Treat Mothers With The Respect They're Due

I have to admit that Mother's Day hasn't been quite the same for me since my mom passed away in 2012.

I'm blessed to still have my grandmother who is 97 years old and also I still get gifts from my late wife's mom. But, the day still seems incomplete without my mother.

My mom's name was Mary. She was 69 years old when she passed in June 2012 from cancer. She was diagnosed around 2009 and it slowly ate away at her.

My mom spent the last month of her life in the hospital. One of the toughest moments of my life was when I was feeding her one evening because she was unable to feed herself. I thought about how she fed me as a baby and now here it was I was doing the same for her. It took everything within me to not cry in front of her and I'll never forget that moment. The amount of appreciation for every she did for me in my life swelled up inside of me and almost exploded in a wave of emotions at that very instant.

But, I managed to keep it together. In that moment, all I could think about were the many instances that she made sacrifices for me. Helping me with homework. Taking me to practice when my dad had to work. Being a taxi for me and my friend, Shawn, or my cousin, Jerome, to go to the mall arcade to play video games. So many times, she put off what she wanted to do to make sure that my brother and I were happy.

I'm so glad that she had an opportunity to retire and actually enjoy her life before she got sick. She loved to go fishing and she loved to visit casinos. And she did that very often for about five to seven years before she got too weak to go. The morning she died, I remember the emptiness I felt. When the coroners took her from the hospital room, I felt as if I should go with them to accompany her. I didn't want her to be alone although she'd passed away.  Because she had always been there for me.

I guess that the message that I want to pass on to all of the guys out there is don't take your mom for granted. If she was good to you then do twice as much as you can for her when you get in a situation to do so. And for you guys who are husbands or have children with a woman, you're not exempt from this either.

Husbands, treat your wife right. Spend equal time with your children and allow your wife some alone time. It's not a woman's job to take care of kids. That responsibility belongs to both parents. Do your share. Period.

And for guys who have kids by a woman and you don't have custody of them and don't live with her, please pick up your kids as often as you can. Don't think that just because you get them every other weekend (after she's had them for 12 days straight) that you're doing something special.  Just because you and her are no longer together doesn't mean that their mother is no longer important to you. She's raising your kids! You need her to be at her best which means you need to relieve her whenever possible. Allow her time to go out or have a spa day or do whatever it is she wants to do. Her peace of mind will allow her to be the best parent she can be.  Your kids deserve that.

I'm ranting, but I'm saying all of this to say: treat mothers with the respect they're due. And I'm not belittling the roles of dads because they are equally as important. We all have a special bond with each active parent. And mothers have a special place in our hearts because we all shared a heartbeat with them at some point of their pregnancy with us. Do right by them and let them feel the love every day of the year and not just on Mother's Day.

You Shouldn't Have To Manage Adults #Relationships

We've gotten to the point in today's society that we have to sometimes "manage" our significant others.  Aggression is so acceptable now that we almost expect our mates to be "difficult" at times.  Whether they're mad at you or at someone else, it seems like people just choose to not get along amicably these days. 

What happened to trying to keep the peace?  Why does everyone have to be right so badly that they would jeopardize important things over it?

You shouldn't have to manage adults (who don't work for you).  Trying to help someone else get control of their emotions can be extremely draining.  However, a lot of us are conditioned to think that behavior like that is a part of what strengtens a relationship.  As if you can't have a strong bond without a dust up every now and then.  That cannot be further from the truth.

I've had dealings with a variety of personalities in my life and I am a strong promoter of finding someone who is willing to keep the peace rather than bring the ruckus.  I've dealt with people that I've had to console them even though the things that irked them were non-existent or petty (by most people's standards).  I've had to calm people down to prevent them from doing regretful on the job due to an emotional flare up.  I even once dated a woman once who got mad at me for not being as mad as she was about something that I still, to this day, don't understand how it applied to her.

Know that there are people out here who don't start sentences with "I feel" when they are upset.  That's usually a sign that they've thrown logic out of the window.  There are people out here who will still think before they speak.  There are people who aren't prisoners of their emotions. 

You don't have to settle for someone who isn't even in control of his or herself.  You can have peace if you seek it.  It doesn't mean that conflict won't ever occur.  It just means that you will both take a sensible approach to resolving it with as little regret as possible.

"He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding: but he that is hasty of spirit exalteth folly."   Proverbs 14:29

Why Do We Do Things Not In Our Best Interest?

It's amazing how strong emotions are.  Emotions have caused wars between nations, fights within family, and falling outs amongst friends.  Sometimes these things can't be avoided, but most of the time, they can be.

All it takes is someone stepping back and thinking of consequences, but the very nature of emotion prevents that.  Emotions and logic cannot exist within the same space.  I don't understand why people act before thinking, but I guess that's what makes the human mind so fascinating.  And I'm not just talking about a knee-jerk or impulsive reaction to something immediate.  Someone can actually have plenty of time to think things over yet still allow their ego to cloud their judgement.

People will do and say things that will hurt them and they'll act like they're okay with the consequences.  From women who vote for politicians who spit on Women's Rights to someone losing a friendship because they have too much pride to admit fault.

I've witness three indicents this week alone that have not played out yet.  One of them is more serious than the other two.  As I watch everything unfold, I wonder if any of those people involved will simply walk away and bring about peace or will they retaliate and spiral things into more chaos?

Sad to say, I'm putting my money on chaos.