Why Women Think They Can Change His Mind but Not His Wardrobe

There’s an interesting dynamic in dating that often gets overlooked: it’s usually easier to change a man’s style than his personality. Yet, when it comes to relationships, many women tend to invest their energy in the opposite direction.

Think about it. A man who’s “sweet but swagless” often gets overlooked because his presentation doesn’t match the confidence and energy women are drawn to. He might be respectful, loyal, and genuinely kind—but if his sneakers are outdated, his jeans fit like a 2005 throwback, or he just hasn’t found his style, he gets labeled as “dorky” or “boring.”

On the other hand, the man with the swagger—the one whose clothes, haircut, and presence scream confidence—often gets all the attention. He may be inconsistent, disloyal, or openly a cheater, but women will convince themselves that they can fix his mentality. They’ll buy into the project of “changing” his ways, believing their love, patience, or loyalty will reform him.

But here’s the irony: it’s infinitely harder to rewire someone’s character than to upgrade their closet.

• Wardrobe is surface-level. A haircut, new clothes, and some guidance can completely reinvent a man’s appearance and confidence within weeks.

• Personality is rooted. A cheater’s behavior patterns are tied to deeper values, habits, and choices. Trying to reform that is a long shot, and often ends in heartbreak.

The overlooked truth is that women who dismiss “sweet guys with no swag” are passing up on someone who already has the qualities that matter most in a long-term partner. Instead of trying to turn a cheater into a faithful man, why not turn a loyal “dork” into a stylish, confident version of himself?

At the end of the day, you can take a man shopping and transform his look overnight—but changing his mindset? That’s not just harder. For most, it’s impossible.

The Recipe For Successful Dating

How do you date successfully? See what Dr. Tiffany Anderson, Marrie Lobel, Suzie and André have to contribute on the discussion. Hopefully you will learn to ask the right questions after hearing them give their two cents!

The Double Standards of Sex

There are a ton of double standards in the world when it comes to men and women, but the double standards of sex seems to get people riled up the most. 

When a guy is having sex with a bunch of women, he’s just "being a guy". But when women have sex with a bunch of dudes, she’s going through a "hoe phase" or a "hot girl summer". 

Fair or foul? 

Check out the opinions of this group of people and comment with your conclusion.

Relationships Are Like Chicken Sandwiches

Before you say anything, no, I haven't completely lost my mind just yet.  I know that the title seems a little crazy, but hopefully, I can convey my point without someone committing me to a mental institution.

Maybe I should have said that "relationships are like fast food restaurants that sell chicken sandwiches".  Meh, that doesn't really flow off of the tongue.

Anyway, let's take Chick-fil-A.  By no means is CFA what I would consider a "sexy" fast food restaurant.  Their restaurants are on the conservative side with no flashy colors or logos.  They don't do gimmicks in order to get your attention, but they keep a line of cars around the building in their drive-thrus.  They attract their customers with consistency, great customer service, and solid food.  They don't open on Sundays because they believe people should have a day off with family.  I guess that makes them thoughtful as well and also shows that they don't focus on money.  

Now let's take a look at Popeyes.  Like CFA, they focus on chicken, but at one time they weren't really known for having a chicken sandwich like CFA.  In the late summer of 2019, they released a chicken sandwich that took the country by storm.  People were lining up around the block for this chicken sandwich.  There were even fights over it.  They'd finally achieved the attention that CFA was getting.  

But, it was temporary because they still didn't focus on the customer.  You didn't get the same friendly service as CFA.  They would run out of food in the middle of the day due to lack of preparation.  You would sometimes wait 30+ minutes to get your food.  

Popeyes had figured out a way that they could get you, but they couldn't keep you.  And because of that, there are no longer lines around the building to get a Popeyes chicken sandwich.  Their success was short-lived.

Now McDonald's, Burger King, and even Taco Bell have joined the chicken sandwich war to try and get a piece of the action.  Really Taco Bell?  I won't even get into any of those places.

Okay, so I said all of that to say: people seem to follow the same path when it comes to relationships.  You have the consistent, always-friendly and reliable person who is just like Chick-fil-A.  You know exactly what you're going to get when you deal with that person.  They may not be the flashiest or the sexiest pick, but they will always come through for you and give you what you need.  Because you are their focus.  You are their priority.

Then you have the person like Popeyes who hits you like a ton of bricks when you first meet them.  Everyone seems to want a piece of them.  They look the part and sound the part at first, but then you find out over time that they're not all that.  They're inconsistent.  They take you for granted and seem to act like they're doing you a favor.  And they're definitely not focused on you or your happiness.

Lastly, you have the people who are like McDonald's, BK, and Taco Bell.  Monkey-see, monkey-do.  They will do whatever they can just to be noticed although most people will leave from them with a bad taste in their mouth.

So, I guess the moral of this blog post is: be more like Chick-fil-A and less like Popeyes.

Okay, maybe I do need to be committed to a mental institution.  SMH.

Your Generation Doesn't Want A Relationship

Why are we fooling ourselves? A majority of people no longer desire to have the spouse, 3 kids, dog, and white picket fence any more. Because society no longer glorifies being married. Sure, we love weddings, but not marriages.

I'm a 70's baby and I think that my generation is the last who really care about being married. A ton of people my age have either tried it or wanted to, but 1980 and beyond, I'm not so sure.

• You want someone to do happy hour with you every now and then. 
• You want a plus one to social gatherings. 
• You want someone to text you "good morning" and "good night". 
• You want someone make small talk with via text when there's a break at work. 
• You want someone to contact to fill that intimacy void when you're lonely and in need of something physical.

But you don't want all of this at the same time. Or sometimes not even with the same person.

• You want to feel like you're in a relationship without actually being in a relationship. 
•  You don't want the commitment. 
• You don't want the pressure of remembering and shopping for anniversaries and birthdays. 
• You don't want the difficult conversations that come along with finding long-term compatibility. 
• You don't want the same person in your face every... single... day. 

How many times have we seen someone post on Facebook about how they've been single for "X" number of years?  "Why don't I have someone already?"

Because you haven't put in the effort. That "everyone is a winner" mentality you learned as a kid is the reason you're sitting around waiting on your participant trophy.

• You don't want to invest in a relationship, but you want to reap all of the benefits. 
• You don't want to make yourself a better candidate for someone to want you because you work harder on our Match.com profile than you do on your personality. 

 So, let's just admit it: you live in the generation that doesn't really want relationships.  You want something that is a bit relationship-ish.  Luckily for you, there's an app for that!

How To Listen To The Talk 2 Q Radio Show

Click here.  It's just that simple. :)

The Talk 2 Q Radio Show is a show for adults to get together and rant about whatever the trending topic may be. Relationships, race relations, politics, sports, and more! If you have something to get off your chest, then join the chat room and / or call in and let your opinions be known!

Unlike most shows where you simply listen to the host, I allow you a chance to do the talking. You have the opportunity to express an opinion or rant on a subject. I want to hear what you have to say which is why I named the show "Talk 2 Q" and not "Listen 2 Q."

The Call-in Number: (516) 595-8306. There is also the aforementioned chat room where you can interact with other listeners and ask questions to the host and / or guests.


Okay, enough of that. Let's talk about what I'm really about. Where do I start? I'm old school. That's an understatement to any of you who have followed me for a while, but it's a true statement. Being blessed with a two-parent household as a child, I was raised with many traditional values from the Hospitality State of Mississippi.

Examples: taking my hat/cap off before entering someone's home, holding a door for a lady to enter first, a firm handshake, making eye contact when speaking with people, and being accountable for my actions to name a few.

As crazy as it sounds, those things are becoming a lost art. Too many boys out there lack the man training that is necessary to continue the dwindling cycle of main components of manhood. Pride, responsibility, and accountability have been replaced with entitlement, dependency, and deflection. 

These are the things that fuel the passion for my radio show. I want to bring morals and values back to mainstream America one show at a time. Because although there are plenty of outlets for people to express themselves freely, there isn't one quite like T2Q.

Direct. Real. Uncensored. 

Why? Because "some things need to be said."

Being A Gentleman Is Lame

There's no shame in being nice to a woman. Chivalry is cool. But make no mistake about it, women don't care for old school gentlemen these days. If you overdo it with a woman and try to overly-impress her to win her affection then you're probably wasting your time.

Women in 2020 don't really want to be treated like a lady. That was cool in the 60's, but not so much now.  Women in 2020 are independent. They don't want another person to have to think for. Especially someone who is grown.

A woman wants a man who can be in charge. Not necessarily of her, but of himself and the situations he finds himself in. If something breaks, can he get it fixed? If the household suffers financially, can he pick up the slack? If she has a bad day, can he push the right buttons to make her forget about it?

Being a man isn't about being "nice". It's about being emotionally stronger than your woman and being her rock. She doesn't need to be treated her like she's fragile. She needs to be treated like she's important.

Fellas, Don't Spend More Than $15 for First Dates

I know that the ladies are looking at the title of this post with their mouths agape.  Sorry, ladies, but some of you all kind of brought this on yourselves.  It's too expensive these days to have an old school mentality in a new school world.  It's time for men's dating tactics to evolve just as women have.

At one point of my life, I could meet a woman that I liked and take her out on what was called "a proper date".  That would usually include dinner and drinks in which I would get the tab at the end of the evening.  This was how most relationships (or an attempt at one) started.  It may have been costly sometimes, but both parties were genuinely interested in getting to know one another.  So, it didn't feel like a huge loss if things didn't work out.

However, things are different these days.  Fellas, there are a lot of women out there who just want "something to do".  Sure, they may be interested in a relationship, but that doesn't mean that it has to be with you.  There are plenty of women who will go out with a guy they have no intention of ever dating.  They'll laugh, joke, and will probably even have a good time with you and then you won't hear from them again until their hungry.

There are a lot of "good enough" guys out here in society to keep these women occupied until they find the man that they actually want.  I decided years ago that I would no longer be that "good enough" guy.  If I'm not "the" guy then she can waste someone else's time on a Friday night.  There is always another woman, guys, so don't get so caught up on one who doesn't even want you.  If she comes at you wanting some lavish dinner from somewhere then you should question her motives.  Unless she's agreeing to go dutch.

If a woman is truly interested in a man then she will meet him for coffee or even frozen yogurt.  Because she values his time more than just what he can do for her.  And I won't hesistate to tell any young guy who will listen, "don't spend more than $15 for first dates."  Find out if you even like her or not (and if she likes you) before you spend your hard-earned money on someone who has your name saved in her phone under "Crab Legs".

You Shouldn't Have To Manage Adults #Relationships

We've gotten to the point in today's society that we have to sometimes "manage" our significant others.  Aggression is so acceptable now that we almost expect our mates to be "difficult" at times.  Whether they're mad at you or at someone else, it seems like people just choose to not get along amicably these days. 

What happened to trying to keep the peace?  Why does everyone have to be right so badly that they would jeopardize important things over it?

You shouldn't have to manage adults (who don't work for you).  Trying to help someone else get control of their emotions can be extremely draining.  However, a lot of us are conditioned to think that behavior like that is a part of what strengtens a relationship.  As if you can't have a strong bond without a dust up every now and then.  That cannot be further from the truth.

I've had dealings with a variety of personalities in my life and I am a strong promoter of finding someone who is willing to keep the peace rather than bring the ruckus.  I've dealt with people that I've had to console them even though the things that irked them were non-existent or petty (by most people's standards).  I've had to calm people down to prevent them from doing regretful on the job due to an emotional flare up.  I even once dated a woman once who got mad at me for not being as mad as she was about something that I still, to this day, don't understand how it applied to her.

Know that there are people out here who don't start sentences with "I feel" when they are upset.  That's usually a sign that they've thrown logic out of the window.  There are people out here who will still think before they speak.  There are people who aren't prisoners of their emotions. 

You don't have to settle for someone who isn't even in control of his or herself.  You can have peace if you seek it.  It doesn't mean that conflict won't ever occur.  It just means that you will both take a sensible approach to resolving it with as little regret as possible.

"He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding: but he that is hasty of spirit exalteth folly."   Proverbs 14:29

So, A Cop Reportedly Raped A 15-Year Old...

JPD Press Conference w/Chief of PD.

Jackson, MS has its share of issues just like any other capital city.  We have bad apples in the police department and government, too.  However, this story from the past few days has really divided social media (like we should be surprised) and I just don't see the logic behind it.

To summarize things: an almost-30-year old police officer was accused of having a sexual relationship with a 15-year old girl.  It was reported that the relationshp went on for six months and that he was filming their backseat rendevous during his work hours.  The story turned even more tragic when the man took his life just a day or two after the story hit the news.

What I'm shocked at about this entire situation is how many people are blaming everyone except the allegeded predator.

The phrase that I'm seeing pop up on my timeline every other comment is, "she knew what she was doing!"

Are you serious?  Are you really going to blame the 15-year old girl for her reported relationshp with someone twice her age?

Why do we do this?  Why do we assign blame to the underaged victims in these situations?  How can someone who isn't even old enough to drive a vehicle capable of understanding a sexual relationship with anyone of any age?

Some of the same people posting this foolishness can't even navigate their own adult relationships and they think that someone who isn't old enough for a summer job knows what she's doing.  How can you say that she knew what she was doing when you're getting seduced and fooled in your own adult lives?

Quit shaming the minor victims and place the blame where it belongs...  on the predator!  And I don't want to hear people saying that "she lied about her age" or "she looked old enough".    It's no excuse!  If you can't tell after 5 minutes of conversation that someone is underaged then you need to be put in jail or maybe you're in need of a GED yourself.

A life was lost.  This girl may not ever be mentally right again because of the attention this story is getting and the fact that the man killed himself.  I'm pretty sure that she feels badly enough as it is.  Why pile on the only person who hasn't been on the planet long enough to vote?  

Time Bandits

One thing that I hate to do is waste my time.  Time is the one thing they can't make more of in this world.  You only have what's allotted for you and to waste it on something not beneficial is somewhat tragic.

I've done many posts on the shortcomings of men, but this one is focused on the women.  If I had a dollar for every minute of time women have wasted of my life then I'd be typing this blog post on a gold keyboard with a diamond-encrusted mouse.

Some women are like bass pros: they'll get you on the hook, keep you on the line until they tire you out, pull you out of your comfort zone, show all of their friends what they caught, and then release you leaving you emotionally and physically drained (and sometimes financially).

It's made me change my entire approach to dating.  As much as I've always pushed for men to be chivalrous, my thoughts have changed tremendously about it.  It's not that I no longer believe in it.  It's just the evolution of today's society has encouraged me to take a different approach towards dating.  It may not apply to all, but to older guys still trying to find their way, it may help.

Here is some advice that I will give to the fellas over 30 years old:

If she's broke, then do no entertain her long-term.

It's one thing to fall on hard times, but it's another to constantly make bad decisions.  There are way too many women out there with new clothes and designer purses who constantly have a gas needle on "E".  You don't need someone who is going to bring you down.  Find your equal or better.  These women may be a good time short-term, but long-term will more than likely take you down through there.  Don't invest your time until you can determine if she's just always "living in the moment" or really "trying to get herself together".

Don't go overboard on a first date.

I met my current lady at a bar for drinks on our first date.  Nothing fancy.  We each had a drink and chatted over the course of an hour.  Cost me $14.  The purpose of the date was to get to know each other.  It wasn't for me to peacock it up and try to impress her.  It doesn't make any sense to spend a grip on someone you don't even know likes you yet.  There are some women who will "free meal" you.  They'll smile, laugh at your jokes, eat and drink good, and then fade into the sunset.  It's okay to invite her to coffee or cocktails on the first date.  If she objects and thinks that she deserves something bigger, then let some other dude do it.  Save your money for someone who genuinely wants to enjoy your company and not what you can do for them.  If she likes you, then she'll want to be around you no matter where you go.  Don't go overboard unless you've already established that she's truly interested in being with you. 

Be firm.

This is the good guy's Achilles heel.  Stand your ground.  If something doesn't feel right then speak up!  Bail out if you need to do so.  Don't waste your time putting up with someone who makes you unhappy.  It's so easy to feel as if you shouldn't let someone go because you've invested your time in them.  That evil nine-letter word "potential" will make you continue to remain involved with someone who is not good for you.  Try not to get caught up.  If you got that woman, then know that you can get another one who is maybe on the same page as you.  Or will at least attempt to be.  Never be afraid to walk out if your needs aren't met.

These are things that I've learned over the years.  They may sound simple, but we all need to get back to basics when it comes to dating.  The game has changed and not all women are looking for relationships out here.  Some are just looking for something to do.  Know the difference and approach accordingly.  It may save you some time.

We Can Stop Domestic Violence With Parenting

It's just that simple.  Teaching your son and/or daughter not to put their hands on other people can go a long way towards healing lives instead of ruining them.  Now, I'm taking mental health issues out of the equation here.  I'm talking about the natural ability that most of us have to walk away from negative situations.

Yesterday, I got a phone call from someone about a friend of mine whose husband killed her.  I won't dwell on the how and why because it's not relevant to my blog post.  I'll just say this much about her: she was an advocate against domestic violence and even wrote books about it (I reviewed one of them here).  She was someone who was beyond sweet to me and to never be able to hug her again truly hurts.

But, back to the topic at hand.  Society has to do better.  Domestic violence is something we can all have a hand in stopping if we simply take the time to educate.

Men should not be taught that it is never okay to violently put your hands on a woman unless it's a life or death situation.  Either restrain her until you can get to safety or flee the situation.  I've seen domestic abuse up close and personal and I know the affects it can have on not just the victim, but their loved ones as well.  Domestic abuse can be a cycle started by a father who unknowingly teaches his son that it's okay to do it and to his daughter that it's okay to endure it.

Women should be taught that it's never okay to hit men unless it's a life or death situation.  There are some women in society who take advantage of the fact that a man is not supposed to hit them.  This emboldens them into attacking him and daring him to retaliate and risk him possibly being arrested.  Don't do it, ladies.

1. It's not right to hit him knowing that he won't hit back.  
2. Some guys will hit back and they may hit harder than you!

All I pray is that everyone who reads this decides to sit their son/daughter down and stress to them the options that they have other than assault.  I don't care how old they are right now.  Do it!  Let them know the avenues that they can take to avoid trouble.  Don't wait for them to get into the situation, but instead, use preventive maintenance to teach them how to avoid finding themselves there.

• Preach to them how their ego is not as important as doing jail time, spending time in the emergency room or worse, the morgue.  
• Tell them that they can always come home to loved ones.
• Teach them that relationships are never worth risking your life over to try and fix.
• Show them what real love is at home so that they may recognize it as they venture out in life.
• Instill in them that there's no such thing as "it can never happen to me".

I don't care how hard that you try, you can't make someone love you.  I know this for a fact.  Just let them go and choose from one of the other millions who are what you're looking for in a mate.  

I personally know a lot of guys who have hit women and a lot of women who have hit men.  I've personally called each and everyone of them I've spoken to "cowards" to their faces, including relatives.  It's not okay.  Stop waiting until it happens to someone that you love before you take it seriously.  Please teach.  That's all I ask.

What's Real? What's Fake?

I don't have kids.  However, if  I did, I would school them on discerning what is real and what is fake when it comes to people.  My instruction to him/her would be: everyone is fake until proven otherwise.  Period.  It doesn't mean that you shouldn't respect them or not treat them fairly.  It just means that you don't submit your feelings to them until they are deemed worthy.  Then I would teach that child what questions to ask to help determine someone's authenticity as well as how to pay attention to actions.

Because it's not easy out here to avoid people who have agendas not congruent to your own.  It doesn't necessarily mean that they are bad people.  It just means that you don't want the same thing or maybe you don't wish to take the same path to arrive to a common goal.  

I was thrusted back into the dating world back in 2012 after the death of my wife and I was not ready at all.  I moved way too quickly and found myself in multipe situations with people who did not prioritize my heart.  T.I. once rapped that, "...all I wanna do is just feel love.  Even if I know it ain't real love..."  That applied to me 100% and I had to be honest with myself and realize that I was approaching things completely wrong.

Those experiences allowed me to grow and flourish to become something even better than I thought I could be.  I'm so thankful for that.  But those experiences also taught me to trust what I see and to not allow myself to get consumed in something that's not meant for me.  

I guess what I'm trying to say is: we usually know when something is not genuine.  We can even pick up on people who are fooling themselves just to try and fool us.  What we need is the confidence and courage to walk away from it until something better comes along.  Because we deserve the best for ourselves.

Why Are Women Only Old Fashioned When It Comes to Dating?

There's a lady who has a crush on me.  The only reason I know this to be true is because her sister has told me so.  Although I don't feel that her and I are a match, I am honored that she feels the way that she does about me.  Guys like to feel wanted, too.

This lady and I have known each other for about 10 years.  We used to work together, but at that time I was married.  I'm guessing that's why she never gave any real hints that she was into me.  Fast forward to now with me being single and I've still yet to see any hints that she's into me.

She smiles when she sees me, laughs at my jokes, but that's about it.  A lot of ladies do that out of courtesy, if nothing else.  But I never get the impression from her that there's more there.

I'm never going to say anything to her about it because again, I don't think we're a match.  However, my whole curiosity behind her crush is: will she ever say anything or give a real hint?

Maybe her sister telling me was all some sort of her master plan, but shouldn't a lady do something to show that she likes a guy?  There's no serious eye contact with me, no touchy-feely, or crowding my personal space.  Nothing.

Instead, it's the same ol', same ol'.

In a country with so many single women looking for men, why are so many of them hush-hush on their feelings?

I probably know what you're thinking: "Well, Q, I'm old fashioned and I think that it's a man's job to pursue a woman."

I can understand that, but why are some women so up-to-date on everything else in the world, but always old fashioned when it comes to dating?

50 years ago, a lot of women didn't work.  50 years ago, a lot of women didn't go to college.  50 years ago, a lot of women didn't even own a car.

Fast forward to today and all of that has changed because women wanted to change their circumstances.  But, when you mention "dating" to a woman, she's "old fashioned".  That's the one thing from 50 years ago she decided to hold onto.  Why is that?

Because for most of them, it fits their purpose:

• If a woman is old fashioned, then she's not expected to "give hints" to a man that she's interested.  That also protects her from being rejected. 
• If a woman is old fashioned, then she's not expected to pick up the tab on a dinner date.  There are some women who are in "whole" relationships with guys and still won't pick up the tab every now and then.
• If a woman is old fashioned, then she may demand chivalry despite maybe lacking class herself.

In a nutshell, being old fashioned allows her to say "oh, I'm just a woman, so you need to do this for me" when it comes to relationships.  Yet, she's a man's equal when it comes to everything else.  And some women are running this mindset into the ground.

If we're going to be equals, then maybe we need to go back to the drawing board on this dating stuff and update some things.

Age Ain't Nothin' But A Number?

I've heard people say that "age ain't nothin' but a number" before.  However, it's usually a young person saying it.  I've never ever really used the phrase before, but it's definitely not crossed my mind since age 30.

However, at 45 years old, I find myself being approached by younger women (for dates) from time-to-time and it feels awkward to me.  I have peers who would jump at the chance to get with a 20-something who's sniffing around, but I'm not just on that young tip.

Over the past few months, I've had women ages 26-29 approach me for some form of relationship and I will admit that I've been surprised by something:  Some of those younger women appear to be more mature than the women in my preferred dating range (late 30's - mid 40's).

I brought it up to some of my homies and one of them had a theory.  He said, "Younger women don't have as much baggage as older women.  Therefore, they still have hope that they can find a man who simply wants to do the right thing."

I started to wonder if he was onto something.  Was "having hope" the key to all of this?  Did these young ladies believe deep down inside that I would treat them right simply because they haven't given up on love yet like some older women have?

Just how important is "hope" when it comes to dating?

I Dropped The Ball

I made a mistake.  I bobbed when I should have weaved.  I  leapt when I should have ducked.  I felt that being comfortable was more favorable than trying something new and now I'm kicking myself.  I let a woman get away from me because I was distracted by someone who didn't really want me.

I met a really nice woman quite some time ago.  I'll refer to her "Woman A."  We usually only saw each other in passing, so our conversations were always limited.  Most of the time she was with her mom or her daughter, so it's not like I really had opportunity to get her know her on a more intimate level.  But I had chances to at least try and secure a date with her.  I just never did.

There was another young lady who was very much pursuing me that I'll refer to as "Woman B."  Her and I had known each other for a very long time and had actually stolen some kisses here and there in the recent past.  She wasn't trustworthy though.  In my mind I knew that she wasn't, but I was mesmerized at the thought of ultimately being with her because she had a lot of qualities that I liked.

My mistake.

So when I finally decided that I was going to ask Woman A to go out on a date the next time that I saw her, I got distracted by Woman B asking me to give her a chance to show she could be all that I needed.  I thought about it: do I try something new with someone who appears to be made for me or do I go with someone who really isn't my type, but I'm very familiar with her?

I thought that fate had made the decision for me.  I didn't see Woman A again for over a month.  We used to run into each other at least one a week, but her routine changed and I went a very long time without seeing her.  I thought about reaching out to her on Facebook, but I didn't want to come off as "that inbox guy," so I didn't.  I went with Woman B.

My mistake.

I wound up in a very unfulfilling relationship for a few months with Woman B.  Things were awesome for a month or so and then the real untrustworthy side finally showed up.  I eventually found myself single again and I can only assume that she moved on to the man she had waiting for her.

But I wasn't sad by any means.  True, I wasted my time, but it wasn't a big deal.  I'd lost what I'd felt for her and it was clear that she didn't care if I was with her or not, so I didn't sweat bailing on the relationship.

Unfortunately, I've had to bail on quite a few relationships in the past year or so.  I know that I have issues with being patient with people, but sometimes people do immature things that are hard for me to overlook.  Once I see immaturity in conflict resolution or acts of selfishness then I'm probably going to emotionally check out at that point.  Is it fair?  Some may not think so, but having immature conflict resolution techniques and/or being selfish is a deal-breaker for me.  Communicate with me like an adult or leave me alone.

Anyhoo, I was more determined to reach out to Woman A and ask her out after failing with Woman B.  I decided to go ahead and request friendship on Facebook and she accepted within just a few minutes.  I got ready to start my inbox message to her to ask for her number to call and I decided, "Well, let me look at her page first."

I was never sure of her age, so I wanted to check her "About" section to make sure she was within my preferred range and then I saw it.  "In a relationship with (Dude)."

"Oh," I thought as I slumped into my seat.  "I never knew she had someone already."

Then I continued to read the next line to see the start date of their relationship.  It was a month after I'd decided to give Woman B a try.  Woman A was available when I wanted her, but now she's not.  Not only is she not as of now, she's been in a relationship with this dude for months now.

Good for her.  I'm actually happy that she found someone who appears to be treating her right.  Not so good for me though.  I chose comfort over something new and I guessed wrong.  For someone who believes in strategy and planning, I didn't do either when I made my decision on who to try.

And don't get me wrong.  It's not like I'm sitting home depressed over this.  It does suck, but this is just a part of life I wanted to share and a tough lesson for me to learn.  Lord knows that I've encountered quite a few liars.  I've crossed paths with so many girls masquerading as women.  And I've unfortunately dealt with so many indecisive females who have successfully discouraged me from ever leading with kindness again.

Dating was not this crazy in the 90's.

But I still go out on dates regularly and I enjoy myself when I do.  I just haven't found someone who I'm interested in long-term or who is interested in me long-term.  I find myself attracting 20-somethings who are intrigued by my perceived financial stability and potential travel opportunities or 40-somethings who spent the last 20+ years making bad decisions and are needing yet another do-over.

I don't have time for either.  But I don't want to date just to be dating.  I actually want to be married.  I know that sounds odd for a guy to say, but I'm serious.  I love having someone to come home to every night who will give me a big hug and kiss upon seeing me.  That's where I am at 45 years old.  All I can do is pray that God sends one my way who is actually on the same page that I am.  I'll be patient and focus on other things I need to work on (like my patience) in the meantime.

Woman B is engaged from what I've heard and I wouldn't be surprised if I see that FB status update on Woman A being engaged at some point in the future, too.  Although I had no way of truly knowing if Woman A would have even given me a shot back then, I should have listened to my heart instead of taking the easy way out.  Now I'll never know.

For someone who is a firm believer of "a closed mouth never gets fed," I ended up starving to death before I decided to open mine.  Lesson learned.

Cheating Is The New Norm

I know a ton of people who cheat on their mates.  Loyalty in relationships is a thing of the past.  Gone like the dinosaur.  Done.  Cheating is accepted more worldwide than Visa cards today.  And at the pace that we're going, it's not going to change any time soon.

Let's start with the men.  Why do we cheat?  We cheat because of multiple reasons:  We cheat because we want something different sexually.  We cheat because our woman pissed us off that day.  We cheat because of peer pressure.  We cheat because our egos coerce us into wondering if we "still got it" or not.

However, we dudes get a pass.  There aren't too many guys in the U.S. who believe that their woman would leave them if they got caught cheating.  In fact, if I had to guess, I'd say that 8 out of 10 women would give him a second chance.  That's not scientific.  That's just my personal opinion.

What guy has an incentive to be loyal if he goes into a relationship thinking that he has "Get Out Of Jail Free" card?

Should guys cheat?  No.  Should women continue to take them back if they do?  No.  Once women stop that, then guys will slow down on the cheating.

As for the women, don't act like they don't cheat.  They cheat almost as much as the guys do.  At one point, women were very good at cheating, but now that's not the case in my opinion.  From social media blunders to physical tells, a guy only has to open his eyes and be unbiased to see it.

But, women don't normally cheat for the same reason that men do.  They usually cheat because they're looking to move on to someone that they think is better than what they have at home.  Maybe the guys isn't exciting enough and she craves a little more pizazz.  So, she'll go out and try to recruit something fresh and invigorating.

It's not uncommon for women to secure a new boo before dumping the old one.  After all, who wants to be alone, right?

Pay close attention when I say this: do not trust anything that anyone says.  Period.

People will woo you with words while their actions will drive a stake through your heart.  Don't fall for it.  Pay attention and if you find out that they're dishonest, then get out of the relationship cold turkey.  Don't drag it out or pray that it gets better because it won't.  You have no guarantees that a person will change, so why waste your time?

Actions will speak louder than words every time and these days I approach relationships with ear plugs and you should, too.  Don't care what they say, but only what they do.  Do they do what you say they're going to do?  If they do, then the two of you should get along just fine.  If they don't, then don't not waste time with them.  Just push on like Flintstone.  Because these folks are cheating out here in these streets.

I Miss #Dating

I remember when dating was an audition for something greater.  It was two people coming together to see if they could co-exist in a relationship.  You asked questions to get to know the other person in order to find out if you two could get along long-term.  You participated in activities together to enjoy each other's company.  It was a patient process that promoted good decision-making.

That was the 90's and before.

If you ask 10 people to define "dating" today, then don't be surprised if you get at least six different answers.  It just doesn't mean the same thing that it did almost 20 years ago.  It's not really looked at as an audition for something greater any more.  Now it's just something to do.  I've communicated/dated with women for months who didn't learn jack about me.  It's like they didn't even know what important questions to ask me.  They either never bothered to find out where I went to high school.  They didn't learn the sizes of my clothes.  They never even saw my music library.  They don't even know what has shaped me to be the person I am today.

There's really no learning process in dating now.  It's just small talk, sex, and no plans after that.  If a woman happens to get pregnant, then maybe at that point, the two will try to be a couple.  If either of them gets bored, then someone dumps the other.  But, getting married is no longer first on the priority list.  Dating is just something to do until the next interesting person comes along.

Think about how many single people you know.  They're not all single because they can't find anyone who is right for them.  Most are single because they don't know what to do with someone who is right for them.  It's like dogs that chase cars.  If the car stops, the dog looks confused on what to do because catching the car was never in the plan.

People love the chase, but don't want to make a catch.  Because actually catching something requires that you to do something to keep it.  And most people don't know how to keep someone or they lack the confidence to learn how.

We All Want Something for Nothing

You want sex, but you don't deserve it.  You want to be wined and dined, but you haven't earned it.

A work ethic in relationships are starting to become a thing of the past.  Society has turned into a bunch of "a'ights" and very few "exceptionals."  So many people simply do the minimum required to maintain a relationship instead of committing 100% and allow the relationship to thrive.

For example, let's talk a bit about guys...

A guy may approach a woman simply because he has sex on the brain.  He will take the shortest path to sex more times than not.  If a woman requires little, then he will do just enough to satisfy her requirements so that he can satisfy himself.

His peers will promote his behavior, too.  After all, in 2016, how many fathers are teaching their sons anything about respecting women and relationships?  It's all about "how many can you hit?"  It's a sad cycle that will continue because very few have an interest in doing the right thing.  That's no longer required of a man in 2016.  Just be charming and the opportunities will present themselves.

As for the ladies...

Some are quick for wanting to be treated like queens despite the fact that they lack the qualities to be one.  They curse like sailors in public.  They treat their sons like spouses thus causing them to be dependent on their moms and useless to their future girlfriends.  They teach their daughters how to put on makeup, but ignore educating them about how to command respect.

Some just want to be seen.  They're interested in what impresses other women.  So they only entertain guys that come with a stamp of approval from their girls.  If he drives a nice car, has a certain look, or maybe a certain status, then he's a keeper.  That is until he cheats with the next one who is impressed by shiny objects.

Conclusion

It wasn't always like this, but this is the world that we live in now.  Prior to 2000, the most popular agenda people had when dating was marriage.  Now it can be anything from free trips to late night encounters.  TV, radio, and social media promotes superficial things 24/7.  It was bound to affect our brains at some point, right?  Why settle on someone who just wants to make you happy when you can have some happiness and excitement somewhere else (if you don't mind a few tears/headaches here and there.).

There are a lot of "single" men and women walking around.  They'll tell you that they're single by choice.  Don't believe them.  They just don't need anything right now.

What Do Women Want? #Relationships

What would make her happy?  

I want to be married again.  I want someone to come home to, hug and kiss, and swap stories about our day at work.  I want to look forward to planning a date night every week.  I want to travel with someone who appreciates seeing different places.  I know exactly what I want for my life.

But here's my dilemma: I haven't a clue to what women want.

At one time, I thought that women would want honesty.  That they want a man who would tell them the truth, regardless of how bad it may sound.  They want someone who is trustworthy because he has a track record of being honest about his actions.

Nope.  Not it.

Okay, well, how about this: Women want loyalty, right?  They want a guy who would never put himself in a position where there's an opportunity to cheat.  He doesn't have to guard his cell phone day and night because he's not doing anything wrong.  He only wants his lady and no one else.

Nope.  Not it.

Okay, I know this one has to be it: Women want security.  That has to be the ticket, right?  They want a man who has a career and not a job.  Someone who takes his household responsibilities seriously.  When the house note is due then that's what he's paying.  He's not waiting in line for the next pair of Jordans to drop while bills still need to be paid.

Nope.  Still not it.

So, what do women want in relationships?  I keep racking my brain trying to figure it out.  If it's not honesty, trust, loyalty, security, and responsibility, then what is it?

Wait.  Now that I think about it, they do want all of those things.  Just not from me.  LOL!