Who All Gonna Be There?

There’s a slang phrase that gets asked almost automatically whenever somebody gets invited somewhere:

“Who all gonna be there?”

Before the date, the time, or even what the event is really about gets a second thought, that question jumps straight to the front of the line.

Now, to be fair, sometimes it’s a legitimate question.

Maybe you’re trying to avoid an ex.
Maybe there’s somebody you truly don’t get along with.
Maybe past experience has taught you that certain combinations of people can turn a peaceful evening into an episode of reality TV nobody asked for.

That part makes sense.

But let’s be honest, most of the time that question isn’t about safety, peace, or avoiding drama.

It’s about measuring the event’s perceived value.

People want to know if the “right” crowd will be there.

Will the popular people show up?
Will there be enough status attached to the room?
Will it be “worth” their time?

In other words, some folks aren’t deciding whether to attend based on the person who invited them.
They’re deciding based on the guest list’s social ranking, like they’re evaluating a nightclub instead of responding to a personal invitation.

And that’s where the common sense part gets lost.

The person inviting you thought enough of you to include you.
Out of everyone they could have called, texted, or told, they thought, I want this person there.

That alone should mean something.

Instead, the first response becomes a quiet judgment: Who else made the cut?

There’s something a little insulting about that.

It subtly tells the host that their invitation alone isn’t enough.
Their presence, their company, and their event only matter if enough “worthy” people are attached to it.

That’s a selfish way to look at relationships.

Sometimes showing up should be about supporting the person who invited you, not auditing the room before you decide if it meets your standards.

Not every gathering needs to pass a popularity test.

Sometimes the real question shouldn’t be “Who all gonna be there?”

It should be: “Do I value the person who invited me enough to show up?”

Times Didn’t Change. People Did. And That’s the Problem.

“We live in different times now.”

That sentence gets tossed around like a moral hall pass. As if the calendar flipped and suddenly integrity expired. As if respect went out of style. As if accountability was a limited-time offer that quietly ended while everyone was distracted by trends, timelines, and hot takes.

Here’s the uncomfortable truth: time doesn’t change morals. People do.

Why have values disappeared?

Values aren’t seasonal. They don’t evolve because an algorithm shifted or because public opinion found a new favorite thing. Right and wrong don’t need software updates. The standard didn't change, but the willingness to live up to it has.

Integrity still matters. Respect still matters. Accountability still matters.

They matter when it’s inconvenient. They matter when it costs you social standing. They matter when nobody’s clapping.

Values have been replaced with "vibes". Vibes feel good. Values hold firm. Vibes shift with the room. Values stand on its own. 

What happened to accountability?

Accountability is another casualty of the “times have changed” excuse. Everyone demands it for others, but almost no one wants it for themselves. Mistakes are reframed as misunderstandings. Bad behavior gets rebranded as growth. Apologies come with excuses and a reminder that criticizing them is somehow worse than what they did.

That’s not accountability. That’s public relations.

Does respect still exist?

And respect? Respect now gets confused with agreement. If you disagree, you’re a “hater.” If you question someone's opinion/idea, you’re “toxic.” If you don’t clap on cue, you're side-eyed. Somewhere along the way, respecting people turned into obeying narratives.

Healthy societies don’t work like that. Neither do strong individuals.

Here's the truth: Your character shines the brightest when you have something to lose.

When standing on principle means standing alone. When telling the truth risks backlash. When doing the right thing doesn’t come with applause.

Times didn’t change morals. They just exposed who had them—and who was borrowing them.

I know that I'm sometimes too nostalgic for the past, but I am also realistic about the present. 

When Did Respect Become Negotiable?

There was a time when respect wasn’t up for debate. You didn’t need a blue check, a big platform, or a viral moment—just character. People earned respect by how they carried themselves, not by how many people were watching.

But somewhere along the way, respect turned into a popularity contest. We started confusing attention with value. If someone’s rich, loud, or trending, they get treated like royalty. Meanwhile, decency has to beg for a seat at the table. 

Here’s the truth: respect isn’t about admiration—it’s about acknowledgment. You don’t have to like everyone, but you should respect the boundaries and principles that keep chaos from becoming culture.

We’ve confused attention with value. We’ve mistaken noise for worth. And in doing so, we’ve let the loudest voices rewrite the rules. Respect used to be the floor. Now people act like it’s a reward you unlock after going viral.

But here’s the thing: when respect becomes negotiable, so does every standard that keeps society from spiraling out of control. Manners matter. Boundaries matter. Dignity matters. Not because everyone’s flawless—but because everyone’s human.

So let’s bring back basic respect. Not the performative kind. Not the clout-chasing kind. The kind that doesn’t need a spotlight to show up. The kind that reminds us we’re all sharing the same space—and nobody’s too important to be decent.

What Is "A Good Woman"?

One of my FB friends posted something today that asked all men to describe a "good woman" and all women to describe a "good man".  

Of course, guys started talking about good sex, cooking, swag, yadda, yadda, yadda.  It definitely reinforced why some guys make horrible decisions when choosing a mate.  

The superficial things that we may crave as men have nothing to do with her being a "good woman".  Her ability to cook, clean, or do whatever domestic chores that we traditional men tend to enjoy means nothing either.

A "good woman" is someone a man is proud of each time he enters the room with her.  Not for what she may bring to the table in looks and style, but for what her presence does.  She has an aura of royalty and regalness about her.

Here is my response to the post on Facebook on what I think a "good woman" is:

Someone who pours her heart into everything that she does. People admire her and want to be like her. She makes people around her better in some way. Her name brings about a sense of pride and not shame in any way. She would be respected by the lowest of the low as well as the highest of the high. Being a good woman has absolutely nothing to do with a man, but everything to do with herself.

In my opinion, being a "good woman" has absolutely nothing to do with what she can do for me as a man.  It has everything to do with her reputation being worthy of respect.  

We're Running Out of Men

The title can't be any more simpler than that.  We're have a shortage of men in this country and it's getting worse by the generation.  Notice that I said "in this country".  As far as I can tell, other countries still have men who raise their boys.

Not in the U.S.  Teaching boys to be men is almost a thing of the past.  I blame my generation.  We're so focused on trying to remain young that we won't take the time to be teachers.  A lot of guys my age are competing with younger guys instead of educating them.

There are so many things that a boy should learn if he is to be a productive member of society:

Respect women.

It should start with your mother and extend into the community.  All women are to be respected.  Men should teach their boys that women are different.  Don't talk to them like men.  Don't handle them like men.  Be kind and gentle to them.  Never hit them (unless it's an extreme circumstance that can affect your health. Ex. she has a weapon.).  Don't curse at them.

I know that there are some women out there who act like men, but most of them probably only built up that persona because of the way men treated them in the past.  Be the guy who breaks that cycle by teaching your sons that women aren't to be abused in any shape, form, or fashion.

Leave things better than how you found it.

That's self-explanatory.  If someone loans you something, then care for it as if it were yours and return it in the same condition.  That can be anything from property to someone's emotions.  Always teach others to build.  Some of us guys are like tornadoes going through a nice town.  Everything was perfect before we arrived.  Teach boys to not be that guy.  Take pride in keeping things up.  It can be anything from keeping the lawn mowed at your home to getting litter out of the ditch in your neighborhood.

Have a legendary work ethic.

This almost no longer exists these days.  With the sense of entitlement parents give kids now, it's a wonder that anything gets done in 2019.  The concept of working should be instilled in boys at a very young age so they can take that to adulthood.  Teach them to clean the house, take out the trash, mow the lawn, etc.  Get them in the routine of those things.  A man should have a purpose each day when he gets out of bed.  A male without a purpose is worthless.  Make having work to do his purpose.  You must also not only promote hard work to boys, but teach them to have pride in their work, too.  Don't half-do anything.

Learn from your elders.

This is something we have forgotten to do in this country.  We want to throw people away when they turn 40.  That's why men should always teach boys to listen to older people.  Learn from them.  The best way to get a leg up on life is to talk to someone who has "been there and done that".

Give them tips on the many things that will help them be a better man.  Life isn't a competition between the generations.  Men shouldn't be competing with their younger counterparts.  They should be teaching them how to be better than what they were at that age.  Let the younger generation have it.  We've had our time, so now let's teach them how to make the most of theirs and maybe in return they will appreciate spending more time with older people.

Protect your community.

I don't mean sitting out on your porch with a gun.  I mean doing what you can to keep bad elements from thriving in your neighborhood.  If you reach boys at a young age then you don't have to worry about them robbing you at an older age.  That means being a face in your community.  Get to know your neighbors.  Help them when they need it.  Look out for their kids and keep them out of harm's way.  Everyone wants to mind their own business these days and communities are suffering because of it.  We need to get back to having a village mentality if we ever want to create a generation of men who give back.

Teach boys how to plan.

This may be one of the most importants pieces to the puzzle.  I know way too many guys who are reactionary.  They wait for things to happen and then respond.  Most of the time, the world is collapsing down on them before they can figure out what to do next.  That's why it's important to teach boys how to think ahead.  Educate him on how to forecast his life and use that to make his next decision.  He needs to be taught how to save money, how to establish a career path, and how to plan his family.

Be accountable.

This is one of the hardest things for people to do these days.  So, how do you teach it?  You start young.  Give them chores to do and make sure that it's done properly.  Establish rules and hold them to it.  Teach boys that there are consequences for their actions.  You must firmly instill a "your break it, you bought it mentality" if you expect them to not whine all of their adult lives when things don't go their way.  A man should always be able to look himself in the mirror and admit when he's wrong.  Saying "I apologize" does not make a person weak.

I'm sure that there are a ton of other things that I could have mentioned, but to all of the guys out there who have boys in their lives, please make sure that they grow up to be trustworthy, disciplined, compassionate, and a future role model for the boys they will encounter later in their lives.

I Don't Believe in Road Rage, But I Understand!

I'm a very calm guy.  In fact, some of my friends wonder if anything bothers me at all.  I can't help that I'm a very nonchalant guy.  I like to keep things in perspective, so that keeps me grounded.  I'm usually pretty patient, but sometimes, there are some things that can raise my blood pressure.  And it usually involves people not respecting the roadways.

Road rage happens to all of us.  However, some overreact when compared to others.  I don't angrily blow my horn (any more -- people get shot for less) or throw finger signs.  I usually just mentally curse people out in my head and keep it moving.  But there are two things that irk me when it comes to sharing the road:

They acted like we weren't even there.

Cyclists

If there is any group of people on this planet who seem to feel more entitled to the road, it's cyclists.  They act as if they have bumpers on their bikes.  Just recently, I was going to visit my grandmother.  She lives kind of off in the country, so the roads are just two lanes for most of the way.  I rolled up behind a group of cyclists.  It was close to 20 of them and they were just pedaling away around 15 mph.  In my mind, I'm thinking, "Well, I'm sure that they'll get over to the side and allow the cars to pass.  After all, it's a curvy road, so the only way to get by is for them to allow us to do so."

Yeah, I don't know why I thought that.

They rode and chatted for close to 3 miles while me and roughly 8-10 vehicles followed them like we were in a parade.  They never made an attempt to pull over on a side street to allow us by or even ride single file to give us room.  They just left us back there to cruise as if we didn't exist.  By the time I got to my grandmother's house, you could probably see a vein popping out of my neck.  If I'd only had a snowplow, I could have just shoved them off in the ditch and kept rolling.

Very frustrating to get stuck at an intersection.

Intersection Blockers

These are the people who pull into an intersection although there's no room on the other side to clear the lane.  So, when you get the green light to go through, you can't go anywhere because these numbskulls are blocking your way as in the photo above.

If they only allowed machine guns on the front of cars.

I took that photo at a very busy intersection in Jackson.  Every day at 5 PM, people clog the lanes knowing that they're blocking you, too.  But, like the cyclists, they don't care.  Because they obviously think that they're more important than you and that your time isn't valuable as theirs.  All you can do is wait on them to clear the intersection and hope that you still have a green light.  If not, you may have to do it all over again with the next set of idiots.

Old schoolers will get this reference.

Conclusion

If I were to ever snap and take a tire iron to someone's knees some day, then know that one of these two types of people would be the recipient of me going Tonya Harding on them.  People should respect the roadways and everyone on it.  It would make the commute to your destination go that much better if the person next to you is considering you when making decisions.

But that's not the world that we live in.  Everyone thinks that they're more important than you and that you should understand that.  That's why people pull out in front of you, refuse to let you merge, and things of that nature.  Society gets more disrespectful each and every day.  I guess that I may as well get used to it because there doesn't appear to be enough people willing to change it.

Why Is Sex No Longer Sacred?

I was watching the "Amber Rose Show" just recently.  In all honesty, I was watching the show for all of the wrong reasons.  I just think that Amber Rose is smoking hot, so I decided to tune in.  But the show was so awful that I know that I won't be watching it again.

The entire show was basically Amber Rose asking women questions about sex.  Women were disclosing everything from how many side dudes they've had to being on top during sex.  Some people call it "women empowerment" and other people call it "women being promiscuous".  Whatever you want to call it is totally dependent on your upbringing.

As for my upbringing, I was taught that sex was something sacred.  You didn't share what you did with everyone.  It was deemed disrespectful to your partner to discuss your sexual experiences with them to someone else.

Fast forward to today and everyone is doing it.  People are getting on TV, radio, and social media and discussing their sex lives like they're talking about their day at work or something.  I watched Amber Rose talk about sex for her entire show except for the last segment (which was only a couple of minutes long).  She "interviewed" rapper, T.I., and asked him his favorite sex position, the craziest place he's had sex, and if he masturbated.

I was thinking to myself, "how in the world are kids going to not be teen parents if all they see on TV is how much fun sex is?"

I guarantee you that there are a ton of kids under 18 years old watching Amber's show and shows like hers.  It's not like parents pay attention to what their children watch.  A ton of the girls watching probably want to be Amber Rose and a ton of boys want a girl like her.  She has a glamorous lifestyle and makes a lot of money for basically doing nothing truly talented.  Who wouldn't want that life?

But, back to the topic... Sex isn't sacred any more.  People will tell you all of their business without any thoughts to how you feel about it or how their partner would feel if they found out.  And if you feel awkward discussing it with them, then you're looked at as someone abnormal.  A conversation that may have been reserved to close friends and siblings is now something you can get from a coworker you barely know.

In roughly 30 years, the United States has done a 180 degree turn around in morals.  Sex is "empowering" and not something kept private.  Cursing is simply just talking and not something done out of the public's earshot.  Being reckless with your life is no longer scolded, but it is praised by everyone for you "expressing yourself" (and sometimes rewarded with money and fame).

Nothing is sacred any more.  TV has dumbed down in 30 years what took hundreds of years to create.  The end result is me watching Amber Rose ask a woman if she has a side dude (actually, "dude" wasn't the d-word that she used) and this young lady must have named 10+ guys.  She was applauded for it.

To each their own, I guess.  It makes me wonder what conversations are parents having in households across the U.S. with their children?  Is this type of thing even being discussed?  Based on what I'm seeing on TV, it is being discussed.  Just by celebrities instead of parents.

Teach Young Males How to Talk to Women

Each day I get older, I see values that meant something to my parents get diluted or just flat-out ignored.  What's so depressing about it is that society is okay with it.  There aren't enough people to stand up and say "no, that's not how it's done."  I'm all for evolution of values, but not to the point of eradication.

So many of today's younger parents are just lazy or too focused on themselves to be bothered with raising the kids they brought into the world.  The end result is a society of young people who have absolutely no concept of the word "respect."  I used to think the lack of respect was limited to those roughly 30 years or younger, but I was wrong.  I've encountered people close to my age who have no concept of the word "respect."  Not even on a friendship level.

One thing that needs to be focused on is how some dudes talk to women.  There are some women who contribute to why guys can be disrespectful at times just by accepting the behavior.  I've met quite a few "bad guys" with "decent women" because the women condoned what the guys did.  But I don't think that a guy should allow a woman to dictate how he lives his life.  Even if a woman allows a man to be disrespectful doesn't mean that he should do it.  Being a man means doing the right thing regardless if doing the wrong thing is condoned or not.  Regardless of what your friends think.

Guys now tend to take the shortest route to sex.  That means that they will approach each woman the same way regardless of the woman.  She can be dressed like a stereotypical THOT or like an attorney, but he'll virtually approach her the same because guys now are taught "quantity" over "quality."  They won't waste their time trying to be the wolf in sheep's clothing.  They just come right out and let you know that they're a wolf.  If you don't like it then they've wasted what, 2 or 3 minutes with the "Say, Slim?" approach?  If you buy what they're selling, then they know that they can probably get what they want out of you.

Those who know better need to teach them that it's wrong to take that approach.  That approach leads to heartaches and unplanned pregnancies with people you don't respect.  It's up to us, especially men, to teach younger guys that it's okay to chat up women but be a man about it.  Understand that she's a mother, daughter, or sister to someone.  Know that women, despite what some cultures of society promotes, should be treated with dignity.

Society has changed both men and woman in so many ways.  Men are now becoming softer and more sensitive and woman are becoming harder and edgier.  That makes it difficult to approach relationships more than ever, but we each need to be responsible for our own gender.  We need to stop pointing fingers at what the other gender is/isn't doing and pay attention to our own.  Men need to raise boys and women need to raise girls.

It's just that simple.

A Provider and A Protector

Father's Day has come and gone and my dad just celebrated his 74th birthday.  I'm so thankful for the positive influences that he's had on my life.  I firmly believe that my father was put on this earth for two things.  And those two things are all he's done his entire life. He seems to only get enjoyment out of seeing everything and everyone taken care of. Well, I take that back. He also gets enjoyment out of his occasional afternoon naps.
However, his main purposes in life is to be a provider and a protector. Is that old school way of thinking dead to us now?

I remember when I was in 1st grade and my mom would wake me up for school, I'd hear my father walking through the house and getting ready for work. He didn't have to be there until 7 AM, but he was usually out of the house shortly after 6 AM despite it only being a 15 minute drive. He didn't believe in being late for anything. He would take cold cuts and crackers for his lunch because he didn't require much. He brought his paycheck home to my mom to take care of the household and kept very little for himself. He only needed gas for his truck and enough to buy something to eat to hold him over until dinner time.

After working in a factory from 7 AM - 4 PM, I can remember hearing his truck driving across the railroad tracks as he entered the neighborhood. Our dogs would start barking because they knew the sound of his truck. They also knew that it was time for them to eat as well. My older brother and I would be sitting on the floor doing homework or watching cartoons by the time he got home. He would sometimes come into the house, drop his keys on the couch near the door and would just start dancing. My father's dancing style was (and still is) very similar to a one "George Jefferson" from the popular 70's sitcom "The Jeffersons." As he would dance, he would say, "Work it out, Pop!" I'm not sure where that saying came from, but it ultimately became the reason my brother and I have called him "Pop" for as long as we can remember.

After his performance, I would grab my shoes while he was taking time to greet my mom. She was usually putting the finishing touches on dinner when he got home. If she had to work late then my grandmother (on my mom's side) would be finishing up dinner for all of us. Before settling down to eat, Pop would go back outside to feed the dogs and I was right behind him as he walked out of the house. After a long day of work, he could have easily gotten fed up with a 6 year old following his every movement. In fact, that's kind of how I got the childhood nickname "Shadow."

But he never ran me off. I'd watch him feed the dogs and refill their water dishes. Afterwards, he would do one of many things that may have been needed around the house from changing the oil in the vehicles to working in my grandmother's garden where she grew vegetables year around. Despite a day that started out at 6 AM, Pop would work until it got dark outside on most days. His reward? A full stomach from a delicious dinner and watching TV until after the news went off.

He did this for 20+ years for sometimes six days a week. Going to work for Challenger Electric/GTE wasn't Pop's job. Being "Pop" was his job. And he took it seriously.

But he was (and still is) more than just "Pop". He is also "Uncle Leroy" or "Mr. Leroy" to kids in the neighborhood. Everyone in the neighborhood knows my father. He's the one who will give you a popsicle in the summertime when you're a good kid, but will also chastise you for being a disrespectful kid. You have to say "yes or no, sir" when addressing him. You have to say "thank you" when receiving something from him. Any sign of disrespect will pretty much get you banned from the property regardless of your age.

Pop believes in a natural order to things and that includes a kid knowing his/her place. Step out of line around adults and you'll quickly get reminded that you are a kid. Another thing that makes Pop an icon in the neighborhood is that despite his generosity and willingness to help, he has a temper. Not necessarily a fly-off-the-handle type of temper, but a temper nonetheless. His tolerance for foolishness is extremely low.  He does not tolerate anyone messing with his family.

My brother and I took different paths from a lot of the other kids in my neighborhood. My neighborhood has turned out drug dealers, rapists, and even a murderer or two. But, none of those guys every brought that mess to our house. Because they knew what Pop would do to them if they did anything to negatively influence or harm me or my brother. No police force would be able to stop him from getting to that person. He made that known to the small-time criminals who were once my friends that they were no longer welcomed at our house.

I once thought that they developed other interests and stopped coming around because of that, but as I got into my teens I realized that they stopped coming around because of Pop. They knew that if they attempted to get me ormy brother caught up in their lifestyles that Pop would come after them. However, he didn't just want to save me and my brother from that element, he also wanted to save them as well. I remember as a 10 year old that a friend of mine from around the corner came by to play. He'd recently gotten in trouble for stealing a pair of skates from the nearby skating rink. Pop was aware of the incident and when he came home from work and saw us outside playing he was upset with the boy. He asked him if he stole the skates and the boy admitted that he did. Pop scolded him about stealing and gave him a firm lecture while I watched uncomfortably. He told him how thieves ended up in jail or shot while trying to take someone's property. He told him that he needed to get his life together, but until then, thieves weren't welcomed in his yard.  The boy left and ultimately never came back. He eventually got sent to prison a couple of years later and someone killed him in jail when he was in his late teens.

So, the bad elements simply stayed away from our house and my friends eventually changed. The guys that he couldn't talk any sense into got older, but they never lost respect for Pop. Many houses got broken into in our neighborhood, but never ours. Many kids got "jumped" by so-called "gang members," but never me or my brother. Many arugments and fights took place in my neighborhood, but they were never in front of our house.

At 74 years old, Pop is still the same as he was when I was a kid. He's a taxi for my 92 year old grandmother (mom's side) to make sure she makes it to all of doctor's appointments and to church. He's always the one that people in the neighborhood call when they have car trouble. He's the one that a 3rd generation of kids refer to as "Uncle Leroy" when they want a popsicle on a hot day. And despite living by himself, when he's away from home for long periods of time, nearby neighbors (some with criminal records) watch his home to ensure that nothing happens to it.

My father has his flaws and he's far from perfect. Like many of us, he's made some mistakes in his life that he undoubtedly regrets. But, although I am self-sufficient and living my own life just a few miles away from the old neighborhood, he would be there if I ever needed him for anything. He's still a provider and a protector. It's what keeps him going. And even at 43 years old, I'm still hoping to be just like my Pop.

5 Things That Make a Relationship Work

We are born into this world as selfish beings.  A baby wants to do what they want when they want.  They will cry when they can't have their way.  Over time, they are taught to appreciate and love those who have their best interest at heart.  Until society teaches them otherwise.

Is making a relationship work as difficult as most people make it out to be?  It's two people who love being together more than they love being apart.  Sounds simple enough, right?  Well, not so fast, Speedy Gonzales.  The hardest part of a relationship is finding someone with the same level of commitment that you have.  The same mindset.  The same goals in mind.

You can't control what others do, but there are some things that you can do to ensure that you're holding up your end of things:

1. Are you paying attention?

Listening is very important in relationships.  It helps to understand your mate's mindset and it allows you to be comforting in times of need.  You should know a lot about your mate from their childhood experiences to what their work day was like.  If you're not an authority of your mate's info like clothes sizes, high school's name, and simple things of that nature then you're either not asking the right questions or you're not paying attention.  Knowing simple things can go a long way towards showing someone that you care enough to know their experiences.

2. Are you being dependable?

I don't know about some, but this is huge for me.  You have to be reliable if you're going to be in a successful relationship.  If "oh, I forgot" or "I got tied up" becomes your answer to a lot of reasons you failed to do something then expect your mate to eventually check out on you.  No one wants to be with someone who they don't trust to do what they say they're going to do.  We all know what it's like to be disappointed and it's not a pleasant feeling when a person shows you that they don't care.  Be reliable.  Be supportive.  Be there when the person needs you to be.

3. Are you thoughtful?

This is something that seems to fly right over the heads of so many Americans today.  Thoughtfulness.  We're subconsciously trained to think of ourselves so much that we rarely take time to think of others.  You should always look to brighten your mate's day.  Well, to be honest, you should and brighten anyone's day, but we're focusing on relationships here.  Surprise them with a home cooked meal, massage their feet, or something of that nature.  Pay attention to small details and cater to your mate.  Nothing makes a mate feel more emotionally secure than you showing effort to make them happy.  You don't even have to be present to do it.  Sending flowers to their job or buying them something they need/want shows that you care.  What says "love" more than showing that you thought of a person when they weren't even present?

4. Are you giving them what they want?

Everyone has a guilty pleasure that is more enjoyable when done with a loved one than alone.  However, it may only be something that your mate may enjoy and you could care less about it.  Whatever it may be, do it.  Maybe your mate likes a show that you don't care for.  Who cares?  Watch it with them and make them happy.  It could be an art show that he/she wants to attend.  Don't just go, show interest and make sure your attitude is a positive one.  And of course, it could be something physical/sexual that doesn't bring you pleasure, but pleases them.  Do it right and do it often.  Give it your 100%.  Being in love is as much about giving as it is receiving.  In fact, it's more about giving.  Everyone communicates what makes them happy or unhappy and we just need to pay attention and give it to them.

5. Are you being honest?

Sounds easy, but some people struggle with this.  Not necessarily because they're intentionally deceiving their mate, but because they're deceiving themselves.  So many people don't truly know what they want in a relationship yet they'll jump into one without a goal in mind.  This is one of the reasons why divorce rates are so high these days.  It's not a good idea to figure out how to swim after you've jumped in the water.  A lot of us are infatuated with the idea of being in a relationship despite the fact that we're not ready for one.  Be honest in evaluating yourself and knowing what you want.  It can prevent a lot of stress and heartache down the line.

Conclusion:

You may be asking yourself, "What makes him the authority on making a relationship work?"  Well, I'm not an expert.  I just have an opinions.  However, I've discussed this with enough people in my life and read enough blog posts, social media statuses, and other things to know what people say they want.  It's pretty common knowledge what people say they want in a relationship, but how many are willing to do what it takes to achieve that?  Only about 50% of us if you look at today's divorce rate.

People date for many reasons: they enjoy having someone in their company, they want "something to do" until something better comes along, or maybe they're genuinely looking for a life companion.  This blog post doesn't apply to the first two because they are self-serving.  This post is meant to be a blueprint for those truly looking for love.  For if you do those five things and your mate reciprocates, then how could the two of you not be happy?

Good luck out there!

Nothing is Sacred. Not Even Death.

Maya Angelou, 1928 - 2014

Remember when there were certain things you didn't do simply because you were taught to respect it? Yeah, some of you probably don't. My generation is the blame for that. My generation is the one that decided to let kids raise themselves. We are the generation that decided that schools should be solely responsible for teaching our kids because we're too tired. We give them smartphones/tablets to allow kids to be in their own world because we don't want them disrupting ours.

Because of that, nothing is sacred.

To let you get an idea of how far our level of respect for almost anything has declined, I'll use the following example that most kids born 1975 and earlier (especially minorities) may be familiar with: in my house when I was a child we had furniture in a certain room that we were not allowed to use. There was a couch in the living room that my parents said was for "company only." I wasn't even allowed in the room without a good reason. That couch was deemed sacred and I don't recall ever setting my butt on it before it got older and was given away to a needy family. I respected it because my parents taught me to respect it. Regardless of how silly it may have been it taught me something.  It taught me restraint.  It taught me to respect something that was not necessarily important to my life simply because someone else had an appreciation for it.

Over time and due to the lack of actual parenting, more things have lost its sacredness. Elders are no longer respected. Presidents are no longer respected. Religions are no longer respected. But, the one thing that I always thought would remain sacred can be added to that list: speaking ill or making fun of the dead.

At one time people only felt comfortable with criticizing or insulting the dead based on either how long ago the person died (hence the phrase "too soon?") or if the person died doing something illegal or stupid (Darwin Awards). Now there are no moral restrictions on insulting or criticizing any one regardless of when they died, cause of death, or even the stature of the person who died.

Today I read quite a few disrespectful memes and jokes on the death of author / motivational speaker, Maya Angelou. I even came across a columnist who trashed Maya Angelou as a person on a blog site.

As a blogger, I can't tell people not to have an opinion simply because it differs from mine. I want people to speak their minds because some things just need to be said. But, why just hours after her death? Why post jokes almost immediately? Why demonize her (or anyone else for that matter) when the grieving has just started?

I'll tell you why: because it's more satisfying (to some) to be funny and/or popular than it is respectful.

Social media entices people to do things that will make other people take notice. All of us with strong opinions push the envelope or cross the line at some point. I've crossed the line myself on many topics, I'm sure. Maybe not maliciously, but it's still crossing the line to get a reader's attention.

But I never posted a meme or a blog post insulting or criticizing someone who died. Because to me that would be the equivalent of putting muddy shoes on my mom's couch in that living room I mentioned earlier.  There are still some things in this world that I will deem as "sacred" even if no one else will.  And a person's death is one of them.

What do you think about the level of disrespect you see online all for the sake of being funny/popular?

Where is Your Work Ethic?

I'm no longer the ball of energy that I once was in my 20's.  When I was 27 years old, I had a full-time job and two part-time jobs.  All of them were Monday through Friday.  So, I got up at 430 AM each day and usually made it home around 1030 PM or midnight depending on the day of the week.  I worked that crazy schedule for a year to pay off credit card debt as well as have some spending cash for partying.  I had at least two jobs from 1997 until 2006.  I wanted to eliminate debt and stockpile a savings so that when I got older life would be easier.  I knew that it was hard work, but I was willing to do it to better myself  and better my position. A lot of people don't have the same mindset these days...

Today, people want things the easy way.  They're not always willing to sacrifice their time and energy to better themselves.  They essentially want "something for nothing."  Well, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to understand why this is the norm now.  It's now the norm because people are able to do just that.  Get "something for nothing."

We see it with our children.  Kids have electronics that cost parents thousands per year and for what?  Well, we parents say it's for their safety.  "Little Johnny needs to be able to call home."  To me, that's translation for: "his friend has an iPhone, so we have to get him one so that he doesn't feel bad."

We see it in adults.  Guys don't have to display much chivalry and/or class to get sex from a woman now.  Why?  Because there are so many thirsty women who have little-to-no requirements to give it up.  Would you work for something that's being thrown at you?  "Yes, Johnny does cheat and sell drugs, but he can change if he becomes a father."  Translation: "I don't think that I can do any better than him."

SMH.  But, it all starts with the children.  Because today's children are tomorrow's adults, so if you fix the kids then the rest will fix itself.  Make them earn what they get.  Make them get good grades.  Make them do chores.  Make them respect themselves so that they may learn to respect others and we can nip this thing in the bud.

America needs to put a hard hat and some work boots on more than any other country right now.  Stop allowing this laziness to go on when you have the power to fix it yourself.

Are you ashamed at how lazy we've become in society?

Who Will Tell Their Stories?

One of my father's childhood friends stopped by his house recently while I was visiting. Listening to them talk about growing up together was so entertaining! I sat back and listened to each story that they told.  Knowing what life was like for my father as a child is fascinating to me.  He's told me so many stories of how he and his brothers grew up in 40's and 50's in Mississippi.  I value each and every story I get from family as a timeless treasure.

The photo attached is one of my mom and her siblings.  I know a story about every person in it.  My uncle in the black shirt once told me a funny story about jumping off a moving truck in an attempt to impress girls as a youth.  My aunt next to him told me a story of how her husband forgot to play her usual numbers for the Minnesota lottery the one day her numbers were actually selected.  The lady in the middle is my mom, so of course I know everything about her.  My uncle in the suspenders shared with me how his dad (my granddad) broke him from smoking cigarettes.  My aunt in the red shirt shared about how she once had to discipline my mom for being bad.

So many entertaining stories that takes you back in time as you listen to them.  However, it sometimes makes me feel pretty bad about not having a son or daughter to share these stories with about my family. My cousins have kids, so they may attempt to share some things.  Although I have god kids and my lady has kids, they probably wouldn't understand the dynamic of my family. Especially on my father's side.  If you didn't grow up around my family like my cousins and I did, then it would be hard to understand some of the inside jokes that come from the stories that they tell.  It's almost like walking in on the middle of a movie.  You may figure some things out, but you'll never have foundation that all good stories must have.

But, me not being able to pass things down is not the real tragedy.  The real tragedy is that I don't think kids have an interest in hearing those type of stories. If it's not about "Twilight," a reality show, an Xbox game or something like that, then kids tend to tune grown people out after three minutes or so.

So, where will these stories go? Will they die with me?  

Unfortunately, I think that they will.  Talking to elders is a thing of the past.  Previous generations and how they live aren't important in our society now.  They probably haven't been in more than a decade.  At least not any more.  I'm not the only one who recognizes that fact either.

The cable network called AMC (once called American Movie Classics) changed their name because they wanted to get away from the classic and appeal to younger generations.  It's why they now have programming like "The Walking Dead" and "Breaking Bad."  They know that very few want to watch old black and white movies today.  Do you know anyone under 40 years of age who can watch a black and white TV show/movie?

The United States is probably one of the only countries that doesn't hold its elders in high regard.  In Asian countries, older people are revered for their experience and wisdom.  To sit with someone who has truly experienced life is an honor to most of them and other countries.  Here in the States, it's considered a waste of time for some.  Kids don't want to hear how things used to be.  They don't care what life was like before cell phones and remote controls.  It doesn't affect their lives so it has no place.

That's so sad to me.  Storytelling is a lost art.  I used to enjoy sitting on the porch and talking to my grandmother about her days as a little girl.  I heard about how she had to work from the crack of dawn to sundown as a pre-teen.  I remember hearing that she didn't have her first TV until she was in her 30's.  She's told me about how racism was rampant in Mississippi.  In fact, she just recently told me about how she cooked breakfast at her sister's house for two of the three civil rights workers not too long before they were later murdered in Philadephia, MS.

Hearing how she lived gives me perspective on how I live.  Perspective is something we severely lack in society.  We can't put ourselves in someone else's shoes because we don't have to do so.  My generation doesn't appear interested in sharing things with its kids.  In fact, my generation invented things to keep kids occupied so that we wouldn't have to talk to them.  Why else would someone think of putting a DVD player in a vehicle?

How can a kid understand the privilege of having a car when he/she doesn't even know that his/her grandma had to walk to school?

How can a kid appreciate having over 200 television stations when he/she doesn't know that granddad only had four while growing up?

How can a kid value the time family spends together when everything promotes individualism (iPod/earbuds, cell phone, tablets).

As much as it pains me to say it, "cherishing our elders are a thing of the past."  I honestly think that my generation (70's babies) is the last one where a majority of us truly appreciate the stories we were told by those a generation above us.

It's a shame, too.  Now that I'm 42 years old, I have lived life long enough to have stories to tell.  Some funny and some serious.  But, "who wants to hear them" is what I ponder.  The only people who will probably know about my stories are the ones who follow my blog.  The rest just don't seem to care.

Am I wrong when I say that our elders are no longer relevant to a majority of young people?

You're A Tough Guy, Huh? T-U-F-F!

"Don't you know that orange is the new black?"

A few weeks ago, I was watching a marathon of one of only two reality shows that I enjoy: "Beyond Scared Straight."  ("Cops" is the other one in case you were interested.)  Anyhoo, the reason this is one of my favorite shows is because it takes people who think they're tough and puts them in their place.  There is nothing like seeing someone being put in their place.  Unfortunately, it rarely occurs to people who really deserve it like Congress members, celebrities, etc., but when it does, it's a good feeling.

Now, some of you are reading this and saying to yourself, "but, Q, how can you find happiness in someone else's pain?"

Easy.  People who cause pain get no sympathy from me when they receive it.  Do you think that I would care about some Congress member who takes kick backs to ship American jobs gets bullied in return?  Do you think that I would care if some larger-than-life athlete or celeb who thumbs their nose at the fans goes broke?

Absolutely not.  And the fact that these are kids on these shows gives them an opportunity to turn their lives around.  Although it's not always the kids' fault they're bad, it still shows them the end result of the decisions that they make.  Kids don't believe that "fat meat is greasy."  That's why adults are on this planet.  We're here to teach the younger generation how to leave things in a better position than it was left for us.

Unfortunately, my generation dropped the ball.  We told our kids that it's okay to have your own identity.  We told our kids that it's okay not to listen to grown ups who aren't your parents.  We're responsible for the many disrespecting, unappreciative, confrontation children that you see at the mall or in schools.

I wonder if we could get Scared Straight programs for Congress, Wall Street employees, and Kardashians?

Do you think Scared Straight Programs are a good idea or can you not teach with fear?

Jay Z vs. Harry Belafonte

It' been a couple of weeks now, but it appears that I have more to say on this Jay Z / Belafonte argument. We touched on this subject on the radio show, but it's still getting a lot of press. Here is what happened for those who are unaware: performer and Civil Rights activist, Harry Belafonte, publicly called out Jay Z and Beyonce for not doing their part in regards to Civil and Human Rights. He basically stated that with their presence, they could accomplish a lot.  Jay Z responded by dissing Belafonte in a song from his newest album.

Here's my take: Belafonte didn't have to call out Jay publicly, but I don't have a huge problem with that. This country became as great as it is because people challenged others to do great things.  However, I do have a problem with how Jay Z handled it. Dissing an 86 year old Civil Rights activist in a rap song? What are you, 12? You can't even address the man like an adult or release a statement?

Some of you are saying, "well, just because he's 86 doesn't mean that he can't get dissed!"  I totally disagree with you and that line of "thinking."  The fact that he's 86 is the main reason Jay Z should have handled this differently.  You don't treat older people like you do younger people.  And if you don't believe that, then punch an old man in the face and see what happens to you.  The cops will throw you a "blanket party" on the way to the jail house.

Older people are treasured in other countries, but that's not the case for the United States. Regardless if you sacrificed your life for the freedom of others, fought for equality or the right to vote, there are plenty of young people out there ready to push you out of the way. "You had your time, now it's my time. Never mind the fact that I can prosper today because of what you did 50 years ago."

That's beyond sad and ignorant to me. Harry Belafonte grew up during an era when people tried to leave the world better off than how they found it. Jay Z comes from a generation that tries to leave the world with enough money as humanly possible.  Because of attitudes like that, the world is spiraling out of control.  Companies are steadily sending jobs overseas.  Politicians are more corrupt than ever.  Racism is still rampant around the country.  We still have plenty of problems in this country, but no one with the stature of Jay Z is willing to risk speaking out against it.  After all, why alienate people and ruin the opportunity to turn $600m into $650m?

Belafonte comes from a time where a "village raised a child." So, being chastised by someone older other than your parents was commonplace. Respect was something you worked for to earn the title of "man" or "woman."  Jay Z comes from a time where parents instruct their kids not to listen to other adults.  Respect is expected just from existing.  You can even call someone a "hubby" or "wifey" without being married.

So, there's a huge gap in thinking in just 40 years between Belafonte's generation and Jay Z's.  I'm from Jay's generation, so I'm one to not criticize him for how he lives his life.  He says that he's a "symbol of hope" to many.  That may be true.  It's not true in my case, but it could be true to others.  Besides, what he does with his money and his time is his business.  But, I do have a problem with him calling out a real hero.  Jay Z calling Harry Belafonte a "boy" and dissing his contributions to the world is the equivalent of Lebron James calling Muhammad Ali a "has been."

Jay Z donated to Katrina victims and participated in eradicating water shortages in the world.  He also became a pioneer in how money is made in the music industry.  Harry Belafonte was a successful singer and actor.  He bankrolled Dr. Martin Luther King's family when he was on the road.  He bailed MLK out of jail.  He helped finance the Freedom Rides and more.  All of this ultimately led to black people receiving their Civil Rights.

Jay Z changed the way rappers do business in the rap game, but Harry Belafonte changed the world.

Who do you think owes the apology in this scenario? 

Dorothy Dandridge and Harry Belafonte (1954)

Me and Ms. Smith

I saw my elementary school principal, Ms. Ann Smith, and my 3rd grade teacher, Mrs. Crawford, at McAllister's Deli a few days ago.  Do you know that Ms. Smith still remembers me, my mom and my brother (who is 6 yrs older) and I haven't been her student since 1978?  Her recall is amazing!

It was so nice to see her again.  I remember the days when I was always on my best behavior in elementary school because of the level of respect I had for my teachers and Ms. Smith.  I stayed out of trouble because on top of upsetting my parents, the last thing that I wanted was to disappoint my teachers or Ms. Smith.

Parents, please teach your kids how to respect others.  Things were so simple back then, but today's parents tell their kids, "you only need to listen to me" and that's so far from the truth.  It truly takes a village to raise a child and I'm a product of that.  I can list a number of adults who helped mold my life because my parents allowed them to do so.

My parents allowed responsible adults to discipline me in any way that seemed fit and I'm better for it.  Stop telling your kids that you're the only authority in their life or their school principal will remember them for all of the wrong reasons instead of the right ones.

What can parents do to get kids back on the right track of respecting others?

Tomorrow Is Garbage Day

It's late in the evening and I'm looking at the clock. 9:46 PM. Do I want to watch a recorded show before bed or just flip on live TV?

So much to do tomorrow. I have a project at work that should keep me busy for most of the morning. Then there is lunch at Broad Street with Corey, a former co-worker of mine. We have to catch up on this past weekend of football and how his LSU Tigers lucked out yet again. Dag, I haven't even had lunch with The Mrs. this week. I need to come correct this evening and treat her to some place nice.



I had lunch at a "mom & pop" restaurant today. A little hole-in-the-wall called the Marquee Fish Hut. A very, very small place. The place is so small that you have to step outside to nod your head. It's take-out only, so there's only a bench to sit on if you're waiting on an order.

I walk in and greet an older gentleman and a younger lady and place my order after perusing the menu a bit. A Philly cheesesteak minus the onions. The onions may be the best part of that sandwich to some, but to me, it may as well be poison. I despise onions.

After placing my order, I sat next to the old man. He is owner of the place. A man in his late 70's, if I had to guess. I pulled out my Tilt 2 and immediately started browsing Facebook. I figured if I had to wait 10 minutes for my food, then I might as well surf on my phone and entertain myself. The lady, who I later learned was the man's daughter, went into the kitchen to prepare my food.

The owner changed the channel on the small 13" TV to "Divorce Court". My attention immediately gazed upward towards the screen. After all, I am a Judge Lynn Toler stalker.



As the show went to commercial, the gentleman turned towards me and started to make small talk. Within 30 seconds, I let out my first of many laughs. Realizing that he was going to be way more entertaining than surfing, I put away the Tilt and started to listen to him tell a story about his morning. The more he talked, the bigger his smile got. He was enjoying being an entertainer. I was making this man's day by just listening.

As he got deeper into his story, I started thinking to myself of how it's amazing that people in the U.S. have gotten away from basic conversation. Here is a man who probably spent many evenings as a youth sitting on his porch and talking to people and I'm over here playing with my phone. I almost felt ashamed that I pulled it out of my pocket in the first place.

I'm old enough to remember being a kid and sitting around the corner of the house eavesdropping on my father and his brothers cracking jokes on the porch. They would sit outside and laugh for hours talking about everything under the sun.

Now, kids can't even ride in the same vehicle with their parents for two minutes without turning on a DVD, playing a Nintendo DS or slipping iPod headphones into their ears. No communication. Just co-existence.



As 10 minutes slipped by, I paid for my food and got ready to head back to work. The old man said that he enjoyed talking with me and that he hoped I would come back. He even said I didn't have to buy anything that I could just stop in and say "hello".

I will definitely be back. For the food, which was delicious, and for the conversation.

Today was a wake up call for me. I'm going to visit my grandmother tomorrow. I haven't seen her in weeks and at 87 years old, I need to treasure every opportunity I get with her. I'm going to sit down and we're going to talk about whatever comes to our minds.

Verbal communication is a lost art. I got reminded of that today. Dag. I also need to set myself a reminder about tomorrow.

Tomorrow is garbage day.

No One Owes You Respect

I was checking out FrancesMarie's blog and it was so to-the-point, that I wanted to share it with others.

Respect is something that should be earned. No one owes you respect.

People are always talking about "being disrespected". Well, what did you do to have someone lose respect for you in the first place?

Is it the short skirt/sagging pants? Is it the neck tattoo? Is it the 5th grade level grammar?

I'm not saying people should mistreat you because of these things, but don't act like you're owed something.

If you want to be treated like a lady, then learn how to act like one. If you want to be treated like a man, then learn how to take care of women instead of having them baby you.

That's all I'm saying.