Why Women Think They Can Change His Mind but Not His Wardrobe

There’s an interesting dynamic in dating that often gets overlooked: it’s usually easier to change a man’s style than his personality. Yet, when it comes to relationships, many women tend to invest their energy in the opposite direction.

Think about it. A man who’s “sweet but swagless” often gets overlooked because his presentation doesn’t match the confidence and energy women are drawn to. He might be respectful, loyal, and genuinely kind—but if his sneakers are outdated, his jeans fit like a 2005 throwback, or he just hasn’t found his style, he gets labeled as “dorky” or “boring.”

On the other hand, the man with the swagger—the one whose clothes, haircut, and presence scream confidence—often gets all the attention. He may be inconsistent, disloyal, or openly a cheater, but women will convince themselves that they can fix his mentality. They’ll buy into the project of “changing” his ways, believing their love, patience, or loyalty will reform him.

But here’s the irony: it’s infinitely harder to rewire someone’s character than to upgrade their closet.

• Wardrobe is surface-level. A haircut, new clothes, and some guidance can completely reinvent a man’s appearance and confidence within weeks.

• Personality is rooted. A cheater’s behavior patterns are tied to deeper values, habits, and choices. Trying to reform that is a long shot, and often ends in heartbreak.

The overlooked truth is that women who dismiss “sweet guys with no swag” are passing up on someone who already has the qualities that matter most in a long-term partner. Instead of trying to turn a cheater into a faithful man, why not turn a loyal “dork” into a stylish, confident version of himself?

At the end of the day, you can take a man shopping and transform his look overnight—but changing his mindset? That’s not just harder. For most, it’s impossible.

Affection is Better Than Perfection

She's 5'2" and curvy in all of the right places.  As a matter of fact, she looks like the number 8 in high heels.  Her lips would make a lollipop shed a tear of joy from anticipation.  Full and soft to the touch.  Her hair is soft, silky and shoulder length.  Her cat-like hazel eyes can mesmerize anyone bold enough to stare too long at them.  She is the epitome of a Perfect 10... but she has no concept of how to handle a significant other.  None whatsoever.

Dag.

In today's society where hot bods are pushed to us ad nauseum on social media and on television, it's easy to get caught up on a person's looks.  As a guy who stays on the go, I encounter good-looking women quite often.  Some of them are single, too.  But spend up to 15 minutes or so talking to them and you will quickly find out why that is the case.

Yet it's still so tempting to ask them out.  In my mind, I know that she's selfish and has no clue of how to love me, but there are many factors that will compel me to ask her out:

1) She's hot.  'Nuff said.
2) My friends would think that I'm a rock star to bring a nugget like her around.
3) That fantasy in my head that she'll figure it all out and become the "perfect woman."

Well, there's no such thing as the perfect woman (or man) for that matter.  However, there is a such thing as finding someone who is "perfect for you."  It's all about figuring out who cares for you more than anything else.  Beauty fades and with that being said, who wants to be sitting next to a 60 year old hag with an personality problem decades down the road?

Not me.  If people start focusing on "affection" instead of "perfection" then they can have someone who shows them daily that they love them rather than someone who is essentially putting on a masquerade.

Although that's what we should all ultimately crave, it's still okay to continue to date hot women in the meantime, right?  Even if they are shallow and/or selfish?  I'm just asking for a friend. :)

"Thick" or "Fat"? #BodyTypes

There's always been a debate every since the justification for extra pounds was created.  Back in the day you were either skinny, average, or fat.  Fast forward to 2014 and there are all kinds of way to categorize body types, but the one that seems to be the most misinterpreted is "thick."

Being "thick" falls in between being average and being fat.  It's a word that started in the African-American communities to justify the curviness of the average black woman.  Black people didn't like being categorized by white Americans' standard so "thick" was created.  After all, we black men tend like a little more meat on the bone than white guys.  However, I do think that things are changing and Kim Kardashian and Jennifer Lopez are the reasons why.  This lovely honey on the right here would have been considered "fat" by most people's standards back in the early-to-mid 90's, but today she's "thick" or "curvy."

But, where do you draw the line?  Where does "thick" become "fat"?

Like beauty, size is a matter of interpretation.  There is no universal standard.  It's all about what you prefer.  I prefer curves, so although the actual weight doesn't matter to me, I do pay attention to what's proportionate.  And I think that's the standard that a lot more people are following today.  Is there some resemblance to an hourglass shape?

You can find 100 guys and ask them to take a look at the photo to the right and it may result in 50 each saying "thick" or "fat" depending on their preference.  There's someone for everyone, so in the grand scheme of things it really doesn't matter.

However, I'll give you my definition of what makes someone "thick" and what makes them "fat."  Well, I can't say that it's my definition since I found the photo on the web, but I'll just say that I agree with it.  The photo below appears to be an accurate depiction of what I consider the difference between the two categorization of sizes.

The person on the left would fall into the "fat" category because a lot of her weight is above the waist line.  The "thick" lady gets that label because her weight is carried in her hips and thighs which to me is an attractive quality.

I'll post a few more photos below and you can comment and let me know which ones you consider "thick" and which ones you consider "fat."  At the end of the day, it doesn't matter.  If you're a woman and you feel comfortable and healthy, then do you.  If you're a guy then go for whatever floats your boat.  There's no wrong answer here.

Comment according to letters.  This is Person "A."

B

C

You may recognize person D.

E

Anyone of these in F considered fat?

Nice Guys Do Finish Last

Yes, it's absolutely true 9 times out of 10.  I've been saying this since my high school days.  I said it through my college days.  And I'm saying it again today.  "Nice guys do finish last."

I listened to a podcast of a friend of mine named Crystal.  The Crystal Show is a wonderful talk show that discusses a lot of interesting topics and this particular one was on women who date jerks.  I listened as the ladies on this show talked about how nice guys can be boring.  I listened to them laugh as they told stories about nice guys who just didn't cut the mustard when it came to keeping their interests.

Being a nice guy is rarely going to bring you success when it comes to women.

Like everything else in life there has to be a balance.  You sometimes have to maintain the right amount of gentleman and the right amount of caveman.  Every guy has it in them, but some forget to express it at times and it can be a turn-off for women.  I'm not saying that a man can't be sensitive and caring, but those are traditionally feminine qualities.  Most women want someone who is different from them not just like them.  That's why so many nice guys end up in "The Friend Zone" instead of "The End Zone."  Heck, I've had to even give myself a wake up call on it.

I consider myself a nice guy.  Because of that I'm sure to some ladies I've come off as a pushover or a "softie" and that's my mistake if that has occurred.  If anyone has ever thought that of me then that means that I let my guard down and got caught slippin'.  I'm a huge James Bond fan and the one thing Bond always does well is balance smooth with rough.

Relationships are all about balance.  There's no such thing as "you complete me."  That's garbage we picked up from the "Jerry Maguire" movie.  You compliment someone, but you don't "complete" them.  And to compliment someone you sometimes have to add something to the mix that they don't have.

That means that we nice guys have to gain or reclaim our swagger.  Our edge.  The thing that lets every heterosexual woman in the room know that we're a man.  That doesn't mean throw away the nice guy.  It just means not to lead with it.  That's something a woman should discover about you.  Don't put it out there on a silver platter from Day One.  Maintain that balance.  Be Bond.

The bottom line is this: you can be the kind of man who has an edge without being a jerk.  You can be the type that has a kind heart without being a chump.  

Find your middle and stick to it.  Make it a part of your life and stick to it.  Being nice can get you a woman, but it's not necessarily going to keep her.  She will get bored.

Just like you crave the softness of a woman, give her the toughness of her man.  And do it before something nice walks out of your life.

A Hairy Situation

Click to enlarge or right-click to open full page

Guys are very visual when it comes to women.  Some of us are very particular when it comes to the opposite sex.  We have things that we like.  We have things that we love.  But, we also have things that are deal breakers.

Deal breakers differ from guy to guy, but a lot of us have very similar things that we just don't like to see on a woman.

Take a look at the lady to the right in the photo.  She's an attractive lady and is in great shape.  However, if you enlarge the photo then you will see that she has fine hair covering most of her body.

Would that be an issue for some dudes?  Ladies, how do you feel about it?  Is it a good look or not?

All of us have imperfections that we have to deal with in some shape, form or fashion.  Fat guys have man boobs.  Some dudes have baby-making hips.  Some women have big hands/feet.  Some women don't have any (feminine) curves.

You should never judge a book by its cover, but let's be honest: we generally do.  However, is it different if it's something that a person has control over or not?

Recently, Madonna released a photo that shows that she doesn't shave under her arms.  She hashtagged it #LongHairDontCare which is absolutely hilarious.  However, how do you feel about the photo?  Does it not matter to you?  Is it repulsive?

If Madonna wasn't a multi-million dollar celebrity would this be a deal breaker for a majority of guys who may have wanted to approach her?  Would it also make them consider that she may be hairy in another place on her body?

I know that I run the risk of a feminist group coming down on me for even posting about women and body hair.  I'm not saying what Madonna has done is somehow wrong or anything like that.  People should be attracted to others based on personal preference and not worldly preferences.

How do you feel about women who are hairy in non-traditional places?

#LongHairDontCare

Memo to Black Women

Black women, I'm still down with you.  Despite the negative things that you see on social networks, view on television, or hear on the radio, I'm still in your corner and so are plenty of others.  I just think that you just need to refocus your attention in order to see that.

I recently came across a few Instagram photos of R&B singer, Maxwell.  In the photos were two white ladies.  Maxwell received multiple comments, from black women, criticizing him for not enjoying his time with black women instead of white women.  As you can imagine, he lashed out at his fan base and essentially told them to mind their own business.  I think that he was within his right to do so.  A man's preference in dating is absolutely nobody's business.

However, here's my two cents in regards to black women negatively reacting to black men dating white women: the reaction Maxwell received is contributing to the angry, black woman stereotype that gives black men the excuse to seek other races.  No one wants to be publicly criticized for who they sleep with, date, or love just because of that person's race.  Whether it's fair or not, being too critical (especially in public) is the reputation that black women have had ever since neck wagging and hand snapping originated.  That fear alone is what a lot of men have when it comes to black women.  Blame reality TV, blame rap music, blame whatever.  Unfortunately, it exists and it's not going away until enough people do the exact opposite of the stereotype.

My advice to black women is to abstain from commenting on black men at all if they step outside of their race.  You're doing more harm than good.  What's the point anyway?  When was the last time you criticized someone and expected them to love you for it?  If they wish to stray, regardless of reason, then let them stray.

There are still plenty of black men in this country who appreciate the love of a black woman.  Stop letting people tell you that we're all in jail, gay, or dead.  We're not unicorns.  We're as real as the air that you're breathing.  There are plenty of us out there hoping for that special someone with a dark complexion, but she hasn't noticed us yet.  We're just waiting on you to stop focusing on the men who don't love you and for you to focus on the men who do.

For those of you looking for an open letter to black men, then check out The Tasha Mac Chronicles.  

Lip Service

"You know you want this!"

Everyone has something that gets their attention when it comes to physical attraction. We guys are very visual and tend to have a preference in body parts when it comes to women.

There are breast men, leg men and butt men, to name the most popular.  However, like with everything else, I tend to be a bit different.  If you've been reading my blog for any extended period of time, then you know that I never seem to go with the majority on anything.

One of the first things that I look for on a woman, if she's facing me, are her lips.  Lips are the sexiest thing on a woman to me.  It's not that I disregard her other features or anything, but lips are just a starting point for me.  There's something sensual about a set of full lips on a woman.  Yes, I said "full."

That's a preference for me when it comes to attraction.  It's not a deal breaker by any means, but it is a bonus for sure.  If they're not full, then I can go for pouty.  I've always been a fan of the Gina Gershon look.  If someone can pull off both, then she could probably completely take advantage of me.  LOL!

Physical attraction is very subjective.  There have been some idiots who tried to measure it, but you can't measure an opinion.  We all have something that we enjoy seeing on people we find attractive and that's part of what makes people unique.  Sure, we're just like animals, but what separates us from them is that we have a preferred taste.

A woman can decide that a man may be too short for her liking.  A man can decide that a woman may not have the pair of legs that turns him on.  That's the beauty of it all!  It's completely up to you.  People always look one-sided at me when I tell them that a woman's lips are the most attractive thing.  They assume that I should value breasts, booty or legs more.

Those things are a dime a dozen if you ask me.  However, I crave the set of lips that can make a lollipop shed a tear.  I may not be among the masses, but that's my preference and I'm sticking to it.

What is your favorite feature on a person?

Photo courtesy of Ms. Onta

Photo courtesy of Ms. Vixin

Sexy, Cute, or Both?

This post isn't as long as it looks. It just contains a lot of "visual aid."

Ladies, have you ever been out with a friend-guy, boyfriend, or husband and catch them looking at a woman who you don't think is attractive? Do you wonder to yourself, "why is he checking her out?"

Well, a lot of women don't know the difference between "sexy" and "cute," so I'm going to help you out. "Sexy" will attract a man and leave you wondering what he sees in her. You may think she looks like a slut, or a mean girl, or whatever. But, for some reason she has his attention.

Here are a few examples of "sexy" below:

Angelina Jolie

Megan Fox

Lil' Kim

All three of these ladies are Hollywood sex symbols. Men of all ages and races would take advantage of any opportunity to get with any of these three. Why? Attitude. Sexy is all about attitude. Notice the devious look of all three. By no means is it "cute." All three of these ladies have a "bad girl" type of attitude. They even have an "I'll do something bad to you" look about them which to a guy translates to mean, "I will curl your toes until your toenails are scraping your heels."

Would any of you men take any of these ladies home to meet your mother? Probably not. Would you introduce them to your boys? Definitely. Would you sell your blood to make enough money for a one hour romp in the hourly Mustang Motel for any of the three? Absolutely.

Ladies, sexy women will get your man to cheat on you without even putting forth much of an effort.

He won't marry her, but he'll crave her. He won't be in love, but he'll be in lust. He may even hate her at times, but he can't stay away. Like Pookie from the New Jack City movie, "it be callin' me!" (If you haven't seen NJC, then you need NetFlix in your life!)

Moving on to "cute." These are the women who make your man act awkward. He's all smiles around her. If his smile were any wider, his ears would get wet. He babbles/stutters when she's around (even in your presence). He's clumsy and even may be prone to shying away from direct eye contact. Why? Because she's adorable. She amazes him and actually makes him nervous.

Now, on to examples of cute:

Kaley Cuoco

Katy Perry

Leighton Meester

Three more Hollywood stars! The difference? These women are cute. These are the women who if you saw them attempt a sexy pose, it would almost be comical or uncomfortable-looking. They're so adorable that it's actually difficult for them to be sexy. Again, it's the attitude. It's not as aggressive as the sexy women from above nor are their facial expressions aggressive either. Their faces are inviting and pleasant. This is the woman a man could take home to mom or introduce to his homeboys without a real fear of them trying to bang her behind his back. She looks too wholesome for them to try it.

Ladies, cute women will get your man to fall in love with them without even putting forth much of an effort.

Okay, so what happens when you combine the lustful with the adorable? I won't even add name captions below because you should know all three of these women. Your man does. Below are three prime examples of a sexy/cute combo package that every man wants:

Sexy

Cute

Sexy

Cute

Sexy

Cute

Do you see the combination? It's no coincidence that three of the most beautiful women in the world not only have the ability to bring a man to his knees in the bedroom, but also be the cause of him sticking out his chest as a proud man when he's in public with her. Ladies, if a man comes across a woman with the ability to change between "bedroom eyes" and the "innocent look" at will, then he will try every trick in the book to get her. Your man will steal from your checking account to get her.

What's so ironic about it is that the odds are you were that lady at one time. When he first saw you, he was attracted to the sexiness. He couldn't take his eyes off of you. I'm a living witness to it. I still stare at The Mrs.' legs when she wears heels.

After spending time with you, he grew to love your cute personality. You were caring and nurturing and made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Another testimony from me: I still get butterflies in my stomach when I'm typing on the computer and The Mrs. surprises me with a hug from behind.

So don't think that being "both" is out of the realm of possibility. There's an old term that a lot of women scoff at, but it's absolutely true: "A man wants a lady in the streets and a freak between the sheets."

Now, that doesn't necessarily mean she has to be a church lady in public and porn star in bed. It means that when you're out in public (with or without him, you still represent him), he doesn't want to be embarrassed. He doesn't want his friends, work buddies, or even other women talking about how you act "less than a lady" or that you wore Crocs and pajamas to Wal-Mart. When you're not in public and with him at home, he wants you to be that person he craves. The one he can't get enough of. The one he risks a speeding ticket for every day to get home to after work because just the thought of you makes him feel good both emotionally and physically.

So, where do you start? Well, first of all, to look sexy, you have to feel sexy. If you don't think you're sexy, then why would he?

To be cute, you have to be adorable. Don't maintain a scowl that frightens children. Don't yell or snap at him over stupid stuff. Be affectionate and playful. Isn't the idea to make him want to be around you more rather than less?

The ultimate example of "both."

So, which one will you be? Sexy, cute, or both? I've explained the results of them all, so it's up to you to choose and accept the results of each.

To get there, you have to work on your attitude. You will also be surprised of the affect it will actually have on his attitude. If you want your man to work harder to impress you and show you that he's worthy of being with you, then do something that causes another man to look and watch the light bulb come on in your man's head.

Okay, I lied when I said that this post wasn't that long. It's hard to be brief when you're giving women a guide to men.