Why Isn't This Lady Allowing Me To Merge?

Had a bout of road rage the other day while in Windsor. I'm leaving the airport on my way to the office. I just picked up a sweet Nissan Altima at Avis and I'm anxious to get on the interstate to see what this baby can do.

I hop on the on-ramp and proceed to get ready to merge onto the interstate. As I come around the loop, some lady pulls beside me in a BMW. So, since I'm just getting ready to merge, I don't pay her much attention. I'm assuming that she will go on about her business and allow me into the slow lane.

Nope. Not the case. After three or four seconds of riding door-to-door with this idiot, I look over and she's on her cell phone.

At this point, I realize that my lane is about to end soon, so I need to get over. "There's no one in the fast lane, so why isn't this lady allowing me to merge? Can't she just move over and let me in?"

Nope. Not the case. Her phone call is so important that she's willing to run me off the road instead of paying attention to her surroundings.

So, I had to punch my accelerator and jump in front of this nut before I ran out of lane. Wouldn't you know it? After I did so, within a few seconds later, she comes passing me in the fast lane with that phone glued to her head.

"Oh, you can ride beside me for a week, but you can't ride behind me, you loser? Now you wanna speed up?"

Do they even teach people to be courteous when driving now? Sometimes I think there's a private school in each city that teaches people how to be blatantly rude to others. Why else does it seem like people purposely do stupid things to make life harder for others unnecessarily?

Do you know how many times I've had to use a can opener to get into my car because the idiot beside me has parked into my lane? That means you just parked, got out of your car and didn't bother to look and see if you were between the lines. Now I have six inches of space between your car and my door.

Or what about those people who see you waiting on a parking spot as they approach their car to leave, but then they get in their car and sit for five minutes before backing out. "If you're not leaving, then get your foot off of the brake and stop acting like you're backing out!"

I'm sorry, but I have even more to get off of my chest. Bare with me, okay?

Don't you hate it when people drive aggressively behind you for a long time? They're so anxious to pass you and when they finally get the chance to do so, they get back in front of you and go slow again. Now you have to pass them back. "You're all Dale Earnhardt behind me, but now you're Driving Miss Daisy in front of me!!!!????"

Yeah, I hate those people, too. In fact, I'm getting road rage here at my desk as I type this. Is that possible? I just had an urge to ram my mouse into the base of my monitor. Is that bad?

Anyway. What else do I hate? I also hate people "on parade". Those are the idiots on the interstate who get in the fast lane, but do the speed limit. The end result is two cars driving side-by-side because the idiot in the fast lane refuses to speed past the person in the slow lane and allow everyone else behind him to get through. This results in a line of cars a la a parade.

I have a fix for all of the above problems, but for some reason, I can't get a patent for my idea.

I wonder why?