Monday, July 9, 2012

The Anti-Cheating Device

LOL! Is this what our society has come to? The anti-cheating device? Peep the photo. This ring is designed to leave an imprint on your hand that says "I'm Married" for the guys (or women) who like to pop their rings off on those trips to the bar.

Seriously? Is marriage so much of a joke now that people have to LoJack their spouses? We're to the point where we're branding our significant others? Sometimes I wonder if people create these things just to give me something to blog about.

First of all, as a man who has been married for ten years, anytime you take your ring off, it will leave a tan line as discouragement to others. How much of a loser would I look like with a tan line and "I'm Married" stamped on my fourth finger? And make no mistake about it, if you wear one of these, then you are a loser along with the spouse who buys it. You're a loser because you're not trustworthy enough to have a grown-up's wedding ring. Your significant other is a loser because they don't trust you enough to not brand you and they're too cowardly to leave someone they don't trust.

Yeah, I said it. This country has no idea what marriage truly is. Absolutely no idea. Marriage isn't "hard work" like some people think. Why? Because if two people truly love each other, then why would it be so difficult to get along?  I'm not saying that a person can't find themselves in a bad situation or anything.  Some people are good at hiding who they are until after marriage (depending on how long you dated).  However, for the most part, finding a spouse is just like hiring for a job: if you don't take the interviewing process seriously, then you'll wind up with a non-productive employee.

The bottom line is: people suck at choosing a mate and like most people in today's society, instead of blaming themselves, they blame the other person. That's why some people date the same type of bad person only to wonder why they got mistreated. Then they decide to corrupt the minds of good people by saying "all men are dogs / all women are ho's." No, they're not. Just the ones that you choose are.  #GetOverYourself

Some people hate being lonely and think that someone will change into the person they want them to be. How's that working out for you? You picked this unemployed loser as a spouse and to your surprise, that person doesn't have a job a year into the marriage.  Imagine that.  I planted an apple tree yet I'm surprised when the tree produces apples.  I could have sworn it would change into an orange tree now that I'm married.  #ChokeYourself

Some people have self-esteem lower than a snail's stomach. They marry who someone who has cheated on them in the past with hopes that it won't happen again. Or maybe, they stole that person from someone else thinking that it could never happen to them.  "That's just a man being a man" or "she knows where home is."  #GrowAPair

So, for the aforementioned group, this ring is for you! Wear it and brand yourself proudly, but know this: if I ever see you with one of those imprints on your finger, I will laugh my head off at you. Because although no marriage is perfect, no marriage should be to the point that a brand is needed.

Here is the advice that I would give to anyone who may be considering one of these rings: if you take the time that it takes to plan your wedding to learn how to be a spouse, then you won't feel the need to own one of these rings. (Steps off soapbox)

Am I being too hard on someone who would buy one of these?


  1. To answer your question, YES, we have come to that. In some cases, it's even warranted.

    But honestly, HONESTLY. If you can't trust your partner, you shouldn't be in a relationship with them. If you can't trust AT ALL, then you shouldn't be in a relationship AT ALL.

    I hate it when I hear 'all men/women cheat.' People who say that are insecure, and probably set themselves up to be cheated on.

    If my partner suggested one of these rings, I'd drop her like a bad habit. Do I love her? Absolutely. Would I cheat on her? No way. But this shows a vulgar lack of trust, and I can't be with someone who doesn't trust me.

    1. Well said. If a person shows so little trust in you, then why be with them in the first place? They're obviously going to fill your life with trouble from things they "think" you're doing even if you're not.

  2. I've never been comfortable wearing a ring, so haven't worn my wedding ring since we bought it. My wife wore her's for a year or so, but it kept snagging on food, clothing, and the interior of the boxing gloves she wears to spar, so she's put her's in the same box with mine. If wearing a ring is the only thing keeping people faithful, they might as well hang it up.
    It's a symbol, nothing more. My first wife was absolutely untrustworthy, and earned that distinction again and again. A ring didn't make any difference to her or to the dogs who she attracted. Anyone who thinks differently is delusional.
    I divorced her, manage to maintain a friendly- yet very distant- relationship for the sake of our two adult children, but wouldn't trust her to tell me the truth about what she had for lunch. Some folks just aren't worth their word, no matter what they're discussing.
    When you find the right woman/man, there won't be a shadow of a doubt about their fidelity, or your own. You'll know in your heart you're off the market, and you won't EVER worry about their behavior behind your back.
    If you're worrying, you're not with the right person. And a ring (or dog collar, or tattoo, or friggin' ankle bracelet) won't solve your problems.

    1. (applause) My father/mother also never wore rings. Their actions spoke louder than words. You didn't have to see bands on their fingers to know they were married.

  3. LOL is this a serious 'invention'??? "You're a loser because you're not trustworthy enough to have a grown-up's wedding ring." - couldn't have put it better myself!! xx

    1. Thanks, Scarlett! Good to see you. And to think that they're charging $550 for one of these rings.

  4. Like Brandon said, if I were single and the woman I was about to marry wanted to put *that* on my finger, believe me the wedding, and possibly the whole relationship would be called off. I've always been faithful to my wife and always will be. The whole "men are dogs" BS some try to push annoys me and I, for one, refuse to be treated like one.

    1. Amen to that, Vinny. As a guy who has been true to The Mrs., I also get offended when I get lumped in with the losers like those from reality TV.

  5. Q. OK, I have a strong position on this one. Officer Roshandra Washington-Johnson--ex-wife number 5 and Robin Quivers double in 5 feet and 11 inches--had a unique plan to stake her position on her husbandly property.

    "Hop in the car, Mooner baby, we're headed over to Puggie's Tattoo Shop," my ebony beauty told me one day about a month after we got home from our honeymoon.

    I hopped into her unmarked Ford Crown Vicky without question, as hopping when Roshandra asked was my habit. "Why Puggie's, sweetie, has there been another Jesse James sighting?"

    "Nope, my hot vanilla latte, Roshandra's gotta surprise for you," she replied, "something we need to do." She called me her hot vanilla latte and I'll not mention what I called her when we were married. Roshandra still carries a gun.

    Long story short, she wanted to get "Mooner" tattooed on her most ample bosom and I was to get "Touch this and Roshandra's gonna kick your slutty ass" inked on my pecker. All capital letters.

    Lucky for me I ran out of pecker at "kick" as the artist traced the stencil to my skin. The tattooist, a middle-aged woman named Gertie and Puggie's wife, said to Roshandra, she said, "Take him to the bathroom, honey, and prep him for me. He ain't got enough wanger on him to do this one soft."

    We spent enough time in the bathroom for me to convince my new wife that the pecker art was a bad idea and for us to break Puggie's sink off the wall. Cost me $300 to fix the sink and $45 for the mostly unused stencil.

    OK, stop. What was your question? I've been on vacation over to New Mexico and my brain is still on Mountain Time.

    1. LOL! Mooner, I started laughing uncontrollably when I read the "kick" was all you could get. I didn't see that one coming although I should know your style by now. Your funny stuff always seems to creep up on me despite the fact that I look for it after each sentence. Great story.

  6. Q, your soapbox is really sturdy. Well said!!

  7. It's all about trust ... if you can't trust your partner then you've got nothing. Great post!!

    1. Exactly. I heard someone say that a relationship without trust is like a cell phone without service.... you're just playing games at that point. :)


Search This Blog

Share Me!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
Pin It button on image hover