Sunday, June 21, 2015
5 Things That Make a Relationship Work
Is making a relationship work as difficult as most people make it out to be? It's two people who love being together more than they love being apart. Sounds simple enough, right? Well, not so fast, Speedy Gonzales. The hardest part of a relationship is finding someone with the same level of commitment that you have. The same mindset. The same goals in mind.
You can't control what others do, but there are some things that you can do to ensure that you're holding up your end of things:
1. Are you paying attention?
Listening is very important in relationships. It helps to understand your mate's mindset and it allows you to be comforting in times of need. You should know a lot about your mate from their childhood experiences to what their work day was like. If you're not an authority of your mate's info like clothes sizes, high school's name, and simple things of that nature then you're either not asking the right questions or you're not paying attention. Knowing simple things can go a long way towards showing someone that you care enough to know their experiences.
2. Are you being dependable?
I don't know about some, but this is huge for me. You have to be reliable if you're going to be in a successful relationship. If "oh, I forgot" or "I got tied up" becomes your answer to a lot of reasons you failed to do something then expect your mate to eventually check out on you. No one wants to be with someone who they don't trust to do what they say they're going to do. We all know what it's like to be disappointed and it's not a pleasant feeling when a person shows you that they don't care. Be reliable. Be supportive. Be there when the person needs you to be.
3. Are you thoughtful?
This is something that seems to fly right over the heads of so many Americans today. Thoughtfulness. We're subconsciously trained to think of ourselves so much that we rarely take time to think of others. You should always look to brighten your mate's day. Well, to be honest, you should and brighten anyone's day, but we're focusing on relationships here. Surprise them with a home cooked meal, massage their feet, or something of that nature. Pay attention to small details and cater to your mate. Nothing makes a mate feel more emotionally secure than you showing effort to make them happy. You don't even have to be present to do it. Sending flowers to their job or buying them something they need/want shows that you care. What says "love" more than showing that you thought of a person when they weren't even present?
4. Are you giving them what they want?
Everyone has a guilty pleasure that is more enjoyable when done with a loved one than alone. However, it may only be something that your mate may enjoy and you could care less about it. Whatever it may be, do it. Maybe your mate likes a show that you don't care for. Who cares? Watch it with them and make them happy. It could be an art show that he/she wants to attend. Don't just go, show interest and make sure your attitude is a positive one. And of course, it could be something physical/sexual that doesn't bring you pleasure, but pleases them. Do it right and do it often. Give it your 100%. Being in love is as much about giving as it is receiving. In fact, it's more about giving. Everyone communicates what makes them happy or unhappy and we just need to pay attention and give it to them.
5. Are you being honest?
Sounds easy, but some people struggle with this. Not necessarily because they're intentionally deceiving their mate, but because they're deceiving themselves. So many people don't truly know what they want in a relationship yet they'll jump into one without a goal in mind. This is one of the reasons why divorce rates are so high these days. It's not a good idea to figure out how to swim after you've jumped in the water. A lot of us are infatuated with the idea of being in a relationship despite the fact that we're not ready for one. Be honest in evaluating yourself and knowing what you want. It can prevent a lot of stress and heartache down the line.
You may be asking yourself, "What makes him the authority on making a relationship work?" Well, I'm not an expert. I just have an opinions. However, I've discussed this with enough people in my life and read enough blog posts, social media statuses, and other things to know what people say they want. It's pretty common knowledge what people say they want in a relationship, but how many are willing to do what it takes to achieve that? Only about 50% of us if you look at today's divorce rate.
People date for many reasons: they enjoy having someone in their company, they want "something to do" until something better comes along, or maybe they're genuinely looking for a life companion. This blog post doesn't apply to the first two because they are self-serving. This post is meant to be a blueprint for those truly looking for love. For if you do those five things and your mate reciprocates, then how could the two of you not be happy?
Good luck out there!