Wednesday, April 18, 2012

TQ Presents... @According2Jewls

I generally try to put out three blog posts per week, but from time-to-time, I get caught up with other things: The Mrs., work, football, etc. This time, I'm on vacation. Hopefully, by the time you read this, I'll be back home from Panama City Beach, FL. So, I figured, why not solicit some of my favorite bloggers to take up the slack for me. Yeah, that's right, I can facilitate my blogging duties to others! How lazy wonderful is that?

I've asked my blog crush, who once called me a BILF, to pretty up my blog a bit. She has tons of writing talent and if you've never seen her site, then do yourself a favor and check her out at According to Jewels.

Well, I'm going to let her do her thing. Take it away, Jewels.


Get Your Hands Off Me

I have always been jealous of women with good hair. As a kid I had hair so long I would sit on it in school and yell at the kid behind me for pulling it. It was a medium blonde shade and beautifully wavy. Somewhere along the line hormones and genetics caused my gorgeous hair to convert to a mass of dark brown curls. I’m talking curls!

It took a while…a long while and a lot of tears but I love my curls now. I have embraced them and I think they are sexy. Despite the fact that study after study have reported that men prefer straight haired women (abc news did a study that showed the same woman pictured with straight and curly hair received higher marks from men when she had straight hair) over curly haired. Sure it takes a little extra prep time to get ready to head out and yes, I check the weather and the humidity levels before deciding to wear my hair up or down.

I know plenty of women who say that they love to straighten their hair (my sisters included) and I think they are insane! My hair is thick and insanely curly and the few times I’ve let people straighten my hair…it takes FOREVER and at the slightest hint of moisture it curls again…why freaking bother!

"Touch my hair, lose your hand."
My hair gets brushed ONLY when wet. That’s just the way curly hair works. You see my hair is full of individual ringlets; beautiful spirals of silky dark brown hair that shine in the sun. Those ringlets are say 20-40 hairs thick, coiled around each other in a lovely way, embracing one another and when that ringlet is brushed out those hairs separate and a white girl afro appears in that ringlets place. It is NOT pretty!

While I wish my hair was the kind a man could run his fingers through, its not. When the little girl I nanny for wants to play and brush my hair I have a mini panic attack. When guys want to pull on my curls and run their hand over my hair I want to slap their hand away. Don’t ask, “Is your hair naturally curly?” then reach out to touch it before waiting for a response! Yes, yes it is and it’s temperamental so lay off. Do not coo, “Oh my gosh, look at that precious ringlet! It’s so tight and bouncy!” and then tug it down to watch it spring back up. That is only fun for you and will seriously piss me off. Do not say, “Do you know how much I’d pay for curls like that!?” and then pet my head…I don’t care if you have to pay for it…I have to manage it, get off!

If I’m in a relationship with somebody then chances are they have seen me in the morning or after being caught in the rain and therefore witnessed the afro so I’m not as worried but for the average guy at a bar just talking to me…if you try to touch my hair you WILL lose a hand. Period. There are times when I don’t care if you touch my hair. If we are kissing and you want to frame my face or tuck it behind my ear or play with it I’m fine with it. If we are having sex…by all means get in there! I love well placed tugs and pulls on my hair and don’t care if you turn into the King of Clips in order to get a better view of me going down on you. If it’s already humid out and it’s beyond help anyway then you’re safe. If we aren’t going out and you want to play go ahead…as long as I don’t need to be seen in public I’m cool.

Okay…now I sound psychotic…in reality I have never lashed out at anyone who touched my hair…but I’ve wanted to. And little kids with brushes who want to play with it really does make me panic. I sometimes wish it was nice and straight and smooth and guys could run their hands through it without getting their hand stuck in it but that’s just not my lot in life. I wish it was something I didn’t have to think about but it is. I am at a point where I’m not going to kill myself 45 minutes to an hour a day to make it straight, damaging my hair in the process, and then obsessing over if it’s straight enough. My hair is curly, it’s always been wavy/curly and it always will be.

#According2Jewls

20 comments:

  1. I remember this post!!! It was among the first that I read before we met and I remember consciously thinking when we were getting together that first time, 'no matter how adorable her hair, DO NOT TOUCH IT, KAT!'. =D

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    1. It sounds serious, Kat! I'm afraid to touch it on my monitor.

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  2. Jewels. OK, first, only the sissy-most of men would prefer straight hair over curls. I once saw a stripper who had straightened her hair "down under" and I must say that it was unsettling. Kinky hair is more versatile, sexy and utilitarian. Now that I think back on it, the only positive thing I can say about the straight-haired stripper is that I thought about twisting it into ringlets as foreplay.

    Second, your telling me to hands off has made me want to grab it with both hands to see if I can hold it all within my grasp. Next, I want to see just how many ways it can be braided. I'd buy a book or take a braiding class. Oh, oh oh--what about dreads? Have you ever done it in dreadlocks? Photos?

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    1. Straight pubic hair, Mooner? I read this comment at work and almost lost my job from laughing.

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  3. Jewels, I've always had crazy hair that can't decide if it wants to be wavy or curly. And people always ask me if I straighten it, which I do sometimes. But honestly, I like the way my hair is even if it's hard to manage. Besides, having straight hair all the time could get dull! And I think you have lovely hair.

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    1. She does have really nice hair, Victoria. As a bald guy, I have hair envy. Thanks for commenting!

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  4. Kat-I remember you commenting something to that effect on our first get together! lol. You, sweets, may play with my hair any time your little heart desires.

    Mooner-Your comment is priceless! "sissy-most" is a new favorite phrase of mine. I appreciate your love of my curly hair but just the thought of a man grabbing it all in his hands takes me to a decidedly naughty place and I believe you are married...so I must decline allowing that.

    Victoria-thank you very much. I really disliked it when I was younger but I learned to embrace is and now my hair is something I pride myself on. I would enjoy the versatility to decide to wear it either way though. I feel when you have in between hair you have more style options. That has to be pretty fun. :)

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  5. Q- thanks again for letting me guest post. I kinda want to choke you for using that picture. lol. Give a man a picture for a sex talk blog radio show and it pops up everywhere. *shakes head* It's still as true now as it was when I wrote it about a year ago. I'd consider letting you touch it...but it's still best to approach slowly and watch the eyes for lethal narrowing. *helpful hint*

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    1. I appreciate you doing the guest post and I'm sure the men in your area appreciate the tip! Sorry about the photo, but don't choke me. I've never been that kinky to want to lose oxygen. :)

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    2. lol noted. Of course you are forgiven for being adorable and for calling me your blog crush. Plus you ARE one of the original BILF's after all. What ever happened to that award!? We should bring that back again!

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    3. * blush *

      I don't know where the award stopped. It's still on my Awards page and I linked it to this post as well. Someone didn't pay it forward, I guess. :(

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  6. Ok I am here Jewels to read this awesome guest post of yours although I have read it before but read it again so call off the hit man I did as ordered I mean requested............lol

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    1. She is exaggerating! I did not put a hit on her...I merely hinted that I could find out where she lived and send a "friend" to visit if she didn't come over and visit. I fail to see why she took it so seriously. There is nothing threatening about that. Geez.

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    2. Sounds like a hit to me. LOL!

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  7. Yea, I will consider this a warning to never touch your hair. I don't think I ever really touch anybody's hair, though. But now that I have read this, I know that I am going to want to.

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    1. She's making it more tempting, isn't she? I think she really wants people to touch her hair and this is a cry for help.

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    2. I promise you that it is not a cry for people to touch my hair. lol. I understand after these comments though that have just made it forbidden and therefore more desirable to do so. I suppose you'll both just have to weigh the risks. ;)

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  8. Ha! I don't even let my own kids touch my hair. And a guy has to have a green light for everything else before he can touch my hair. Truth. And I just explained to my girls that they must check the weather before deciding on how to wear their hair. Heat, humidity, rain = ponytail.

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    1. Wow. That much planning goes into it? I had no clue. I'm so glad that I'm bald. LOL!

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