Sports "Journalism" Has Turned Into Reality TV

I once was a huge fan of the talking head shows on ESPN.  From "Pardon the Interruption" to "First Take", I was setting my DVR to "embrace debate".

However, over time, I started to get suspicious of the content that I was viewing on a regular basis.  The debates started to get really outlandish.  The talking heads were not being objective over the topics of the day, but instead, they started showing a bias based on their favorite team/player.  And every day one of the talking heads would make what appeared to be an illogical statement based on how he/she felt rather than anything pertaining to the game itself.

The shows I once enjoyed because of the great points that were being made had turned into reality TV.  They looked to be over-produced prescheduled arguments that cause an MSNBC/FOX News type of divide with the viewers.  The debates are now more heated than some of the arguments I've witnessed in sports bars and sometimes with just as little analytics involved.  It's great for ratings, but bad for sports fans. 

I've had a hard time facing the fact that nothing is sacred any more.  The media only cares about increasing viewership and if that means having someone screaming about "LeBron being better than Jordan" or "Baker Mayfield being the next Tom Brady", then they're all for it.  They don't care if the arguments have been run into the ground or if the points attempted to be made are valid or not.

ESPN, FOX Sports, NBC Sports, and CBS Sports are all trying to out-crazy one another to get the more eyes on their screens and I think that it's working.  Unfortunately, I can no longer lend my eyes to the count.  These shows are no different than "Real Housewives of (Insert City Here)" to me.  Just a bunch of fake outrage over cliche topics.  I guess it's back to reading sports websites because these shows just don't hold any value to me anymore.

Why I Think Ayesha Curry Was Dead Wrong

Meet Ayesha Curry.  Chances are, you already know her.

Tonight is Game 7 of the NBA Finals and very few are actually talking about the game itself.  Just about everyone has spent the last few days discussing what Ayesha Curry tweeted about Game 6.

Mrs. Curry essentially insinuated that the NBA is"fixed" to allow Cleveland to extend the series to a Game 7.  A 7th game brings about more money through TV ratings and ticket sells.

As much as I love the Curry family and how they represent themselves, I think that she crossed over the line with her tweet.  Way over the line.

However, let me backtrack a bit.  Since the creation of the "Basketball Wives" TV show, it appears to me that a lot of women have come to the forefront of the game.  My only problem is with the ones who are bringing that reality show element along with them.  Sports fans honestly don't care what you think, good or bad.  We want to see Skip Bayless, Jemele Hill, Stephen A. Smith, and the likes discuss the game.  Not the wives of players.

Why?

Because wives of players are always going to side with their husbands.  Duh.  Where's the journalistic integrity of that (not to say that all talking heads on ESPN have integrity).  Brent Grimes of the NFL has a wife who is so outspoken that he has difficulty even signing with a team.  Imagine that!  Not being able to get a job because of your wife's actions on social media (and in real life for Miko Grimes).

Here's the tweet heard around the world (that she deleted afterwards).

And I want all the people who are supporting Ayesha to think about that.  If your husband comes home and discloses to you that someone at his job is holding him back, is your first thought to go on social media and bash his company?  Absolutely not.  Because you know that he will be out of a job if you do.

So, why do you give Ayesha Curry a pass on doing the exact same thing?  Because Steph is too talented to get fired from the Warriors?  Well, that's true, but that doesn't make it right.  Because believe it or not, Steph has been totally impacted in a negative way by his wife's antics.  He will never say that publicly because it's his wife.  Duh again.  But she's done more harm than good.

How so?

It's Game 7 and what who are we talking about?  Ayesha Curry.

Who are the reporters asking Steph Curry about in the interviews leading up to the game?  Not Lebron, but Ayesha.

What questions are Steph's teammates getting asked about in interviews leading up to the game?  Not about the Cavaliers, but about if they think the games are rigged.

And if the tweet was not enough, she challenged an ESPN talking head legend in Stephen A. Smith into a war of words.  He called her out on being a distraction to the team and her response was to challenge what he said and be even more of a distraction.  She even said that Stephen A. was pitting women against women simply because he stated that Lebron's wife, Savannah, experiences much more scrutiny of her husband than anyone in the league, yet she lets him handle it.  Imagine that.  A woman letting a man fight his own battles.  I would personally be offended if I had a wife who attempted to fight my battles for me.  That's emasculating.  It's just not right and it's humiliating.

Steph Curry is going into what could be the biggest game of his career and no one is really talking about the game.  And even if Ayesha Curry is correct in her accusations, how is she going to prove it?  What if she pissed the referees off so much (they're human) that they decide that they're not going to call many fouls tonight?  They may decide just to let the guys play it out and stay out of the picture.  A physical game favors Cleveland and not Golden State, so that would hurt her husband's chances of winning.  How is her tweet going to help her husband tonight?

Newsflash: It won't.

I'm not a fan of either team, but I do hope that tonight's game is a close one and has plenty of action.  I am a fan of both Savannah and Ayesha.  I'm a fan of Savannah's for being able to stay away from the spotlight, as tempting as it may be.  And I'm a fan of Ayesha's for how she's handled the spotlight, up until now.

It's not that Ayesha isn't entitled to her opinions.  She just has to realize that once she becomes the story, she becomes a target for criticism.  It doesn't matter if it's justified or not.  That's just how the media works.  And any criticism of her affects her husband's game whether anyone believes it or not.  It also puts him in a bad place with his teammates who also are affected by the controversy.

The last thing a player wants to worry about in a locker room is his wife/girlfriend or family.  You have to worry about how the media will make her look.  You have to worry about if some deranged fan(s) will accost her and hold her responsible if Golden State loses.  We live in a world where those two things are very likely.

Ayesha will probably have her own cooking show or something in the future.  She's a likeable person and she has the ability to brighten up any room.  She's one of the more positive recognizable figures in social media today and we need more like her.

But tweets can't beat microphones.  In a game between Ayesha Curry vs. ESPN, I'm putting my money down on ESPN every time.  I hope that she now realizes that she's fighting a losing battle and that she takes the high road going forward.

Celebrities & Sex Tapes

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Guess Why You Don't Have A Mate or Friends?

I think that it's ridiculous the number of people that I encounter who have entitlement issues.  Being active on Twitter and Facebook will subject you to so many people who no idea what it takes to be a decent human being yet alone maintain a relationship or a friendship.

Since when did "I get what I want or else" become the standard for relationships/friendships?

Reality TV is the epitome of what not to do in a relationship or marriage.  The reality shows that are centered around family basically show one spouse trying to one-up the other.  It's all about leverage.  One person is constantly trying to have his or her way without any regards to the other person's feelings.  It's the most pathetic way for any couple to live.

Sadly, our kids are being brought up in this environment and yes, they will be worse.  Why?  Because it's all they know in regards to how relationships work (unless their parents teach them otherwise).  People around 30 years old and up grew up with shows like The Cosby Show or Family Ties.  They know what a normal family looks like.

People between 20-30 grew up on Martin, Living Single, Seinfeld and other shows that promoted shacking or fast-moving relationships.  You didn't see too many marriages in the 90's in regards to popular sitcoms.

People under 20 watched The Simple Life, Jersey Shore, Real Housewives of (Insert City Here), Love & Hip-Hop, etc.  They've seen nothing but dysfunction in regards to relationships and family structure.  They see constant examples of people disrespecting their mate, family, friends and even themselves.  They think that if someone isn't doing what they want them to do, then it's okay to do things to hurt them emotionally, verbally and in some cases physically.

That treatment has now become the standard for a lot of people.  If someone says something to hurt their mate's feelings, then there are no apologies.  There is no understanding.  Just a "sucks to be you" attitude is all you'll get from the offender.  Because if you don't agree with them then you're their enemy.  It's personal.  You're against them.  "How dare you not see my point of view although I don't care about yours!"

When it comes to friendship, if you find yourself not caring what someone thinks of you, then something is wrong.  I'm not saying that a person's opinion of you defines who you are, but I am saying that something is fundamentally wrong with someone who is okay with having enemies.

How many of these ignorant memes have you seen on IG:

"Trust gets you killed?" Uh, who are you trusting? Scarface?

I'm not even sure if I know what this means, but it had a ton of Likes on IG.

Excuse the language on the photo, but I wanted to show the pure ignorance that exists in cyberspace.  IG is a place where people with absolutely nothing to say have an audience.  It just reinforces the bad attitudes that we see in society.  If your friend seems to be spending more time with other people than you, then you call them "fake."  If your mate doesn't do the things you want them to do, then they're disrespecting you.  Relationships and friendships grow harder and harder to maintain every day because people just can't see that their attitude is the problem and not the people around them.

I spend a lot of time chatting with people online and talking to them on radio shows and podcasts.  They all ask the same questions about having friends or a significant other yet refuse to believe that everything starts with them.  Whenever I ask about what they bring to the table they go into defense mode.  It's always someone else's fault.  SMH.

What brings about that sense of entitlement that makes a person think they're always right?

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Don't Let The Money Make You

Black people are always looking for role models and we have plenty in the world right in front of us. However, we don't want to make a movie about one unless they're an athlete, singer or actor. Uh, oh, I need to get on my soapbox for a minute.

(steps up)

Where are the movies about black doctors, counselors, teachers and people who make a real difference in the lives of millions? Why am I constantly bombarded with movies about black maids and butlers as if there aren't any black humanitarians? Why can't I watch an inspiring movie about a black person providing help instead of being "The Help?"

Let's think about some of the "black" movies for 2013: "Kevin Hart: Let Me Explain", Tyler Perry's "Temptation" and his movie, "We the Peeples", "Fruitvale Station," "42," "Haunted House" with the Wayans, and "After Earth."  Two comedies, two Tyler Perry flicks, a tragedy, a sports movie on racism and a sci-fi movie with Will Smith and his kid. Those are my options. No movie like the one on Steve Jobs. No "Great Gatsby."  No "Wolf of Wall Street."  Do you see what I'm saying?

People probably think that no one would watch it, but I disagree. Black people attend the movies probably more than any other race. It's not that we don't crave quality movies about role models, it's just that Hollywood won't make movies like that. In fact, we may only be a decade away from all black movies being complete foolishness at the theaters just like today's music is a joke on some of the mainstream radio stations.

Hollywood isn't going to make these movies. People like my man Archie in the Virgin Islands may some day, but he's not financially in a position to do that now to my knowledge. This is why people like Harry Belafonte get upset and preach about social responsibility. Because the black people capable of making this type of impact in society aren't interested in making a difference, they're only interested in making more money. So, since no one wants to be a leader in 2013, then black people who really matter in this country become irrelevant to society.

People are always quick to say "make that money, don't let the money make you." Well, that's what's been happening for the last 15-20 years. Now, what a person does with their money is their business, but what I say with my mouth is mine. And some things just need to be said.

People are letting the money "make them" by dictating everything they do or don't do on their next paycheck. "If I speak out against this group then I'll lose revenue." If you think this way, then make no mistake about it, the dollar is making you.

Back to the movies... I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with the movies that I named. I loved "42." I'm sure that I'll laugh at Kevin Hart's movie when I finally see it. I'll even watch "After Earth" once it reaches the $3 everything must go bin at Target.

I'm just saying that black people need some balance in America. We need some good to equal out the bad and the foolishness. For every Trinidad James we need a Kendrick Lamar. For every Shaunie O'Neal, we need a Kerry Washington. We can't have 20 reality shows of black women pulling out each other's weave to every one primetime drama.

If I were a white person who didn't personally know any black folks, I'd lock my doors every time I saw someone who even looked like they had a tan. Because the movies say if they're not working for me, then TV says that I should be afraid of them. All because we don't have representation.

I'm off my soap box now.

(steps down)

Understand Teen-Aged Girls

This is their life: Instagram.  LOL!

Okay, so here's my response if you were to ask me the best way to understand teen-aged girls: don't even try it!  I don't even understand adult women, so there's absolutely no way that I can figure out a teen-aged girl.  Let me start from the beginning...

My girlfriend has teen-aged daughters and I hang out with them from time-to-time.  Listening to them talk to one another usually leaves my eyes crossed.  Not that it's difficult to understand what they're saying because they're intelligent kids.  It's just that their conversation is so random that it takes you around the world before you realize what's happening.

The life of a teen-aged girl changes almost every five minutes.  From "she's my best friend" to "I hate her" in less than an hour.  Or "I love my outfit" to "this makes me look lame" in 20 minutes.  Or "that's my song right there" for every single song that plays on the radio.  Posing for Instagram photos over 50 times in a day.  It's just too much for my 41 year old manly mind to grasp!

I grew up with just an older brother, so I never really had to deal with teen-aged girls aside from a few cousins who would visit from out of state every now and then.  And things were much different growing up in the 80's than they are now.  There was no fascination with being a "mean girl," the music on the radio was mostly about love or dancing, no social networking and there was absolutely no reality TV.

Now, each child thinks that she's a movie star thanks to Instagram, Vine, Twitter, etc.  Thanks to reality shows, kids learn how to develop cliques and feel "disrespected" by things that aren't even remotely disrespectful.  Wait.  I know some adults who are like that, too.

Anyhoo, it's very fascinating to talk to them and although I leave scratching my head, I do enjoy it.  It's a brand new element to me and it's captivating to know what goes through the mind of a teen-aged girl.  I thought that I would have to wait another 8-10 years for my god daughter to provide me with this "everything is a crisis" lifestyle, but it appears that I may have inherited it.  So far, I'm loving every minute of it.

Any advice for talking a teen-aged girl "off the ledge" for these modern day manufactured problems that they have?

Stupid People Have Stupid Children

Photo courtesy of the last presidential debate.

Okay, I need to step on my soap box for a bit.  Let me start off by saying that I'm not perfect.  However, one thing that I am is fair.  Unfortunately, that's a trait that has gone the way of the dinosaur.  As a blogger and talk radio show host, I read/hear a lot of opinions from people all over the world.  It's so sad to me that people think the way that they do.  I'm not just talking about a difference of opinions because that will happen.  I'm talking about how a lot people argue their opinions: with emotions.

You cannot debate something based on emotions.  Let me repeat: you cannot debate something based on emotions.  You can only debate something with logic.  Logic contains facts and facts are what win debates.

Emotions are important in everyday living, but they generally make a person unreasonable in debates.  They can cause you to repeat your argument, but only louder, to attempt to make a point.  They make you feel personally attacked in an argument that's not even about you.  They make you say stupid things like "just because" which is what people say when they don't have facts to support their argument.  You're just emotional.

But, let me get back to the fairness thing again.  What's bothering me is how people allow their emotions to do/say something that they absolutely know is wrong or unfair to another.  Here's an example: a man will father a child with someone he won't marry.  He and the woman get into an argument and because he doesn't like her, he won't support his child.

That's the epitome of stupid to me.  A man who denies his child because his feelings got hurt is a punk.  There's just no arguing that.  Regardless if that woman cheated on you with your best friend, the child still has to eat, be clothed and medicated regularly at a cost.  If a guy fails to see that because of the tears in his eyes over a woman, then he's a shell of a man.

Now, before you ladies stand up and clap, this foolishness applies to you, too.  In fact, despite the fact that women are said to mature quicker than men, that maturity is sometimes reduced by your emotions.  This is why we see the most popular reality shows with a predominantly female cast.  Because there isn't a shortage of women willing to turn a small disagreement into World War III.  Feeling the need to be right at the expense of others is the reason why so many of you are single and/or without friends.

It's a shame that our country is so volatile and that it thrives on divisiveness.  Black vs. white.  Young vs. old.  Democrats vs. Republicans.  Men vs. women.  All of this debating fueled with emotion instead of logic is why this country is filled with stupid people.  And stupid people have stupid children.  If you don't believe me, then follow a dumb kid home and see if someone just as dumb doesn't answer the door.

It is so frustrating to assume that each time I go into a debate, whether it's a serious topic or even something as trivial as sports, that I may be the only person with reasoning and facts behind my argument.  The other person may just have some emotional attachment to whatever it is they're supporting without any other debate ammunition.  I can definitely say that I truly understand why this country is deeper in a rut with each passing day, morally and financially.

We blame Obama, we blame teachers, we'll even blame the kid down the street and everyone else instead of ourselves.  We never blame ourselves.  After all, we can't be wrong because what we're saying "feels right."

Garbage.

(steps off soap box)

"Just because that's the way it should be!"

Blow Bill. Book Deal.

"Hey, Hillary!  Hey, girl!"

She's baaaaacccckkk! After 14 years, Monica Lewinsky, everyone's favorite White House intern has returned! Well, by "everyone," I mean men.

She's reportedly received a $12 million deal to tell how she and President Bill Clinton "got it on" under the nose of Hillary Clinton in the White House. 

According to the Huffington Post, a friend of Monica's said, "She has been through enough already and all this happened 14 years ago. She has put it behind her and moved on with her life."

O_o 

Choke yourself, fool. If she was past it, then she wouldn't be releasing a book on how she she gave oral in the Oval.  I can't stand when someone makes such an idiotic statement in an attempt to protect someone who doesn't deserve it.

Yes, I said that she doesn't deserve it.  Although I never thought that Monica Lewinsky was attempting to gain fame back in 1998, she was still a bad person for what she did.  Sure, she was only 21 years old when she was "taken advantage of," but even 16 year olds understand the concept of being a "side piece."  She knew exactly what and who she was doing when she did Bill.  Back then, I honestly thought that her intention was to steal Bill from Hillary.  So, because of that, I never thought she was anything other than a jaded lover.  However, the money she's made from spreading the news on her and Bill with interviews and now a new book qualifies her as a whore.

Whore (noun): a woman who engages in promiscuous sexual intercourse, usually for money.

The fact that Dictionary.com defines it as "a woman" may be a little sexist.  LOL!  But, I digress.  Now, before any of you fix your mouth to say, "But, Q, Bill cheated.  Why aren't you chastising him?"

Because Bill didn't use this story to elevate his social status in the world.  He was already the President of the U.S. and a well-documented cheat.  He didn't sleep with Monica to get paid, he slept with her to get his rocks off.  That doesn't make him a good guy, but it doesn't make him a hooker either.

Monica flipped this into interviews, books and even had a TV show shortly after the scandal went public.  Only in America can you be a mistress, gold digger or low-budget porn star and get treated like a hero or role model.

Monica was the blueprint for many famous people that we see on TV now.  Kim Kardashian, Amy Fisher and quite a few others went from scandal to household name.  She took what most people, from before my generation, would have been ashamed to admit and turned it into fame and fortune.  Do you remember way back in the day when people used to cheat and actually tried to hide it?  Yeah, those were the good ol' days, huh?  Now, not only will someone steal your significant other from you, they will email the photos/videos of it to you as well.  There's no self-respect now.

Monica will make plenty of money once she releases her book.  I do think that people are still nosy enough to want to know about how Bill and her "got down."  They'll want to hear if he said anything negative about Hillary.  They'll want to hear how Monica, keeping that nasty, stained dress, was simply keeping a memento of the man that she loved and that it wasn't "insurance."  Miss Lewinsky just wants you to understand where her state of mind was back in the late '90's.  She wants to convince the public that she didn't go into the relationship thinking "blow Bill, book deal."  She's not interested at all in being a household name at all, right?

When it's all said and done, remember that you can't spell "household" name without the "ho."

"Like this, right, Monica?"

Real Housewives of Panama City Beach

Last week, while on vacation, I was part of a reality show without realizing it. The Mrs. and I were on vacation in Panama City Beach, FL and decided to hit up a restaurant called The Egg & I. Great restaurant, by the way. Anyhoo, we were seated right next to a couple of ladies who had plenty to say and didn't use their "inside voices."

One lady was blond and looked to be in her late 40's. She was dressed in a really nice slimming dress and her heels looked expensive. Her makeup was well-done and her hair was in place. The 2nd lady was brunette, looked late 30's and I didn't get to see her ensemble since she was seated already by the time The Mrs. and I were seated. However, she was "reality show attractive" with her hair and makeup in place.

The blond and I are sitting back-to-back in our booths, so everything she says is loud and clear to me. However, I simply tuned her out and The Mrs. and I ordered our food (pancakes, scrambled eggs and turkey sausage) and she started surfing on the iPad while I checked Twitter. As I'm perusing my tweets, I tried not to do so, but couldn't help but overhear the conversation between the two ladies seated behind us. It went something like this...

"I'm going to get my tits done and when I do, my husband is not going to benefit from them one bit." said the blond.

"You're leaving him?" asked the brunette.

"He bores me." replies the blond.

I pay the conversation no mind, but the next sentence I heard really got my attention...

"I had to rush to get my taxes done," started the blond. "I got someone to do it for me for free. I had to give him a blow job first though."

"Really?" replied the brunette as if that's an everyday thing. "Girl, at least yours are done."

Now, my ears have perked up like a police dog. Did I hear her correctly? She went "bobbing for taxes?" I hope she at least has a refund coming. I listened closer to their conversation...

"Did you see what Debra had on today?" asked the blond.

"No, what was it?" the brunette inquired.

"She was wearing her 'come rape me' dress" the blond answered with a sarcastic overtone. "The same one she wore the week before she got that new advertising account."

"Girl, it must be working then because she's been all smiles with her commission checks" said the brunette.

So, our food arrives and I'm distracted from the conversation. The Mrs. keeps looking at me oddly because my eyes are bigger than hubcaps. "Can you hear these ladies behind me?" I whisper.

"What?" she asked more focused on her turkey sausage.

At this point, despite how good my raspberry granola pancake looks, I try to get refocused on the conversation behind me. It's like listening to the "Real Houswives of Panama City Beach" or something. Maybe I should be looking for a camera crew...

"Girl, who did your Botox last time?" the brunette asked.

"I can't remember his name because he sucked," started the blond, "I had to tuck my cheeks behind my nose less than a week later because of the crappy job he did."

"Girl, you should use my guy" the brunette says. "He did my lips, too."

"They do look good!" the blond compliments. "Maybe you can get your taxes done, too!"

(They LOL!)

At this point, I couldn't make out the conversation as much. However, what I heard was an earful! I know everyone has a friend that you may get down and dirty into conversation with at times, but that loudly in public?

Here's what I said on Twitter while the conversation was going on. Start at the bottom and work your way up.

Have you ever overheard an inappropriate conversation?

Maxim-izing Dollars

Evelyn Lozada has gone from ashy to classy, back to ashy and now back to classy! Let me explain for those unfamiliar with this Basketball "Wife." Evelyn is the former long-term girlfriend (I think of double-digit years) of ex-Boston Celtic, Antoine Walker. Antoine was an all-star player who played his way to over $100 million dollars in the NBA only to lose it all because of a gambling problem. It was a very sad story as he gambled his worth down to $4 million dollars with over $12 million in debt when he filed for bankruptcy.

This eventually led to Antoine and Evelyn dissolving their relationship. Rumors say that Antoine gave her $560k to hide from financial investigators for safe keeping, but Evelyn used it to open her business down in the Miami area. She told investigators that she sold her engagement ring to get the money for her business. For her sake, she'd better be telling the truth about the lump sum because those investigators will find out if she lied.

Despite the new business, Evelyn had gone from a basketball "wife" of a $100 million dollar man to a basketball "wife" of a man in debt facing potential jail time for fraudulent checks. Some people say that she left Antoine because he was broke, but others say that his gambling problems and legal troubles drove her away. Whether she was a gold digger or not, Evelyn was no longer living the high life.

Along comes the "Basketball Wives" reality show. The show featured a bunch of women (ironically, most of them are not married) who sit around night clubs, drinking expensive alcohol and arguing with one another. Of course, in the 21st century, that's the formula for a hit show. The result: Evelyn has worked her way up to millionaire status while Antoine is playing minor league basketball making just a little more than me. She used her relationship with him to parlay it into being a reality star. Like it or not, it's legal and a lot of people are using their brush with fame to make it big today. You don't have to be famous to get famous. Just know someone.

Evelyn became one of the more popular women on the show. She's trended on Twitter numerous times and has flipped her role on the show into multiple appearances on-screen and online. She has raised her status even higher with a recent appearance in Maxim magazine. For those unfamiliar with Maxim, it is one of the premier, non-nude, men's magazine. Arguably, the most popular men's magazine in the last 15 years. Evelyn has also moved on in her dating life and has gotten engaged to NFL all-star, Chad Ochocinco, who just played in the Super Bowl a couple of weeks ago. They're set to get married this summer which will be a nice season premier for a new reality show. Don't be surprised if this union of reality show personalities gives birth to a potential Chad and Evelyn reality show centered around their upcoming wedding. Cha-ching! Chad is no stranger to reality shows after his short VH1 dating show stint "Ochocinco: The Ultimate Catch." On that show, he selected a young lady by the name of Rubi Pazmino (who, by the way, is smoking hot) and they dated for a while shortly before Ochocinco finding love with Evelyn.

Look, you all that have read my blog long enough know that I despise reality shows. I think that they take people without talent, who will work for cheap, and turn them into glorified YouTube stars. But, I can't get mad at Evelyn. She's living the new American dream: take your 15 minutes of fame and flip it into an hour of fame. It's all about Maxim-izing dollars.

Side note: The winner of the Book Giveaway for "Full Rising Mooner" was selected by The Mrs. and will be announced soon!


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What Happened to @TaylorCorley927?

As you know, I did a couple of posts on Taylor (Stone) Corley a while back (here and here). A college cheerleader turned Playboy model was supposed to be getting into the reality TV biz. I started following her on Twitter (after declaring myself as her underground agent) and I waited for her show, "Girl Swag," to air.

Now, for those of you who have read even just a few of my blog posts, you know that I despise reality shows. But, I was pulling for Taylor simply because I thought she was mistreated by my local media when it was revealed that a Mississippi State cheerleader had decided to pose for Playboy. She really caught a lot of negative publicity which ultimately led to her quitting the cheerleading squad. She eventually disappeared off of Mississippi State's campus.

Now it appears that she's disappeared off the face of the earth. Her tweets are few and far between and outside of partying and tanning, I don't know what she's doing career-wise. Maybe she's chillin' until her Playboy money runs low. Who knows?

I do know this: "Girl Swag" doesn't even appear in IMDB. Did the show not get the green light? I'm guessing that it didn't which means it's back to the drawing board for Taylor. Coming off of a Playboy shoot, I'm thinking she should give "Girls Next Door" a try or "Celebrity Apprentice." There's absolutely no reason why she shouldn't get an opportunity to build a career off of her looks like so many others have done.

Taylor, if you're still out there, then I'd love to hear what you have coming up as far as future endeavors are concerned. Hit up my comments section and catch me up!

Don't give up, Taylor! Hit me up and I'll give you some ideas for shows! :) .

Animal Planet Has Turned Into VH1

When I turned on my DirecTV receiver for the very first time in '97, one of my favorite channels was The Animal Planet. This channel took me back to my childhood and the days of "Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom" and its host, Marlin Perkins. Mr. Perkins' show aired weekly and gave an up-close and personal look at animals. A lot of those close looks came via camera zoom which was completely understandable! He was the original Steve Irwin to my generation. His show not only taught you lessons on different animals, but he also would catch many of them to give you a better look. He did so while rarely putting himself or his assistants in danger.

Marlin Perkins

Fast-forward to 2011 and like everything else in the world, animal shows have gone extreme. They don't just teach about animals any more, they take the most dangerous, yet exciting approach to catching these animals. "Rattlesnake Republic," "Swamp Wars," "Dragon Catcher" to name a few. Okay, I made the last one up, but trust me, if dragons existed, some dude in a t-shirt, Umbro shorts and Crocs would catch one bare-handed.

These shows feature people who hunt dangerous animals for a living. Now, that doesn't sound so bad, but there's one thing to keep in mind: these people rarely use any special equipment to protect themselves from these animals! The late Steve Irwin used to run through the wilderness in khaki shorts looking for poisonous snakes. During Shark Week, some fool decided to take a swim (with no cage) with tiger sharks... at night. As if doing it during the day wasn't dangerous enough! And every 15 minutes, I see a commercial of some idiots sticking their hand into underwater logs and caves trying to pull out giant catfish.

"What do you do if you feel a diamond-shaped head and fangs?"

When will it stop? When someone gets eaten? If so, will they air it? I'm all for learning about animals and getting a closer look, but there's a reason they're called "wild animals:" they're unpredictable and potentially dangerous. So, when some 200 lb. catfish drowns one of those hand fishers or some moose, who has his mating session interrupted, decides to kick some trespasser to sleep, then don't say no one told you so.

Memo to extreme animal catchers: the next time you see a cheetah on the Serengeti and decide that you want a closer look, just stop and ask yourself, "What would Marlin Perkins do?"

He'd break out the zoom lens on his camera, that's what he'd do.

Year Two: What Now?

My blogging anniversary just passed on the 15th and now I'm into Year Two. What now? How can I top Year One? When I think of all of the things that I did to try and set my blog apart from others, I'm unsure of how to try and continue to do so. I guess I first need to analyze the accomplishments of Year One before I can attack Year Two:

Wanda Sykes read my blog

Although I don't have 100% proof that it was Wanda who I chatted with over the course of three or four months, I'd like to believe it was her. I started believing that it might be her when she tweeted photos of her twins (although they could have been Octomom's kids for all I know). The way we crossed paths is that I mentioned her in a tweet about a post I wrote on her. It was about the show she did on the Gulf Coast that I wasn't able to attend because of the ridiculous ticket prices. She replied back to me and ended up reading the blog post. A few DM's (direct messages for those who aren't tweet literate) later and I was one of only 7 people she was following on Twitter. Every blue moon, she'd DM me and ask how The Mrs. and I were doing and it was kind of cool. Then one day, she was gone. No more Twitter account. Months later, she's back with a new account. I never reached out to see if she would even remember me or if she could confirm if it was really her or not. I guess I just wanted to believe that Wanda Sykes read my blog. :)

Formerly TQRS, now T2Q

Those acronyms mean nothing to those who truly don't follow me. TOAR, Thundercat, Chaplain Donna, Sonia, Coach Steph, Angie, Israel, Reckmonster, Lil Pixi, Charli and Tiffany all know what it means though. :)

The Stunner

Although I don't think this was the most creative idea, but it was by far the most successful when it comes to viewership. The Stunner Blogging Tournament brought in almost 30,000 page hits for the month it was active. This competition started as a crazy idea fueled by the NCAA March Madness tournament. 20 bloggers competed in a bracket-styled tournament where people would vote on a submitted blog post. Whoever had the most votes in a set period of time advanced to the next round. This continued over the course of a month until we crowned a champion. It is now something I plan on conducting annually and qualifying rounds will occur in October for those interested. It's invite only and if you're not a commenter, then don't expect a tap on the shoulder from me. I believe in rewarding loyalty. Brandon over there at My Own Private Idaho ended up taking home the title, but not without controversy. This tournament saw everything from substitute contestants, accusations of voter fraud, and a Twitter war between two contestants. Overall, it was a lot of fun for the readers because they got to read some of the best blog posts on the web. Oh, by the way, if anyone needs campaign management, then talk to Lynn, Alexandra, Brandon, or Michelle W. because they were promoting their entries like mad. All of the contestants gained followers and most of them even started following one another. That camaraderie is actually what led to my next crazy idea.

The Blogger Reality Show

This is another crazy idea that I posted with no intention of following through. Except there was one problem: eight other crazies thought it was a good idea. The Real Blogger Shore's Amazing Undercover Idol was born! The "circle posting" idea came while I was on the Yahoo! homepage and I noticed some "news" stories about one or two reality shows and it gave me an idea: I'm going to write a reality show idea about bloggers and pitch it to FOX! Basically, it's about some stereotypical bloggers who are stashed in a posh mansion in Helena, Montana. Why Helena? Because the mansions there are cheaper to rent than Beverly Hills. We're on a budget, you know? This show will be very similar to MTV's "The Real World" which some people call the first traditional reality show. Like "TRW," you need an interesting blend of characters to sell the show.

The next thing I know, the bloggers I had in mind wanted to give it a try. Squatlo kicked things off with an amazing intro to the series of posts that required readers to go from each of our blog sites in order to get to the next chapter of this fictional story. The process of sending readers to a new site to continue the story brought new readers to sites they may have not even been aware existed. In fact, I had some new followers tell me via comments or Twitter that the found my site while reading the different chapters of the story. Crazy idea, great results!

Taylor Corley (Stone) read my blog

Two of my most popular posts are about this young lady. She's a former Mississippi State University cheerleader turned Playboy Bunny. She was the subject of a lot of controversy here in my home state and I kind of felt bad for her. I thought people were wrong for riding their faux moral high horses and thumbing their noses at a young lady who is pursuing a career. The first post gave a basic summary of the situation and how she was being treated. I basically defended her because what she was doing was legal. As long as people are within the proper venues, they can do what they want if you ask me. It's not like she was stripping at Bulldog football games (although that would have increased attendance).

The second post on Taylor discussed her upcoming TV pilot called "Girl Swag." It's a reality show looking to debut on VH1 or MTV. I basically joined the TC Bandwagon at that point and joked that I would represent her as an agent. Well, when I promoted the post on Twitter, she saw her name mentioned and came on over to read my blog post. She then responded to me on Twitter which I thought was pretty cool. Now if I can only get her to retweet my blog site to her followers.

The Android App

Yes, there's an app for that! Wait. That's Apple, isn't it? I get confused. No matter. You can follow my blog on your phone by clicking the link and downloading. This app automatically brings all of my posts straight to your cell. Now you can take me with you where ever you go! (Memo to self: first cell phones, next the world).

So, now, Year Two starts. Let's see what it has in store!

Basketball Baby Mamas

You all know that I hate reality shows. I hate them because I think that they're either scripted and / or the drama is manufactured. Although I can understand the allure to these shows, since Americans love train wrecks, I also get frustrated when someone passes one of these shows off as "positive" or "real."

This is what Shaunie O'Neal did in a recent interview with CNN discussing her garbage of a show, Basketball Wives. Here's a quote from it: "I do believe some of the shows featuring African-American women have positive story lines and are not meant to tear black women down. Shows like Tiny & Toya and Monica: Still Standing, LisaRaye: The Real McCoy, What Chili Wants and The Braxtons."

I won't comment on any of those shows because I've never watched an entire episode of either. Well, I did watch 10 minutes of Tiny and Toya and I thought my SAP (Secondary Audio Programming) was on because I don't think they speak English.

But, I did watch the first three episodes of the first season of Basketball Baby Mamas. Now, the reason I call it that is because I think only one of them is even married to an NBA player. They are either long-term girlfriends/baby mamas or ex-girlfriends/baby mamas. How any of that is "positive" is beyond me. I thought the show would actually represent some behind the scenes look at the NBA, but it's quite the contrary.

The show promotes this glamorous lifestyle of women who want to be socialites and the amount of self-inflicted drama on this show is worse than any episode of Maury Povich. For O'Neal to say that she wants the show to be powerful and uplifting to black women is like me saying I want Family Guy to be a tool of learning for children. BBW's promotes fighting, cursing, backstabbing and materialistic things. They leach off of their baby daddies (most who are not even recognizable players in the league anyway) and they basically remind the world that a-holes come in female forms, too.

I used to wonder if people who watch the show only do so for entertainment. I no longer think that about most people after hearing over-30 somethings talking about the show as if they're talking about their neighbors. They believe it so much that it's as if they know the ladies on the show. They are that much invested in something that doesn't represent anything legitimate about how people are supposed to interact with society.

Now, check out another previous quote from Shaunie in an interview from Sister 2 Sister magazine:

"And, I had some other original choices that just didn’t work out after we got a mini kind of casting reel of them. It was like, eh, not so exciting anymore. It was one wife I talked to, she said, “All I do is take my kids to school and pick ‘em up and cook dinner and have it here and go to the game.” Well, that’s not going to work for TV."

Sadly, this hypocrite is absolutely right. We only want to see drama. We thrive off of it. That's why this Casey Anthony trial has blown up like crazy. The media has pushed it on us so much for so long that people exploded emotionally when the verdicts came down. Mission accomplished.

So, how do we reverse this trend? How do we keep our kids from thinking that this is the way to live? How do we disprove that fighting, pouting and seeking materialistic things is what life is about?

Just like Shaunie said, if you put a nice, respectable person on TV, who's gonna watch that?

The Real Blogger Shore's Amazing Undercover Idol X

A crazy idea that came about during a blog roll has come to fruition...

Here's the setup:

(What follows is a fictional account of a reality show based upon the lives and interactions of a group of bloggers from around the country who are brought together to share a luxury log home in the mountains of Helena, Montana. Each of these very talented writers has agreed to share part of their time and creativity by advancing the story-line of this fictional reality show in turns, following one another’s lead and taking the story wherever their twisted little minds want it to go. Readers who want to follow along are encouraged to visit each of these blogs frequently to keep up with the tale as it progresses, and comments, suggestions, and snarky remarks are welcome! The following “cast” of misfits will share a beautiful mansion, where they will live together, interact, and try to write while putting up with the annoying people who suddenly clutter up their lives:

Sonia from LogAllot, Quincy from Thank, Q for Common Sense, Michelle W. from Mommy Confessions, Michelle R. from Rantings of the Reckmonster, Lynn from Thoughts of A Randomista, Falen from Colorful Rants of A Fed Up Sista, Brandon from My Own Private Idaho, and Alexandra from the Tsaritsa sez. The show’s very reluctant host is Bob from Squatlo Rant.)

Now don't start reading the finale without starting from scratch. I promise you that it will be worth it!

Squatlo Rant: The Real Blogger Shores Amazing Undercover Idol: Part I
LogAllot: The Real Blogger Shores Amazing Undercover Idol: Part II
Thank, Q: The Real Blogger Shores Amazing Undercover Idol: Part III
Mommy Confessions: The Real Blogger Shores Amazing Undercover Idol: Part IV
Reckmosnter: The Real Blogger Shores Amazing Undercover Idol: Part V
TOAR: The Real Blogger Shores Amazing Undercover Idol: Part VI
Colorful Rants: The Real Blogger Shores Amazing Undercover Idol: Part VII
My Own Private Idaho: The Real Blogger Shores Amazing Undercover Idol: Part VIII
the Tsaritsa sez: The Real Blogger Shores Amazing Undercover Idol: Part IX
I opened my eyes. It's morning. We've spent weeks on this show and we've basically accomplished nothing. I've already had calls from multiple talk shows asking for an appearance. I have three upcoming cover shoots for People, Jet, and U.S. Weekly magazines. My agent... yes, I now have an agent... just informed me that I now have my first endorsement in an Adidas commercial with Dwight Howard's baby's momma. If that goes well, maybe I'll get a commercial with Dwight. All of this attention. All of this success. For what? For getting on television, in a house, with a bunch of crazy people and being as unproductive as possible.

Now I know what it feels like to be a Kardashian....

TQ Presents...

The Real Blogger Shore's Amazing Undercover Idol

I go into the den and step over the bodies on the floor all covered in red paint. What in the world happened last night? Still unsure of what Brandon put in Alex's brownies, I go over to the pan to check for leftovers to inspect. Not a crumb. The entire pan was consumed and the end-result was Reck lying on the floor with her legs across Lynn's chest. Brandon was face down on the couch and Falen was on his back. Alex was asleep on the table and Sonia was napping underneath it. Wait. Where's Michelle? I looked in Bob's man cave, I checked poolside, and I even went through the bedrooms. No Michelle. I make my way over to the intercom. "Warren?"

"Yes, sir?" he replied.

"Have you seen Michelle?" I asked.

"No, sir, I'm afraid that no one has left the premises." he responded.

"Okay, thanks," I said with a hesitation as I tried to backtrack on where she could be. "Let me know if you see her."

I walk over to Lynn and throw Reck's leg off of her. "Lynn, wake up!" I shouted while tugging on her shirt.

"Just make it quick and try not to make a mess, okay?" she responded as she rolled onto her stomach while still half-asleep.

"Huh?" I asked.

"Don't wake me if you can't take me," she mumbled just seconds before resuming a quiet snore.

Shaking my head, I stepped over to Reckmonster. "Reck, wake up!" I shouted.

Reck woke up with both fists balled up. "Man, don't roll up on me like that while I'm sleeping!" she exclaimed. "You almost got 'past-tensed!'"

Ignoring her, I started, "I've searched the house and I can't find Michelle. Get up and help me look for her."

Reck pops up and starts to search for her other boot. She wakes up Sonia and we all go upstairs to get out of the clothes covered in red paint. 10 minutes later, we're hopping in the limo and Warren is taking us into town. We're not supposed to travel alone which leaves us very concerned about Michelle. As many of the locals we had partying with us last night, there's no telling who may have been invited in Bob's place. There's been so much pandemonium as of late that anything could have happened.

We stop at the grocery store and shopping mall with no sign of Michelle. "Could be getting a drink?," Sonia asked.

"For breakfast?," Reck followed with a twisted look on her face.

"Yeah, like a mimosa or something," finished Sonia. "Let's check out Tall Tails."

Warren drives us over to the bar and we check inside. We asked Helga if she's seen Michelle and she replies that she hasn't. After a brief search of the premises, we turn to leave and as we reach the door, we hear someone scream out, "YOU!!!!!!"

The bar goes silent as we all turn around and this hulking figure is coming towards us. "Grizz?," I start. "I thought you were in jail!"

"No, I'm not Grizz!," he said with an evil grin on his face. "I'm his twin brother, Stanley."

Reck bursts out into laughter. Everyone turns and looks at her wondering what in the world was so funny. Reck catches her breath just long enough to belt out, "Your brother is called 'Grizz' and you're 'Stanley'? Bwu-ha-ha-haaa!"

"Reck, what are you doing?," Sonia whispered with a chuckle.

Then Sonia starts laughing. And before you know it, everyone is laughing... except for Stanley, of course. Stanley's face slowly transitioned from a look of anger to a look of humilation. I said,"Look, er.. uh, Stanley (room bursts into laughter again). You are aware of what we did to Grizz, aren't you?"

Stanley reluctantly nods. "You don't want the same thing to happen to you, do you?," I said with growing confidence.

Stanley shakes his head as he looks towards the ground. "Then go back there to your seat and enjoy your food and there will be no trouble," Reck instructed. "You're not nearly the tough guy that your brother is."

A dejected and embarrassed Stanley turns around and mopes back to his table. We all go outside and take a look at one another and exhale in relief. Sonia asked, "What were you going to do if he charged at us?"

"I was going to grab the salt shaker off of the table and throw it at him," Reck said.

"You were going to hit that beast with a salt shaker?," I asked her. "That's like hitting Godzilla with a Tic Tac!"

"And what exactly were you going to do, Q?" asked Sonia.

"I had a plan!," I snapped.

"A health plan is the only plan you had," started Sonia. "He would've hospitalized you."

"Get in the car!" I said ignoring the response.

We pull into the driveway of the mansion and our worst nightmare has come to fruition. Bob and his wife just got out of a taxi in front of the mansion. He and his wife cut their vacation short. They couldn't stand it any longer knowing what we've done to their home. We could hear Bob fussing, as he got out of the cab, about how his limo driver wasn't available to pick him up at the airport. Bob and his wife turn around as the limo pulls into the courtyard. As we get out, he screams, "Why is Michelle on my roof!!!!????"

We look up on the second floor and there was Michelle taking a nap on a canopy over the second floor balcony. "Holy Hangover," Reck started, "how did she get up there? And what in the world did Brandon put in those brownies?"

All of this time we've been looking for her and she never left the property. "Warren," Bob started, "get her down before she falls and sues me."

Bob and his wife leave their luggage outside and start walking towards the house. Sonia is running down the street behind the departing taxi. She's trying to catch a ride away from the mansion before Bob reaches inside. Reck and I don't know whether to stall him or just let him go inside and get it over with.

We decide to stay outside and not follow them in the mansion. Sonia has made her way back into the courtyard after losing a 100 yard dash to a taxi that wasn't interested in giving her an escape route from "The Squatlos."

Bob and his wife go through the door... (pulsing heartbeat)

To find out what happened when Bob got inside, then be sure to check out each blogger's confessionals! Each person who participated in the story will give a brief summary of what Bob and/or his wife said to them once they got into the house and witnessed the destruction of his home to the hands of eight bloggers. The confessionals will all be eventually linked to this post. Thanks to everyone who kept up with the storyline!

My Own Private Idaho: Confessional

Body for Hire 2: Taylor Made for TV

She's baaaccckkk!!!  I kept wondering why the post I did on Taylor back in January stayed #1 as the most popular post. I did a little Googling and lo and behold, Taylor is on her way to VH1 or MTV and it's causing a buzz! The pilot, named "Girl Swagg," is a show that follows four women around Cincinnati. I'm sure the show will suck like every other reality show from MTV and VH1, but it will put Miss Stone, er, I mean, Corley, on the map.

And I'm cool with that! This lady took a marketable item, her shape, and turned it into a potential career in Hollywood. Cheering at Mississippi State, where she was criticized for posing in Playboy, will be in her rear view mirror as she takes to the TV screen (assuming the pilot makes it).

Now, I have no problem with anything Taylor has done. She hasn't done anything illegal and her nudity has been in the proper venues. But, I have to play devil's advocate for a bit. There appears to be a disturbing trend going on in Hollywood and in the music industry:

Is a sexy body the only way for a woman to make it in Hollywood today?
Kendra Wilkinson did her thing and turned a Playboy photo shoot into a reality show into "Dancing With The Stars." Maybe Taylor can dance with the stars as well since she has a cheerleader background. Has acting gone the way of the dinosaur when it comes to breaking into Hollywood? Will sexy curves beat out acting skills going forward? Even in music, when's the last time you saw an overweight female lead singer?


Should women be concerned that the trend is to put "sexy" over "talent?"

Now, this isn't to say that Taylor doesn't have potential to be a good actress some day, but it will be safe to say that her body will get her foot in the door. Regardless, this could be the start of something big for her. A lot of people have used their sex appeal to springboard into success: Vanessa Williams, Anna Nicole Smith, Jessica Hahn, Marilyn Monroe, and Halle Berry, to name a few notables.

It's Taylor's turn now. Or is it? With the number of reality shows coming out every month on top of the good-looking women, who are willing to do almost anything to be on them (including kiss Flava Flav, is there room for Taylor? Will she be noticed?

She will if I have anything to do with it. Taylor is going to be my marketing project (although she doesn't know it). I'm joining Team Taylor and doing what I can to turn her Playboy spread (no pun intended since the Playboy is tastefully done) into an Emmy award!

Here we go Taylor, he we go! (clap, clap!)


Body for Hire, Part I

By the way, I hope you don't mind me borrowing the photos since I'm your underground marketing agent...

The Real Blogger Shore's Amazing Undercover Idol - Part III

It's on like Donkey Kong!

A crazy idea that came about during a blog roll has come to fruition...

The Real Blogger Shore's Amazing Undercover Idol Show has aired its first two episodes!

Here's the setup:

(What follows is a fictional account of a reality show based upon the lives and interactions of a group of bloggers from around the country who are brought together to share a luxury log home in the mountains of Helena, Montana. Each of these very talented writers has agreed to share part of their time and creativity by advancing the story-line of this fictional reality show in turns, following one another’s lead and taking the story wherever their twisted little minds want it to go. Readers who want to follow along are encouraged to visit each of these blogs frequently to keep up with the tale as it progresses, and comments, suggestions, and snarky remarks are welcome! The following “cast” of misfits will share a beautiful mansion, where they will live together, interact, and try to write while putting up with the annoying people who suddenly clutter up their lives:

Sonia from LogAllot, Quincy from Thank, Q for Common Sense, Michelle W. from Mommy Confessions, Michelle R. from Rantings of the Reckmonster, Lynn from Thoughts of A Randomista, Falen from Colorful Rants of A Fed Up Sista, Brandon from My Own Private Idaho, and Alexandra from the Tsaritsa sez. The show’s very reluctant host is Bob from Squatlo Rant.)

Now don't start reading Part III without starting from scratch. I promise you that it will be worth it!

Squatlo Rant: The Real Blogger Shores Amazing Undercover Idol: Part I
LogAllot: The Real Blogger Shores Amazing Undercover Idol: Part II

So, we all decide to head up to the rooms. I'm totally not feeling sleepy because I'm out of town in a place I've never been before and I just got here. I want to see Helena. "Yo, B?"

"What's up, Q?" Brandon asked while plodding up the stairs.

"I want to get out on the town," I started, "It's barely 10 o'clock and I'm nowhere near sleepy."

"Say the word," Brandon said seeming excited, "what's up?"

"Who cares?" I said. "We can go to whatever is open. I don't care if it's an IHOP or night club. But, we have to follow the rules Bob laid down. We have to travel in at least a group of three or more."

"I'm always down with a threesome, but who?" Brandon asks as he starts pulling out some blue jeans from his suitcase.

I walk over to the intercom system and hit the "Page" button. Warren responds, "How may I help you?"

"Warren, fire up the limo. Me, Brandon, and one of the ladies are stepping out."

Now, the common sense approach would be to take either Michelle W. or Sonia. They would probably be the safest of the bunch. But, this experience isn't about being "safe." It's about "exciting." I select one of the other buttons on the intercom. "What?" answers the voice of someone obviously annoyed with the fact that she's being disturbed.

"Reckmonster, grab your coat... we're hitting the town." A huge smile crosses my face while a look of concern crosses Brandon's.

Less than three minutes later, Reck comes down wearing black leather boots, a black pair of jeans, and a white button-down. "Let's roll." she says as she brushes past me and Brandon.

Warren opens the limo door and we all pile in. "Where to, sir?"

Brandon replies, "The most popular bar in town."

12 minutes later, we arrive at Tall Tails. It's a huge ranch-looking establishment at the edge of town. 4x4 Trucks and SUV's are lined up for two blocks. "Yo, Warren," I started. "I don't need to be concerned here, do I?"

"This is the most popular bar in town, sir. Everyone comes here."

"Well, I'm the only brotha in town, so I need to know I can step in here without fear of being the 'guest of honor.' I don't want to be like Eddie Murphy on 48 Hours. I don't have a badge."

"No worries, sir. It's perfectly on the up-and-up. Besides, we have two African-American players on the university's basketball team and they frequent here."

"Great," I think. "A total of three black men in a 500 mile radius. I feel so comfortable now."

We walk in as Warren pulls off in the limo. He's agreed to pick us back up in an hour. As we entered the building, Brandon mutters, "I wonder why it's called 'Tall Tails'?"

The last word trailed from his lips as we walked into the lounge and saw a plethora of scantily-cladded Amazon women serving drinks. The name of the bar comes from the fact that every waitress in the building is 6'0" or over... without heels. "No way," Brandon says as he spins around the room taking it all in. "Getting served drinks by a room full of Xena Warrior Princesses? I'm so moving to Helena!"

"Whatever. Height is overrated!" Reckmonster barks as her 5'0" frame pushes past me and Brandon on her way to the bar.

Brandon grabs a table and before I can sit down, I'm approached by a 6'1" blonde who asks me for a drink. Being that I'm only 5'6", I quickly appreciate my height as it had me eye-level with ample cleavage. "My name is Helga and I'll be your server."

Somehow I knew that was her name. Aren't all viking chicks named that? Reck makes her way back to the table and the three of us sit back and observe. Tonight is karaoke night and every drunk in Helena is taking turns singing songs from the 80's and 90's. People in the bar are dressed in everything from a hunting vest to an Armani suit. It appears many different classes of people are represented from farmers to CEO's.

Reck seems at ease sipping on her mixed drink and Brandon is downing the first of many planned beers. I'm working on a Diet Pepsi since I've never really been much of a drinker. 30 minutes go by and we're still fascinated by the karoke. Then the DJ announces the next act: "Your next performer is a budding new star on the reality circuit as well as an up-and-coming rapper. Put your hands together for The Tsaritsa!"

Brandon spits out his beer as we all look to the stage and Alexandra floats out and grabs the mic. Before I could say, "How did she get here?" here comes the rest of our group to the table.

"Why didn't you tell us you were leaving?" Lynn asked. "We didn't want to sit around all night either."

"Yeah, " Falen chimed. "I'll sacrifice sleep for a drink any day. Even if a blonde giraffe is serving them."

We pull up more chairs for Sonia and Michelle W to join the table. "We thought you all were tired, so we didn't ask," Brandon explained.

Alexandra cues the DJ to drop the beat and she starts performing Young MC's "Bust A Move." The people in attendance really got into it as the dance floor filled up within a matter of seconds. "Looks like our 'free spirit' is a hit!" Michelle W said.

"Don't just stand there... Bust A Move!"

For a split second, we were all getting along and enjoying ourselves as a group. Then things took a turn for the worse. A huge, burly, mustached, looked-like-he-belonged-on-a-paper-towel-wrapper, Paul Bunyan wanna be ducked his head as he entered the door. People started whispering, "It's Grizz!"

Grizz was a 6'10", 345 lb. felon fresh out of jail... and he wanted a woman. This guy was so big that he came into the room in sections. "W-w-what can I get you, Grizz?" one of the bartenders asked while spilling a drink.

"Let me get a Jack and Coke and hold the Coke!" he said with a voice that makes James Earl Jones sound like Dakota Fanning.

I asked Helga who the guy was. "Grizz is the meanest guy in town. He got his nickname from killing a grizzly bear when he was 10."

"With a weapon?" I asked.

"Yes, he had a boat oar," Helga replied.

"He bludgeoned a bear with a boat paddle!!!!???" I yelled.

"I think I just pissed myself," Brandon said.

Falen and Lynn giggled at the statement which caught the Grizz's attention. "Outsiders," he mumbled. "I haven't been in jail long enough to not know new faces when I see them."

He walked over to our table with two other guys in tow. He squats down in front of Michelle and strokes her cheek. "You're a newbie in these parts, aren't you, sugar?"

"Don't touch me!" Michelle snapped as she slapped his hand away.

Grizz turned to his friends and laughed which apparently was their cue to laugh as well. "We got a feisty one here, don't we, fellas?"

"Look, man," Brandon started. "We don't want any trouble. We're just having a few drinks."

"Did I say something to you, choir boy!!!!???" Grizz screamed. "I was speaking to the lady! This is none of your concern."

"Didn't you hear what he said?" Falen added as her and Reck stood up from their chairs.

"You know we're going to die in here, right?" Sonia asked me. "I'm calling Warren! Wait. Where's Lynn?"

I stood up from my chair. Inspired by Brandon, Falen, and Reck, I knew I had to take a beat down with the rest of the crew. After all, despite the fact that we'd just met in person, I felt like I knew them. I read their inner-most thoughts on their blogs and understood what made them tick. Arguments or not, we were a family. No matter how often Falen stole my chicken or Michelle nagged me for shrimp. These were my people. "Unless you want to go back to jail," I said with a lump in my throat, "I suggest you, Darryl, and his other brother, Darryl, walk away."

"Who are you guys anyway?" Grizz inquired with a look of confusion.

Then, from out of nowhere, Lynn crashes down a full bottle of Jack Daniels to the back of Grizz's neck. "Bloggers, mother******!" she screamed as the huge man fell to his knees.

Before he was completely on the ground, we scattered for the door like roaches when the lights are turned on. I grabbed Alexandra off stage and we all rushed to he awaiting limo. As we piled in virtually on top of one another, Warren floored it and got us away from the building. We never looked back to see if Grizz got up.

Sonia started laughing, albeit a nervous laugh. The rest of us eventually joined in with her. "You nuts are going to get me killed," Reck smirked.

"And they act like I'm the crazy one," Falen added. "Lynn, what possessed you to go John Wayne on that fool?"

"I thought it was part of the show. Wasn't he an actor?" she asked.

"Is she serious!!!???" Brandon screamed. "Show? This isn't a Lifetime movie, this is real!"

I just shook my head as I looked out of the tinted limo window at the full moon. Some how, I knew deep down inside that it would not be the last time we would see Grizz. Helena is too small to not encounter someone big enough for his shoulders to cover two zip codes. I just hoped that he would be the type to not hold a grudge. But, some how I doubt that, too.

We arrived back to the mansion. Michelle is visibly upset. The time zone change has thrown off her schedule and she missed saying "good night" to her kids. Sonia, Lynn, and Falen comfort her and take her upstairs. Reck looks at me and Brandon and says, "You guys are halfway fun to hang around."

"Was that a smile?" I asked.

"Nah," Brandon replied, "I think she was snarling."

Reck's boot steps slowly faded upstairs as Brandon and I stood in the living room. "You know we're going to see that dude again, don't you?" I asked.

"Yeah," he started. "With my luck, it's bound to happen before we leave. What will we do if we see him?"

I sighed and took a deep breath before answering, "All we can do is hope there's a boat oar lying around some where."

Michelle continues the story below at MommyConfessions.com. Once you get there, click "Follow" so that you will receive future posts via e-mail or Google Reader.
Mommy Confessions: The Real Blogger Shores Amazing Undercover Idol: Part IV