The 2014 #Grammys: Play-By-Play

I hate award shows. I truly do. The people that I always think deserve to win never win. It's some sort of popularity contest or who creates the biggest story more so than who's actually the most talented (in my opinion).

Having said all of that, I felt the need to watch The Grammys tonight. Why?

A) There's no football to occupy my Sunday Night
B) Everyone else and their grandmother will be watching and tweeting, so I may as well join the fun, right?
C) I pray that Kanye West gets on stage and says, "Beyonce's twerk was better than Miley's" or something. 

So, check in from time-to-time this evening to see updates on what I'm seeing.  I'll update my blog throughout the broadcast of The Grammys...

7:49 PM EST - Macklemore is on the Red Carpet wearing his Thrift Shop clothing.  Cyndi Lauper is there as well with her Sharon Osbourne hair color.

7:50 PM - Taylor Swift's dress is nice.  A little chainmail look to it, but it's classy.  Paula Patton looks great in her outfit, too.  And she doesn't appear to be high!  Yay, rehab!

Robin Thicke and Paula Patton

7:56 PM - The Summer's Eve commercial where the man tries to "reclaim his manhood" is absolutely hilarious!  Should have been a Super Bowl commercial!

8:02 PM - Beyonce kicks off the show with the "Drunk in Love" song.  She's all grown up now and she loves showing off that fact.  She's more sexualized and curses regularly.  I guess that if it works for Miley Cyrus then it can work for her, too.  She's going to wear out that "surfboard" term.  Uh, oh.  Here comes Jay Z.  Dude always rocks a nice suit, but he's still a punk to me for what he did to Harry Belafonte.

8:08 PM - L.L. Cool J is starting to look older with the hats.  He may need to let them go.  He looks like one of the old guys that used to come to my barbershop.  Now he's trying to remind people that he used to be a musician.  I doubt anyone under 20 remembers.

8:10 PM - What happened to Pink?  Why does she look like a body-building dude now?  And why is Pharrell Williams dressed like Ranger Rick?

8:12 PM - You could look at Kendrick Lamar's face and know that he wasn't going to win Best New Artist over Macklemore.  Macklemore will win every rap category tonight.  Watch.

8:23 PM - Whaaaatttt!!!!???  Liam Neeson has another movie coming out where he has to kill someone?  I'm already there! #Non-Stop

8:28 PM - I have no idea who this kid is, but he looks and sounds like he's trying to pass a kidney stone.

"It hurts!!!!!"

8:36 PM - Katy Perry would have been the perfect Wonder Woman.  She has the look.  I wonder if she knows how to act?

8:47 PM - By far the best performance so far tonight with Chicago and Robin Thicke!  Chicago's band reminds me why I first started loving music!  Live instruments can beat a computer any day!  Wow!

9:01 PM - Kevin Hart just gave a shameless plug to "Ride Along" when referring to Charlie Wilson.  Terrible!  LOL!

9:09 PM - I'm just seeing this on Twitter courtesy of IG: LeanaShenise.  Best outfit of the night by far!  LOL!

9:21 PM - There is no way Pink is singing live while spinning through the air like Cirque du Soleil.  Dangerous performance though.

9:31 PM - "The Talk" has the cast of "How I Met Your Mother" on tomorrow and they're trying to tie their commercial to The Grammys.  No, there's no connection there.

9:32 PM - Oh, joy!  Ozzy Osbourne is reading a teleprompter!  #TVGold!

9:38 PM - Okay, let's discuss this...

Did "Gremlins" get a reboot? #Stripe

9:56 PM - Loved Kasey Musgraves!  I don't necessarily listen to country music, but I love the old style country classics.  The outfits, the music and her lyrics screamed a young Loretta Lynn!  Bravo!

10:01 PM - Julia Roberts' mouth is so big that when she smiles her ears get wet.  She's presenting the Beatles semi-reunion with Paul and Ringo.

10:05 PM - Yoko Ono makes an appearance trying to dance to Paul and Ringo.  She doesn't look bad for 96.

"I miss John!"

10:23 PM - Kasey Musgraves won over Taylor Swift.  I couldn't be happier!  It's nice to see someone who actually sings country music win a Best Country Album award.

10:32 PM - The Grammys are starting to wind down and I'm still waiting on that one moment that everyone will be talking about tomorrow.  It's yet to occur.  No Kanye running on stage or saying Obama hates white people.  I hope he's just hiding in the rafters right now or something.

10:33 PM - I just saw a commercial for the new movie "Need for Speed".  You're a decade late, fellas.  "Fast & Furious" pretty much cornered the market on racing.

10:43 PM - Lourde takes down Macklemore for Song of the Year ("Royals").  She sucks in acceptance speeches though.  I'm pretty sure she killed animals as a child.

10:54 PM - It's my first time seeing Metallica perform and I'm enjoying the music.  Mixed in with a classic pianist gives it a nice and unique blend.  The Grammys have done a good job coordinating artist collaborations.

11:03 PM - Just saw the trailer for "3 Days to Kill."  How is Liam Neeson not starring in that movie?  Kevin Costner?

11:11 PM - This is The Grammys "big moment?"  A mass wedding with 33 couples getting married by Queen Latifah?  Did she get her license to marry from Devry's overnight online class?  And why is Madonna dressed like a pimp?  No wonder she feels comfortable saying the n-word.

11:22 PM - Why does Ryan Seacrest torment me so?  He's everywhere.  It's like trying to run away from Jason Voorhees.

11:37 PM - Yoko Ono is a presenter, but I'm disappointed that she didn't speak more or dance.  Daft Punk wins Album of the Year.  They are cleaning up.

11:44 PM - Took forever for the Grammys to end.  A great show if you're a lover of music and / or Country/Rock.  Not much at all for R&B and rap, but an enjoyable evening.  I'm disappointed that no one did anything outrageous.  I guess that's a good thing though.  L.L. Cool J was non-existent as a host.  Half of the time I forgot that the show evening had a host.  Not very memorable on his part other than him flirting with Taylor Swift.

Good night, all!