Why Women Think They Can Change His Mind but Not His Wardrobe

There’s an interesting dynamic in dating that often gets overlooked: it’s usually easier to change a man’s style than his personality. Yet, when it comes to relationships, many women tend to invest their energy in the opposite direction.

Think about it. A man who’s “sweet but swagless” often gets overlooked because his presentation doesn’t match the confidence and energy women are drawn to. He might be respectful, loyal, and genuinely kind—but if his sneakers are outdated, his jeans fit like a 2005 throwback, or he just hasn’t found his style, he gets labeled as “dorky” or “boring.”

On the other hand, the man with the swagger—the one whose clothes, haircut, and presence scream confidence—often gets all the attention. He may be inconsistent, disloyal, or openly a cheater, but women will convince themselves that they can fix his mentality. They’ll buy into the project of “changing” his ways, believing their love, patience, or loyalty will reform him.

But here’s the irony: it’s infinitely harder to rewire someone’s character than to upgrade their closet.

• Wardrobe is surface-level. A haircut, new clothes, and some guidance can completely reinvent a man’s appearance and confidence within weeks.

• Personality is rooted. A cheater’s behavior patterns are tied to deeper values, habits, and choices. Trying to reform that is a long shot, and often ends in heartbreak.

The overlooked truth is that women who dismiss “sweet guys with no swag” are passing up on someone who already has the qualities that matter most in a long-term partner. Instead of trying to turn a cheater into a faithful man, why not turn a loyal “dork” into a stylish, confident version of himself?

At the end of the day, you can take a man shopping and transform his look overnight—but changing his mindset? That’s not just harder. For most, it’s impossible.

Police Only Protect And Serve Each Other

So, yet another video surfaces of police using excessive force during an arrest.  The suspect later died after being taken into custody. 

During the video, the man pleaded for mercy and indicated that he couldn't breathe quite a few times.  He kept trying to adjust his head to find relief, but the number of cops on him wouldn't allow him comfort.  Not to mention the one cop who applied pressure from a knee to the back of the man's neck.  He was clearly increasing the pressure the more the man appeared to be adjusting to get some air.

Despite the man being in custody and no longer a threat, this cop still felt the need to "punish" him by keeping the knee in the back of the man's neck which ultimately may have led to the trauma that killed the man.  The onlookers pleaded with the cop to ease up. They begged the police to just put the guy in the squad car.  They told them to check the man's pulse when he became unresponsive.

The cops did none of that.  An ambulance was called, but the man appears to have died before they arrived.

Look,  I understand that police are humans and get frustrated, too.  They get tired of people who may run and / or resist.  But some cops don't realize how what they do comes off as severe bullying to the general public.  Especially minorities.  Once the suspect is subdued, the fight is over.  You don't have the right to continue to punish someone who is in handcuffs and not in a position to be a threat to anyone.

I have met some really good cops in my life.  Cops who wouldn't dare think of intentionally harming someone.  But until THEY start to speak out against this, we'll continue to see videos like these.  When was the last time you saw a cop testify against another cop for police brutality?  Wait.  When's the first time you've ever seen that?

This "loyalty to the uniform" stuff needs to end if they ever want to truly gain a reputation for "protecting and serving" the people.  Because right now, the police only "protect and serve" each other.

Dealing with Disappointment

When it comes to dealing with people, we have to understand that things aren't what they once were when my parents were young adults in the early 60's.  Not keeping your word back then was almost the equivalent of slapping someone in the face.  If someone gave their word then it was a big deal if they broke it.  Being selfish was really frowned upon and we rarely saw it in older TV shows and movies.

Things are different now.  There aren't too many Ward and June Cleavers living in each neighborhood these days.  Society teaches us that satisfying yourself is quite okay.  "Do you" is a very popular statement still.  So, if someone tells you that they're going to do something for you or with you and they don't come through, then you have to find a way to cope with that.  Understand that this isn't the end of the world.  Each day is a new beginging and an opportunity for a fresh start.  Just focus on trying to keep people in your life who rarely disappoint you.

We all get disappointed and lied to on a daily basis.  It can be about simple things that shouldn't even require a lie.  "I'll call you back."  "I'll take care of that."  "I love you."

Ooh.  That last one stings a bit, huh?  LOL!

As difficult as it is at times, there are numerous instances in life when you have to take a deep breath and hit the reset button.  No one likes to do it, but it's just a part of living.  The longer that you remain on this planet, the more that you will realize that some people will let you down.  It can be a family member, friend, or even a significant other.  It may not always be intentional, but it happens nonetheless.

Where is the Love?

A friend of mine is an artist.  He is a very skilled painter and he puts on an art display every December.  Yesterday was the 14th year he's had his show.  I've been to 13 of them.  Not only do I enjoy the art, but I enjoy the story behind each piece.  The artist loves to allow people into his mind as he discusses the inspiration and meaning to each piece.  It's probably the most enjoyable part of the showing, if you ask me.

However, this year wasn't the turnout that I expected.  I'm not sure what his expectations were, but they were definitely below mine.  There could have been a lot of contributing factors to that like low temperatures or whatnot, but I won't go through all of them.  

None of that matters to me because barring a blizzard, I just expected more people to come and enjoy themselves.  And to the people who didn't, I ask: where is the love?

Each and everyone of us has a talent.  If we're fortunate enough, someone is able to discover it early enough in life for us to perfect it.  For those who have discovered these talents, it's important that others support them.  And for the life of me, I can't understand why some of us choose to not do that.

My blog started almost 7 years ago.  No one knew about it, so I told some of my Facebook friends.  Over the course of a year or two, people started reading and commenting on my blog posts, but they were people I'd never met.  My biggest supporters were not my Facebook friends, but strangers.  

Don't get me wrong.  A few of my friends read my blog regularly (or did at one time).  But, it was the people from all over the world, that I'd never met, who were commenting and circulating my material.  Why weren't my friends doing the same?  Why were my emails and inbox messages to them to "Like" my fan page sometimes not even being met with a reply?  Why were some of the women I was dating not reading or supporting my blog?  It made me ask myself over again, "where is the love?"  Why is it that strangers propel you to fame while friends wait to claim you afterwards?  Shouldn't it be the other way around?  

My homie put on a really good art show this year.  He always does, but he was feeling it this year.  He had a lot of new pieces that were making their debut.  I even bought one of those pieces to give to my brother and his wife for Christmas.  It's the first piece of art I've ever bought from him.  I also brought someone with me to see his show for their first time.  To me, that's what "showing love" is all about.  You not only show up yourself, but you expose others as well.  That's how you help to grow the fan base.

I have always supported his talents and he's always supported mine by passing on my blog posts to some of his followers.  I know that he will read this post and agree with me about how support is so hard to come by these days.  Despite that, he will keep doing his thing and I will keep doing mine.  And if it takes a bunch of strangers to make it feel all worthwhile, then so be it.  We'll take the love however we can get it.

What Do Women Want? #Relationships

What would make her happy?  

I want to be married again.  I want someone to come home to, hug and kiss, and swap stories about our day at work.  I want to look forward to planning a date night every week.  I want to travel with someone who appreciates seeing different places.  I know exactly what I want for my life.

But here's my dilemma: I haven't a clue to what women want.

At one time, I thought that women would want honesty.  That they want a man who would tell them the truth, regardless of how bad it may sound.  They want someone who is trustworthy because he has a track record of being honest about his actions.

Nope.  Not it.

Okay, well, how about this: Women want loyalty, right?  They want a guy who would never put himself in a position where there's an opportunity to cheat.  He doesn't have to guard his cell phone day and night because he's not doing anything wrong.  He only wants his lady and no one else.

Nope.  Not it.

Okay, I know this one has to be it: Women want security.  That has to be the ticket, right?  They want a man who has a career and not a job.  Someone who takes his household responsibilities seriously.  When the house note is due then that's what he's paying.  He's not waiting in line for the next pair of Jordans to drop while bills still need to be paid.

Nope.  Still not it.

So, what do women want in relationships?  I keep racking my brain trying to figure it out.  If it's not honesty, trust, loyalty, security, and responsibility, then what is it?

Wait.  Now that I think about it, they do want all of those things.  Just not from me.  LOL!

Loyalty is Extinct

My favorite NFL team since 1975.

Things that were once something to be proud of 50 years ago are just simply trendy in 2013.  One of those things is the act of being loyal to something or someone.  We don't do that much any more.  In fact, there are probably a lot of people who may even consider it stupid to remain with something that's not giving you what you need at that particular moment.

We live "in the moment" way too much these days.  Some blame the YOLO (you only live once) mentality, but this mindset was around way before that term.  Somewhere between 1990 and now we completely lost the ability to show loyalty.

A perfect example is in sports.  I'm a Dallas Cowboys fan.  I have been since I was old enough to remember.  I have photos of me around 3 years old wearing Cowboys stuff.  Despite the fact that they haven't won a Super Bowl since 1996 doesn't deter the fact that they're still my team.

I have a nephew who is 13 years old and he is on his 3rd "favorite" team.  Once "his" team goes on a downward spiral, he changes to another one.  He sees nothing wrong with changing of teams because he doesn't understand loyalty.  He doesn't get that there's more appreciation to patiently waiting for things to get better rather than jumping on the next team's bandwagon.  This translates into everyday relationships.

How can someone stick with a significant other through the good times and bad times if they can't grasp the concept of loyalty?

Being in a dedicated relationship means that both people have to show loyalty.  It's the cornerstone of what makes a relationship successful.  It doesn't mean that you necessarily have to stay with that person until the very end because there are exceptions to every rule (abuse, criminal/drug activity, incompatibility, etc.).  However, it does mean that even when things aren't 100% that you should hold out hope that some day they will be.

"Reality" TV doesn't help.  We see The Bachelor and The Bachelorette go through contestants like Kleenex tissues.  Although that's a scripted game show, it gives some viewers the mindset that they always have immediate options.  It encourages the mentality that "if you're not going to do what I want when I want, then I'll find someone who will until you start acting right."

If she's not giving you the intimacy you once shared as newlyweds then try to talk it out instead of creeping with a co-worker.  If he's not giving you the emotional support that you need then communicate that with him before confiding in the guy you see at the gym.  You owe that person that much simply by having the title of "significant other."  And if you don't feel that way, then you're not in a real relationship anyway.

I'm not saying you should never end a relationship.  Sometimes things just don't work.  But, you're doing yourself a disservice if you don't even try.  If you can't feel enough responsibility and dedication to stick with someone that you call a "significant other," then I guess they weren't so "significant" in the first place.

Life won't always be rosy in relationships.  Things happen.  How you respond to those things determine what kind of character you have as a person.  Are you the type of person who quits as soon as something pops off or do you try to weather the storm until things improve?

Through thick and thin, I wear my Dallas Cowboys paraphernalia proudly.  But, my commitment to love extends far beyond sports.  What about yours?

Will you stay or will you go?

Hold The Rat Poison, Please?

Half of the country was lined up in front of stores last week to get a shot (or shots) at winning $640 million being offered in the Mega Millions lottery. It was the largest jackpot I can ever remember seeing. Three people had the winning numbers and all have claims on the prize money which will divide three ways between $105 million - $158 million (lump sum pay out) depending on which publication you read. Well, one of those people may have to spend some time in court before she can lay her hands on any money.

Meet Mirlande Wilson. A 37-year old, single mother of seven who works at McDonald's. Well, Mirlande went to the local convenience store and bought some tickets for the lottery. She was also in charge of buying tickets for 15 of her co-workers as well. You see, they had all decided to pool their money to take their shot at the jackpot. Each of them chipped in $5 for tickets.

Enter controversy.

Mirlande, after winning, said that she won with a ticket that she bought with her own money. Yeah, right. Mirlande bought tickets for the group and had those tickets put into a safe. Later that day, her boss gave her more money and asked that she get more tickets for the drawing. Mirlande bought those tickets and took them home, never revealing the numbers. After the drawing was made, she claimed that she bought an additional ticket with her own money and that's the ticket that won. She even had the audacity to call one of her co-workers screaming, "I won! I won!"

Not "we won."

She later claimed that she is not sure if she won and surveillance cameras even show that a man actually bought the winning ticket. So, who knows what really happened? Needless to say, there are some very angry, $7.50-an-hour-making McDonald's employees in the state of Maryland who think they're missing their fair share of $7+ million. All I know is this: my advice to Mirlande is to get out of town quick, fast and in a hurry! And since so many people recognize your face across the country by now, the next time you order a Big Mac, make sure to tell them to "hold the rat poison, please?"

Is Mirlande right or wrong to not split the winnings that she can't legitimately prove she paid for?

"We will spatula-slap her if we see her around these parts again!"

Three + Three Questions

Three Questions:
1. Do you like T.I.?
2. Are you a fan of Charlie Sheen?
3. Do you have Lil' Wayne's latest CD?



What do all of these guys have in common? All of them have been arrested.

What else do these guys have in common? They are all very successful at what they do.

So, when I do the math, I wonder how arrests plus moral issues equals those guys being on top in their respective games? I know! Fans will turn a blind eye to anything just as long as they like the person! Loyalty breeds ignorance, right?

I know quite a few women... not just women, but mothers, who absolutely love R. Kelly despite the fact that he filmed/desecrated a teen (and I'll say allegedly, but we both know it was him in that video just as sure as we know O.J. did it).

I've heard women say that Rihanna pushed Chris Brown's buttons as if that gave him carte blanche to go Chuck Norris upside her dome.

Robert Downey, Jr. has made a killing with the "Iron Man" movie franchise despite using more drugs than Walgreens.



Do you see my point? Do you really expect kids to learn "right" from "wrong" when it appears that "wrong" gets rewarded regularly?

Bobby Brown. Michael Vick. Tommy Lee. Lil' Wayne. Foxy Brown. Hugh Grant. The list goes on for weeks.

Now, this is America. "The Land of Second (Third and Fourth) Chances". As long as you at least attempt to make/fake an apology, people will like you again. Some may even try to justify your actions. I've heard arguments for Fantasia stealing some one's husband saying that "she was fighting for her man". No, she was fighting for someone else's man. Just because you like her song "Bittersweet" doesn't make her right.



People still support Bill Clinton despite him using his political offices for speed dating. Guys don't care that Alicia Keys got pregnant by a married man. As long as she stays fine and sings well, she'll be back on top.

But why? We all know that if any of those things happened in our lives, we'd be ready to swing on whoever did it and/or whoever is defending their actions.


Think about your answers at the top of the blog and then answer these three questions:
1. If T.I. was Tyrone from the neighborhood, would you let your son hang with him knowing he just got out of jail on gun charges?
2. If R. Kelly was Roscoe from around the way, would you let your daughter go to the prom with him?
3. If Chris Brown was Chad White the D.J. from the radio station, would you buy his mix CD after he went Tyson upside your baby girl's face?

If you answered "yes" to any of the three questions at the top of the blog, then that's okay. You can give someone a second chance so as long as you don't try to justify what they did wrong.

If you answered "yes" to any of the top three questions, but "no" the altered question at the bottom, then maybe you need re-evaluate your way of thinking.