I'm In Love With A Stripper!

I'm sure some of my readers recognize that blog title as a song from the radio. Ladies, have you ever wondered what makes a man visit a strip club?

Well, I'll break it down for you the best that I can. I won't discuss the guys who fantasize about sleeping with the strippers because these are simply pervs. They will pay the stripper's bills, but will stalk her afterwards. I'm talking about the normal guys who don't have a stripper's photo surrounded by burning incense in the basement. I'm talking about normal guys like me.

Now, first of all, I haven't been in a strip club in over a decade, but I did hang out there now and then back when I first moved out of my parents' house. At first, it was just to hang out with the guys and try something new. Of all of the movies I'd seen about them, I really didn't expect much from going, but I was pretty surprised.

There was good music, expensive great drinks and beautiful women. And these women recognize a fresh wallet when you walk through the door. They will immediately flock to you to be the first to get you to part with your paycheck. However, that attention is a boost to a man's ego. And we all know that a man's ego controls his brain. That's what keeps men at the nudie bar. The attention. Now, some ladies are saying, "well, I pay my man attention at home."

That may be true to an extent, but let's be honest: some men are going to go look at other women just because they can. But, for the average guys like me and my friends, we enjoyed hanging out at these clubs because of the heightened attention we received. You're treated like a celebrity when you go into a strip club. Women are all over you as soon as you come through the door and people are bringing you drinks. Your every need is being catered to by good-looking women.

When a man's ego is being stroked, he doesn't care why it's happening, only that it's happening.

Contrary to what women may think they're doing for their significant other, it may not compare to what Cinnamon and Trixie are doing down at "Tall Tails." So, ladies, if you have a man, then do him a solid now and then. Tell him before he comes home to stop by the ATM. Turn on some music and fix him a drink. Put on some sexy attire and commence to shake what your momma gave you.

How low can you go?

Now I was single at the time, so there was nothing at home for me, but what kept me going every Friday night was the booty shaking. The club I frequented was like walking into a Ludacris video. The booties didn't just clap, they gave a round of applause. And a male never gets tired of seeing booty shaking (as shown in the video below). However, at some point, you have to grow up and do other things with your money. I visited the strip club for roughly every Friday night for two months before I decided enough was enough. It was fun while it lasted, but knowing that these women were going to get you all "charged up" only to go home alone got old. I started seeing too many pathetic old men and some of those aforementioned stalkers and realized I didn't want to be in a place with those types. There was one guy that we met there who was in his early 50's, married 30 years and claimed that he spends roughly $500-$700 a week in the club. The girls knew him by name and he probably put so many of them through school that they have a scholarship named after him. After all, strippers are just trying to put themselves through college, right? :)

I didn't want to be "that guy." I've never wanted to be the old man in the dance club and I definitely didn't want to be the old man at the strip club. That's not to say I wouldn't go to a strip club again, but I'll never be a weekly customer any more. After a while, you have to realize that if you put dollars into the g-string of your wife/girlfriend at home, then you're probably getting more than just a lap dance.

Cat Loves Booty Shaking - watch more funny videos

Nothing Fabulous About The Ghetto

Ghetto fabulous: The combination of bad taste,an urban aesthetic and desire to wear one's wealth. Basically, high priced but tacky clothing and accessories.

I got that from UrbanDictionary.com for those who need some pointers.

Being GF has been a way of life for some since way before I was born. The only difference between now and then is that we have a name for it. Back then, you just "lacked priorities." Now, you're "ghetto fab."

The crazy thing about it is that some a lot of people embrace it. They feel as if it's some sort of honor or something. You'll see them riding in a nice Escalade sitting on 26" rims blasting the newest jams on their stereo. They're wearing the newest brand name clothes and the brightest jewelry. To everyone who sees them (and don't know better), they are the kings of their block.

I wear two watches so I can show up twice as late.

To the people with common sense, they see the "wizard behind the curtain." (for those who don't understand that reference: what in the world did you watch as a child?) People with common sense knows that a man with all of those ghetto fabulous things probably stays with his parents because he can't afford his own place. If he is fortunate enough to have his own spot, then the lights are off because instead of paying the bill, he "made it rain" $500 on some strippers at the shake joint to entertain his boys.

GF Men are the equivalent of a peacock. They flash the bright, flashy colors because it's the only way to get a female's attention. They can't do it intellectually. They can't do it emotionally. They have to distract their prey before conquering it.

Guess what? It's worked for decades and it will continue to work since there are still a large total of women who are mesmerized by shiny things.  Women who will bypass the gainfully employed man in a '05 Honda Accord for the "odd job" having man who hasn't filed a tax return in six years, but has a 2011 Cadillac with a see-through aquarium trunk full of goldfish.

Eventually, after having a baby or two with the GF guy(s), they learn that they were fooled into thinking that they had something special in a guy who calls himself a "hustler," but doesn't have the work ethic of the word's literal meaning.

Only a GF man would endorse a product for free due to lacking the intelligence to creatively make money.

If there are any ladies out there who need some guidance on finding a good guy, just remember this: Real men entertain women. Ghetto fabulous men entertain each other.

So, when you approach a man, instead of looking at his earring that may be 24k, ask about his 401k. If he's over 25 and doesn't have one, do a 180 and run like Lindsay Lohan being chased by rehab security.

If you have a ghetto fabulous experience to share, please do so in the comments below...

Sexy, Cute, or Both?

This post isn't as long as it looks. It just contains a lot of "visual aid."

Ladies, have you ever been out with a friend-guy, boyfriend, or husband and catch them looking at a woman who you don't think is attractive? Do you wonder to yourself, "why is he checking her out?"

Well, a lot of women don't know the difference between "sexy" and "cute," so I'm going to help you out. "Sexy" will attract a man and leave you wondering what he sees in her. You may think she looks like a slut, or a mean girl, or whatever. But, for some reason she has his attention.

Here are a few examples of "sexy" below:

Angelina Jolie

Megan Fox

Lil' Kim

All three of these ladies are Hollywood sex symbols. Men of all ages and races would take advantage of any opportunity to get with any of these three. Why? Attitude. Sexy is all about attitude. Notice the devious look of all three. By no means is it "cute." All three of these ladies have a "bad girl" type of attitude. They even have an "I'll do something bad to you" look about them which to a guy translates to mean, "I will curl your toes until your toenails are scraping your heels."

Would any of you men take any of these ladies home to meet your mother? Probably not. Would you introduce them to your boys? Definitely. Would you sell your blood to make enough money for a one hour romp in the hourly Mustang Motel for any of the three? Absolutely.

Ladies, sexy women will get your man to cheat on you without even putting forth much of an effort.

He won't marry her, but he'll crave her. He won't be in love, but he'll be in lust. He may even hate her at times, but he can't stay away. Like Pookie from the New Jack City movie, "it be callin' me!" (If you haven't seen NJC, then you need NetFlix in your life!)

Moving on to "cute." These are the women who make your man act awkward. He's all smiles around her. If his smile were any wider, his ears would get wet. He babbles/stutters when she's around (even in your presence). He's clumsy and even may be prone to shying away from direct eye contact. Why? Because she's adorable. She amazes him and actually makes him nervous.

Now, on to examples of cute:

Kaley Cuoco

Katy Perry

Leighton Meester

Three more Hollywood stars! The difference? These women are cute. These are the women who if you saw them attempt a sexy pose, it would almost be comical or uncomfortable-looking. They're so adorable that it's actually difficult for them to be sexy. Again, it's the attitude. It's not as aggressive as the sexy women from above nor are their facial expressions aggressive either. Their faces are inviting and pleasant. This is the woman a man could take home to mom or introduce to his homeboys without a real fear of them trying to bang her behind his back. She looks too wholesome for them to try it.

Ladies, cute women will get your man to fall in love with them without even putting forth much of an effort.

Okay, so what happens when you combine the lustful with the adorable? I won't even add name captions below because you should know all three of these women. Your man does. Below are three prime examples of a sexy/cute combo package that every man wants:

Sexy

Cute

Sexy

Cute

Sexy

Cute

Do you see the combination? It's no coincidence that three of the most beautiful women in the world not only have the ability to bring a man to his knees in the bedroom, but also be the cause of him sticking out his chest as a proud man when he's in public with her. Ladies, if a man comes across a woman with the ability to change between "bedroom eyes" and the "innocent look" at will, then he will try every trick in the book to get her. Your man will steal from your checking account to get her.

What's so ironic about it is that the odds are you were that lady at one time. When he first saw you, he was attracted to the sexiness. He couldn't take his eyes off of you. I'm a living witness to it. I still stare at The Mrs.' legs when she wears heels.

After spending time with you, he grew to love your cute personality. You were caring and nurturing and made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Another testimony from me: I still get butterflies in my stomach when I'm typing on the computer and The Mrs. surprises me with a hug from behind.

So don't think that being "both" is out of the realm of possibility. There's an old term that a lot of women scoff at, but it's absolutely true: "A man wants a lady in the streets and a freak between the sheets."

Now, that doesn't necessarily mean she has to be a church lady in public and porn star in bed. It means that when you're out in public (with or without him, you still represent him), he doesn't want to be embarrassed. He doesn't want his friends, work buddies, or even other women talking about how you act "less than a lady" or that you wore Crocs and pajamas to Wal-Mart. When you're not in public and with him at home, he wants you to be that person he craves. The one he can't get enough of. The one he risks a speeding ticket for every day to get home to after work because just the thought of you makes him feel good both emotionally and physically.

So, where do you start? Well, first of all, to look sexy, you have to feel sexy. If you don't think you're sexy, then why would he?

To be cute, you have to be adorable. Don't maintain a scowl that frightens children. Don't yell or snap at him over stupid stuff. Be affectionate and playful. Isn't the idea to make him want to be around you more rather than less?

The ultimate example of "both."

So, which one will you be? Sexy, cute, or both? I've explained the results of them all, so it's up to you to choose and accept the results of each.

To get there, you have to work on your attitude. You will also be surprised of the affect it will actually have on his attitude. If you want your man to work harder to impress you and show you that he's worthy of being with you, then do something that causes another man to look and watch the light bulb come on in your man's head.

Okay, I lied when I said that this post wasn't that long. It's hard to be brief when you're giving women a guide to men.