Seriously? Is marriage so much of a joke now that people have to LoJack their spouses? We're to the point where we're branding our significant others? Sometimes I wonder if people create these things just to give me something to blog about.
First of all, as a man who has been married for ten years, anytime you take your ring off, it will leave a tan line as discouragement to others. How much of a loser would I look like with a tan line and "I'm Married" stamped on my fourth finger? And make no mistake about it, if you wear one of these, then you are a loser along with the spouse who buys it. You're a loser because you're not trustworthy enough to have a grown-up's wedding ring. Your significant other is a loser because they don't trust you enough to not brand you and they're too cowardly to leave someone they don't trust.
Yeah, I said it. This country has no idea what marriage truly is. Absolutely no idea. Marriage isn't "hard work" like some people think. Why? Because if two people truly love each other, then why would it be so difficult to get along? I'm not saying that a person can't find themselves in a bad situation or anything. Some people are good at hiding who they are until after marriage (depending on how long you dated). However, for the most part, finding a spouse is just like hiring for a job: if you don't take the interviewing process seriously, then you'll wind up with a non-productive employee.
The bottom line is: people suck at choosing a mate and like most people in today's society, instead of blaming themselves, they blame the other person. That's why some people date the same type of bad person only to wonder why they got mistreated. Then they decide to corrupt the minds of good people by saying "all men are dogs / all women are ho's." No, they're not. Just the ones that you choose are. #GetOverYourself
Some people hate being lonely and think that someone will change into the person they want them to be. How's that working out for you? You picked this unemployed loser as a spouse and to your surprise, that person doesn't have a job a year into the marriage. Imagine that. I planted an apple tree yet I'm surprised when the tree produces apples. I could have sworn it would change into an orange tree now that I'm married. #ChokeYourself
Some people have self-esteem lower than a snail's stomach. They marry who someone who has cheated on them in the past with hopes that it won't happen again. Or maybe, they stole that person from someone else thinking that it could never happen to them. "That's just a man being a man" or "she knows where home is." #GrowAPair
So, for the aforementioned group, this ring is for you! Wear it and brand yourself proudly, but know this: if I ever see you with one of those imprints on your finger, I will laugh my head off at you. Because although no marriage is perfect, no marriage should be to the point that a brand is needed.
Here is the advice that I would give to anyone who may be considering one of these rings: if you take the time that it takes to plan your wedding to learn how to be a spouse, then you won't feel the need to own one of these rings. (Steps off soapbox)