I admire by the name of Jay Mayo.  Jay and I discussed something that I never really studied all that closely.  Something that probably goes unnoticed by most of the people in this country: what is your purpose?

Just about every one of us remembers a time when either a parent, relative, or teacher asked, "what do you want to be when you grow up?"

I remember being asked that in 1st grade.  My response, "A king."

"You want to run your own country?  That's sweet, Quincy."

"No, ma'am.  I want to run the world."

Of course my teacher and classmates laughed.  That is until they saw the photo I drew of myself on a throne and the flag that I designed.  Yeah, I was dead serious.

Fast-forward 37 years later and I haven't conquered any countries to claim as my own as of yet.  Maybe I'll get there, but in the meantime I have other things to do.  I have a purpose to fulfill.  You see, my purpose evolved over time, but I had the right mentality for it in place all along.

I had reasons for wanting to be a king: my grandmother worked in a nursing home on the overnight shift for years.  My mom worked long hours as a supervisor in a factory for over two decades.  My father also worked in a factory for around the same amount of time and rarely missed a day of work.  I wanted to become a king because I knew by doing so that my grandmother, mom, and dad would never have to work again.  I wanted to have people do things for them.  

Even as a 6 year old my focus for wanting to rule the world was so that I could share its riches.  Riches don't necessarily refer to money either.  Wisdom is considered one of life's greatest wishes in my opinion.  I discovered that my purpose was to help others in some shape, form or fashion. A lot of it I've done through giving advice and sharing stories of life experiences here on the blog and over at T2Q.

However, not everyone has realized that they have a purpose.  That's something Jay pointed out to me that I'd never considered.  The people that I've seen on the nightly news who have been arrested for (insert crime here) didn't recognize their purpose.  No one probably told them that they could truly be something in life and overcome almost any unfortunate circumstance put before them.

Everyone in the world possesses multiple talents and it's the duty of the parents to discover those talents.  Whether you're an artist, dancer, architect, scientist, or actor, it's something within you.  The key to being happy and productive in life is to find something that you enjoy and find reasons to do it!  It's just that simple!

But, if a kid is never taught that dreams can come true then eventually they'll stop dreaming.  And they will walk around aimlessly like zombies not knowing where they are going.  Not having a reason or a goal to make life worth living.  One thing that I remember Jay saying is that there is so much "untapped potential in the cemetery."  People who could have been something if they only knew what that something was to be.

The mind of a child is like a safe that contains riches.  It's up to us, the adults, to unlock it so that everyone else can benefit from what's inside.  

Garbage In. Garbage Out.

What do you consume on a regular basis?

I don't mean food.  I mean content.

TV.  Music.  Internet.

What does a typical day consist of in your world?

I was watching Real Time with Bill Maher the other day and he made a great point in which I'd never considered.  I can go to Yahoo! right now and pull up my home page.  If you went to Yahoo! at the same exact time, what comes up on your screen is going to be different than what comes up on mine.

Your computer personalizes what you see based on the sites that you visit.  Also, a lot of sites allow you to customize what you see.  Mix in the fact that newspapers are dying a slow death and you're left with millions of people in this country getting random information.  This is probably why so many people haven't heard of certain news stories when you mention it to them.  It probably wasn't on their customized feed.

Let's look at how this affects young people.  The average college student probably doesn't read the newspaper or watch local news.  When you consider their electronic gadget options then more than likely their homepage consists of Vine videos, Facebook status updates, tweets and entertainment news (oxymoron).

It's safe to say that a lot of young people in this country go days or even weeks without seeing a news story.  Instead their mind is constantly consuming only what they wish to view which is normally related to entertainment or social networking.  With days upon days of reality show fight clips, viral videos and Instagram Likes a person's brain essentially dumbs itself down (or never grows).

How can a person possibly expect to be a part of the outside world if they don't even live in it?

If you constantly consume garbage then that is what will constantly come out of your mouth when you speak.  It's also going to be all that you know and understand and you will not fit into some places in society because of it.  A person doesn't read Spanish and speak French.  That's not how your mind works.  What you put into it is all that you can get out of it.

There has to be a balance.  You have to get some good to offset the bad.  I love the NFL, but I have enough diversity in my life to prevent it from being all that I know.  If I go to a party, I don't have to sit around and wait for someone to bring up football just to join the discussion.  As you can see from my blog, I have the ability to discuss almost anything.

If you don't have balance then customizing your homepage or personalizing your phone can pretty much make you stupid.  If it's only garbage going in, then you can rest assure that it will only be garbage coming out.

Have you ever met a person who knows absolutely nothing about anything important?

Where is Your Work Ethic?

I'm no longer the ball of energy that I once was in my 20's.  When I was 27 years old, I had a full-time job and two part-time jobs.  All of them were Monday through Friday.  So, I got up at 430 AM each day and usually made it home around 1030 PM or midnight depending on the day of the week.  I worked that crazy schedule for a year to pay off credit card debt as well as have some spending cash for partying.  I had at least two jobs from 1997 until 2006.  I wanted to eliminate debt and stockpile a savings so that when I got older life would be easier.  I knew that it was hard work, but I was willing to do it to better myself  and better my position. A lot of people don't have the same mindset these days...

Today, people want things the easy way.  They're not always willing to sacrifice their time and energy to better themselves.  They essentially want "something for nothing."  Well, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to understand why this is the norm now.  It's now the norm because people are able to do just that.  Get "something for nothing."

We see it with our children.  Kids have electronics that cost parents thousands per year and for what?  Well, we parents say it's for their safety.  "Little Johnny needs to be able to call home."  To me, that's translation for: "his friend has an iPhone, so we have to get him one so that he doesn't feel bad."

We see it in adults.  Guys don't have to display much chivalry and/or class to get sex from a woman now.  Why?  Because there are so many thirsty women who have little-to-no requirements to give it up.  Would you work for something that's being thrown at you?  "Yes, Johnny does cheat and sell drugs, but he can change if he becomes a father."  Translation: "I don't think that I can do any better than him."

SMH.  But, it all starts with the children.  Because today's children are tomorrow's adults, so if you fix the kids then the rest will fix itself.  Make them earn what they get.  Make them get good grades.  Make them do chores.  Make them respect themselves so that they may learn to respect others and we can nip this thing in the bud.

America needs to put a hard hat and some work boots on more than any other country right now.  Stop allowing this laziness to go on when you have the power to fix it yourself.

Are you ashamed at how lazy we've become in society?

You're Too Young for A Boyfriend!

There's a reason why God never blessed me with kids.  Especially a daughter.  I guess there's also a reason I don't have a sister.  Especially a little sister.  Why?  Because I'm way too overprotective.  Waaayyyyy too overprotective...

Look, I realize that I have a problem which is the first step to correcting it.  I'll even go as far to say that I'm not as bad as I once was.  However, I still think that kids need to be kids and focus on that grown up stuff later in life.

This weekend I really wanted to see my god kids.  I try to make it a point these days to spend some time with them at least once a month, but because I was transitioning to a new job, my schedule has been crazy as of late.  So, I took advantage of some free time and decided to spend the day with them.  My god son is 11 and my god daughter is 7.

We decide to get breakfast at Cracker Barrel and although I don't remember how the subject came up, my god son mentioned to me that his little sister had a boyfriend.  Of course, I thought that it was a joke, so I just laughed.  Then my god daughter said, "No, I have two boyfriends."

Two?  As in 1+1?  Wait.  Surely she means SpongeBob and Big Bird, right?  Oh, how I wish that were true.  No, she meant some boy in her school and some kid who used to be in her school who now lives in Nashville.  I really didn't know what to say.  The girl who I wanted to stay single until at least 38 years old actually uses the term "boyfriend"?  I wasn't ready.  I thought that I had another five years at least.  I guess that's not how this new generation works.

So, instead of alienating her in the future I'll have to adapt.  I'll have to be more accepting of the fact that kids are doing things 10x faster than when I was their age.  I'll still keep a close eye, but I won't go 'Liam Neeson' on a dude for trying to get her phone number.

I think I passed my first test on yesterday when I attended a birthday party.  My lady's daughter recently turned 14 and she had a gathering at a local restaurant to celebrate with her friends.  One of her friends is a boy who I was told happened to be her ex-boyfriend.  Well, now this ex is her "best friend" which could mean anything coming from a teen.  But, I didn't give the boy the "Al Bundy treatment" or anything.  I was cordial with him and through a brief conversation discovered that I actually kind of liked the kid.

That is until he shows up in the near future at some other event.  Yes, my protectiveness extends to my lady's kids, too.  Despite the lack of matching DNA, I treat them as my own.  As for my god daughter, I know her father will keep an eye on her, so I'll just continue to play my role as godfather and report to him when necessary.  The one thing that I do feel comfortable about is that when my god daughter saw a James Bond poster in my man cave from the movie, "Dr. No," she described a woman on the poster as "nasty" and "naked."

Ah, how refreshing to know that there's still some innocence left!  "That's right, pumpkin.  That woman is 'nasty' for wearing that." (smirks)

What do you think is a reasonable age for the average child to start dating?

When You're Unable to Help Your Suffering Child

Nothing can possibly prepare you for it.  It has to be the worst pain that a parent can endure.  Seeing your child suffer through physical or emotional pain and not being able to comfort them has to be the worst feeling in the world.  However, I wouldn't know...

I don't have children, but I understand the parent/child dynamic from the child's point of view.  As a son, I've seen the anguish on my parents' faces as I've suffered through something.  Although I'll never truly feel the pain that they've felt since I don't have children, I can somewhat relate to what it must feel like when I watch other parents go through things.

When I was around 8 years old, I was riding barefooted on the back of a bicycle with my aunt.  We were riding downhill and my feet were flopping from side-to-side as she pedaled.  Somehow my right foot flopped a bit too hard and came into contact with the bicycle's back wheel.  My foot got entangled in the spokes as the tire locked up and the pain that I felt was tremendous.

It happened right in front of my house.

I remember my brother and father running out to the street as I screamed in pain from the discomfort of having my lower leg twisted in the metal.  My foot was literally wedged into the wheel to the point that neither I nor the wheel could move an inch.  My father had to cut the spokes in order to free me.

I had a severely sprained ankle and slight fracture.  My aunt felt guilt.  My brother felt helpless.  My father had a look of concern as the event occurred, but ultimately he was okay.  He's always been a rock in troubled times.  My mom of course was my mom.  She never wanted to see her baby go through anything.  But, I eventually got through that ankle injury, countless minor boyhood injuries and an appendectomy at age 16.  Each incident was painful, but I had the loving support of Momma and Pop to carry me through.

There are times that as a parent you can't help your child.  You want to take the pain away, but you can't.  You wish that you could take the pain and bear it yourself just to give your child a breather, but life doesn't work like that.  I saw that look on my father's face when I had to bury my wife after her death.  He wanted to stop my hurt, but he couldn't.  There were no spokes to cut to free me from my torment this time around.  So, he did the only thing that he could do: he stood by my side.

And he remained there until I reached out to him for help.  That's what parents can do to help their children get through almost anything!  Be there!  Your presence alone means so much to a child going through emotional and / or physical pain.  It's not always what you say that makes it better, it's being within reach that makes the difference.  As a son, I can say that definitively for all of the pain that I've been through in my life that looking up and seeing one or both of my parents made all of the difference in the world to me!  And I guarantee you if you do it for your children that they will remember it when they have children.

Be your child's rock.

Learning Isn't Lame

It's hard not comparing things in the present to things I experienced in the past.  I catch myself doing that daily and I have to try and correct that behavior.  2014 isn't anything like my life growing up in the 70's and 80's.  In fact, the two are as different as shooting a bullet and throwing one.

The most notable difference between then and now is the focus of kids.  What I focused on as a child is nothing near what today's child focuses on.  In fact, it's flat-out scary!

When I was growing up, my parents preached how important my education was.  I got grounded when I didn't get good grades and praised when I did.  I had the ability to be an "A" student, but most of the time I only gave a "C" effort.  I didn't realize how what I did in school would affect me later as I approached adulthood.

Today's kids have a different mindset.  They don't want to give much of an effort at all.  What for?  They're not focused on school because they think learning is dumb.  It's more important to them to be cool than it is to be successful.  It's all about image in schools now and parents rarely do anything to prevent that mindset.

"You're being lame when you try to be smart."  

Seriously?

Too many "role models" have not really embraced education and that has trickled down to the children.  Athletes, musicians, and celebrities only display life in the fast lane while rarely discussing how they got there.  Parents don't make it any better by explaining how much hard work goes into being successful regardless of the career.  From a stockbrocker to a stripper, if you don't work hard then you will struggle with being successful.

Kids may not know that their favorite rapper is a college grad.  They don't know that an athlete is fluent in two languages and very familiar with a couple of others.  They haven't a clue about a child actress being home schooled.  It's up to parents to reveal that to the kids and keep their focus on the importance of school.

Kids tent to only pay attention to the glitz and glamour and that is continuing to dumb down this country.  It's going to catch up with us as a nation.  I guarantee you.  And it won't take too many more years for it to do so.

What can be done to help kids focus on schoolwork instead of their image?

Why Your Child Stops Trying

Where are the fans?

Do you see that field?  This was taken during a high school football game between the Lanier Bulldogs (Jackson, MS) and the Germantown Mavericks (Gluckstadt, MS).

The schools are only separated by 21 miles yet the photo reveals the handful of fans who came out to support Lanier.  A 20-30 minute drive yielded just a few supporters.

I attended the Lanier / Callaway game a couple of weeks ago.  The game took place just minutes from Lanier High School yet there were barely any fans there.

Before that game started, I watched both teams warm up.  I mentioned to a peer of mine how bad Lanier's body language was.  Players were barely jogging instead of sprinting.  There was no enthusiasm whatsoever during pregame warm ups and it translated to their game performance.  Callaway slaughtered Lanier 59-0 and the players didn't seem too concerned about it.  The Lanier coaches didn't either.

Here are some of the other losses Lanier has received this season: 42-8, 67-0, 35-6, 68-16, 62-22, 50-0, and 56-20 to Germantown.  The only close game they've had this season is an 8-0 loss to a not so good Wingfield team.

I personally think that these kids have mentally checked out and I blame the parents.  The parents should be ashamed of themselves to not travel 21 miles to see their children play.  Also, the school should be ashamed for not having a pep squad and band attend as well.  Don't they have a responsibility to provide support as well?  After all, interscholastic competition is a promotion of brands (schools).

This is a school with almost 1,000 students and more championship basketball banners than probably any school in the state.  On game day during basketball season, you can't even squeeze into the gym.  But, if a child participates in anything other than basketball, then I guess it's not important enough for a parent to bother.

The result of this behavior is that the kids lose the desire to try since it appears that no one takes them seriously.  That's a problem.  There are way too many children looking in the audience for their family members only to not see them.  It can be a sporting event, music/dance recital, theatrical presentation, or whatever.  The day a child stops looking for their parents is a sad day!  And Talk 2 Q Show Legend, M&M, once said, "an unloved child is a dangerous adult."

Now, I know in 2013, people have to work.  There are some parents who just can't attend each and every game.  But, something has to be done to provide representatives to support these kids.  I have no allegiance to them at all and I couldn't help but feel sorry for them during the game.  It was pathetic.

Can someone explain to me what makes a parent not care?

Sometimes the Death Penalty Isn't Enough

I'm normally up on my news, especially sports, but the last couple of weeks have been extremely busy for me.  However, I received a call from The Lady on yesterday afternoon and the news blew my mind.  She told me that running back and future Minnesota Vikings Hall of Famer, Adrian Peterson's son was beaten to death.

I don't know AP or his family, but for about five seconds, I felt a knot in my stomach after hearing the news.  From what I've read online, the mother of AP's son had a boyfriend with prior domestic charges to took his frustrations out on the two year old boy.

I'm not going to get into the decision-making process of the mother.  She has to unfortunately suffer for the rest of her life for dating a known abuser.  I want to talk about the abuser, 27 year old Joseph Patterson.  I realize that he's supposed to be innocent until proven guilty, but I'm jumping the gun on this one.  I think he's guilty.

I don't know if the state where the heinous crime was committed uses the death penalty or not, but sometimes the death penalty isn't enough.  Sure, if you could sentence this guy to die, fry him, bring him back, and fry him again, then I think I'd be for it.  But, since that's impossible, then your only choice is to lock him up for the rest of his life.

That's not good enough either.

I'm sick and tired of it being Open Season on people, especially women and children.  Men were once protectors of their families and now they're exterminating them like common roaches.  It's sickening!  I wanted to throw up when I heard the news today because I can't stand to see a child mistreated, yet along hear of one beaten to death.

If I had things my way, I'd put Joseph Patterson in a jail cell with no A/C or heat and give him just enough food to survive.  From there, I'd allow the child's father, Adrian Peterson, to come in once a year to beat a handcuffed Patterson within an inch of his life.  I would allow AP an opportunity to do that on the anniversary death of his son every year until either he or the Patterson died.

I know it sounds cruel, but it's nothing compared to pulverising a child's body with your fists.  Imagine the pain the child went through.  Babies have no resistance to beatings.  They aren't capable of running away or curling up in the fetal position and surviving the onslaught.  All they can do is cry and suffer.

Why not repay the favor?

Are there upsides to simply beating felony assault prisoners as opposed to giving them the death penalty?

What Happened to Pride?

Pride starts at home.

I really try hard to do the right thing.  I really try hard to be a good person.  But, for what?  What is the pay off for me working so hard to be presentable to the public?  My mom passed away last year, so it's not about trying not to embarrass her.  My father is 72 years old and I don't do it to impress him either.

What is it?  What makes me go about my life the way that I do?  What makes me watch what I say in public,  try to dress appropriately for where I'm going and give maximum effort on my job?  Pride.  What happened to pride?  You could see it in so many people back in the day and now it's almost non-existent.

I listened to stories that my parents told me about when they were kids.  People back then had so much pride to the point that it almost seemed like a full-time job within itself.  I have relatives who were janitors, maids, etc. who didn't feel any shame in the jobs that they did.  In fact, they were completely the opposite.

They were so proud of being employed that they worked as hard as they could and rarely took time off.  My parents instilled that same pride in me.  They taught me how to always do my best and work hard.  I do the things that I do because I now have pride in myself.  It wasn't always like that though.  I had to evolve.

When I was younger, like most kids, I acted accordingly not because I cared how I looked in the public's eyes, but to make my parents proud.  I knew that as long as they were happy, then more than likely, I would be, too.  It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out.

However, as I got older things changed.  The things I did became more about me and less about my parents.  I realized that I didn't just represent them, but I had my own reputation to uphold as well.  It took seeing some of my peers establishing bad reputations to realize it.  However, what people thought wasn't my only motivation to be a certain way.  What I thought of myself played the most important role in establishing pride in my life.

I cleaned my house when I knew no one was coming over.  I brushed my hair even though I knew I wasn't leaving the home that day.  I realized that I truly had pride in myself when I found myself putting forth a maximum effort doing things that no one would ever see.  I thank my parents for that.  I spent so much time in my life trying to make sure they were happy with my behavior, that I didn't realize that I was benefiting from it myself.

Pride is becoming extinct and it's almost completely non-existent in males.  No one feels ashamed for what they say, how they dress, or how they perform because you can't shame someone who doesn't care.  And if a child doesn't have parents who instills pride in their kids at an early age, then that makes it that much tougher to develop good habits.

This is the society that we live in now.  No one cares any more.  And the people who do care try to keep their families as far away as they can from the people who don't.  I can't say that I blame them.  So many influences of the wrong things flood our television and radio markets and what do we do as parents?  We allow our kids to partake in it.  Why?  Because other kids are doing it.  They're going to hear it anyway.  Why do we let our kids dress like adults?  "Because other kids are doing it."  "They're going to do it anyway."

That's our justification for promoting shame and demoting pride.  SMH.

Do you think that the days of people caring about anything are gone now?

If the parents don't care, then you know the kids won't.

People Still Celebrate R. Kelly?

"Hey, girl!  You like Dora the Explorer?"

I'm watching the BET Awards last night and R. Kelly comes out to perform.  Now, I don't watch a lot of awards shows, but as of late, I've been getting back into them.  I once owned Kelly's "12 Play" CD.  It's one of the greatest R&B albums of all-time, if you ask me.  However, I can no longer listen to it because of the accusations thrown towards Kelly's way.

Here are some of the accusations:

In '96, a woman sued him for having inappropriate sexual relations with her when he was 24 and she was 15.  That case was settled for what was reported as $250,000 and the victim isn't allowed to speak about the case ever again.

In '99, he met a lady who was 17 at the time.  Now, although she said they never had sex until they were 18, she spoke of how backstage at an R. Kelly concert looked like a junior prom from all of the under aged girls.

In '00, his manager retired and said that Kelly needed professional help.  His manager was the uncle of singer, Aaliyah, who was once married to Kelly as a teen before that got annulled.  Rumor has it that he married her because she missed her period and thought she was pregnant.  The marriage would protect him from her being subpoenaed to testify against him in court for a statutory rape charge.  Wives can't testify against their husbands.  However, it was reported that she wasn't pregnant, but only missed her period due to an STD that he gave her.

In '01, a 17 year old claimed Kelly took her virginity.  That case was settled out of court like many others.  Kelly's "girlfriends" tended to want to settle more than put him away.

In '02, a teen said she met Kelly at her prom and eventually wound up pregnant by him.  She claimed that one of his associates took her to get an abortion and she also settled out of court.

What's so sad is that these aren't even all of the accusations made against the popular singer.  There were other cases that I chose not to mention to prevent such a long blog post.  That's a lot of finger pointing to one man if you ask me.  Do these ladies want a payday?  Well, yes.  From the sounds of it, they all did.

But, I personally believe that where there's smoke, there's fire.  And even if all of these accusations aren't true, the marriage to Aaliyah on 8/31/94, which has been confirmed, is enough for me to realize that dude is a pedophile.  But not enough for his fans.  No matter how many people come out of the "wood works," as long as he's keeping people dancing to his music, he gets a pass.

And that's what I saw tonight.  People still celebrate R. Kelly despite the fact that he has the history that he does.  Not me.  Everyone deserves a second chance and everyone deserves to be forgiven.  But, molesting children is the lowest of the low and because of that, I can't listen to him or watch him.

Do you think R. Kelly deserves to be celebrated despite multiple reported pay offs, a marriage to teen Aaliyah, but no convictions?

Why I Hate Disney & Teen Nick

This isn't anything new and I've actually blogged about this before, but sitcom kids have got it made.  I'm watching (not by choice) some Disney movie called "Girl vs. Monster" and this girl is talking to her parents like she's "running things."  She's calling her mom "ridiculous" and telling her parents that they're "ruining her life."

I think this type of action has been rubbing off on kids for a decade or two now.  Kids absolutely do not respect adults like they should, especially their parents.  I've seen parents literally go without so that their kids can enjoy themselves, yet it's never enough for the children.

Now, it's unfair of me to completely blame Disney or Teen Nick because they're just trying to make a buck.  They have no interest in raising your kids and I get that.  Sure, they may act like they care or they may market themselves towards kids, but they just want to be a successful business.  I blame parents for allowing them to watch these channels ad nauseam.  

Parents sit their children down in front of television for hours at a time without a clue to what they're watching. They think that the Cartoon Network is showing harmless cartoons, but instead they're showing adult cartoons. They think Disney is all Mickey Mouse Club, but instead, it's a intermittent display of disrespect being shown to grown ups. They think that Teen Nick is actually benefiting teens when all I tend to see is an inspiration to rebel against parents.

I find it hard to watch some of the shows on these channels because I grew up actually respecting my parents.  Imagine that.  It doesn't mean that at some point of my teen life I didn't rebel.  However, it was few and far between and still tactful when it occurred.  I never referred to my parents as "ridiculous" or said that they "were ruining my life" because I knew the sacrifices they made for me and my brother.  I also knew the consequences for showing disrespect.  Not just to them, but to any adult.  Consequences are a thing of the past now.

I knew that my father would rather be hunting instead of watching me at soccer practice.  I knew that my mom would have rather been fishing instead of working overtime to insure my brother and I got what we wanted for Christmas.  Because of this perspective, I never lost sight on who was in charge and I never ever intentionally disrespected either of them.

I'm so thankful to have wonderful god kids and I'm also glad that my lady has very respectful children.  It's very refreshing to be in their presence and feel the level of respect that they have for me.  To not have to go back and forth with them to get them to respond to the task at hand.

If you want to teach your kid to be worth something in society, then truly monitor what they watch.  If they watch something that isn't conducive for a young mind, then explain to them that Hollywood is make-believe. You may assume that they know this already, but trust me, many don't.

Do you think that today's kids are disrespectful because of unmonitored TV viewing?

Dead Beat Dads Can Suck It

First of all, let me say that I grew up in a two parent household, so "dead beat" doesn't apply to me.  And although I'm a childless man, I do love children.  Watching my god kids grow up over the past decade has been amazing to me.  Seeing how they learn to think and develop is awesome, to say the least.  However (in my best Yosemite Sam voice), "I hates a dead beat dad!"

There is nothing more pathetic than a dude who won't take care of his child(ren).  Wait.  I take that back.  There is something more pathetic: a guy who won't take care of his child(ren) and then goes out and gets someone else pregnant.  Notice that I've yet to use the term "man."  That's not an accident.

Now, I've heard horror stories of females using the child as a pawn in an emotional game with some guys.  But, those stories are few and far between.  A lot of guys want to act like that's the norm, but I'm old enough to know better.  There are very few women who wouldn't want their child to see their father.  Very few!  And even if she doesn't, then that's what the courts are for.  It may be difficult to get sole custody of a child, but it's usually not difficult to get visitation.  There aren't too many courts that would discourage a man visiting his child every other weekend.

Are there some bad chicks out there who play games with the child?  Of course.  But, that doesn't excuse a guy to stoop down to her level at the expense of the child.  Regardless of how much you hate her, handle your business.  Your kid needs your money and your time.  Even if she's constantly telling your kid that you're no good, your actions will make her into a liar every single time if you do the right thing.  At some point, that child will grow old enough to see the real deal.

Some guy recently made the news for not being able to pay child support on 22 kids by 14 different women.  First of all, I'm pretty sure that a majority of these women knew that this guy had more kids than an orphanage when they laid down with him.  So, I don't feel completely sorry for them, but the children didn't ask to be born into a family full of idiots.  Mandatory vasectomies will never be legal here in the U.S., but if they were, then this is the perfect case for it.  I would have snipped this dude at six kids.

If you are a guy and you're not paying your child support, then you are a loser.  I understand that there's an exception to every rule, but 99% of you are losers!

And the celebrities and athletes who cry about the ridiculous amounts of child support that they have to pay can cry me a river.  Boo-freakin'-hoo!  Although I agree that it's ridiculous to hit someone up for $10,000+ month in child support, these celebs/athletes know the deal.  It's not like they're hearing for the first time that child support for famous guys costs a huge amount.  But they love to cry "foul" when they go out and have five babies by six women.  Read that last sentence again and shake your head.  There are way too many examples of guys paying ridiculous amounts of money for someone to act "brand new" when they get taken to court for five digit child support amounts.  Wrap up and keep your cash to yourself.

Idiots.  Oh, by the way... Happy Father's Day!

T.O. cries on and off the field.

Are Parents Too Soft?

"You can't tell me what to do!  I'm running this!"

I'm not a parent.  I have god kids, but it's nothing like being a parent.  I don't have any problems with them because their parents have done a great job in raising them.  Discipline on my part is pretty few and far between.  Usually, it's just a sit-down discussion about what occurred and how things will be going forward "or else."  But, with them, there's never been an "else."  And even if it were, then that would be up to their parents to handle, not me.

However, when I look at kids today, I see them so much differently than I did when I was one of them.  When I was a kid, I knew what the boundaries were because my parents made them perfectly clear.  I don't get that from a lot of today's kids.  I'm seeing kids who push the envelope because their parents haven't set expectations for them.

My parents always made sure that I knew what the limits were and what the consequences were for exceeding them.  There was rarely a gray area and even when one presented itself, the gray was converted to black and white fairly quick.  My parents knew that all of their decisions were not going to be popular in my eyes.  But, they weren't looking to be popular.  They were looking to be parents.

Some parents think that as long as their kids are fed and sheltered, then they've done their job as a parent.  Uh, yeah, maybe if you're a wolf.  But as a human, a child needs much more nurturing.  You have to teach them honor, discipline and respect.  If you're not doing that, then you're not parenting.

I sometimes wonder to myself, "are parents too soft these days?"

I see so many parents trying to be their child's friend instead of their parent.  A parent's only responsibility, in my opinion, is to raise their child to be the best and productive person he / she can be.  That's your only job. If you can keep your child happy in the process, then that's a bonus, but creating a functioning part of society is the main goal.  You can be an authority in your child's life and still have their respect.  It's all about doing what you're say that you're going to do when it comes to consequences.  In order to get to that point, expectations need to be set.  The kid needs to know that if "A" happens, then "B" will occur.

However, some parents are more interested in pleasing their kids rather than raising them.  On the other hand, some parents are downright pushy with what they make their kids do...

"Please.  Help me.  My mom is crazy..."

Duck Face, the Booty Pose and Pigeon Toes

Which one of the three has ruined the art of photography? Ever since they installed a camera in every cell phone, we've been subjected to duck face, the booty pose and pigeon toes. Now, some of you are saying to yourselves, "Q, what in the world are you talking about?"

Well, I'm glad that you asked. You see, here at "Thank, Q," I do more than just rant and tell stories. I try to educate as I entertain. "Edutainment," if you want to quote an old school hip hop group called Boogie Down Productions. So, I will break down all three of these phenomenons that have changed the way we take and view photos:

Duck Face

Quack Click to enlarge.

You can blame Snooki for this one. That busty bag of Cheetos can't face a camera without going into "Mallard mode." This type of pose has probably over taken the peace sign. Then again, there's a high probability that you'll see the peace sign in conjunction with the duck face. I guess some people may think that it's cute when done properly, but I just don't get it. Especially those who overdo it and end up looking a little too much like a duck.

The Booty Pose

Click to maximize the gluteus.

The booty pose has been around since the 2 Live Crew's "Move Somethin'" album. Over time, it's hit mainstream and can be found any where from someones TwitPic to an actress on the Red Carpet at an awards show. The most unsettling thing about this provocative pose is that it's crept its way even into elementary schools. I can't count the number of Facebook photos I've seen from my "friends" who have their daughters turned around with their butt pointed towards the camera. Seriously? Do you think this is cute? If so, "Toddlers & Tiaras" is looking for more tramps in training. If you're grown, then do whatever you want with your butt and your camera, but please keep little kids innocent.

Pigeon Toes

Click to see why pigeons are filing a class action lawsuit.

The "celeb" that I blame for this one? Paris Hilton. Despite the fact that she hasn't been relevant since Brooke Hogan had a hit, her long legs forming a less than / greater than sign has stood the test of time. Now, despite the fact that some people look as if they have a physical disability when they pose, it doesn't look as bad on taller and slimmer women. Kind of like the lady who does the T-Mobile commercials. Although the pose makes her look immature, it doesn't look as deformed as some. I can't stand to see someone who is 5'2" trying to do a pigeon toe pose. It looks like they have to use the bathroom and they're trying to hold it in.



These three poses have changed photos in the 21st century. What poses irk you the most?

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I'm Too Sexy for My School

School photo or Maxim photo?

“Some people might think it’s a little bit sexy or inappropriate. But I think it’s artistic. I think it’s a good expression of who I am as a person,” Sydney Spies told 9News. “I’m a dancer, I’m trying to be a model, I really enjoy photography and I think that this is a good thing to represent me and I think they are taking away my freedom of expression.”

A Denver high school removed Spies' school photos simply because they appeared to be too racy. Imagine that. Yeah, 20 years ago, a person would not have even been able to wear that outfit to school, yet alone take a photo in it for a school publication.

Fast-forward to the 21st century and things have changed. The United States has numbed itself to children and their attire. In fact, even the departments in ladies' clothing stores indicate that society has changed. Here are the different sections these teens can shop in at an average store: Girls, Juniors, Womens, Ladies, Misses and Whores. Okay, maybe I lied on one of those. I don't think "Ladies" is a real section in a department store.

So, when Spies says that she thinks the outfit is "a good expression of who I am as a person," who do you think she is?




I'm sure this Spies girl could be a nice person. She may even be an A-student. But, at what point does someone draw the line? Obviously, her mom supports her when it comes to "expressing herself" since she's picketing for her daughter's so-called rights. So, no help from the "adult." At one point in time, school rules were school rules. Now, each year, it seems like there's some youth movement challenging something. What happened to children being seen and not heard? I guess all of that went out of the window when parents started supporting their children no matter what they wanted to do. "Your teacher took your cell phone just because you were texting in class? The nerve of her! I'm going up to the school tomorrow."

Sad.

Let me explain to some of my younger followers who may be too young to know: parents used to tell kids "no" to certain things back in the 20th century. They would say "no" and there wasn't any further discussion. No negotiating or anything. It was "no" and then silence. They were obligated to raise the child to have standards rather than try to be their friends.

Okay, I know I'm coming off as a butthole to the 20-somethings, but the point I'm trying to make is we have to stop lowering our standards and giving in to everything as a nation. Today, Sydney Spies, tomorrow Dennis Rodman, Jr. will show up to class naked to express himself. When does it stop? Aren't the prom photos we've seen over the last ten years scary enough?

All about expression, right?

Attending a prom or a "Spartacus" audition?

Looks like her expression has already earned her a stalker!

What's Wrong With A Yellow Dog?

Yellow dog - A slang term referring to a school bus.

Okay, this is another one of my rants about when I was young, we did things this way type of deals. When I was young, (stop laughing), I would guess that 85% of the students in my school rode a bus. We would get up early, make our way to the bus stop, hop on and sit two-to-a-seat on the way to a day of school. This was done to-and-from school for 10 years for me. Eventually, I got old enough to drive and chauffeured myself the last two years of high school.

Fast forward to 2011. I have no way of verifying this, but based on what I'm seeing, I think it's safe to say that 85% of kids don't ride the bus these days. How do I know? Because every day, I sit behind a line of cars and minivans dropping off their kids at a nearby elementary and middle school.

(start rant here)

What's wrong with the bus? Is your child too good to ride the bus? Are you one of those parents who think that removing your child from the real world is some how protecting them? Now, if your bus happens to be over-crowded, then I can understand not subjecting your kid to that. But, don't think that it won't some how cause some animosity with the kids who do ride the bus. Kids will hate on other kids who are different. Bullies may ride the bus, but they will still see your child at school and could harass them for being too good for the bus.

Can someone explain to me, a non-parent, why so many kids don't ride the bus?

If I'm barking up the wrong tree on this, then tell me. I can admit when I'm wrong and I know that there are exceptions to every rule. But, I just don't see why half of my hometown sits in front of the school, blocking traffic, as I go to work daily.