Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Ms. New Booty

After perusing Brandon's genius countdown list recently, I started thinking about the phenomenon known as "the booty." It's not new, but it seems as if it's popularity has soared over the past few years with J-Lo and Kim Kardashian taking it mainstream. The popularity is soaring to the point that ladies are getting fake butts to try and get attention.

Now, when boob jobs became affordable, A-cups went the way of the dinosaur and C-cups multiplied more than a family of rabbits on Viagra. Now it appears that booty is in style and everybody wants one. Now, there are multiple ways to work on turning your gluteus minimus into a gluteus maximus:

Workout plan

There are tons of fitness experts who say there are certain workouts that can give you the lift that you need. Ice-T's wife, Coco, who is a fitness model turned... turned... well, I don't know what she is now. I guess she's a reality star/model or something. Anyhoo, she claims to have developed her assets by doing squats in high heels. Now, I don't know if squatting in high heels will give a woman extra curves, but I bet she has the strongest ankles known to man. It appears hard to argue with her results though.


Buttocks Augmentation

This is becoming more and more popular among women now. You go to sleep with a ba-doink-a-dink and wake up hours later with a ba-doink-a-doink. There are little-to-no complications reported with this surgery. The downside to the surgery is having to throw away every pair of jeans that you own and shop for more. The upside is never having to pay for another drink at a bar in life. For about $8,500, you can get the deed done and add some curves below your waistline. Some people believe in silicon injections, but I think they're nuts. A "doctor" recently got arrested for injecting concrete in a woman. Click here to open a new window to see the story. That alone shows how crucial obsessive having a round butt is to some people.


Booty Pads

This is the cheapest and quickest way to put a bump on your rump. There are countless companies that makes panties, blue jeans or even negligees that have sewn in pads to add a little roundness. An even cheaper option is buying adhesive silicon pads that allow you to have a booty in whatever outfit you own. My only question is: with this option, what do you do when it's time to do the horizontal mambo? If you meet a guy and he's appreciating your rear, what do you say to him when you take off your panties and go from Jessica Biel to Ally McBeal? How do you explain that, Ms. New Booty?


I'm all for round butts. I grew up desiring women whose thighs had shade. It's not a deal breaker, but it is pleasing to the eye and turns heads. But, if you're going to do it, then either put in the work(out) or pay for the surgery. Leave the booty pads alone. Women who wear booty pads should be charged with fraud. It's not right. Maybe it helps your dress fit that much better, but a disclaimer should be given to anyone who compliments your figure. The only pad a man wants to hear that you own is an iPad.



Props to #TheKrayze1 for sending me this most appropriate video link!

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29 comments:

  1. I like my ba-doink-a-dink... I think it's cute =) but I am going to try the squats in heels ... That looks fun! My friend seen the booty pads at Walmart like "oh look ima buy me some" I'm like, your a fraud bitch... Take your fat ass to the gym... If you even out your body, your ass wouldn't look so small! Let's just say we don't talk anymore *shrugs*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL! Some people hate honesty. Imagine that. Let me know how those heel squats go. Brandon will need a before and after photo to confirm that it's working.

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    2. Please do not squat in heels. You will RUIN your knees and your ankles (I'm a fitness model and a trainer - so... advice from experience watching people mess themselves up)

      If you want an incline for your squats, find a SOLID WEDGE shoe with a strong base. Remember, squatting is one of the most impactful exercises on your body!!

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    3. Thanks, Bry! I would definitely advise anyone reading this blog to pay attention to her comment because she is more than qualified to speak on it.

      You may get an unexpected result in an leg injury if you squat in stilettos! :(

      Delete
  2. Stuffing a butt is like stuffing a bra. It's only going to lead to disappointment.

    As for me, my girlfriend is slim, has A cups, and a little bit of a butt. Nothing is too flat, and the curves fit her body, so it works. If she had DD's or a BLAM in the back, it would just look wrong.

    That said, I'm a butt and legs man. Jessica Biel? Daaaaaaaaayum....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree. It would be a let down.

      "Blam?" I have to work that into a future blog some time. Did you copyright that?

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  3. Squatting in heels is EXTREMELY DANGEROUS, this should not be recommended to anyone.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I knew that my fitness guru would chime in and let us know the real deal. It doesn't look healthy for the ankles, but CoCo could probably kick a horse and break its neck. But, for the average Jane, it does look risky.

      My question is though: danger aside, would it work?

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    2. Not with heels, but the idea is sound. Its the same thing as putting your heels on a weight plate on the ground (Much more secure) and squatting. It gives you a little bit more gluteal activation. Honestly, its not enough to be overtly significant - you'll get better results squatting with safe form and challenging weight!

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    3. Thanks for the insight, Bry!

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  4. Google the following :-
    Fake doctor injects cement in woman's bottom

    ...some people take this stuff too far, it's a crazy world

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, but I included a link to this story in the post.

      Delete
  5. Doing squats in heels sounds like an accident waiting to happen, lol. I can only imagine dropping a heavy weight on my peep-toed foot.

    Fake body parts really scare me. I rock what I have and I'm happy with it. I may not be top heavy, but I thank the Lord everyday for giving me the opposite of a flat ass.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's nothing wrong with rockin' what you got, T. Shake what your momma gave you and keep on rollin'. :)

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    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    3. Tsaritsa, I think that she removed the comment and placed it on another thread.

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  6. I can hardly walk in heels. Working out in them sounds like torture. I have a big butt and let me tell you, it looks nice, but I can't find pants that fit my waist and ass. Stick with what ya got!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, I'm sorry that you're unable to find pants to accommodate your body. I bet that can really be frustrating. You'd think that clothing companies would be able to easily accommodate anyone in 2012.

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  7. Oh shit. All these chicks who are "light in the trunk" need to do is call me - I will GLADLY donate several acres of the boo-tayyy off of my back yard. And I wouldn't even CHARGE them for the booty molecules. Besides, it'd be doing me a favor too...having too many "ass"ets can be a pain sometimes (like The Blind Bride said - you can never find the perfect size pants!!) - so I wouldn't mind lightening the load. As the years have whizzed by, I seem to have amassed a whole episode of "Hoarders" right here on my very own ass. Definitely could use a thorough "house cleaning" on the 'back 9.' LOL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Acres?" LOL! Stop it! All of your references are funny and I will use them some day. Especially, the Hoarders. LOL!

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  8. Men don't seem to mind when a woman wears a padded push up bra and then takes it off...cause hell they're still seeing boobies. Is it that big a deal for the booty? I wouldn't know about stuffing/padding/etc. I have a god given rack and a god given flat ass. I mean none...concave even. I'm going to have to start squatting a whole shit ton more (Don't worry Bry...not in heals).

    Push comes to shove I don't want to have anxiety about getting naked and disappointing my man. I don't see the purpose to fake it since the truth will come out anyway. I do however understand the padding both boobs and butt when you have a special occasion/outfit that calls for it and it's NOT to impress a man but rather to feel more comfortable in an outfit you love.

    Does that make any sense? I don't think women stuff to impress men but rather to feel more comfortable in their clothing and being more confidant will make her sexier. Anyway enough from me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think it depends on the man, but guys I know would be disappointed by something fake. I don't think they would care as long as they knew up front. Men visualize what they're going to do to a woman when they see her, so to get home and have her not be equipped to do those things, then it could be deflating (no pun intended). I don't think women need those things. There's a guy for everyone and if a woman looks like a Q-Tip, then I guarantee you there will be a guy who'd love her as-is.

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    2. From my perspective (a guy). Sexy is what we want when we want sex. How you look is that which attracts us to you for sex. When it comes to a relationship (of which having the perfect one is our dream), we are looking for WAY more than a hot and sexy body. Don't get me wrong, sexy is always nice but I have found that being in love makes many things MORE sexy. More than they might have ever been before. To me, the issue isn't about sexy, but about helping women to feel sexy. I have had SOOOOoooo many angry women who hammered beautiful and sexy women for being so. Women of the world, who cares what others think. You.....are......sexy. So if you have it flaunt it, because when you hit 80 or 90, you won't be flaunting it any more. You will be swinning it more likely. So enjoy, tease, look sexy and just be happy about your body. (um....please notice, I did not say "sexy women", I said "You......are.....sexy". That means ALL of you). :D

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  9. I think if I had to pick one body part I don't love, it would be my booty. Although it got a lot of attention in Africa if that means anything. lol

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    1. LOL! I think that does give us a visual. :)

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  10. You know, men are guilty of this too. No, not booty pads (well, maybe some men). But guys are wearing their own version of Spanx. It's like a super-tight girdle that holds in a guy's beer belly. Who wants to go to bed with Idris Elba and wake up to Kenan Thompson? These body enhancing mechanisms should be outlawed.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL! LOL! LOL! Kenan Thompson? Funny. I guess guys who stuff their underwear are misrepresenting, too. I'm sure that would turn some women violent to be scammed that way.

      Delete

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