Is Originality Dead, or Did the Algorithm Just Make Us All the Same?

There was a time when you could tell where somebody was from just by listening to them talk.

Not because they announced their hometown. You could hear it.

People from different regions had different accents, different slang, different expressions, and different ways of saying the same thing. Somebody from New York didn't necessarily sound like somebody from Memphis. Somebody from Chicago didn't necessarily sound like somebody from Atlanta. The way people spoke was shaped by where they lived, who raised them, who they grew up around, and the culture that surrounded them.

Then came social media.

And apparently, the entire country decided we needed to sound like the same 14 people on TikTok.

Now somebody can live in Mississippi, spend six hours scrolling through Instagram, and wake up the next morning talking like an influencer from Los Angeles.

"Girl, I literally cannot."

You could literally. You just did.

And it's not just the way we talk.

• It's the way we dress.
• The way we pose.
• The way we decorate our houses.
• The restaurants we photograph.
• The vacations we take.
• The phrases we use.
• The coffee orders.

Even the way we announce that we're having a good time has become strangely standardized.

Social media has created something we've never really had before: billions of people being exposed to the exact same cultural references at almost exactly the same time.

And we're surprised that we're starting to look alike.

Think about the vacation pictures.

How many times have you seen the same photo of a woman reclined on a transparent surfboard in crystal-clear waters as a drone captures the photo from above?

She's usually wearing the same general type of swimsuit, striking the same general pose, in the same general kind of tropical location.

And somewhere in the caption is something about "living my best life."

I'm not saying she shouldn't do it.

If chilling on a clear surfboard in the middle of the ocean makes you happy, please relax on that thing until the battery in the drone dies.

The question isn't whether people should enjoy popular things.

The question is: How many identical pictures do we need before we start asking ourselves whether we're actually creating memories or simply reproducing someone else's?

Because there's a difference between inspiration and imitation. We see something we like, so we try it.

That's normal.

Society have always borrowed from one another. Fashion, music, language, art, food, hairstyles and traditions have always traveled from one community to another.

But social media has industrialized imitation. The algorithm doesn't necessarily reward originality. It rewards familiarity.

If a particular video works, people make another version. If that version works, thousands make their version.

Then everybody is doing the same dance, using the same sound, making the same facial expression and pointing at the same words appearing on the screen.

Eventually, something that was once creative becomes a template. And the template becomes a trend. And the trend becomes something everybody does. Then we move on to the next thing.

We're living in an era where people have more opportunities to express themselves than any generation in history, yet somehow we're increasingly expressing ourselves in remarkably similar ways.

That's the irony.

We have more individuality available to us while simultaneously becoming more culturally synchronized.

And maybe that's because we're no longer just consuming culture. We're constantly being shown what we're supposed to consume.

Before social media, you might have known what was popular among the people around you. Now you can see what's popular among millions of strangers before you've even brushed your teeth.

And when you see something enough times, it starts feeling normal.

Then desirable.

Then necessary.

That's how influence works.

You don't necessarily have to be told what to think. Sometimes you just have to be given the same thing repeatedly until you stop questioning why you want it. Why do you think some songs become "hits" although most people you know can't stand it? 

This doesn't mean originality is dead. I don't think it is. But I do think originality has gotten harder.

Not because people have become less creative, but because we're surrounded by so much other people's creativity that it's difficult to hear our own ideas.

Before social media, you had to come up with something on your own. Now you can simply open your phone and find 10,000 people who already came up with something. And there's nothing wrong with borrowing an idea. The problem starts when you stop asking yourself whether you actually like the idea.

Are you wearing that because you like it? Or because everybody you follow is wearing it?

Are you taking that vacation picture because it's beautiful? Or because you've seen it 47 times and decided that's what a vacation is supposed to look like?

Are you doing something because you want to? Or because you've been trained by an algorithm to want it?

That's the part worth thinking about.

Because maybe the real threat isn't that social media is making everybody the same. Maybe it's that we're becoming so accustomed to being influenced that we've forgotten how to make decisions without influence.

There used to be a lot more room for people to simply be themselves. Somebody could be strange without immediately discovering that 2.7 million other people were also being strange in exactly the same way.

And maybe that's what we're missing. Individuality.

The freedom to do something because you like it. To wear something nobody on your timeline is wearing. To take a vacation picture that doesn't look like everybody else's vacation picture. To say something in your own voice. To have an opinion that didn't arrive prepackaged by a podcast, influencer, celebrity or algorithm.

Because being yourself has never required being completely different from everybody else.

It simply requires knowing the difference between "I like this" and "I'm supposed to like this."

That's a pretty important distinction.

Especially when everybody has the same phone in their hand telling them what to like next.

Maybe originality isn't dead.

Maybe it's just buried underneath everybody else's influence.

And perhaps the most original thing you can do these days...

is stop scrolling long enough to figure out what you actually think.

Connected to Everyone, Known by No One

We built a world where you can order groceries, earn a paycheck, and talk to a squad of gamers in three time zones without ever looking another human in the eye. We called it progress. So why does everyone feel so isolated?

We are plugged into every person on the planet, yet sitting in a room by ourselves, staring at a screen, wondering why we feel so disconnected. Let’s be honest—we didn't land here by accident. Society didn't just drift into loneliness; we optimized our way into it. We traded the inconvenience of real human interaction for the seamless comfort of living behind a glass box.

The Machine

Every major shift in how we work, play, and communicate over the last decade has been designed to eliminate the need to interact with an actual physical human being:

• Remote Work: We traded the morning commute and office chatter for Zoom calls and Slack pings. On paper, it’s a win—no small talk by the coffee pot. In practice, we eliminated the accidental social touchpoints that keep us grounded.

• Digital Recreation: Multiplayer video games replaced local sports leagues and community clubs. You can spend five hours talking through a headset to a squad across the globe, yet finish the night without having made eye contact with a single person.

• Social Media Messaging: DMs, comments, and texting replaced real-time conversation. We get to edit, pause, and control our communication, but we lose the messy, spontaneous chemistry of live human connection.

We called it convenience. What we actually built was a structural encouragement to stay completely alone.

Present, But Not Accountable

Even when we do leave our homes, are we actually there?

Walk into any coffee shop, ride any train, or sit in any park. People are sitting shoulder-to-shoulder, completely wrapped in their own digital bubbles. Noise-canceling headphones are clamped on tight. Eyes are locked onto cell phones. We occupy the same physical coordinates, but we inhabit completely different virtual universes.

Being in public used to require a baseline of presence—a nod to a neighbor, a brief exchange with a barista, or simply observing the world around us. Today, physical space is just the background environment where we wait until we can check our notifications again.

Starving for Presence

Social media promised us connection, but what it gave us was audience-building. Having 500 people view your story isn't the same as having one person ask how your day went over a cup of coffee. We are starving for real presence while being gorged on digital updates.

The common-sense truth is simple: people are not built to be remote observers of life. Real connection requires friction. It requires showing up, listening without a screen in front of your face, and tolerating the awkwardness of being truly present in a room.

Some of the best memories I have as an adult is working the night shift with a coworker of mine. The conversations we had were priceless and entertaining. A lot of them have led to some of the posts that you've read here over the years. 

But what if were glued to smart phones/internet back then? Would we have even had 1/3 of the conversations that we did?

How to Reclaim Real Connection

If we want to stop feeling isolated, we have to intentionally reintroduce being present into our lives:

1. Leave the headphones off in public: The next time you're getting coffee or riding transit, stay open to the room around you. (side note: in today's volatile climate it could save your life!)

2. Trade two DMs for one phone or in-person call: Stop sending paragraph-long text chains to friends you haven't seen in months. Pick up the phone or pick a spot to meet.

3. Practice unstructured presence: Spend at least 30 minutes a day completely screen-free—no background podcast, no passive scrolling, just being where your feet are.

Until we start treating real-world presence as a necessity rather than an inconvenience, we will keep swiping, liking, and typing our way into feeling completely alone.

Race Baiting Is Exhausting. For Everybody.

Every morning, before I've even had a chance to convince myself to get out of bed, social media is already yelling.

A racist customer.
A racist cop.
A racist teacher.
A racist company.
A racist neighbor.
A racist cashier who allegedly looked at someone for 1.7 seconds too long.

Some of these stories are absolutely real. Some expose behavior that deserves attention. Some uncover problems that need to be addressed. But somewhere along the line, outrage stopped being the exception and became the business model.

And that's exhausting.

As a Black person, I'm tired of opening my phone and feeling like the internet wants to remind me every single day that somebody somewhere hates me. Whether the story is accurate, exaggerated, missing context, or eventually proven false barely matters by the time it reaches millions of people. The emotional effect is already there.

After a while, you start wondering if the world is actually getting worse, or if algorithms have simply figured out that fear and anger keep us scrolling.

Here's the uncomfortable truth: if your news feed convinces you that racial conflict is happening around every corner, you're going to start seeing racial conflict around every corner.

That isn't healthy. It's also unfair.

Most white people aren't racists. Most Black people aren't walking around expecting racism from every person they meet. Most people are simply trying to get through work, pay bills, raise kids, and figure out why eggs suddenly cost as much as a car payment.

Yet social media rarely rewards ordinary interactions. Nobody posts, "500 people treated me with kindness today."

Instead, we amplify the one awful encounter because outrage gets clicks, comments, shares, and ad revenue. Decency doesn't trend.

There's another side to this that doesn't get discussed enough.

Imagine being a white person who doesn't have a prejudiced bone in your body, yet every day you're confronted with headlines that imply your race needs to answer for the actions of someone you've never met.

That has to be exhausting too.

It creates a conversation where people stop listening because they're already preparing their defense.

Meanwhile, the actual racists, who make up a tiny fraction of the population, get far more influence than they deserve because we hand them the microphone every single day.

We should absolutely call out genuine racism.

We should absolutely seek justice when people are treated unfairly.

But we don't have to build an entire culture around hunting for the next racial controversy before we've even finished discussing or resolving the last one.

Constant outrage has consequences.

• It increases anxiety.
• It fuels suspicion.
• It makes neighbors view one another through stereotypes instead of shared experiences.

Worst of all, it convinces people that progress is impossible, even when history shows we've come much farther than many are willing to admit.

The goal shouldn't be pretending racism doesn't exist.

The goal should be refusing to let racism become the lens through which we interpret every interaction.

Because if every disagreement becomes racism...

If every misunderstanding becomes discrimination...

If every headline becomes another reminder that America is hopelessly divided...

Then the people making money from our anger have already won.

Sometimes common sense means acknowledging that a problem exists without allowing it to consume your identity. I'm not saying that we need fewer conversations about race. Maybe we just need more honest ones.

The kind that don't begin with outrage and don't end with everyone hating each other just a little bit more.

Parents Don’t Parent Anymore. They Compete.

There used to be a visible line between parents and children.

Not a cruel line. A line of responsibility. A line of wisdom. A line that said: I’ve already walked through this stage of life, so my job is to prepare you for what’s ahead.

Now?

Parents and kids dress alike, talk alike, dance alike, listen to the same music, shop in the same stores go to the same clubs, use the same slang, and fight for the same attention online.

Half the time you can’t tell who’s raising who. It's time to stop trading wisdom for trends.

Parents used to embarrass kids because they were “old.” Now some parents are terrified of looking old. Terrified of aging. Terrified of being disconnected from youth culture. So instead of guiding the next generation, they chase it.

Everybody wants to be young forever. Nobody wants to be the elder anymore.

And children suffer because of it. A child does not need another friend.

A child needs structure.
A child needs correction.
A child needs protection.
A child needs perspective.

Most importantly, a child needs somebody willing to say:
“No.”
“That’s wrong.”
“You can do better.”
“Here’s who you are.”
“Here’s where you come from.”

But modern parenting increasingly revolves around comfort and image instead of preparation.

Parents are recording dances with children instead of reading with them.
Buying expensive shoes while schools fail them academically.
Keeping up with trends while kids grow up emotionally lost.

This problem becomes even more dangerous in Black communities because identity is already under attack from every direction.

If schools remove Black history or water it down into a few sanitized paragraphs every February, then where are Black children supposed to learn about themselves?

Where do they learn about:

• The kingdoms that existed before slavery?
• Black inventors and scientists?
• Black resistance movements?
• Economic independence?
• Community building?
• Media literacy?
• Why certain systems exist the way they do?

If home doesn’t teach it and school won’t teach it, then social media will. And social media is a terrible teacher. Algorithms raise more children than grandparents now.

That should terrify people.

A generation that does not know its history becomes easy to manipulate. Easy to market to. Easy to distract. Easy to divide. If all a child learns about Blackness comes from entertainment, celebrity culture, trauma, and consumerism, then they begin to confuse visibility with identity.

Representation is not the same thing as education.

Seeing successful Black entertainers matters. But if every conversation begins and ends with athletes, rappers, influencers, and viral moments, children start believing success only exists in narrow forms.

Where are the conversations about:

• Black architects?
• Farmers?
• Educators?
• Engineers?
• Organizers?
• Historians?
• Ownership?
• Discipline?
• Family legacy?

Some parents know every lyric to the newest songs but cannot explain who Marcus Garvey was.
Cannot explain Ida B. Wells.
Cannot explain Carter G. Woodson.
Cannot explain why the Tulsa Race Massacre matters.

That is not just an educational problem. It is a spiritual problem.

Children without historical grounding search for identity in trends. Trends change every six months. Identity should survive generations.

None of this means parents must become robotic authority figures disconnected from culture. Parents can enjoy music. Have style. Be modern. Be relatable.

But parenting requires distance.

Not emotional distance. Not cruelty. Perspective.

The parent should not be racing their child to stay young. They should be preparing their child to grow wisely.

Somewhere, adulthood became unfashionable. Responsibility became “boring.” Wisdom became less valuable than relevance.

And now society has millions of adults desperate to be seen, while millions of children desperately need guidance.

A culture survives when elders teach. Not when elders imitate.

Children do not need parents who can go viral. They need parents who can lead.

Let the church say, "Amen."

Sleep Is Being Destroyed

This is part three of a five-part series entitled "The Silent Collapse of Men in the Smart Phone Era". It's based on a series of discussions I've had with men who are friends or relatives. The men's ages range from 23 - 51 years old. I'd love your feedback.

Sleep Is Being Destroyed

Men are staying awake later than ever:

• scrolling sports debates (I'm guilty of this)
• gaming
• gambling
• watching highlight clips (Guilty again)
• arguing online
• consuming rage content (Been there. Done that.)

Then they wake up exhausted, irritable, mentally foggy, and disconnected from their families.

A tired man becomes a short-tempered husband.
A distracted man becomes a distant father.
An emotionally absent man becomes a stranger in his own house.

And most of it starts with “just checking my phone for a few minutes.” 

We have to learn how to disconnect because it's taking way too much of a toll on our lives and families. The glow of the phone lighting up the bedroom every night is a sign that you no longer have control over your life. You have to prioritize sleep in order to function in a society that is more chaotic everyday than it was just one week prior.

This world will chew you up and spit you out if you don't rest. And filling your subconscious with endless content right before bed won't allow you to truly unwind thus always keeping you on edge.

Part 2: Hustle Culture Is Burning Men Out

Part 4: Rage Is Becoming Entertainment

Hustle Culture Is Burning Men Out

This is part two of a five-part series entitled "The Silent Collapse of Men in the Smart Phone Era". It's based on a series of discussions I've had with men who are friends or relatives. The men's ages range from 23 - 51 years old. I'd love your feedback.

Nobody talks enough about what smartphones and social media are doing to men because male dysfunction usually gets disguised as “normal behavior.”

A man isn’t always crying when he’s depressed. Sometimes he’s just staring at sports clips for four hours, scrolling through millionaire lifestyles he’ll never reach, gambling on games he doesn’t care about, watching pornography instead of connecting with his partner, or mentally checking out while sitting three feet away from his family.

Modern men are not simply distracted. Many are emotionally sedated. Social media didn’t invent male insecurity, but it industrialized it.

Every day, men consume an endless stream of:

• richer men
• stronger men
• taller men
• more successful men
• men with luxury cars
• men with “perfect” relationships
• men claiming to make $20,000 a month doing nothing

After enough exposure, regular life starts feeling like failure.

A man with a decent job, loving children, and a stable home can suddenly feel inadequate because some influencer rented a Lamborghini for a weekend and filmed motivational speeches in front of it. Civilization, huh?

The internet constantly tells men:

• work harder
• sleep less
• grind more
• dominate
• never relax
• never be satisfied

Rest is treated like weakness.

Average men now feel guilty for having ordinary lives, even though most meaningful lives are ordinary. Raising children. Paying bills. Showing up consistently. Being dependable. None of those things trend online because stability is boring content.

The algorithm rewards extreme wealth, extreme anger, extreme fitness, extreme opinions...

Moderation doesn’t go viral. As a result, many men feel permanently behind in a race they never agreed to join.

Part 1: Pornography and Emotional Numbness

Part 3: Sleep Is Being Destroyed

Pornography and Emotional Numbness

This is part one of a five-part series entitled "The Silent Collapse of Men in the Smart Phone Era". It's based on a series of discussions I've had with men who are friends or relatives. The men's ages range from 23 - 51 years old. I'd love your feedback.

Pornography and Emotional Numbness

One of the least discussed issues is how smartphones have changed intimacy.

Many men now consume endless stimulation through pornography and social media while becoming emotionally disconnected from real relationships. Attention spans shrink. Patience disappears. Real intimacy starts feeling “slow” compared to instant digital gratification.

Some men stop pursuing connection altogether because rejection online feels constant:

• ignored messages
• comparison culture
• status competition
• unrealistic expectations

Instead of improving emotionally, many retreat digitally. The result is loneliness hidden beneath entertainment and it's sad to see. So many guys who have millions of options at their fingertips but 99% of them aren't a reality.

And even if a lot of the options were available are they even real? Guys get so enamored with edited and curated photos to the point that seeing a woman in real life is almost disappointing to them. There's no air brush filter when someone is standing in front of you. No perfect pose when someone is in motion. 

So many guys have become numb to real women and it's sad that the appreciation is gone. Older men need to teach younger guys to treat social media as they do TV shows and movies. It's not all real. It's entertainment. Fantasy. Thirst trap.

There are so many beautiful women on this planet who do not need social media magic to look like someone special and men need to start appreciating them again.

Part 2: Hustle Culture Is Burning Men Out

The Validation Trap

This is part five of a five-part series entitled "Cell Phones, Social Media, and the Quiet Depression Affecting Women". It's based on a series of discussions I've had with multiple women including my wife, some coworkers, and random servers at restaurants. The women's ages range from 20 - 53 years old. I'd love your feedback.

The Validation Trap

Many women now unconsciously measure worth through digital attention.

Likes become emotional rewards.
Views become self-esteem markers.
Replies become proof of desirability.

When validation becomes external, emotional stability becomes fragile.

A woman can post a photo feeling beautiful, then spiral emotionally because engagement was lower than expected. Another may become dependent on online attention because it temporarily fills emotional emptiness offline.

This creates a dangerous cycle where identity slowly becomes tied to public approval.

And public approval is one of the most unstable currencies on Earth.

I hope that you've enjoyed this series. And I thank the women who contributed to this. Most of them unknowingly did which is why I didn't list any names. Some of the women had an understanding of the impacts of their cell phones while others were the unknowing victims of theirs. This all transpired over general conversation across a 3-day period. 

The answer to all of this isn’t simply throwing phones away. Cell phones are tools. Social media itself is not automatically evil. The real issue is unregulated consumption and emotional dependence.

Women deserve spaces where they can exist without constant comparison. Without endless performance. Without feeling behind in life every five minutes.

Real peace usually returns through boundaries:

• Putting phones down before bed
• Limiting comparison-heavy content
• Spending more time in real conversations
• Protecting relationships from digital interference
• Rebuilding hobbies and identity outside social media <-- super important!
• Learning to value reality over presentation

Because the truth is simple: A peaceful life rarely looks viral.

The happiest moments are often the ones nobody posts.

And maybe the most radical thing a woman can do today is stop letting strangers on a screen define whether her own life is enough.

I have an upcoming series of how social media impacts the lives of men as well. Be sure to follow me to be alerted of when that will drop. 

And if you missed any of the previous parts of this series then try the links below!

Part 1: Comparison Is Quietly Destroying Peace

Part 2: Doom Scrolling Is Destroying Sleep

Part 3: Relationships Are Slowly Being Eroded

Part 4: Parenting Suffers, Too

Parenting Suffers, Too

This is part four of a five-part series entitled "Cell Phones, Social Media, and the Quiet Depression Affecting Women". It's based on a series of discussions I've had with multiple women including my wife, some coworkers, and random servers at restaurants. The women's ages range from 20 - 53 years old. I'd love your feedback.

Parenting Suffers, Too

Children notice distraction long before adults admit it.

Many mothers are physically present but mentally trapped inside their phones. Some are exhausted from late-night scrolling and enter the day emotionally depleted before parenting even begins.

Kids compete with notifications now.

A child trying to tell a story interrupts a scrolling session.
A family moment gets shortened because someone wants to check social media.
Attention spans weaken for both parents and children.

And there’s another issue people avoid discussing: children absorb emotional energy. If a mother constantly feels insecure, anxious, resentful, lonely, or emotionally overstimulated because of social media consumption, that atmosphere eventually touches the household.

Children don’t need perfect mothers. They need emotionally available ones.

Part 1: Comparison Is Quietly Destroying Peace

Part 2: Doom Scrolling Is Destroying Sleep

Part 3: Relationships Are Slowly Being Eroded

Part 5: The Validation Trap

Relationships Are Being Slowly Eroded

This is part three of a five-part series entitled "Cell Phones, Social Media, and the Quiet Depression Affecting Women". It's based on a series of discussions I've had with multiple women including my wife, some coworkers, and random servers at restaurants. The women's ages range from 20 - 53 years old. I'd love your feedback.

Relationships Are Being Slowly Eroded

Phones are changing modern relationships in subtle but devastating ways.

Couples can sit beside each other physically while emotionally living in separate digital worlds. Many women now spend more emotional energy consuming other people’s lives online than nurturing their own relationships offline.

Comparison also creates unrealistic expectations.

A woman constantly consuming “relationship content” may begin expecting her partner to become a therapist, motivational speaker, luxury provider, mind reader, comedian, and emotional healer all at once. Meanwhile, real relationships are messy, repetitive, ordinary, and imperfect.

Social media teaches performance, not partnership.

Even worse, algorithms aggressively push emotionally triggering content because outrage and insecurity keep people engaged longer. Women are repeatedly shown videos about cheating men, failed marriages, toxic relationships, and “high-value lifestyles.” Over time, this can create suspicion, dissatisfaction, and emotional distance even inside decent relationships.

A healthy man can begin feeling inadequate because he cannot compete with fantasy.
A healthy woman can begin feeling unloved because her life doesn’t resemble a curated feed.

The phone quietly becomes the third person in the relationship.

Part 1: Comparison Is Quietly Destroying Peace

Part 2: Doom Scrolling Is Destroying Sleep

Part 4: Parenting Suffers, Too

Comparison Is Quietly Destroying Peace

This is part one of a five-part series entitled "Cell Phones, Social Media, and the Quiet Depression Affecting Women". It's based on a series of discussions I've had with multiple women including my wife, some coworkers, and random servers at restaurants. The women's ages range from 20 - 53 years old. I'd love your feedback.

Comparison Is Quietly Destroying Peace

There was a time when home was a refuge. You could close the door, sit down, and emotionally reset from the world. Today, for many women, the world follows them into bed, into relationships, into motherhood, and into their own self-worth through a glowing screen that never truly shuts off.

Cell phones have become emotional slot machines. Every swipe promises validation, escape, inspiration, or connection. But what many women are actually receiving is comparison, anxiety, resentment, loneliness, and exhaustion disguised as entertainment.

And the dangerous part is this: it happens slowly.

Not through one dramatic moment. Through thousands of tiny emotional cuts every single day.

Social media was originally sold as a way to connect people. In reality, it often functions as a nonstop highlight reel where women compare their real lives to carefully edited performances.

One woman sees engagement photos while her own relationship feels cold. Another sees luxury vacations while she struggles to pay bills. Another watches influencers show “perfect” motherhood while she feels overwhelmed trying to survive the day.

Eventually, comparison becomes emotional poison.

The problem isn’t simply jealousy. It’s what repeated comparison does to the brain over time. It creates the feeling that everyone else is progressing while you are standing still. Even when those online images are staged, filtered, rented, exaggerated, or financially irresponsible, the emotional impact still lands.

Resentment begins to grow.

Some women begin resenting their partners for not providing the lifestyle they constantly see online. Others resent themselves for not attracting the type of man they think everyone else has. Some begin to feel bitterness toward friends, family, or even strangers who appear to have beauty, money, happiness, attention, or stability more easily.

And social media rarely shows the debt, cheating, loneliness, anxiety medication, fake affection, or emotional emptiness hiding behind those photos.

The illusion always wins.

Part 2: Doom Scrolling Is Destroying Peace

Social Media's Favorite Sport Is Hating People

A couple of days ago, I watched a video of a fight inside of a sports bar. Nothing unusual there. Human beings have been arguing over alcohol, sports, and wounded pride since someone invented fermented fruit and competition.

But the video claimed the fight happened at a Walk-On's restaurant in Madison, Mississippi.

The people that were fighting were white.

The comment section immediately turned into what comment sections always become: a tribal war.

Some people used the video to criticize Madison. Others used it to defend Madison. 

Some tried to connect the behavior of two individuals to an entire city. Before long, people weren't discussing a fight anymore. They were discussing race, politics, morality, intelligence, crime, culture, and every other topic that social media can drag into a mud pit.

The funny thing is this: the video wasn't recorded at a Walk Ons restaurant in Madison. Heck, there isn't even a Walk Ons in Madison which leads me to believe this was originally posted by someone not even from the area. The video isn't even from Mississippi. It appears to be a two- or three-year-old video from a Buffalo Wild Wings in Hoover, AL. A fight that happened during March Madness years ago.

This seems to happen more and more every day.

Videos are constantly being shared with misleading locations, misleading dates, misleading context, or completely fabricated backstories. A fight in one state suddenly becomes proof of a social problem in another. An old video resurfaces as "breaking news." A random crime becomes evidence that an entire race, city, or political party is somehow defective.

And millions of people hit "share" without spending thirty seconds verifying any of it.

Why?

Because the truth is boring. The truth usually sounds something like this: "A small number of people behaved badly."

That's not exciting. What gets engagement is: "These people are all like this."

Social media rewards outrage the same way casinos reward gambling. The platform gets traffic. The creator gets clicks. The audience gets emotional stimulation. Everyone wins except society.

Around central Mississippi, there has long been tension between people in Madison and people in Jackson. Some residents of Madison point to crime and dysfunction in Jackson as evidence that Jackson is failing.

Some residents of Jackson point to examples of bad behavior in Madison and use them as evidence that Madison's self-image is undeserved.

Both groups spend enormous amounts of time collecting evidence against the other side. It's become less about solving problems and more about winning arguments. The internet has turned many people into amateur prosecutors. Nobody investigates their own side. Everyone investigates the opposition. 

A black person commits a crime. Someone posts it.

A white person gets arrested. Someone posts it.

A liberal says something foolish. Someone posts it.

A conservative says something foolish. Someone posts it.

Then thousands of people conclude that one example represents millions of people.

It's like seeing one bad driver in a Nissan Altima and deciding everyone who owns an Altima can't drive.

Yet people do it every day when race and politics are involved. Bad news grabs our attention. Negative information sticks in our memory.

We remember the insult more than the compliment. We remember the scandal more than the success story. We remember the fight more than the thousand ordinary interactions that happened peacefully that same day.

Social media algorithms understand this better than most psychologists. They know anger keeps people scrolling. They know resentment keeps people engaged. They know fear keeps people clicking. And they know that nothing spreads faster than content that tells people their enemies are worse than they imagined.

This is why your feed is full of outrage and rarely full of context. Most people don't want information.

They want confirmation. They want evidence that the people they already dislike are exactly as bad as they suspected.

A misleading video becomes useful because it reinforces an existing belief.

Once that happens, fact-checking becomes inconvenient.

The result is a society where everyone is carrying around a digital bag full of stories about how terrible the other side is.

Republicans. Democrats. Black Americans. White Americans. Men. Women. All have something.

Everyone is collecting grievances like Pokémon cards.

Meanwhile, millions of decent people from every race, political party, and neighborhood are living ordinary lives, going to work, raising children, helping neighbors, paying bills, and never appearing in a viral video.

But ordinary decency doesn't trend. Who wants to see that?

Whatever Happened to the Love in Christmas?

Remember when Christmas used to mean something? When Jesus was the reason for the season? When the tree wasn’t just an Instagram backdrop, the dinner table wasn’t full of faces lit by phone screens, and the joy of the season wasn’t measured by how many Amazon boxes showed up on the porch? Somewhere between Rudolph and reality TV, Christmas lost its love—and we all just shrugged and scrolled on by. 

🎄 From Charlie Brown to Cheap Laughs

Once upon a time, families would gather around the TV for animated Christmas specials that actually taught something. You didn’t have to be religious to feel the warmth of A Charlie Brown Christmas or Frosty the Snowman. These shows displayed love, meaning, and a sense of togetherness.

Now? Those heartfelt classics are being replaced by celebrity game shows and Christmas “competitions.” Instead of teaching kindness or gratitude, we’re watching who can stack the tallest gingerbread tower or guess the most holiday songs for cash. Nothing says “holiday spirit” like contestants fighting over prizes while commercials remind you to spend more money you don’t have.

💰 Capitalism in a Santa Suit

The holidays used to be about love, reflection, and family. Now it’s about “doorbusters,” “limited drops,” and “buy now, pay later.” Christmas has been hijacked by capitalism in a red velvet suit. It’s no longer a celebration—it’s a sales event.

Black Friday used to be the day after Thanksgiving. Now it’s the week month before. Christmas decorations are in stores before Halloween candy even goes on clearance. And let’s be honest: most people are stressing over how much they have to buy instead of who they’re buying for.

Every year, millions of people go deeper into debt just to “make Christmas special.” But how special can it be when the bills hit in January and the joy turns into anxiety?

📱 The Death of Family Time

Family dinners used to be the centerpiece of the holidays. Now, it’s an exercise in silence—everyone sitting around the table scrolling through TikTok, pretending to be present while mentally somewhere else.

Even watching Christmas movies together has turned into individual screen time. One person’s watching Elf on Netflix, another’s on YouTube watching gift hauls, and someone else is deep in a group chat. The TV used to bring people together. Now, every screen pulls us apart.

🏠 The Divided Christmas

For many blended families, Christmas is a scheduling nightmare. Kids are shuttled from one parent’s house to another like packages in transit. Half of Christmas morning is spent packing, not playing. Everyone’s trying to make the most of their “time,” but it’s hard to find peace when the calendar feels like a custody battle.

It’s not anyone’s fault—life changes, families evolve—but it’s sad that the magic of togetherness often gets lost in the logistics.

🎁 The Entitlement Era

Kids today are growing up in a world where gifts show up all year long—birthdays, random “surprises,” TikTok trends, and “back to school hauls.” So when Christmas rolls around, it’s just another day of unboxing.

When every day feels like Christmas, Christmas stops feeling special. And when gifts become expectations instead of blessings, gratitude gets buried under wrapping paper.

💔 The Hard Truth

The holidays were supposed to bring joy, peace, and love. But now they bring pressure, debt, and disconnection. People are chasing the “perfect Christmas” for the wrong reasons—more likes, better photos, flashier gifts.

Meanwhile, the real spirit of the season—love, gratitude, forgiveness, and family—is quietly fading.

Maybe it’s time to unplug, slow down, and find that spirit again. Because Christmas doesn’t live in store shelves or social media posts—it lives in people. And until we start acting like it, we’ll keep losing the love that made the season worth celebrating in the first place.

Christmas used to fill hearts. Now it fills credit card statements. Let’s change that before it’s too late.

(Happy 19th birthday to my wonderful god daughter, Erin.)

(Happy 33rd anniversary to my brother and his wife.)

We Don’t Argue Anymore—We Perform

Remember when a disagreement was just that—a disagreement? Two people, maybe more, hashing things out over coffee, a kitchen table, or a group text that hadn’t yet turned into a battleground. Back then, the goal was clarity. Understanding. Maybe even compromise. Now? Every disagreement feels like a dress rehearsal for a TED Talk nobody asked for.

We’re not debating to understand—we’re auditioning for validation.

Scroll through any comment section and you’ll see it: folks aren’t trying to make sense, they’re trying to make noise. Every podcast clip, every stitched reaction, every “hot take” is less about truth and more about applause. It’s not “What do you think?” anymore—it’s “Watch me win.” 

We used to argue to sharpen ideas. Now we argue to trend.

And let’s be honest: it’s not about being right—it’s about being seen as right. The loudest voice usually wins, not the wisest one. The algorithm doesn’t reward nuance. It rewards volume. Certainty. Swagger. Even if it’s the dumbest thing anyone has ever seen, heard, or read.

But here’s the thing: strong thinkers don’t need an audience to be right.

They don’t need likes, shares, or followers to make sense. What they need is logic, patience, and humility—the kind of qualities that don’t get you clicks but do earn you respect. The kind of mindset that says, “I’m here to learn, not just to be heard.”

Real maturity shows up when you care more about understanding than winning. At one time understanding was the goal, right?

When you listen without rehearsing your rebuttal. When you can say, “You might have a point,” instead of “You just don’t get it.” That’s grown-folk energy, Church. That’s the kind of conversation that builds bridges instead of burning them.

Because grown folks don’t perform—they process. They listen to gain perspective. 

They don’t argue for show—they discuss for growth. They know that being loud isn’t the same as being clear. That being viral isn’t the same as being valuable.

We just have to start listening again. Not for the applause. Not for the retweets. But for the kind of understanding that doesn’t trend—but lasts. Viral is temporary. Value is forever.

People Lie A Lot

Not all lies are based on scams and infidelity.  Some people lie because of their pride.  As I've gotten older, I see that more often than anything else these days.  I'll give you two examples:

Men tend to do it to prevent from looking naive.  Some guys will act as if they "know-it-all" to impress you rather than admitting that they could use some help with whatever that they are doing.  Example: A guy I know started a podcast.  I've been podcasting for over a decade.  I know that the type of podcast that you wish to have and the frequency that you plan on doing it can determine what kind of setup you may need.  When he told me his plan, I told him to reach out to me if he needed some insight or advice purchasing equipment.  He told me that he had it figured out and did his research and knew exactly what he wanted to buy.

He spent almost $1300 for his podcasting equipment for something that fizzled out in less than a month.  Then he asked me if I wanted to buy any of his equipment.  I told him, "No.  I'd never spend that much on equipment in the first place unless I was making my podcast a full-time job."  His pride made him lie to me in the beginning when he said that he knew what he was doing when he didn't.  And that was a very expensive lesson to him.  I'm not saying that I'm an expert, but I do have experience, and sometimes two heads are better than one.

Women lie for pride's sake, but for different reasons.  I once worked with a young lady who would participate in relationship discussions with us in the break room from time-to-time.  She always bragged about how she is just "doing her" and isn't paying men any attention.  She said that she was abstaining from sex and would make the next man wait because "she knew her worth".  She was always the most vocal whenever we participated in the conversations.  No man was ever going to get over on her!

Well, to this day, she doesn't know that I knew the guy that she was sleeping with at the time.  Ms. Abstinence actually had a restraining order against her for stalking him and his girlfriend.  He'd already bragged to me prior to my break room conversations with her that he'd slept with her a few times and she wouldn't leave him alone and she ultimately started harassing his woman.

All while she was telling us how she was "this and that" every day, dude was passing his phone around regularly showing nude pics of her. It made me feel badly for her to wonder how many people knew she was lying about how she "handles" men.

Look, we all lie.  But it's more to it than doing so to get out of trouble these days.  Social media tends to influence some of us to appear a certain way that we're not in real life.  How many times has someone that you know very well posted something that you knew wasn't true?  More than you can count?

Guys, it's okay to say, "I don't know" instead of acting like you know what you're doing and costing yourself time and money.  Tell someone "I need your help" with something and learn to take instructions sometimes.

Ladies, you may want to reconsider some of the things you claim you do or don't do with guys because guys talk more than ever these days.  There is no longer a code that guys live by.  Don't have these guys fool you into thinking that they don't "kiss and tell" and have you looking stupid in these streets.

It's time for all of us to be adults and to stop lying.

Stuck on Repeat

Scroll through your social media feed and take a closer look. How many of your friends are living the exact same lives they were when you first joined?

Think about it:

• They’re still single.

• They’re still “working on themselves.”

• They’re still posting motivational quotes.

• They’re still complaining about their job.

• They’re still bitter about their ex.

• They’re still… miserable.

It’s like watching a loop. Different year. Same problems. Same posts.

The truth is, social media makes it easy to create an illusion of progress. A quote here, a “new chapter” caption there. It looks like growth, but behind the screen, nothing has really changed.

Why does this happen? Change is uncomfortable, and staying the same is easy. Or a post gets likes, and that little hit of approval feels like progress. And sometimes it’s safer to keep saying “I’m working on myself” than to risk trying something new and failing.

But here’s the thing: years pass, and nothing shifts unless you do. Self-work without action is just procrastination dressed up in positivity.

So the next time you scroll and notice the same old posts, ask yourself—am I stuck too?

Because the only thing worse than watching someone else stay the same… is realizing you’ve been doing it too.

That's something that I've had to deal with when it comes to weight loss. I don't post on social media about it, but year-after-year, I'm stuck in the same place.

So know that this post isn't about judgment on others for their struggles because we all struggle with something. But sometimes it takes something grabbing your attention to realize that things are stagnant and that we want to be in a different and better place a year from now.

Men Judge Your Social Media

Okay, so we've seen countless ladies post memes that say things like, "the memes I post on Facebook are strictly for entertainment. And if you don't believe it, then that's on you." And they expect you to ignore the thirst trap photos, drama-filled rants, and posts about them claiming that they're single. 

The truth is: men judge women by their Facebook post, regardless if ladies thinks that is fair, accurate or not, we just do. 

And as a man, I don't want the trouble that comes along with someone who is beefing on Facebook with people or someone who posts cryptic updates just to try to get some type of reaction or response. And don't get me started on a thirst trap photos. I mean, those same women will complain about guys in their inbox. I mean, come on now. Are you serious? If you put honey on the kitchen counter, then expect to get ants. That's just how that works. 

Inspirational quotes in the morning and thirst trap photos at night will definitely get you attention. But from whom? But hey, I'm not an expert. I just have an opinion. So let me share the opinion of another and get his two cents. 

He's the host of the Hard Parking Podcast: society and culture first, the car stuff comes second. It's essentially a non-automotive automotive podcast. It's a dope show that I enjoy. And it can be found on Anchor, Apple podcasts or just about anywhere podcasts are found. From the Grand Canyon State of Arizona, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Jhae Pfenning. 

Jhae, let the people know your two cents on women in our Facebook posts. 

"I don't know man, I think it's difficult in 2020. Because the landscape is so different than when I was growing up. I think now, if ever it's more acceptable, but I don't think they're gonna attract a guy who seriously wants to date him. I think about this, because because I can't even imagine life as a woman on social media. You don't have even have to look good in do to slide in your DM. I can't imagine what some of these girls are doing. Are they doing it to themselves? Yes. 

But I think about, I used to be a bouncer. And one of the things as a bouncer is, it's so difficult. So if a girl comes in, she's hanging out with her friends. And you're like, 'man, there's something about her, I want to know who she is, I want to know her more. She's kind of quiet sticking to herself. Sticking to her friends. She's not out there dancing or whatever, not acting a fool most of the time.' 

Even if they allow you to talk to them. They're not going to give you the time of day, if you ask them out, they're not going to take you serious because the stigma is, since you work at the club, and you a bouncer, you're asking every girl every night, the same thing. You're taking girls home all the time. And I can just say for me, that was never the case. I know there's some people out there telling these stories, and this happened to them. For me, that was never the case. 

And so if a girl is putting herself out there on social media, doing all these quotes, these inspirational quotes, these motivational quotes. 'I just need a guy', 'I don't want a guy's gonna lie to me', you know, all that kind of shit. 'Find a guy who's going to be truthful for you and make him your king', girls who do that. 

Then they posted these extremely sexualized photos of themselves and they know what they're doing. And then they're like, 'I need a man'. No one's gonna take him serious. Because the stigma is, you're just doing it for attention. You can't crowd-source a relationship. That's what dating apps are for. 

So 'no', no one's gonna take him serious. It'll be rare. The really good guy that they really want to get is not gonna take him serious."

You heard the homie, Jhae. The guy that you want. That man? He won't take you seriously. You'll get the attention of "guys", but guys are a dime a dozen and they're in it just for a good time and that alone time. 

If you want a "man", then whether you like or don't like what Jhae and I are saying, you may want to pay attention to what you post on social media, because men are judging you by it. Fair or not, it's reality.

There Are Still Good People Out There

So, back in the summer, some time in August, I ran an errand to pick up some Talk 2 Q face masks from a friend of mine.  I was about five minutes from my destination when I hit a pothole and blew out my passenger side front tire.  I pulled over near a church parking lot and surveyed the damage.  The temperature was in the 90's on this particular day and I'm sure that the heat index was well over 100.  

Anyway, I open my trunk and start to unload my spare tire and equipment that I need to change the flat tire.   As I'm pulling things out of the trunk, a minivan pulls up beside me.  It's a white lady, maybe in her mid-to-late 50's, kind of heavyset.  You know, the type of person you would envision if someone asked you to think of what a grandmother looks like.  She asked me what was wrong and I told her that I had a blowout.  She asked me if I had any water.  I told her that I did have a bottle of water in my car.  She said that it was too hot and I needed more.   

She then proceed to get out of her van and go into her backseat.  She emerged from the other side of the van with six bottles of water in her arms.  She said that if she knew how to change a tire that she would help me, but she wanted me to at least stay hydrated in the process. I thanked her profusely as I accepted the bottles.  She got back in her van, wished me a nice day, and drove off. 

I resumed working on my tire and I realized that my tire iron wouldn't fit the lug nuts on the flat.  So, I'm unable to remove the flat tire and put on the spare.  I'm racking my brain trying to figure out why the tire iron will not fit.  I then realize that without that, I'm stuck.  So, I grab my cell to call my dad to get him to bring his.  It will take him about 30 minutes to arrive, so I sit inside my car to turn on the A/C. 

A mid-sized sedan then pulls up in front of me.  A black man gets out.  He's probably early 30's, wearing an undershirt or what some people refer to as a "wife beater shirt".  Sounds terrible to say that out loud on the air, but you know the shirt.  He has a few tattoos and has the look of a construction worker, so to speak.  He asked me what was wrong and I recited my story.  He told me that he had a lug wrench in my car that would fit my tire.  He retrieved it from his trunk as I slowly got out of the car.   

I called my dad to tell him that I didn't need him to drive all the way across town and while I was doing that, dude started changing my tire.  After I got off of the phone with my dad, I tried to stop him and let him know that I could take it from here.  He simply replied, "It's all good, man.  I used to work at Goodyear.  I can change a tire in my sleep". 

Dude had the tire changed in a matter of minutes.  I offered to Cashapp him some money for his troubles, but he refused.  He said that he saw an opportunity to help and did so.  I thanked him and he drove on. 

I guess I shared all of this just to say that there are still some good people out here.  Social media will make you lose faith in all of humanity because of the level of selfishness and ignorance that we see on there every day.  But, I had two people, each who appeared to be from different walks of life, stop to assist me.  An older white woman and a younger black man.  A conservative-looking lady and an urban-looking, for lack of a better phrase, dude.  

Good people come in all shape, sizes, ages, and colors.  Stop letting social media and the talking heads on the news continue to divide us.  There are no secrets in getting along with people.  Just be decent and the rest will work itself out.

Combating Social Injustice Issues in America

I was fortunate enough to be tagged for a discussion about racism along with some very insightful minds. 

You can check out the discussion here.

I participated in the second episode of the Holism For Advancement Roundtable hosted by Dr. Herman SJr. himself.

I've been fortunate enough to interview him a couple of times on T2Q and as he usually does, he dropped science on this topic as well.  His other guest, Miguel Conner, was amazing in establishing a base to some of the societal problems we endure as a country today.

So, please enjoy this discussion and share, share, share!  The world needs to hear more insightful opinions on race and not the same old babble and catch phrases.

Seeing & Combating Inculcated, "Invisible" Fundamentals That Create Negative Systems 

* (Please excuse the audio-only format due to technical issues) *

This is the second show of the Holism For Advancement Roundtable founded by Dr. HermanSJr. to present the most powerful, no-nonsense, science-backed solutions to highly-complex world issues that can be used immediately to begin forcing step-change in people's lives across all landscapes (business, educational, personal, social).  

Experts: Dr. Chandra Babu (Ph.D.) | Right.Academy | (not present in show due to technical issues) Miguel Conner (B.A.) | TheGodAboveGod.com 
Quincy "Q" Shelton | Talk2Q.com 
Dr. HermanSJr. (A.A., B.A., B.Msc., M.A., M.Msc., Mpsy.D.) | DrHermanSJr.com 

This roundtable is based on Dr. HermanSJr.'s Holistic Vision program taught to experts and laypeople across countries, industries, and languages to force step-change via game-changing action and thought. 

Start the Holistic Vision program now for your business, educational, personal goals at https://DrHermanSJr.com.

So, A Cop Reportedly Raped A 15-Year Old...

JPD Press Conference w/Chief of PD.

Jackson, MS has its share of issues just like any other capital city.  We have bad apples in the police department and government, too.  However, this story from the past few days has really divided social media (like we should be surprised) and I just don't see the logic behind it.

To summarize things: an almost-30-year old police officer was accused of having a sexual relationship with a 15-year old girl.  It was reported that the relationshp went on for six months and that he was filming their backseat rendevous during his work hours.  The story turned even more tragic when the man took his life just a day or two after the story hit the news.

What I'm shocked at about this entire situation is how many people are blaming everyone except the allegeded predator.

The phrase that I'm seeing pop up on my timeline every other comment is, "she knew what she was doing!"

Are you serious?  Are you really going to blame the 15-year old girl for her reported relationshp with someone twice her age?

Why do we do this?  Why do we assign blame to the underaged victims in these situations?  How can someone who isn't even old enough to drive a vehicle capable of understanding a sexual relationship with anyone of any age?

Some of the same people posting this foolishness can't even navigate their own adult relationships and they think that someone who isn't old enough for a summer job knows what she's doing.  How can you say that she knew what she was doing when you're getting seduced and fooled in your own adult lives?

Quit shaming the minor victims and place the blame where it belongs...  on the predator!  And I don't want to hear people saying that "she lied about her age" or "she looked old enough".    It's no excuse!  If you can't tell after 5 minutes of conversation that someone is underaged then you need to be put in jail or maybe you're in need of a GED yourself.

A life was lost.  This girl may not ever be mentally right again because of the attention this story is getting and the fact that the man killed himself.  I'm pretty sure that she feels badly enough as it is.  Why pile on the only person who hasn't been on the planet long enough to vote?