Teach Your Sons How To Be Men

If parents would teach their sons how to handle their responsibilities when they are young, then someone else's daughter won't have to do so when they are grown. 

Boys who are not challenged and have not accomplished anything turn into immature and irresponsible adults. They will usually shy away from anything they deem difficult from a good job to a good woman.

Ladies, you don't have to date a man like that. And you definitely don't have to have a baby by one. 

Ladies, if you are in a relationship and find yourself being a mom more than you are being his woman then something is wrong. If the same Christmas gifts you bought your dude could also make your 12-year old son happy, then doesn't that tell you something? It doesn't mean that guys can't enjoy gaming consoles and sneakers, but if that's what he's all about then ma'am, you have a son! In just a couple of generations, we've gone from dads getting a tie, some socks, or tools for Christmas to shopping for your dude in the same stores that you shop for your son. 

Do you know why some guys are bad boyfriends, husbands, and dads? Because no one told them that they sucked as a person before they became a boyfriend, husband, or dad. They kept getting their way and having things done for them until they grew into overgrown children. It's hard to reprogram someone who has never had to be held accountable for his actions.  Parents are supposed to teach and guide along with providing shelter and entertainment.

Blame the moms and dads who didn't teach their sons how to be a caring and responsible person. Don't get me wrong.  You can't make a guy be responsible. He has to want to do that. However, you can instill some values in him when he's young that may he may adopt into his lifestyle as he grows older.  

How many of you parents out there, man or woman, have had conversations with your sons about the importance of doing well on the job? Regardless of the type of job. How many of you have taught your sons not to leech off of women? How many of you have taught your sons that their responsibilities come before their hobbies? 

Only you know the truth to those questions. And some of you are not hitting the Like button because you know that I'm talking about you. That's okay. You don't have to like what I say as long as you consider what I'm saying. 

Some of you ladies are raising the same men that you despise.  Running around talking about, "this is my king".  Buying him $200 sneakers and the boy is 14 years old and reading on a 4th grade level.  He knows the lyrics to every song by Lil Uzi, Lil Shotgun, Lil Glock or whatever "Lil" is rapping these days, but has to move his lips when reading a Dr. Seuss book.  Talking about your son is going to be a "heartbreaker" with the women and then you wind up a 32-year old grandmother because you never taught him how to respect relationships.  

And some of you dudes are not raising your sons at all. You're not present. And when you are present, you aren't teaching him anything that can help him develop into a man. You think that playing him in Madden fulfils your duties as a dad.  No, it doesn't.  

Why are you setting your sons up for failure? Why are you not teaching him to not just to seek book knowledge, but also knowledge of self?  Why are you not teaching him how to get and keep a good job?  Why are you not instilling the importance of ownership and an excellent credit score?  

Why are you not teaching him to establish himself as a man first and then find a woman. And make sure that he is capable of handling that woman. 

Guys, your son is a reflection of you. I don't care if he lives with his mom, a son is a reflection of his dad's teachings. If you don't make the effort to have those conversations with your son then who do you think will get the blame if he grows up to be a sorry dude?

Who Is Responsible for Birth Control?

When two people who aren't married decide to have sex, who is responsible for birth control?  It sounds like a tough question, doesn't it? 

Well, it's not. Despite the fact that people have argued this question for decades is beyond me. The answer is plain and simple: the person who doesn't want the obligation is the one responsible for preventing it. 

Period.  

Guys, let's say that you don't want a child brought into this world, and the reason doesn't matter.  It can be because: 

• You don't want the financial obligation.  
• You don't want the responsibility of being a dad. 
• You don't like the woman you're about to have sex with enough to raise a child with her. 
• Maybe you just hate kids. 

The reason doesn't matter.  It's your responsibility to ensure that conception never happens.  The sperm has to reach the egg in order to create a child.  Stop the sperm and there won't be a child.  You can't blame the woman if she ends up pregnant because you didn't protect yourself.  It's like blaming someone for having a wet floor when the plumbing is leaking.  Yeah, you could put a bucket under the leak and protect the carpet, but isn't the most reliable way to stop the leak is at the source?

If a guy doesn't want a baby then he can just about guarantee that it doesn't happen by simply wrapping up.  That's a lot better for everyone than just having a kid and then abandoning the child and the mother or not taking care of them adequately.  

And ladies, while you're laughing at me getting on the fellas, let me talk to you all for a minute...  

It's not a man's fault if you get pregnant from unprotected sex.  If you think that the pull-out method is foolproof then ma'am, you're the fool and the baby is proof.  Please don't rely on that or trust that he will even do it.

It's pretty much a given that if a woman has a child out of wedlock that she's going to be the primary person to care for it.  And if she doesn't want to deal with factors such as:

• Not being able to afford the child.
• Not having accommodations for someone to watch the child when she's unavailable.
• Not wanting to tether herself to a dude who isn't worth it. 
• Or maybe she, too, just hate kids.

The reason matters not, but, it's still your responsibility to ensure that conception never happens. 

One of my favorite comedians, Tyler Craig, who tragically passed away earlier this year, use to always end his jokes with a moral, so I will end this blog post by saying, "and the moral of the story is:" It takes two to make a baby, but only one to stop it. 

And the person who doesn't want the obligation should be the one to stop it. 

Every time a man goes in unprotected then he's obviously cool with possibly having a baby.  

Every time a woman allows a man to have sex without some form of birth control then she's obviously cool with possibly having a baby as well. It doesn't take a genius to understand how pregnancy works. 

All of these years, men and women have been finger-pointing when the answer to this question has always been and always will be, "you".

White People Need To Stop Being Racists

This logo is as accurate as it is iconic.  PE#1.

Now that I have your attention, let me give some background on myself to explain why that I think that statement is 100% true: I grew up in a predominantly white school system.  I had a lot of white friends in my childhood, so I saw the good in white people.  I was oblivious to a lot of the atrocities in the U.S. because of the type of education that I received and the environment in which I was raised.

Then I went to an HBCU (Google it if you don't know the acronym) and I met other people who looked like me who had totally different experiences growing up.  By the way, this is generally how one learns about the world.  Being exposed to all walks of life is what expands our way of thinking.  But, back to the topic at hand...

I spent a lot of my youth and some of my adult life explaining to minorities how "the conversation" about racism should be approached with white people.  I found myself speaking from a place that protected the good white people that I knew.  It took growing older in society to realize that they didn't need me to defend them.  Their privilege alone gave them the protection that they needed.

The point I'm trying to make is that black people have no responsibility in stopping racism.  White people do.  And it's always been that way despite how others have tried to spin it over and over again.  It's not a woman's responsibility to have "a discussion" with an abusive husband.  He just needs to recognize that he's wrong and stop abusing her.  See how simple that is?  Problem solved.

We don't need a table of "black leaders" to sit down and discuss why we shouldn't be unlawfully shot by police, denied opportunities for leadership positions from being a CEO of a Fortune 500 company to being an NFL head coach, or refused loans and/or housing based solely on the fact that we are enriched with melanin.  Black people have complained for decades on the things that prevent us from truly being equals in this country, so there's nothing new to talk about.  All white people have to do is stop doing it.  It's just that simple.  Nothing else is required.

And for all white people who have done things to help promote the end of racism, I thank and applaud you.  We wouldn't have made it this far without some of you.  But, you're going to have to do more.  Because in order for you not to be unfairly grouped in with racists, you have to convince the racists to cut it out.  So, it looks like you have the responsibility of helping this madness end.  Not black people.

Bad Luck or Bad Decision?

Sometimes you just have to be honest and admit that you screwed up...

Excuses galore.  We hear them so many times per day without even realizing it.  Whether it's on the job or at home, we hear people explain why they came up short in their performance of something.  One of the many reasons we get from people on why their life just isn't where it needs to be is that they have "bad luck".  Having bad luck essentially means that you're cursed to the point that no matter what you do, things will turn out horribly for you.

Is there a such thing as bad luck or are people just making bad decisions?

First of all, to answer the question, I absolutely believe in bad luck.  Having a car lose control and drive into your house is bad luck.  Having a stray dog jump your fence and attack your dog is bad luck.  Something that happens randomly that is out of your control is bad luck, in my opinion.

However, sometimes we make bad decisions and want to blame it on bad luck.  If a guy has sex with a woman he doesn't want a long term relationship with, and the condom breaks, is it bad luck if he gets her pregnant or was it a bad decision to engage with her sexually in the first place?

You drink too much at a bar and after driving roughly 25 miles, you're one block from your house when the cops pull you over.  You go to jail for a DUI even though you're close enough to see the porch light on at your crib.  Bad luck that you got caught so close to home or a bad decision to attempt to drive the length of a marathon while over the legal alcohol limit? 

I've made my share of bad decisions.  Luckily, none of them have decimated my life to the point that I struggle on a daily basis.  I own my decisions, as hard as it may be at times.  From making bad choices financially to making bad decisions in relationships.

Everything that we do has a consequence.  And we have to accept and live with whatever that consequence may be.  It could be something that only negatively affects you for a short period of time or it could be something that impacts you for the rest of your life.  Whatever it is, own it, and try not to repeat it.

5 Things That Make a Relationship Work

We are born into this world as selfish beings.  A baby wants to do what they want when they want.  They will cry when they can't have their way.  Over time, they are taught to appreciate and love those who have their best interest at heart.  Until society teaches them otherwise.

Is making a relationship work as difficult as most people make it out to be?  It's two people who love being together more than they love being apart.  Sounds simple enough, right?  Well, not so fast, Speedy Gonzales.  The hardest part of a relationship is finding someone with the same level of commitment that you have.  The same mindset.  The same goals in mind.

You can't control what others do, but there are some things that you can do to ensure that you're holding up your end of things:

1. Are you paying attention?

Listening is very important in relationships.  It helps to understand your mate's mindset and it allows you to be comforting in times of need.  You should know a lot about your mate from their childhood experiences to what their work day was like.  If you're not an authority of your mate's info like clothes sizes, high school's name, and simple things of that nature then you're either not asking the right questions or you're not paying attention.  Knowing simple things can go a long way towards showing someone that you care enough to know their experiences.

2. Are you being dependable?

I don't know about some, but this is huge for me.  You have to be reliable if you're going to be in a successful relationship.  If "oh, I forgot" or "I got tied up" becomes your answer to a lot of reasons you failed to do something then expect your mate to eventually check out on you.  No one wants to be with someone who they don't trust to do what they say they're going to do.  We all know what it's like to be disappointed and it's not a pleasant feeling when a person shows you that they don't care.  Be reliable.  Be supportive.  Be there when the person needs you to be.

3. Are you thoughtful?

This is something that seems to fly right over the heads of so many Americans today.  Thoughtfulness.  We're subconsciously trained to think of ourselves so much that we rarely take time to think of others.  You should always look to brighten your mate's day.  Well, to be honest, you should and brighten anyone's day, but we're focusing on relationships here.  Surprise them with a home cooked meal, massage their feet, or something of that nature.  Pay attention to small details and cater to your mate.  Nothing makes a mate feel more emotionally secure than you showing effort to make them happy.  You don't even have to be present to do it.  Sending flowers to their job or buying them something they need/want shows that you care.  What says "love" more than showing that you thought of a person when they weren't even present?

4. Are you giving them what they want?

Everyone has a guilty pleasure that is more enjoyable when done with a loved one than alone.  However, it may only be something that your mate may enjoy and you could care less about it.  Whatever it may be, do it.  Maybe your mate likes a show that you don't care for.  Who cares?  Watch it with them and make them happy.  It could be an art show that he/she wants to attend.  Don't just go, show interest and make sure your attitude is a positive one.  And of course, it could be something physical/sexual that doesn't bring you pleasure, but pleases them.  Do it right and do it often.  Give it your 100%.  Being in love is as much about giving as it is receiving.  In fact, it's more about giving.  Everyone communicates what makes them happy or unhappy and we just need to pay attention and give it to them.

5. Are you being honest?

Sounds easy, but some people struggle with this.  Not necessarily because they're intentionally deceiving their mate, but because they're deceiving themselves.  So many people don't truly know what they want in a relationship yet they'll jump into one without a goal in mind.  This is one of the reasons why divorce rates are so high these days.  It's not a good idea to figure out how to swim after you've jumped in the water.  A lot of us are infatuated with the idea of being in a relationship despite the fact that we're not ready for one.  Be honest in evaluating yourself and knowing what you want.  It can prevent a lot of stress and heartache down the line.

Conclusion:

You may be asking yourself, "What makes him the authority on making a relationship work?"  Well, I'm not an expert.  I just have an opinions.  However, I've discussed this with enough people in my life and read enough blog posts, social media statuses, and other things to know what people say they want.  It's pretty common knowledge what people say they want in a relationship, but how many are willing to do what it takes to achieve that?  Only about 50% of us if you look at today's divorce rate.

People date for many reasons: they enjoy having someone in their company, they want "something to do" until something better comes along, or maybe they're genuinely looking for a life companion.  This blog post doesn't apply to the first two because they are self-serving.  This post is meant to be a blueprint for those truly looking for love.  For if you do those five things and your mate reciprocates, then how could the two of you not be happy?

Good luck out there!

Don't Let The Money Make You

Black people are always looking for role models and we have plenty in the world right in front of us. However, we don't want to make a movie about one unless they're an athlete, singer or actor. Uh, oh, I need to get on my soapbox for a minute.

(steps up)

Where are the movies about black doctors, counselors, teachers and people who make a real difference in the lives of millions? Why am I constantly bombarded with movies about black maids and butlers as if there aren't any black humanitarians? Why can't I watch an inspiring movie about a black person providing help instead of being "The Help?"

Let's think about some of the "black" movies for 2013: "Kevin Hart: Let Me Explain", Tyler Perry's "Temptation" and his movie, "We the Peeples", "Fruitvale Station," "42," "Haunted House" with the Wayans, and "After Earth."  Two comedies, two Tyler Perry flicks, a tragedy, a sports movie on racism and a sci-fi movie with Will Smith and his kid. Those are my options. No movie like the one on Steve Jobs. No "Great Gatsby."  No "Wolf of Wall Street."  Do you see what I'm saying?

People probably think that no one would watch it, but I disagree. Black people attend the movies probably more than any other race. It's not that we don't crave quality movies about role models, it's just that Hollywood won't make movies like that. In fact, we may only be a decade away from all black movies being complete foolishness at the theaters just like today's music is a joke on some of the mainstream radio stations.

Hollywood isn't going to make these movies. People like my man Archie in the Virgin Islands may some day, but he's not financially in a position to do that now to my knowledge. This is why people like Harry Belafonte get upset and preach about social responsibility. Because the black people capable of making this type of impact in society aren't interested in making a difference, they're only interested in making more money. So, since no one wants to be a leader in 2013, then black people who really matter in this country become irrelevant to society.

People are always quick to say "make that money, don't let the money make you." Well, that's what's been happening for the last 15-20 years. Now, what a person does with their money is their business, but what I say with my mouth is mine. And some things just need to be said.

People are letting the money "make them" by dictating everything they do or don't do on their next paycheck. "If I speak out against this group then I'll lose revenue." If you think this way, then make no mistake about it, the dollar is making you.

Back to the movies... I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with the movies that I named. I loved "42." I'm sure that I'll laugh at Kevin Hart's movie when I finally see it. I'll even watch "After Earth" once it reaches the $3 everything must go bin at Target.

I'm just saying that black people need some balance in America. We need some good to equal out the bad and the foolishness. For every Trinidad James we need a Kendrick Lamar. For every Shaunie O'Neal, we need a Kerry Washington. We can't have 20 reality shows of black women pulling out each other's weave to every one primetime drama.

If I were a white person who didn't personally know any black folks, I'd lock my doors every time I saw someone who even looked like they had a tan. Because the movies say if they're not working for me, then TV says that I should be afraid of them. All because we don't have representation.

I'm off my soap box now.

(steps down)