Monday, January 9, 2012

Do As I Say


Thanks to Vinny C for being the first person to see the light and recognize that I need to be in charge of the world. Ironically, in order for me to rule the world, I have to list three things that I would enforce once I take control of all of your lives. Who forces an overlord to make a list? Sheesh.

Anyway, here are the three things that will change in this world as proclaimed by the new, all-powerful, Q:

1) Congress will be limited to one four-year term. I'm so sick of these career politicians robbing the country. Sure, there may be a handful of honest politicians, but for the most part, they have more interest in being re-elected than making the country a better place. If there is no re-election option, then maybe people who ran for office would actually do so to help.

2) All reality shows will be on one channel. I'm so sick of hitting the guide button on my DirecTV remote and seeing it littered with reality show garbage. "Basketball Wives," "Baseball Wives," "Keeping up with the Kardashians," "Hillbilly Hand Fishin'," etc., etc. There's a new reality show debuting every month it seems. Place it on one channel so I can have some quality programming on the others. Besides, the only reality show allowed on TV should be the one I created with the help of some of my blogging friends.

3) Jails will return to being a place that criminals do not want to go. No more luxuries in jail whatsoever. Just put me in charge and I'll have people trembling at the idea of prison. Prisoners will now grow their own food. No more mooching off of the tax payers and no more kick backs to these privatized prisons. The only television allowed will only show two channels: Headline News and PBS. Let those idiots learn something for a change while in jail.

Those are the first three things that come to mind that I will install during my reign as overlord. Now, here comes something else Vinny wants me to do although I don't like it: I have to share my power with five people. Huh? So, are they like "underlords" serving under me or something? I can't be the end-all, be-all if I have to bestow power on five others, can I?

Then again, I guess Vinny was nice enough to share his power with me. Maybe we can take different parts of the world and run them together. I'll take Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama. They'll need someone who knows the area to give them the tough love that they need.

Anyhoo, let me list the five people who I would trust with this great power of running things on this great planet of ours:

the Tsaritsa - I'm guessing it'll be karaoke-related
The Chocolate Knot - Whatever she chooses, I know it'll be smart
Mooner Johnson - This will be a must-read regardless of what comes to his mind
According to Jewels - Something sexual or alcohol-related, maybe?
Thoughts of a Randomista - I wonder what ideas she'll come up with for this?


In the words of Harvey Korman in "Blazing Saddles," "Now go do... that voodoo... that YOU do... SO WELL!!!!"

And props to MelanieD for being Follower #125!

17 comments:

  1. Quincy, I would happily second a motion to make you the universal overlord. You've impressed me as an even-tempered guy who isn't prone to thoughtless ranting and raving (unless myself) and reasoned thought processes.

    The first political thing on your list needs modification, though. Make the presidential term in office ONE SIX YEAR TERM. No endless reelection campaign beginning the day after their first term election. Make them get their work done in six, then move on to the speaker's circuit, or clearing brush on some cow-less ranch, or building houses for Habitat for Humanity, whatever.

    Q for Master of the Universe! (I get bumper sticker rights for your campaign...)

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  2. That's supposed to read "unlike" myself... dammit, I type faster than I think.

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  3. Sounds like you have some great ideas for putting the world, or at least part of it, back in order. I think Vinny made an excellent pick!

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  4. @ Squatlo - Thank you, sir. I do like the idea of a six year term though. You can have the bumper stick rights and I'll give you first dibs on photographer for my inauguration.

    @ Random - Thanks. You're trying to butter me up for a cabinet position, huh?

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  5. Wow...you could not be more right!

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  6. Q. You evil bastard. You are the best choice for this Overlord dealie. I have met you face-to-face and will confirm all the nice things said of you.

    Thanks for the honor, I'm proud and pleased to be nominated--unworthy as I am, blah, blah and blah.

    But alas, I can't shirk my duties. If I'm to be King, I'll need some supplies. Some ale and meade bread and wenches. Lots of wenches.

    Why me? BJ is waaay smarter than me and Squatlo too.

    I'll let you know when I can find time for this. I've got a court to name and I need a jester, right?

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  7. Yes master!

    Fantastic post, and great rules. But... mooner? Overlord? No good can come from this...

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  8. @ Melanie - Thanks.

    @ Mooner - I know you're a busy man, but I still wanted to bestow the honor. A jester is a great idea! I wonder what Carrot Top is doing now?

    @ Idaho - I know, I know, but how much fun would it be to wake up each morning and know Mooner is "the man?"

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  9. I dig your first 3 new rules! Now, as for naming Mooner "Overlord" of anything - it should have been Overlord of the ADHD that runs his brain - I'm quite sure that he would like that, and it would result in some super groovy thoughts, because he's a helluva guy! And I agree with naming Jewels Overlordess of all things sexual and/or alcohol related. She's a bad ass!

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  10. @ Reck - Mooner would come up with laws that would blow our minds. Animals would be released from the zoo to roam the country freely. Jewels would set new standards for night clubs that would probably require the age limit for entry to be raised to 30 years old due to the mature content.

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  11. LOVE your rules. Although you can't hate on my Hillbilly Hand Fishing...I freaking love that dumb ass show! haha.

    I will gladly accept this challenge and start setting the world right with booze and sex. :) haha. Post to come.

    PS...I have a total crush on Reckmonster now! hehehe *blush*

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  12. @ Jewels - You can have your Hillbilly Hand Fishing, but it will be on the reality channel with all of the other shows. :)

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  13. Prisoners must grow their own food. HILARIOUS!

    And thanks for sharing the power!

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  14. @ Tiffany - I'm as serious as syphilis on the prisoners raising their own. I'm tired of them mooching. LOL!

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  15. Game shows don't count as "reality shows" do they? Otherwise I may have to move to wherever Drew Carey will host Price is Right in Latin America.

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  16. Pickleope - Sorry. Game shows, too. From Fear Factor to Wheel of Fortune.

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  17. Q. Ordered my crown and scepter this am. More to follow.

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