Thursday, April 5, 2012

Two True 2

Okay, I have two true stories to tell, but I'd love to hear your comments on how you would have handled these situation if found in the same predicament. The first story can be found here.

Story #2

It's Summer of '97 and my cousin, Jay, my homie, Shawn and I were hanging out at a nightclub called The Pinnacle. We don't go to this particular club very often because it's just not high on our list of places to go. Normally, we'd go to Inez's, which was a hole in the wall, or The Millennium, which was a nice spot and the location of story #1. The Pinnacle was a club for people ranging from ages 28-40 and at the time, I was not in that age range. This was before the term "cougar" was created, but that's what me and the guys had in mind when we walked into this club that night. We wanted to find an older woman to spend some time with that evening.

There was this long-legged lady who was at the bar across the room from us. We could never see her very well thanks to the low lighting in the club, but we could tell that she had a banging body. She appeared to be kind of tall and since I'm not, I kind of crossed her off my mental list of women to try and get familiar with that evening. After all, I'd recently dated a woman who was five inches taller than me and aside from slow dancing with her, it wasn't all that fun. Especially when she'd mess with me and rest her elbow on my shoulder like I was a gnome or something.

But, I digress. This mysterious lady's height wasn't an issue for Shawn or Jay. Shawn is 6'2" and Jay is 5'10". I'm stuck on 5'6" thanks to not listening to my mom when she told me to eat my vegetables as a child. So, Shawn and Jay kept an eye on her, but didn't approach since she was occupied at the bar with another dude.

Then the mood of the music changed and things got a little more uptempo. The lady stepped her way onto the dance floor and we could get a better look. She was roughly 5'10" in her thigh-high black boots and her dress stopped just a few inches above those boots. She had a short haircut and enough cleavage to hold a peanut M&M steady. It was still dark in the club, but anyone could tell that this woman was a stunner.

There were a lot of older guys in the club and none of them would dance with her (or could hang with her).  Before we knew it, she walked over to the table and asked Jay to dance. Shawn and I looked at him as if he had won the babe lottery. Younger women in the clubs we frequent won't normally ask a guy to dance, but older women seem to go for theirs. They sashayed their way onto the dance floor and she was all over Jay like wet polyester. Shawn and I had to pick up our jaws from the floor. Not only did the finest woman in the club just walk over and grab Jay, she was grinding all on him.

But, after a minute or so, you could detect that something just wasn't right. Jay didn't seem to be enjoying himself. He seemed as if he was distracted or repulsed whenever the lady tried to talk to him. Immediately I started thinking to myself, "Maybe she has bad breath from drinking Heinekens or something. Surely Jay can power through that."  Robert Townsend once said that you don't sell a Mercedes because there's a dent in the door and bad breath can be easily cured.

After the four minute dance, Jay made his way back over to the table with the lady following him. It was very unlike him to sit down after one dance. Jay was a guy who could dance for an hour very easily. He sat down next to me and the lady walked over and asked Shawn to dance. Shawn, who was invoking man code, politely said "no" in order not to throw salt in Jay's game. After all, first come, first serve is the man code and Jay was first to get an opportunity with her. I also did the same and refused to dance with her despite the fact that I was willing to throw away my ban against taller women just to see what those curves felt like on the dance floor.

"I guess it's you again, babe!" she said as she grabbed Jay by the hand and pulled him out of his seat.

"I'm tired." Jay lied.

"No, you're not!" she said grabbing him around his waist. "Get out here!"

That's when Shawn and I got a really good glimpse and realized what it was that was plaguing Jay. This lady may have had 16 teeth in her mouth and two of them appeared rotted. Imagine Halle Berry with a mouth full of dominos or a 5'10" version of Jada Pinkett-Smith after eating Oreos.

If you were Jay, what would you do?

14 comments:

  1. Oh man, I can't imagine having to deal with that. Either way I have a reputation for being blunt so I would tell her what's what from the jump..

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    1. Yeah, I can tolerate a lot of things, but being toothless isn't one of them. I have to admit, she was fine though. Maybe he should have put a surgeon's mask or a veil on her and tried dancing with her that way.

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  2. I'm a woman so dancing with her wouldn't have been on my list of things to do...but that is just nasty. I can't abide by dudes with no teeth. That is a total deal breaker. There is a difference between bad teeth and lack of teeth. I'd run like hell.

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    1. Bad teeth and lack of teeth? How about both? LOL!

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  3. Less teeth = Better BJ's

    Ok, I kid. That shit's just nasty...

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    1. LOL! LOL! LOL! Talk about finding a silver lining!

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  4. Q. To follow Brandini's line of thought, and please allow me to say that I would never have thought of this if Brandini hadn't made his terribly crass remark, but...

    How about we give her a grocery sack with pretty teeth painted on it? Or get her some of those Halloween wax teeth and lips dealies?

    I'm gonna go wash my mouth out with soap.

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    1. A paper bag with teeth painted on it. Not a bad idea. I think that was definitely the play for this particular evening. Either that or a boxing mouth piece.

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  5. In my 20s, I would have lied and said my ankle was sprained or something. Now, in my late 30s, I am more apt to tell the truth and let someone know (as politely as is possible in these situations) what the problem is.

    Considering that she had lost teeth and the remaining ones were nearly ready to execute their escape plan, I am guessing her breath was terrible. The germs necessary to ruin teeth like that cannot have made for a pleasant smell.

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    1. "Execute their escape plan?" LOL! Wow. I'm laughing out loud literally on that one. Yeah, I'm sure her breath was kicking like a donkey with dominoes in her mouth. Maybe Jay should have used the sprained ankle excuse, too. He ended up dancing with her for 20 minutes.

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  6. I would have gone for the blunt honesty...

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    1. I would now, but back at that age, I would have tolerated it for the sake of being nice. Maybe just dance behind her or something. LOL!

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  7. Glad I could make you laugh Q! In the spirit of teeth planning their escape, here is a graphic you might appreciate. I found this awhile back when I was doing a post on dental pain. http://i42.tinypic.com/3478e8h.jpg

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    Replies
    1. LOL! That jpg is dead-on. Her teeth have left the building and are on the road.

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