#Tebowing? Seriously?

I'm sorry, but I have to play the role of angry black man for a post.

If you haven't heard by now, then you will soon. There's a new craze taking the sports world by storm: Tebowing! Here's the definition of Tebowing: (verb) to get down on a knee and start praying, even if everyone else around you is doing something completely different.

I didn't make that up. I took that definition from a website.

Aaron Rodgers of the champion Green Bay Packers has a move that he does when he scores a touchdown. He does an impersonation of someone putting on a championship belt a la boxing or wrestling. I've seen countless stories done on this craze on ESPN and FOX Sports.

It's caught on like mad since last season with all of the exposure it gets.

Okay, non-sports topic. Kim Kardashian is praised for her butt. She released a sex tape with loser, Ray J, some years ago and her butt has been all over TV, websites and magazines ever since. She is extremely curvy and has even been credited with the influence of Booty Pop Pads. Even though J-Lo ignited the craze, Kim K. was the gasoline that set it ablaze and turned it into an inferno. Now booty is something that people are actually paying money for to have surgically implanted for those who weren't blessed with the bump at birth.





(Insert angry black man here)
Are you kidding me? Why is it a trend now? Why is it that things black people either did first or have done for years are being hyped when someone white does it?

Tebowing Kneeling after a touchdown was done before the invention of the internet. Tebowing? Seriously? Players have been doing this for as long as I can remember, but now it has a name? And why isn't it just called "praying?"

Way before Tebow

As for Aaron Rodgers' championship belt move... Are you kidding me? Freddie Mitchell, who played for the Philadelphia Eagles, was doing this back in 2004 and he's one of many. Why is it such a big deal now? Mitchell made the mock championship belt famous while Rodgers was still a junior in college.

Way before Rodgers

And don't get me started on K.K.'s booty. Black women have had "apple bottoms" since man first walked the earth and now all of a sudden it's attractive? After years of seeing women resembling the letter "I" on my TV and on magazine covers now it's in vogue to be shaped like an "8?"

I just wanted to add her photo because she's fine, but, yes, before K.K.

These type of things have been going on since before I was born. Back in the '70's The Jackson 5 got their own cartoon while the Osmonds got their own cartoon, TV show and movie. Rap was a predominant black genre for decades, but Eminem has won more Grammys in the last 10 years than any black rapper has from 1979 to now. In fact, it takes rap legends Jay-Z, Kanye West and L.L. Cool J. combined just to have more nominations than Eminem. That's over 60 years of rap experience combined to just to beat one man.

Do you see where I'm going with this now? Look, I don't want to discredit any of the people listed above. Tim Tebow has the heart of a champion. Aaron Rodgers is the best quarterback in the NFL right now. Kim Kardashian is one of the finest women on the planet. (I have no comment on the Osmonds -- LOL!) Eminem is one of my favorite all-time rappers. Not once did I say weren't worthy of being great.

The point I want to leave everyone with is that I wish the mainstream media would not act like black people who came before them (doing what they did) don't exist. Don't hype one without hyping them all. Enough of this Columbus Day syndrome and giving people credit for discovering something that was already here.





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It's Evil!

Bone Daddy's - Dallas, TX

This is normally the time of the year when kids dress up and trek up and down their neighborhood streets for treats. However, this year, things are going to be a little different in some neighborhoods thanks to Jesus Ween.

Disclaimer: if you choose to not celebrate Halloween because you think it doesn't represent your beliefs, then so be it. If you think I'm an evil person because I do celebrate it, then you're an idiot.

Halloween? But, it's evil! Yes, there are some costumes of some downright evil characters that show up on Halloween. You can rarely go a Halloween without seeing known killers such as Satan, Freddy Kreuger or O.J. Simpson. I get that. My first Halloween costume was Darth Vader, but it never influenced me to try and use The Force to choke anyone. It did not make me want to grow up to be a Sith.

I wish people would stop demonizing (for lack of a better word) things that they choose not to participate in regularly or just don't understand. Rather than trying to shield your children from it, which is next to impossible, why not sit down with them and teach them about it? That's exactly what my parents did.

- They didn't prevent me from watching horror movies because they were afraid that I'd want to be a murderer. They watched it with me and made sure that I realized that it was just entertainment.

- They didn't keep me at home on 10/31 because they thought it would deter me from worshiping Satan, practicing witchcraft or becoming a politician. They allowed me to participate and taught me that Halloween was about getting candy. It wasn't about celebrating dead souls or anything like that. It was about getting down on some M&Ms, Twix and Payday bars.

- They didn't have to say, "Quincy, don't grow up to be a goblin, demon or warlock just because you dress like one for Halloween." They took me home, sorted through my treats to make sure that it was safe and Halloween was never mentioned again until the same time the following year.

They simply led by example and put me on the path in which they wanted me to travel and left it up to me to decide what to do when I came to a fork in the road. They gave me the blueprint to success and allowed me to grow into my decision making. They didn't hide me in the closet and then release me into the world at the age of 18 and let it all hit me in the face.

Now some things are age appropriate and should not be available to kids before they're mature enough to understand. This post is not saying to take your 10 year old daughter to the strip club and say, "Honey, Daddy doesn't want you to have to make money like that girl does."

I'm asking that you that exert the same effort you're using to shield your kid from something and use it to teach them about it and why you may advise against it. If you do that, then you've done your job as a parent.

So, if your child wants to dress up and collect snacks, then don't fear that it will change them into something. Being Harry Potter won't change him into a warlock. Being Edward Cullen won't change him into a blood-thirsty vampire. Being Dora the Explorer doesn't mean that the Tea Party will try to deport her out of the country.

Okay, that last one was poor in taste, even for me. :)

@SarayuRao for @NBCSNL!

Yes, #SarayuRao4SNL! You read the title correctly even though you may not know what it means. I campaigned for a public figure once before, but I don't think that her reality show ever got the green light.  That was a bit of a stretch, I think.  But, I'm back with another public figure to help fulfill a dream of hers and it will get done... with your help, of course!

We're sending Sarayu Rao to Saturday Night Live!

Actress Sarayu Rao

Now, I know some of you are either stuck trying to pronounce her name (Sah-rah-yoo) or you're saying, "Sarayu who?"

Let me explain: I first came across her in the short-lived sitcom "Outsourced." It was a very interesting and funny show that was set in India and taught me a lot about Hindu culture in just one season. Anyway, in the early parts of Season 1, Sarayu played the role of "Vimi," the soon-to-be wife of one of the characters on the show. She was replaced by someone else later in the season and... wait... now that I think of it, why wasn't she in the second half of the season? Maybe she can answer that.

Anyway, I later came across her on two other shows I watch ("In Plain Sight" and "Franklin and Bash") and later a Vonage commercial. At that point, I started to recognize her face and I just had to find out who she was. A few clicks later at IMDB.com and I had a name.






Well, you guys know how I roll. I never follow mainstream people on Twitter. There's no fun in being one of Serena Williams' 2.3 million followers or anyone else who thirsts for social network admiration. So, I started following Sarayu and became one of her modest 412 followers. It's kind of cool when you actually get replies to things you tweet to celebs. She's not the "Hollywood type" or anything. No personal website (to my knowledge) and I'm not even sure if she even has a Facebook page. Just someone who has been fortunate enough to be a part of the Hollywood scene without all of the attitude and high maintenance. My type of person.

In fact, one of the things I love about being a blogger is seeing people who aren't mainstream grow into something. Some of us will never be columnists or end up with a syndicated radio show, but there's satisfaction is seeing someone go from 3 followers to 300 followers. Sarayu is not just some run-of-the-mill actress. She has an impressive resume that also includes "The Big Bang Theory," "NCIS: Los Angeles," "Sons of Tuscon" and more. Her dream of being on SNL is achievable, but like most of us who have found success in what we do, it sometimes takes a "foot in the door." It's time to take her mainstream, which is where you guys come in.




I want every single one of my followers to tweet this post.

I also want all of you to tell your followers to RT this post. And so on and so on...

Let's use the power of social networking to get SNL's attention so that Sarayu can get her shot on the show. Once they take notice, she can do the rest. Why am I doing this? Two reasons: because I can and because how cool would it be to see someone get an opportunity at a dream knowing that you helped? I know my followers are loyal people who have the interest of others at heart. You wouldn't be a follower of mine if you didn't.

Learn the name and the face because you will see her again on your HDTV.

So, what do you say? Can we send Sarayu to SNL? Let's take her to mainstream.

So, followers... are we going to make this photo a reality or what?

#SarayuRao

MILF & Cookies

Ladies, do you hate it when guys label you? Have you ever been categorized simply by being an older woman who happens to be single? Cougars aren't widely popular. Some people women frown upon an older woman pursuing a younger guy. They look at these women like predators (hence the term "cougar). But, they're not. These women are just ladies who know what they want and have the means to go get it.

What's wrong with that?

Now, to guys, cougars are the best thing since the invention of the NFL Sunday Ticket. A sexy, older woman that is willing-and-able to make "the game" easy for you is a young man's dream come true. A lot of cougars don't waste time. They call you up, you come over, they open the door and the conversation goes pretty much like this: "Come in, shut up, lay down, get out."

You get yours and she gets hers and everyone is happy. Now, some guys are put off by them because they don't like the woman as the "shot caller" (aggressor). They don't like her being in control or deciding the terms of the relationship.

I never experienced a cougar, but I dated an older woman once. I was 24 and she was 38. However, she wasn't that aggressive. In fact, she was more of a house cat than a cougar. She was what a lot of guys refer to as a MILF. She was divorced with a 14 year old son and we were more of a "friends with benefits" type of couple than anything. She didn't call the shots or try to dominate the situation.

There's a difference between a MILF and a Cougar: a MILF may not have any interest in younger men, but younger men seek them out. A Cougar seeks out younger men because "Stella is trying to get her groove back." Being called a MILF is actually a compliment to a few, but an insult to most. The same goes with cougars. Calling some women a cougar can get you "paw slapped" while a select few may give you a smile.

Quite a few younger guys prefer MILFs. Although any woman your age can technically be a MILF, the term normally applies to an older, attractive woman with children.

A woman like that may not necessarily be attracted to younger guys, but some times when a guy shows her interest, the need to feel appreciated can actually transform her into a cougar. But, if that doesn't happen, then the guy may need to get into a relationship with her in order to "get the cookies." And I know some guys who don't mind a little MILF and cookies because there are advantages of having an older woman as a significant other. Older women generally don't play games and are pretty stable in their lives.  But, I also know some guys who run from the "Just Add Man" instant family.

Some guys are concerned of being involved with a MILF because her kids are part of the package and deserve some attention as well. Knuckleheads these days have problems taking care of their own kids yet alone someone else's.

With a cougar, yeah, she may have kids, but you probably wouldn't even know it because her only goal is for you to come over, "put in your 20 minutes" and get out. But, the benefit of a MILF is that you're more than likely the only guy she's sleeping with at the time. A cougar may have quite a few young bucks in her stable. Decisions, decisons, huh, guys?

But, seriously... Memo to the guys: if you like a woman for a relationship or just for sex, then try not to label her or allow your friends to do so. These things are degrading to women and we do enough of that, okay? Just be happy that someone has some interest in your immature self.

And for the ladies, don't be put off by the labels. We guys will always be juvenile in nature and come up with some term to try and categorize women. It's what we do. We can't help it although we should try harder not to do it. Unfortunately, our brains don't fully develop until we're Yoda's age. So, regardless if you're labeled as either a MILF or a cougar by some idiot, then don't let guys dictate how you feel about dating younger.

Hugh Hefner has ejaculated dust for decades now and no one ever says anything to him.

(Dating) Card Up Your Sleeve

VistaPrint, you marketing devils, you!

Ladies, would you give a guy a chance if he pulled out a dating card on you?

Fellas, would you use one?

Stop Calling Them "Role Models"

role model 
a person whose behavior, example, or success is or can be emulated by others, especially by younger people.

idol   
any person or thing regarded with blind admiration, adoration, or devotion.

Look at the two definitions and pay attention to the difference in keywords. The words that stand out to me: "emulated" and "admiration."

I grew up watching violent movies from a Clint Eastwood western to a Charles Bronson detective movie. But, I never broke the law or felt the need to carry a gun.

I grew up listening to rap music from Ice-T, NWA and 2 Live Crew. But, I never got my ear pierced, wore a high-top fade or disrespected authority or women.

I grew up watching sports with Mike Tyson, Michael Jordan and Lawrence Taylor. But, I never started a fight, waited in line for a pair of shoes or even considered even trying a drug.

I kept entertainment separate from real life. Kids today do not. They look at the people on TV as role models instead of idols. My role models were members of my family. I thought my father and my brother were the coolest men on the planet because not only did they have impressive characteristics about themselves, they were real. I could touch them. I knew they loved me and cared for my well-being. I could spend time with them and be entertained.

Lil' Wayne doesn't care about your child lowering his / her income potential with each visible tattoo they get. Sean "P-Diddy" Combs could care less if his clothes causes you to have NSF fees on your checking account. Shaunie O'Neal doesn't lose sleep when your daughter fights with her friend-girls and emasculates her man. They don't even know that your child exists.

So why do kids emulate them? Why not emulate someone who actually can show them that they care? A mother. A father. A sibling. A relative or friend.

I am who I am today because my family raised me. These kids are who they are today because their TV raised them. Teach them the difference between a role model and an idol.

Occupy White House

I've been following the #OccupyWallStreet protests on TV. I get a kick out of it! I think that it's great that people are banding together to go up against a common foe to improve this country. However, once again, I think the citizens are barking up the wrong tree.

Disclaimer: I have no problems with OWS or the people involved.

After reading that, you know I'm getting ready to piss some people off, huh? Well, I'll try not to do so because it's not my intention. Here's my question:


Why are we going after Wall Street instead of the people who enable them?

It's like The "War on Drugs." We're chasing the drug users and low-level dealers instead of the "big fish." What does that resolve? Nothing! That's why the "War on Drugs" title carries about as much weight as the "King of R&B" title Bobby Brown once claimed.

The politicians are the reason Wall Street has the power that it has. These people didn't come to power on their own. They bought their way into the White House and had their minions change the laws to bolster their greed. Didn't everyone see the video clip of the Wall Street employees sitting on their balconies, drinking champagne and taking cell phone photos of the protesters? They know the protesters can't touch them. They can march until Armageddon and nothing will ever change.

Yet, come Election Tuesday, when the people of the U.S. have the opportunity to actually remove the people who have been enabling Wall Street with the laws they need for tax loopholes and ridiculous bonuses, we do nothing. NOTHING!

I think you may still be dreaming.

It's time to Vacate Wall Street and Occupy White House. You don't have to spend your time marching up and down the street and dealing with the police when you can go right around the corner a few times a year and cast a ballot. Let those losers in the Democratic and Republicans parties know that their days in office are numbered.

- Replace them with Independents who would rather run on an honest campaign than the career polticians who are loyal only to Corporate America.

- Support those who campaign from money out of their pockets rather than those who have collected $100 million in campaign money and then turn right around and tell you that "we need to cut spending."

- Vote for someone who truly understands how to budget by feeding a family of four on a $70,000 household income rather than someone who has a car worth twice that.

- Elect someone who understands the struggle of people who work two jobs to get by rather than someone whose only boss in life was named "Dad."

We have the power to change what goes on in this country, yet we choose not to use it. We'll spend $10 on multiple votes for our favorite "American Idol," but won't go to the polls to vote for free on who will decide what to do with our salaries.



I applaud the 99%.

Do I think you'll actually get something changed? As much as I'd love to see it, no, I don't think you'll change anything. CEO's weren't always filthy rich. Corporations didn't always lay off Americans only to employ those overseas on the cheap. Banks didn't always come up with some made up transaction fee to milk even more money from your checking accounts.

The bottom line is this: there are only two things in this country that have been consistent throughout the increase of corporate greed we've seen over the past 30+ years: Democrats and Republicans.

TQ Presents... @KnotChocolate

I generally try to put out three blog posts per week, but from time-to-time, I get caught up with other things: The Mrs., work, football, etc. This time, a recent knee sprain is the reason I can't sit in front of the laptop long enough to come up with something.

So, I figured, why not solicit some of my favorite bloggers to take up the slack for me. Yeah, that's right, I can facilitate my blogging duties to others! How lazy wonderful is that?

So, I've asked Tiffany to "pretty up" my site with her insightful style of blogging! Well, I'm going to let her do her thing. After you read this and enjoy her work, then cruise on over to The Chocolate Knot and subscribe to her blog. It's good stuff. It wouldn't be on my page if it weren't. Take it away, Tiffany.

"A Little Thanks Goes A Long Way"

Tiffany of The Chocolate Knot

I’ve been following Q’s blog for the better part of a year now. Any time I need the refreshing truth, paired with a gut-busting laugh, this is exactly where I come.

Back in August, he was guest on a show entitled “Man Month” with a host from LookingforMySpouse.com. The conversation drifted to how women don’t always appreciate the men in their lives.

Q provided a relatable example about a woman who does all the housework by herself. One day, her man comes home and decides to lend a helping hand by washing the dishes. But is she pleased with his unprompted deed? No. Instead, she berates him for leaving the clean dishes on the drying rack instead of putting them away like she always does. That’s what we women might call a “half-assed” job.

Q’s example spoke volumes to me because sometimes, and regrettably so, I am that woman.

I’ve gotten on my husband’s case about helping me with the groceries, but putting all the snacks and canned goods in the wrong place. I even chewed him out once for taking the time to wash my car when the weather forecast called for rain that day. That was two years ago. He hasn’t washed my car since.

The point is, I think we as women need to learn to appreciate and acknowledge the little things that our men do for us. Sure, they may not do it the way we would. But the fact that they do something sometimes is much better than when they do nothing, ever.

So thank him every now and then., whether it’s verbally... or in “other” ways. Let him know how much you appreciate it when he does... whatever it is that he does. I promise, little by little, he’ll start to do more.

"Even if he doesn’t perform those duties to my liking?"

YES!

Because when you continuously point out what he does wrong or “half-assed”, it won’t be long before he throws in the towel and decides to sit his whole ass on the couch and do nothing at all.

In the words of our dear friend Q, “Once you’ve crushed a man’s ego, you’ve lost him.”

#KnotChocolate
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You're Too Catty

Okay, ladies. It is time that you admit to yourselves what men have known for ages: some of you are just flat-out trifling.

Yeah, I said it.

You all give each other grief more than a man ever could. Some of you are your female counterparts' worst enemy. I will give you an example in which all of you are familiar:

You and your man go to a house-warming party for a neighbor. It is a formal event, so everyone is dressed nicely. You walk in with your man and what happens? Immediately, every female eye in the room is giving you the "elevator eyes" as they evaluate your outfit from head-to-toe. "Hmmph! She thinks she's cute," they'll think to themselves. "I ought to scratch her eyes out."

Okay, maybe the last sentence was an exaggeration (for most). Ladies, what's the point? Is it really a competition if the other person doesn't even know that they're in a race? How can someone who simply walks into the room get the "mean mug" from you? You don't know her.

Let me clue the females in on something: men know that you're competitive and we use it to our advantage. We know that you will do unreasonable things to "win" whatever it is you're competing for in your head. We can feel your grip on our arm get tighter as a "rival" comes near. We know why you give us that spur-of-the-moment "PDA" when another "competitor" makes eye contact with us.

Men can use one woman's attention as another woman's motivation.
There's no code among some women. No unwritten rule that helps them to avoid these incidents. Some of you are probably missing out on a "BFF" simply because you're too catty to even say "hello" to someone you perceive as a threat. You could have a long-term friendship with a woman except for the fact that her shoes don't match her outfit. Deal breaker, right?

Guys don't care about imperfections on other guys. In fact, we can meet a total stranger and we will find some way to bond with that guy simply for the sake of passing time. It's not that we don't compete, but if we do, it doesn't happen the moment another dude walks into the room.

Real men only want to have a good time. (I stress "real men" because some of these 20-something males only seem to want to impress each other -- go figure).

Ladies, stop taking the "feline approach" and just assume that each woman that comes in the room only wants to have a good time just like you do.

Aw, Did I Hurt Your "Wittle" Feelings?

Back in the day, you actually had to insult someone and / or their family members in order to start an argument or a fight. These days, just disagreeing with someone can get the evil eye shot your way. That's right. Freedom of speech? Hmmph! Just your opinion can set someone off. The U.S. is so politically correct now that you can't even speak what you think is the truth.

This country is gone softer than a rain-soaked marshmellow in 100 degree weather.

What happened to having "tough skin?" What happened to "sticks and stones?" What happened to "agreeing to disagree?" I've seen "friends" on Twitter unfollow one another because of a disagreement about someone neither of them actually knew. Two ladies were going back and forth arguing about the music group, Maroon 5. One lady liked them, but the other one didn't think they were that talented of a group. The lady who liked them got so upset that M5 were being called "non-talented" that she blocked the other lady from her tweets.

Wait. What?

A) You're angrily defending someone you don't even know.
B) You're blocking someone on Twitter that you do know.
C) You're doing all of the above simply because someone disagrees with you.

Wow. How sad is your life? A person can't even disagree with someone now without some sort of retribution. This is the society that we live in today. I've had people unfollow my blog because of an opinion I had that may have hit too close to home for them. I've had other black people call me a "sellout" if I disagree with Obama on something. I had someone take a personal shot at me by calling me "old" because I made a comment about a young, talentless rapper. "Aw, did I hurt your wittle feelings when I said that Soulja Boy sucked?"

"Was it when I said that having seven kids by five guys may lead to the children being non-productive in life that caused a boo-boo on your ego?"

"Or was it me saying that if Troy Davis was as good-looking as Casey Anthony that he might still be alive today that stings you?"

Well, if that's the way things are going to be, then it's going to be a cold and lonely country 20 years from now. No one will ever talk to anyone else because eventually, they'll say something that disagrees with them. As for me, I'm going to keep on speaking my mind. It's what I do. Not out of malice, but out of disgust and concern.

And if it has absolutely nothing to do with you and / or your family, then to quote the youngsters: "Why you mad? Does the wittle baby need a cookie-wookie to turn that frown upside down?"

But, Honey...

As a man, I'm a huge sports fan. Not much of a baseball fan, but if I'm at a ballpark, I'd make an effort to catch a foul ball or a home run if given the opportunity.

But, how do you explain this?



Wow. That look she gave him is universal. No need to speak another language to understand that she wasn't happy! No extra inning 'nooky' for you tonight, fella.

What explanation could have gotten him out of hot water?

Enter a caption in the comments below of what this man could have possibly said to his wife after dropping their child for a baseball. Start each caption with "But, honey..."

The Stunner Qualifiers Start Soon!

The Stunner qualifying rounds start in October! For the newcomers who are unaware, go here to figure out why you need to try and get into this blogging competition.

The Stunner Tournament is invite-only and so far, here are the participants who qualify based on April's performance:

Brandon from My Own Private Idaho

Michelle from Mommy Confessions

Falen from Colorful Rants of a Fed Up Sista

Bob from Squatlo Rant

The above do not need to participate in the qualifying round based on April's finish. That leaves 12 spots available for next April's contest! Who will fill these 12 spots? It shall be decided in a qualifying tournament!

The qualifying round will be filled with some contestants from the inaugural event:

the Tsaritsa sez
Thoughts of a Randomista
Life of Ann James
Empowered Peace
Yeah. Good Times.
Mommy Confessions
Rantings of the Reckmonster
Jersey Diva Mom
This Daddys Blog
Guys, Boys & Men
LogAllot
Man, Wife & Dog
Diana Dishes
The Hurricane

Now, the odds of all 14 of these people accepting the invite are slim. So, in order for me to reach 16 people for the qualifying round, I'll need two more participants. The two participants in which I would like to offer the final two spots:

The Chocolate Knot and Israel Carrasco Monologue Jokes

For each of the above who decline this event or don't respond in a timely fashion, then I'll have to find someone to replace them. I'll do just that by get new participants based on frequent comments, retweets and Facebook Likes.

To confirm interest in joining or to confirm entry into the tournament from an invite, then please just simply comment below.
The actual tournament is in April 2012 and the inaugural event cleared more than 35,000 page views during the duration of the tournament. So, if you're looking for exposure and a chance to increase your followers, then you really need to comment below and hope you can get in!

The deadline for the aforementioned names to RSVP with a comment below is Thursday, October 13th!

More details to come!

Happy Birthday, Sweetie!

TQ Presents... @Reckmonster

I generally try to put out three blog posts per week, but from time-to-time, I get caught up with other things: The Mrs., work, football, etc. So, I figured, why not solicit some of my favorite bloggers to take up the slack for me. Yeah, that's right, I can facilitate my blogging duties to others! How lazy wonderful is that?

So, I've asked Michelle to grace my blog with her bold and up front style of blogging! Well, I'm going to let the Reckmonster do her thing. But, before I do so, I want to announce that this is blog post #250! Reck, feel privileged that #250 will be graced with your talents!

"When I Found Out I Wasn't White"

You know what I find abso-fucking-lutely hysterical? I'mma tell you: When people give a disclaimer that they're not prejudiced, but go on to express their disdain for when white girls date black guys, or white guys date asian girls, or so on and so on. Hmmmm, let's dissect this even further...you're not "prejudiced," per se, but you have a problem with when the black bull strays into another farmer's pasture and mounts the white heifer? And even MORE unbelievable??? Is when people say this to ME. ME - the chick who is the product of an interracial marriage. You're gonna pontificate about the evils of the races "mixing" and you're gonna do it to the audience of the crazy "mixed" chick?! I will never understand that. Like I'm going to fucking agree with you or something: "Hell yeah! Let's keep those races separate! All that happens is crazy, mixed up mutts get born and don't fit in anywhere." Or even better - when I actually point out their faux pas (translation: COMPLETE FUCK UP), and their priceless response??? "Well, not YOU - we think of you as 'white!'" My response is not usually well received: "Well, that's mighty fucking white of you!" Can you tell this subject is a little, hmmm, "charged" for me?! Yeah. Just a lil. You want to know why? Let me share...

People wonder all of the time what "flavor" I am. I get asked, "Where are you from?" all of the time. When I answer, "Michigan," they roll their eyes and say, "No REALLY, like where are you REALLY from?" And if the scruff on the back of my neck starts to stand - because they're being real douches about it, I say, "I REALLY AM from Michigan. I was born there. But if you're curious about my parental ancestry or my ethnicity, then you should ask me that." If they're honestly curious (and - bless their hearts - truly clueless about how to tactfully ask), I usually answer with, "Well, My dad's family is from Michigan, and I was born there too - but my mom's family is from the Philippines. So I'm Heinz 57." That usually satisfies people enough because they nod knowingly and say, "OOOOH! O-kayyyyy."

The real truth is that my mother is Filipino, my father is a mish-mash of Chippewa Indian (yes, we are card carrying members of the Sault Tribe of Chippewa Indians) and whatever "whiteness" was hanging out up there in Michigan - maybe French Canadian, but who knows? My parents have always referred to me as a "mestiza" (which is a Filipino word meaning "mixed"). And since I grew up in an Army family - most of my friends were "mixed" bags too. My best friend in High School was half Black and half Thai. Then there was the beautiful girl a year ahead of me who was half Puerto Rican and half Korean. You get the idea.

Fast forward to sixth grade: My dad gets us stationed in Louisiana. We had just come from Korea. Now, Louisiana was probably the biggest culture shock in the world to me. And we lived in this po-dunk town that was a good 20+ miles from the Army post, so they were much more removed from all of that "mixing" that occurs in the military. I encountered my first real bouts of experiencing "racism" there.

Being the child prodigy that I was (snicker snicker), I was slated to be interviewed for the Beauregard Parish School System's Talented and Gifted program ("TAG") - accelerated classes for the smarty pants nerd kids (and yeah, I got in and was in the TAG program the whole time we were stationed in LA - until we moved to Germany in the middle of my Freshman year of HS). Now, in order to get me signed up for the interview, my homeroom teacher had to fill out some basic info on the application. She asked for my date of birth, place of birth, yada, yada, yada. Then, the conversation got interesting:

Teacher: Race?
Me: White.
Teacher: Are you sure? [accompanied by double-take surprised look]
Me: Yes. [accompanied by, "Are you retarded?" look]
Teacher: Well, you're not Black, right?
Me: No.
Teacher: Are you Mexican?
Me: No.
Teacher: Are you sure you're White?
Me: [exasperated by this point] Yes! My dad is White. And my mom is Filipino, but she's an American citizen now, so she's White too. [ahhhh...to be that naive again...]
Teacher: Well, okay, then I guess we'll mark White. (and she proceeds to reluctantly mark the "White" box on the "Race" portion of the questionnaire)
Me: Mkay.

So, what is a 12 year old supposed to do now? I get home and immediately start grilling my momster.

Me: MOM! What am I?
Momster: What are you talking about?
Me: Am I WHITE?!!!
Momster: You're a mestiza.
Me: Yeah, but does that mean I'm White?!
Momster: Well, you're a mestiza...
Me (annoyed, impatient and traumatized at this point): BUT THERE'S NOT A BOX FOR MESTIZA!!!
Momster: Well, you can be whatever you want to be.
Me: MOM! I need to KNOW what box to mark!!!

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is when I found out that I was NOT White. 12 years old...living a "White" lie - because nobody bothered to tell me BEFORE we moved to KKK-ville that I was NOT White. Thus began my campaign to fuck with those silly "race" boxes every opportunity I get. Sometimes I mark "Asian/Pacific Islander" and sometimes I mark "Other." Sometimes I mark "all that apply" and check off all kinds of boxes. And sometimes (since I got my Chippewa Indian card) I mark "Native American." I like to make sure that I mark as many DIFFERENT racial representations of myself to all of the different jackasses that feel like they need to know. I think I even mark a different race every time the census comes out. HAH! Take that!! [insert Bronx Cheer here] But...I NEVER mark "White" - because I now KNOW that I'm NOT.