I Should Have Been a Politician

I picked the wrong profession. If I knew then, what I know now, I would have gone to law school and prepared myself for one of the best jobs in the U.S.: I should have been a politician.

Why a politician? I'm glad you asked!

1. I can go from being "well off" to "filthy rich" by ignoring conflicts of interests and violating ethics rules.


2. I can get corporations to pay for my campaign just by simply doing what they say once I get elected.


3. I can go on countless talk shows and give the same answer to whatever question I am asked.


4. I can campaign against prostitution and then possibly use the state's money to solicit prostitutes.


5. I can use my role as a public figure and parlay that into a sweet book deal and/or reality show!


And this is not a knock just against these five. I feel every politician has a selfish motive for running for office. It's the ultimate hustle. Why else would someone spend $50 million dollars for a job that pays $175,000? Do you think they spend that type of money just because they want to be a public servant?

In the words of Chad Ochocinco, "Child, please!" If so, then you need a hug. You can serve the public like no other with $50 million dollars, so why blow it on a campaign when you can use it towards helping people better their lives?

Because that $50 million is an investment towards the cushiest lifestyle you could ever dream to have. The ultimate medical care, the ultimate pension and maybe you'll pick up some cash from other places along the way as a public speaker or "political expert" on one of these TV "news" stations.

That's the life I could have had. Then again, maybe it's not too late for me. As long as I place a (D) or (R) in front of my name on the voting ballot, then someone will vote for me, right?