Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Adult In Size Only

No pride in self/work

We all have those co-workers who come to work just for a pay check. The people who do just enough to get by and keep their job. Have you ever thought what causes a person to be that way? If not, then you're probably that person.

I had a sign on my bedroom door as a child, courtesy of my mom, that stated: "It's never enough time to do it right, but always enough time to do it over."

That sign was part of the fundamentals instilled in me that you have to be careful and precise when doing things (although The Mrs. may think otherwise of me). Everyone doesn't believe that. Some people find excuses to not be the best they can be.

Maintaining leverage in the relationships

It's amazing the amount of manipulation that goes on with grown people. No wonder the urban slang "having game" means "knowing how to handle the opposite sex". Because to some, a "game" is all that it is.

We all know that some women may withhold sex from their man as a way to get what they want. Men will string women along just to give them hope that a dead-end relationship will some how flourish.

Some people in relationships try to have an edge on their significant other. Either one or both feels as if they have to have an advantage on the other. That's what's wrong with most relationships. We want to be the person holding all of the cards. We try to buy our partners. We try to (sexually) whip our partners. We even have children to try and trap our partners which actually leads to my next item...

No concept of parenting

A lot of the problems stem from split households. People don't see the importance of marriage these days and as a result, the kids are being raised with one parent while the other just has visitation (if they come around at all). One parent actually plays the role of a parent while the other tends to play the role of the best friend. This doesn't work at all. If parents aren't a united front, then kids will manipulate them like a pimp does a ho. If you can't get along and be on the same page as the person you laid down and had a baby with, then you need a hug. In order to restore parenting to where it once was, we need to restore marriage to where it once was. There's a difference between a "wife/husband" and a "wifey/hubby:" one raises children and the other has children.

Yeah, I said it. What?

- You give a lackluster effort on your job yet feel the need to curse out someone at McDonald's for forgetting your fries.

- You lie to someone saying that you love them because you don't want them to leave you before you're ready to truly commit.

- You tell your son he's now "The Man of the House" because you've failed to find someone to truly fit the position.

It's time to stop being an adult in size only.



  1. Well put. I have learned a few of these lessons, and am now a better parent than when I actually had the boys in the house. I wish I could do it all over again, but you can't turn back time.

    Sometimes you have to learn the lesson the hard way.

  2. @ LiI - Yeah, some times you can't get a do-over, but that's just a part of it. It's all about getting better. Everyone should always be "under construction."

  3. Well, I can't speak to much of this but that won't stop me from adding my two cents.

    1. I have/would NEVER withhold sex as punishment or try and hold power. It is wrong on so many levels! First being as soon as sex becomes a weapon it stops becoming about connection and that isn't okay with me! Second who is it really hurting? You want your man to cheat...go ahead and try this method, you idiot!

    2. I do not have children, do not want children, and don't understand the dynamics of raising children in a single parent home.

    I do however have plenty of experience with parents who check out of their responsibilities. Being a nanny and being in childcare most of my years it isn't new to me. It isn't a gender specific thing though. Both sexes need to realize that love, commitment, and relationships are NOT a joke, a game, or something easily tossed aside.

    I may not know about marriage, kids, or withholding sex but I understand the games that are played between the sexes. I am pretty sure we can all agree that both sides are better off if they stop!

  4. @ Jewels - I think people, myself included, who don't have kids get a bad rap at times. "Parents" think that we haven't a clue of what it takes to raise kids simply because we're on the outside looking in. I believe a lot of people without kids understand them just as well, if not better than those who have them.

    And I don't get the withholding sex stuff either. It's just dumb. Might as well stop cooking so both people can starve, too, huh? LOL!

  5. Well thought out post Q. We are all guilty of being a little lazy or cutting corners sometimes, even if it's small things, but people who just don't try annoy me. In life you get out, what you put in!

    I don't have children so i can't really comment on some of it but i do know a thing or two about relationships. People who view relationships as games are deluded because everyone knows you can't win all the time and even cheaters get caught out eventually. Whilst they may feel they are playing the game well now, eventually they will loose and end up the ones who are lonely.

  6. Wow, Q, this post kind of hit a nerve with me - and not a good one. I'm divorced. I never intended to have children when I was married, but apparently there were other "plans" in the stars, and we had an adorable little ball of piss, vinegar, and a whole lotta of sugar. Now, I am one of "those" single moms, and I'm sure there are some folks out there that might have something to say about my son's sassiness.

    I never wanted to be divorced. I tried like hell to make it work. I just refused to live in misery and let my son grow up in the chilliest house this side of the Mississippi. And yeah, I withheld sex the last year of the marriage - because I couldn't stand the sight of my ex-husband (now I don't know if you technically call that "withholding" or just detesting him so much that it was safer for him to avoid me in THAT department).

    And my son is a hooligan. I don't even try and pretend that he's not; I'm pretty sure that he comes by it quite honestly, seeing as how apples don't fall too far from the tree. But, I try to do right by him and make sure that he grows up to be a contributing member of society and that he knows the difference between "right" and "wrong."

    And I AM one of those people who tells my single friends without children who like to preach "parenting techniques" that you CAN'T understand what it's like to walk in my parenting-woe filled shoes if you ain't at least wearing the same damned size.

    I do agree that there are too many sub-par members of our species procreating when they couldn't even pass a test to get a fishing license. But, I'm not one of those people. I DO try really hard at everything - and the truth is, sometimes shit just doesn't turn out the way you want it. That's just a cold hard fact of life. I am just sick and fucking tired of people offering up opinions and solutions when they DON'T know what it's like - that would be like me telling a combat veteran that I "know exactly how he feels" even though I've never been in the military or set foot in a combat zone. It's a slippery slope and a fine line, so folks need to be mindful of how they can come off preachy or even insensitive.

    And I'm not dissing your post...just offering an alternative viewpoint - from one of those divorced, single moms.

  7. @ Alice - Thanks! Yeah, I get annoyed with those who don't try as well.

    @ Reck - I can respect that. And I'm not saying that anyone without experience in something is qualified to discuss it. A lot of people volunteer their opinion without the slightest clue to what they're talking about.

    But, I personally can say that despite not being a parent that I feel as if I have a better concept of parenting than so many people that I know. After all, we've all been a child. And I try not to offer advice unless asked for it.

    I think that despite not experiencing something, that observation can lend to gaining experience. How else can a man be an OBYGN? Because he obviously doesn't have the experience :)

    Each situation is different, so what works for one won't work for the other.

  8. I once pissed off a table full of my union coworkers when I made the comment, "If I had to pay my employees $25 an hour out of my own pocket, I wouldn't hire half the guys on this crew." but it was true! There were a lot of people who worked harder at avoiding work than they would have had to have worked if they'd just done their jobs!
    My dad pounded a work ethic thing into my hard-ass head early on when he'd wake me up to mow, or till the garden, or weed the flower beds, until I was old enough to farm out to others who needed a kid to haul bricks or mix mortar for them on weekends. It made me appreciate hard work and its rewards, and made me VERY quick to judge someone who wouldn't do their share of the work.

    We're all "works in progress" in the parenting game, though, and no one has the market cornered on doing it right all the time. It's the toughest job there is, and most of us aren't prepared or qualified for it.

  9. @ Squatlo - Parents do set the pace. Some of them really do their kids a disservice by not instilling in them the importance of pride in self and work. Great comment!


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