Sunday, February 13, 2011

The Grammys: Play-By-Play

I hate award shows. I truly do. The people I always think deserve to win never win. It's some sort of popularity contest or who creates the biggest story more so than who's actually the most talented (in my opinion).

Having said all of that, I felt the need to watch The Grammys tonight. Why?

A) There's no football to occupy my Sunday Night
B) Everyone else and their grandmother will be watching and tweeting, so I may as well join the fun, right?
C) I pray that Kanye West gets on stage and says, "Willow Smith's video was better than Justin Beiber's" or something.

So, check in from time-to-time this evening to see updates on what I'm seeing.

6:25 PM Central Time - On E's Red Carpet Show, Ryan Seacrest is interviewing Willow Smith and asked her to turn around and say "hello" to Miley Cyrus. Willow turns around and gives Miley a look like, "uh, isn't this interview about me?"

6:34 PM - Katy Perry shows up with her grandmother and a dress with angel wings on it. She really thinks a lot of herself to be wearing angel wings. It looks like she's carrying a pelican on her back. I have to admit though, she's not bad. All of her songs sound alike, but she's still a pretty good entertainer. Showed way too much cleavage on Sesame Street though! LOL!

6:41 PM - Rihanna busting out in a white Michelin Man dress. Nice! I wonder if she had anything under those clouds? How was she able to walk any way? Maybe she had some of Diddy's guys carrying her on their backs.

6:59 PM - Didn't Nicki Minaj wear that dress during her SNL "Bride of Blackenstein" skit last week? She looks like the Heat Miser from those claymation Christmas shows I watched as a kid. I thought she was more interested in looking like a Barbie Doll, but here she just looks like a mess.

7:04 PM - Christina, Martina, Florence, Yolanda, and Jennifer sing for 15 minutes, but I kind of enjoyed the tribute to The Queen of Soul (who has lost a lot of weight). Hopefully Aretha gets better and can be present at next year's Grammys. I'm also happy that Christina got all of the words right to her lyrics. However, she did stumble (although not over a lyric). She almost fell at the end of the segment.

7:24 PM - What's up with Lady Gaga's shoulders? Coming out of an egg is freaky enough to not have pointy shoulders. And has she basically stolen every act (and melody) from Madonna? She even had the long ponytail like Madonna did in "Vogue." For real, if you closed your eyes and listened, you would have thought it was Madonna performing. I'm now dubbing her "Magaga."

7:47 PM - "Sucker Punch" is my type of movie. Action, bad women, and no plot. Nice!

7:49 PM - I didn't know if Bruno Mars was trying to recapture Ricky Ricardo or some sort of Jermaine Jackson flashback with his hairstyle. Wow.

7:57 PM - Funny Tweet -> @rustymk2 RT by CIH8U2 "Katy Perry is the Samuel L. Jackson of pop-stars. There's no grey area. the verses go like this. THE CHORUSES GO LIKE THIS."

8:00 PM - They've given out two awards. No wonder they give out awards prior to the show because at the rate their going, we'll be a few days away from next year's Grammys before they're done. An hour in and two trophies?

8:05 PM - We have our first Beiber on-stage sighting! It's the first time I've heard the kid sing live. He's a talent when it comes to sing/playing music! I have to give him his props! I think he's lip-synching tonight though. The Mrs. isn't impressed at all. Are there plenty of other artists who deserve a movie before him? Definitely. But, he got a chance and he took advantage of it. Milk it, Justin. Milk America for what they give you. I can't hate on that.

8:07 PM - Usher shows how original he is with a 2011 version of Janet Jackson's "Rhythm Nation." My boss texted me and said that, "if it wasn't for MJ (Michael Jackson), nobody would know how to dance."

I agree 100%. I'm still waiting on someone to do something different.

8:22 PM - Lady Gaga wins an award and shows up on stage with a butt of armor. I can't explain her outfit, but imagine two tortoise shells on each cheek.

8:31 PM - Not only did Bob Dylan sound bad, he sounded badly for three minutes. Why did they leave him on stage for so long? He's so far from "there's a choice we're makin'" in "We Are The World." How does he still sell CD's?

8:47 PM - The NBC logo makes an appearance on CBS to sing "Forget You." He definitely stole that from Elton John's closet. I had no idea Fraggle Rock got down like that.

8:55 PM - Funny Tweet -> @CIH8U2 "30 years and Cyndi Lauper still doesn't own a comb"

8:56 PM - Katy Perry sings from a swing. When Maxim picked her as their #1 lady in their Top 100 for 2010, I didn't quite get it. But, now I can see what they mean. She's a very cute woman. It's hard to be cute and sexy. Some of you are confused right now by that statement, so maybe I'll blog about it some day. There is a difference and some women are fortunate enough to be both.

9:04 PM - "Need You Now" is Song of The Year. It's a very good song with excellent lyrics, so I get that. I can't argue with that selection at all although I have no idea who the group is.

9:13 PM - I'm sorry, but Rihanna has a head shaped like a rattlesnake.

9:23 PM - Another repeat of Alicia Keys commercial for HP. I wonder if she stole that ad spot from another woman?

9:31 PM - Funny Tweet -> @CIH8U2 "To everybody under 25...Best New Artist goes to someone talented ever since that Milli Vanilli Fiasco..."

9:35 PM - Out comes Mick Jagger with his first performance at The Grammys. He looks like Angelina Jolie and a raw chicken had a kid.

9:42 PM - Funny Tweet -> @BasseyworldLive "I'm mad that Usher is 150 years younger than Mick Jagger but was out of breath after his performance. Mick looks like he could go again."

10:00 PM - Rihanna sounds like an eight year old singing karaoke. She is arguably one of the worst live performers in the game right now. Bobby Brown thinks her live singing sucks.

10:17 PM - This stuff is still on. I thought for sure I'd be watching the news and kicking back in the bed by now. Instead I'm watching these million dollar commercials for Target. Wait. Do the Grammys command that type of money for an ad spot? I doubt it. Maybe $250k. What's a Grammy anyway? Okay, I'm babbling.

10:26 PM - Last performance and I'm unsure of the group's name. They won Album of The Year over some big names, so I'm assuming they're talented. They're song isn't bad, but a little too much percussion. I think CBS did a horrible job with the sound on this broadcast. A lot of drop outs and I think they missed Eminem dropping an "F-bomb" in one of his lyrics. Weren't they the station who showed Janet's nips during the Super Bowl?

This has been fun, guys! Difficult, but fun. It's hard coming up with things to discuss and find photos at the same time. I'm still mad I couldn't find a photo of Lady Gaga's tortoise shell butt implants. I'm sure you'll see it at some point on tomorrow. This is the first awards show I've watched in its entirety in probably 25 years, so this was a big deal to me.

Catch you guys later. It's time for me to watch the local news and catch some Z's. I just hope that I don't have any nightmares of Rihanna, who I'm sure is a Visitor, screaming like a banshee while an alien-shaped Lady Gaga is chasing me with raw steaks.

Thank, Q for Common Sense!: The Billboard Awards: Play-By-Play

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