Here in the Deep South, the warm weather tends to bring out the creepy-crawlies. Today, I saw my first snake and spider of the new Spring. Luckily, the snake was dead and not in my neighborhood. However, the spider ran right across the floor in front of me while I was checking e-mails. Unfortunately for me, he was way too quick for me to murder him before he reached the safety of my entertainment center.
"I'll definitely see you before you see me!"
Now, I'm normally not afraid of either as long as I see them before they see me. However, the element of surprise that comes from an unseen snake or spider can have your adrenaline rushing for hours! Snakes are very good at camouflaging themselves. I'm pretty sure that there have been plenty of times in my life where I've stepped right by a snake without knowing it. Because of this fact, I tend to stay away from certain areas where it's hard to see them.
Spiders, on the other hand, are a bit more different to deal with at times. They can hide almost anywhere and can get into your home a lot more easier than snakes can (or so I hope). They are also so stealth in nature that it's almost impossible to see one until its basically right on you.
What makes it even more of a challenge this year to spot them will be the fact that I have new carpet in my home. What was easy to spot a spider on beige carpet is now next to impossible on dark gray carpet. In fact, I never would have seen the one I saw today had he not decided to panic and make a run for it. He was already in the middle of the floor and I hadn't noticed before he did a Usain Bolt impersonation.
So, I guess it's that time of the year for me to wage war against the bad guys. Dag. Is that a wasp nest being built above my front door? (Sigh) I'm pretty sure that I'm going to have nightmares after this post.
What animal / insect is a nuisance in your part of the world?
Back in my college days, a lot of craziness occurred. Unfortunately, since this was before the days of cell phone cams and YouTube, most of the antics were unseen to the world. So, now and then, I have to do things the old fashioned way and tell you a story about the time I was at Mississippi Valley State...
If you thought Part I was bad, then imagine the horror I must have felt from this tale. This incident actually occurred on another college campus. The campus of Alcorn University. This was a rival to my school that was located about 150 miles south of Valley. My roommate and I traveled there to watch a basketball game between the Alcorn and Valley. Afterwards, we decided to stop by one of the dormitories to visit a high school friend of his. So, it was me, Tim, a guy named Bobby and another guy whose name escapes me.
We walk into the dormitory and proceed to the elevator. We get in, face the front, press the button and as the doors start to close, a freakin' armadillo walks onto the elevator with us as if he belonged.
Yes, you read that right. An armadillo. Now, despite watching many episodes of "Wild Kingdom" while I was growing up, my knowledge of armadillos was next to zero. The same must have been true for the other guys in the elevator because panic ensued immediately! We had no idea what that thing was capable of. We also had no idea that armadillos make a horrific sound and jump (quite high, I might add) when they get scared. Go here to open a new window and see an armadillo jump (no need to watch more than 30 seconds of the video). As for as how they sound when they're scared, just peep the video below or go here if you don't have Flash.
So, imagine that noise and a creature jumping around the elevator with four grown dudes who are completely terrified. As the armadillo bounced around and made screeching sounds reminiscent of the snake in the old Q*Bert arcade game (for the 70's babies), the four of us visited every corner of that elevator multiple times in an attempt to get away. Four guys, the smallest being 220 lbs., smashed up in a corner like children. All of us were attempting to climb up the elevator walls like Spider-Man with Vaseline on his fingers, not wanting to be attacked by the armored rodent who may as well been a cobra by the way we were reacting.
We almost tore that elevator up. When the doors finally opened, we shot out of that elevator like a Roman candle. Two other guys, who were waiting on the elevator, stared at us as they started to walk into it. One of them saw the armadillo in the back corner, fell on to his back and proceeded to scurry backwards on all fours like something from "The Unborn."
The doors closed and the "threat" was over. How an armadillo got into the dormitory is beyond me, but my mom almost lost her youngest son to a heart attack that evening. I've gotta start taking the stairs.
When I turned on my DirecTV receiver for the very first time in '97, one of my favorite channels was The Animal Planet. This channel took me back to my childhood and the days of "Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom" and its host, Marlin Perkins. Mr. Perkins' show aired weekly and gave an up-close and personal look at animals. A lot of those close looks came via camera zoom which was completely understandable! He was the original Steve Irwin to my generation. His show not only taught you lessons on different animals, but he also would catch many of them to give you a better look. He did so while rarely putting himself or his assistants in danger.
Marlin Perkins
Fast-forward to 2011 and like everything else in the world, animal shows have gone extreme. They don't just teach about animals any more, they take the most dangerous, yet exciting approach to catching these animals. "Rattlesnake Republic," "Swamp Wars," "Dragon Catcher" to name a few. Okay, I made the last one up, but trust me, if dragons existed, some dude in a t-shirt, Umbro shorts and Crocs would catch one bare-handed.
These shows feature people who hunt dangerous animals for a living. Now, that doesn't sound so bad, but there's one thing to keep in mind: these people rarely use any special equipment to protect themselves from these animals! The late Steve Irwin used to run through the wilderness in khaki shorts looking for poisonous snakes. During Shark Week, some fool decided to take a swim (with no cage) with tiger sharks... at night. As if doing it during the day wasn't dangerous enough! And every 15 minutes, I see a commercial of some idiots sticking their hand into underwater logs and caves trying to pull out giant catfish.
"What do you do if you feel a diamond-shaped head and fangs?"
When will it stop? When someone gets eaten? If so, will they air it? I'm all for learning about animals and getting a closer look, but there's a reason they're called "wild animals:" they're unpredictable and potentially dangerous. So, when some 200 lb. catfish drowns one of those hand fishers or some moose, who has his mating session interrupted, decides to kick some trespasser to sleep, then don't say no one told you so.
Memo to extreme animal catchers: the next time you see a cheetah on the Serengeti and decide that you want a closer look, just stop and ask yourself, "What would Marlin Perkins do?"
He'd break out the zoom lens on his camera, that's what he'd do.
