The 2014 #Grammys: Play-By-Play

I hate award shows. I truly do. The people that I always think deserve to win never win. It's some sort of popularity contest or who creates the biggest story more so than who's actually the most talented (in my opinion).

Having said all of that, I felt the need to watch The Grammys tonight. Why?

A) There's no football to occupy my Sunday Night
B) Everyone else and their grandmother will be watching and tweeting, so I may as well join the fun, right?
C) I pray that Kanye West gets on stage and says, "Beyonce's twerk was better than Miley's" or something. 

So, check in from time-to-time this evening to see updates on what I'm seeing.  I'll update my blog throughout the broadcast of The Grammys...

7:49 PM EST - Macklemore is on the Red Carpet wearing his Thrift Shop clothing.  Cyndi Lauper is there as well with her Sharon Osbourne hair color.

7:50 PM - Taylor Swift's dress is nice.  A little chainmail look to it, but it's classy.  Paula Patton looks great in her outfit, too.  And she doesn't appear to be high!  Yay, rehab!

Robin Thicke and Paula Patton

7:56 PM - The Summer's Eve commercial where the man tries to "reclaim his manhood" is absolutely hilarious!  Should have been a Super Bowl commercial!

8:02 PM - Beyonce kicks off the show with the "Drunk in Love" song.  She's all grown up now and she loves showing off that fact.  She's more sexualized and curses regularly.  I guess that if it works for Miley Cyrus then it can work for her, too.  She's going to wear out that "surfboard" term.  Uh, oh.  Here comes Jay Z.  Dude always rocks a nice suit, but he's still a punk to me for what he did to Harry Belafonte.

8:08 PM - L.L. Cool J is starting to look older with the hats.  He may need to let them go.  He looks like one of the old guys that used to come to my barbershop.  Now he's trying to remind people that he used to be a musician.  I doubt anyone under 20 remembers.

8:10 PM - What happened to Pink?  Why does she look like a body-building dude now?  And why is Pharrell Williams dressed like Ranger Rick?

8:12 PM - You could look at Kendrick Lamar's face and know that he wasn't going to win Best New Artist over Macklemore.  Macklemore will win every rap category tonight.  Watch.

8:23 PM - Whaaaatttt!!!!???  Liam Neeson has another movie coming out where he has to kill someone?  I'm already there! #Non-Stop

8:28 PM - I have no idea who this kid is, but he looks and sounds like he's trying to pass a kidney stone.

"It hurts!!!!!"

8:36 PM - Katy Perry would have been the perfect Wonder Woman.  She has the look.  I wonder if she knows how to act?

8:47 PM - By far the best performance so far tonight with Chicago and Robin Thicke!  Chicago's band reminds me why I first started loving music!  Live instruments can beat a computer any day!  Wow!

9:01 PM - Kevin Hart just gave a shameless plug to "Ride Along" when referring to Charlie Wilson.  Terrible!  LOL!

9:09 PM - I'm just seeing this on Twitter courtesy of IG: LeanaShenise.  Best outfit of the night by far!  LOL!

9:21 PM - There is no way Pink is singing live while spinning through the air like Cirque du Soleil.  Dangerous performance though.

9:31 PM - "The Talk" has the cast of "How I Met Your Mother" on tomorrow and they're trying to tie their commercial to The Grammys.  No, there's no connection there.

9:32 PM - Oh, joy!  Ozzy Osbourne is reading a teleprompter!  #TVGold!

9:38 PM - Okay, let's discuss this...

Did "Gremlins" get a reboot? #Stripe

9:56 PM - Loved Kasey Musgraves!  I don't necessarily listen to country music, but I love the old style country classics.  The outfits, the music and her lyrics screamed a young Loretta Lynn!  Bravo!

10:01 PM - Julia Roberts' mouth is so big that when she smiles her ears get wet.  She's presenting the Beatles semi-reunion with Paul and Ringo.

10:05 PM - Yoko Ono makes an appearance trying to dance to Paul and Ringo.  She doesn't look bad for 96.

"I miss John!"

10:23 PM - Kasey Musgraves won over Taylor Swift.  I couldn't be happier!  It's nice to see someone who actually sings country music win a Best Country Album award.

10:32 PM - The Grammys are starting to wind down and I'm still waiting on that one moment that everyone will be talking about tomorrow.  It's yet to occur.  No Kanye running on stage or saying Obama hates white people.  I hope he's just hiding in the rafters right now or something.

10:33 PM - I just saw a commercial for the new movie "Need for Speed".  You're a decade late, fellas.  "Fast & Furious" pretty much cornered the market on racing.

10:43 PM - Lourde takes down Macklemore for Song of the Year ("Royals").  She sucks in acceptance speeches though.  I'm pretty sure she killed animals as a child.

10:54 PM - It's my first time seeing Metallica perform and I'm enjoying the music.  Mixed in with a classic pianist gives it a nice and unique blend.  The Grammys have done a good job coordinating artist collaborations.

11:03 PM - Just saw the trailer for "3 Days to Kill."  How is Liam Neeson not starring in that movie?  Kevin Costner?

11:11 PM - This is The Grammys "big moment?"  A mass wedding with 33 couples getting married by Queen Latifah?  Did she get her license to marry from Devry's overnight online class?  And why is Madonna dressed like a pimp?  No wonder she feels comfortable saying the n-word.

11:22 PM - Why does Ryan Seacrest torment me so?  He's everywhere.  It's like trying to run away from Jason Voorhees.

11:37 PM - Yoko Ono is a presenter, but I'm disappointed that she didn't speak more or dance.  Daft Punk wins Album of the Year.  They are cleaning up.

11:44 PM - Took forever for the Grammys to end.  A great show if you're a lover of music and / or Country/Rock.  Not much at all for R&B and rap, but an enjoyable evening.  I'm disappointed that no one did anything outrageous.  I guess that's a good thing though.  L.L. Cool J was non-existent as a host.  Half of the time I forgot that the show evening had a host.  Not very memorable on his part other than him flirting with Taylor Swift.

Good night, all!

Twerking Is The New Harlem Shake

@Ida_homie referred to Robin Thicke as "Beetlejuice."

Here we go again...

It's time to give a history lesson.  Some people may argue that I sometimes live in the past.  Hmmph.  If people like me didn't bring up history, then young people would think that the world just started when they were born.

The Harlem Shake was revived and re-branded as something new and now another dance from back in the day has been resurrected into mainstream.

Two nights ago, Miley Cyrus performed on the MTV VMA's (Video Music Awards).  Why they give away awards for music videos is beyond me because I didn't know MTV showed videos any more.  I'm waiting on the name change to RTV (Reality TV).

Anyway, people on Twitter tore into Miley because of her attempt at twerking.  Twerking is a dance in which you generally use a lot of gyration / hip movement.  Some were upset at the criticism of her because they assumed people were attacking her for attempting what is stereotyped as a "black woman's dance."  That's not the case, in my opinion.  People were criticizing her because she sucks at twerking.  She tries so hard.  Good thing she's already rich.  I wish her transition from child star to adult well.

However, that's not the point I'm trying to make.  The thing I'm wondering is: how is twerking still around in 2013 and why is it done in public?

Most people may not be aware, but twerking has been around 20+ years.  In fact, the first time I heard the term was from a song back in my college days.  I can't remember the New Orleans rap artist's name, but he talked about twerking on the dance floor.  It is a dance once reserved for the privacy of the bedroom, nightclub, and strip club.  Now it's slipped into prime time TV because parents barely teach kids about what's inappropriate in public.

Twerking reached it's peak in the late-90's as a hardcore stripper dance used to excite men who tend to like it rough.  It wasn't made for 17-year old teen agers to do in YouTube videos and it definitely wasn't made for a former child star turned actress singer rapper dancer to do it on an awards show that attracts kids.

Don't get me wrong!  I love seeing ladies twerk, but I prefer that she's of age, first and foremost, that it's in the correct setting, and that she's actually skilled in doing it.  So, please keep twerking out of places your child can see it and save it for your loved one in the bedroom.  Keep it off the Vine videos, keep it off of award shows, and please keep it out of the grocery stores!


I'll ask, but I think that I know the answer: we can't keep inappropriate things from being mainstream in the public eye any more, can we?"

The Grammys: Play-By-Play

I hate award shows. I truly do. The people I always think deserve to win never win. It's some sort of popularity contest or who creates the biggest story more so than who's actually the most talented (in my opinion).

Having said all of that, I felt the need to watch The Grammys tonight. Why?

A) There's no football to occupy my Sunday Night
B) Everyone else and their grandmother will be watching and tweeting, so I may as well join the fun, right?
C) I pray that Kanye West gets on stage and says, "Willow Smith's video was better than Justin Beiber's" or something.

So, check in from time-to-time this evening to see updates on what I'm seeing.

6:25 PM Central Time - On E's Red Carpet Show, Ryan Seacrest is interviewing Willow Smith and asked her to turn around and say "hello" to Miley Cyrus. Willow turns around and gives Miley a look like, "uh, isn't this interview about me?"



6:34 PM - Katy Perry shows up with her grandmother and a dress with angel wings on it. She really thinks a lot of herself to be wearing angel wings. It looks like she's carrying a pelican on her back. I have to admit though, she's not bad. All of her songs sound alike, but she's still a pretty good entertainer. Showed way too much cleavage on Sesame Street though! LOL!



6:41 PM - Rihanna busting out in a white Michelin Man dress. Nice! I wonder if she had anything under those clouds? How was she able to walk any way? Maybe she had some of Diddy's guys carrying her on their backs.


6:59 PM - Didn't Nicki Minaj wear that dress during her SNL "Bride of Blackenstein" skit last week? She looks like the Heat Miser from those claymation Christmas shows I watched as a kid. I thought she was more interested in looking like a Barbie Doll, but here she just looks like a mess.



7:04 PM - Christina, Martina, Florence, Yolanda, and Jennifer sing for 15 minutes, but I kind of enjoyed the tribute to The Queen of Soul (who has lost a lot of weight). Hopefully Aretha gets better and can be present at next year's Grammys. I'm also happy that Christina got all of the words right to her lyrics. However, she did stumble (although not over a lyric). She almost fell at the end of the segment.

7:24 PM - What's up with Lady Gaga's shoulders? Coming out of an egg is freaky enough to not have pointy shoulders. And has she basically stolen every act (and melody) from Madonna? She even had the long ponytail like Madonna did in "Vogue." For real, if you closed your eyes and listened, you would have thought it was Madonna performing. I'm now dubbing her "Magaga."



7:47 PM - "Sucker Punch" is my type of movie. Action, bad women, and no plot. Nice!

7:49 PM - I didn't know if Bruno Mars was trying to recapture Ricky Ricardo or some sort of Jermaine Jackson flashback with his hairstyle. Wow.



7:57 PM - Funny Tweet -> @rustymk2 RT by CIH8U2 "Katy Perry is the Samuel L. Jackson of pop-stars. There's no grey area. the verses go like this. THE CHORUSES GO LIKE THIS."

8:00 PM - They've given out two awards. No wonder they give out awards prior to the show because at the rate their going, we'll be a few days away from next year's Grammys before they're done. An hour in and two trophies?

8:05 PM - We have our first Beiber on-stage sighting! It's the first time I've heard the kid sing live. He's a talent when it comes to sing/playing music! I have to give him his props! I think he's lip-synching tonight though. The Mrs. isn't impressed at all. Are there plenty of other artists who deserve a movie before him? Definitely. But, he got a chance and he took advantage of it. Milk it, Justin. Milk America for what they give you. I can't hate on that.

8:07 PM - Usher shows how original he is with a 2011 version of Janet Jackson's "Rhythm Nation." My boss texted me and said that, "if it wasn't for MJ (Michael Jackson), nobody would know how to dance."

I agree 100%. I'm still waiting on someone to do something different.



8:22 PM - Lady Gaga wins an award and shows up on stage with a butt of armor. I can't explain her outfit, but imagine two tortoise shells on each cheek.

8:31 PM - Not only did Bob Dylan sound bad, he sounded badly for three minutes. Why did they leave him on stage for so long? He's so far from "there's a choice we're makin'" in "We Are The World." How does he still sell CD's?

8:47 PM - The NBC logo makes an appearance on CBS to sing "Forget You." He definitely stole that from Elton John's closet. I had no idea Fraggle Rock got down like that.



8:55 PM - Funny Tweet -> @CIH8U2 "30 years and Cyndi Lauper still doesn't own a comb"

8:56 PM - Katy Perry sings from a swing. When Maxim picked her as their #1 lady in their Top 100 for 2010, I didn't quite get it. But, now I can see what they mean. She's a very cute woman. It's hard to be cute and sexy. Some of you are confused right now by that statement, so maybe I'll blog about it some day. There is a difference and some women are fortunate enough to be both.

9:04 PM - "Need You Now" is Song of The Year. It's a very good song with excellent lyrics, so I get that. I can't argue with that selection at all although I have no idea who the group is.

9:13 PM - I'm sorry, but Rihanna has a head shaped like a rattlesnake.

9:23 PM - Another repeat of Alicia Keys commercial for HP. I wonder if she stole that ad spot from another woman?



9:31 PM - Funny Tweet -> @CIH8U2 "To everybody under 25...Best New Artist goes to someone talented ever since that Milli Vanilli Fiasco..."

9:35 PM - Out comes Mick Jagger with his first performance at The Grammys. He looks like Angelina Jolie and a raw chicken had a kid.

9:42 PM - Funny Tweet -> @BasseyworldLive "I'm mad that Usher is 150 years younger than Mick Jagger but was out of breath after his performance. Mick looks like he could go again."

10:00 PM - Rihanna sounds like an eight year old singing karaoke. She is arguably one of the worst live performers in the game right now. Bobby Brown thinks her live singing sucks.

10:17 PM - This stuff is still on. I thought for sure I'd be watching the news and kicking back in the bed by now. Instead I'm watching these million dollar commercials for Target. Wait. Do the Grammys command that type of money for an ad spot? I doubt it. Maybe $250k. What's a Grammy anyway? Okay, I'm babbling.

10:26 PM - Last performance and I'm unsure of the group's name. They won Album of The Year over some big names, so I'm assuming they're talented. They're song isn't bad, but a little too much percussion. I think CBS did a horrible job with the sound on this broadcast. A lot of drop outs and I think they missed Eminem dropping an "F-bomb" in one of his lyrics. Weren't they the station who showed Janet's nips during the Super Bowl?

This has been fun, guys! Difficult, but fun. It's hard coming up with things to discuss and find photos at the same time. I'm still mad I couldn't find a photo of Lady Gaga's tortoise shell butt implants. I'm sure you'll see it at some point on tomorrow. This is the first awards show I've watched in its entirety in probably 25 years, so this was a big deal to me.

Catch you guys later. It's time for me to watch the local news and catch some Z's. I just hope that I don't have any nightmares of Rihanna, who I'm sure is a Visitor, screaming like a banshee while an alien-shaped Lady Gaga is chasing me with raw steaks.

Thank, Q for Common Sense!: The Billboard Awards: Play-By-Play