Loyalty is Extinct

My favorite NFL team since 1975.

Things that were once something to be proud of 50 years ago are just simply trendy in 2013.  One of those things is the act of being loyal to something or someone.  We don't do that much any more.  In fact, there are probably a lot of people who may even consider it stupid to remain with something that's not giving you what you need at that particular moment.

We live "in the moment" way too much these days.  Some blame the YOLO (you only live once) mentality, but this mindset was around way before that term.  Somewhere between 1990 and now we completely lost the ability to show loyalty.

A perfect example is in sports.  I'm a Dallas Cowboys fan.  I have been since I was old enough to remember.  I have photos of me around 3 years old wearing Cowboys stuff.  Despite the fact that they haven't won a Super Bowl since 1996 doesn't deter the fact that they're still my team.

I have a nephew who is 13 years old and he is on his 3rd "favorite" team.  Once "his" team goes on a downward spiral, he changes to another one.  He sees nothing wrong with changing of teams because he doesn't understand loyalty.  He doesn't get that there's more appreciation to patiently waiting for things to get better rather than jumping on the next team's bandwagon.  This translates into everyday relationships.

How can someone stick with a significant other through the good times and bad times if they can't grasp the concept of loyalty?

Being in a dedicated relationship means that both people have to show loyalty.  It's the cornerstone of what makes a relationship successful.  It doesn't mean that you necessarily have to stay with that person until the very end because there are exceptions to every rule (abuse, criminal/drug activity, incompatibility, etc.).  However, it does mean that even when things aren't 100% that you should hold out hope that some day they will be.

"Reality" TV doesn't help.  We see The Bachelor and The Bachelorette go through contestants like Kleenex tissues.  Although that's a scripted game show, it gives some viewers the mindset that they always have immediate options.  It encourages the mentality that "if you're not going to do what I want when I want, then I'll find someone who will until you start acting right."

If she's not giving you the intimacy you once shared as newlyweds then try to talk it out instead of creeping with a co-worker.  If he's not giving you the emotional support that you need then communicate that with him before confiding in the guy you see at the gym.  You owe that person that much simply by having the title of "significant other."  And if you don't feel that way, then you're not in a real relationship anyway.

I'm not saying you should never end a relationship.  Sometimes things just don't work.  But, you're doing yourself a disservice if you don't even try.  If you can't feel enough responsibility and dedication to stick with someone that you call a "significant other," then I guess they weren't so "significant" in the first place.

Life won't always be rosy in relationships.  Things happen.  How you respond to those things determine what kind of character you have as a person.  Are you the type of person who quits as soon as something pops off or do you try to weather the storm until things improve?

Through thick and thin, I wear my Dallas Cowboys paraphernalia proudly.  But, my commitment to love extends far beyond sports.  What about yours?

Will you stay or will you go?

What Just Happened?

Sometimes in life, you're thrown a curve ball.  You're going through your everyday life as normal and * wham * something unexpected throws you for a loop.  Before you know it, your life has changed for the better or for the worse, but you never saw it coming.  All you can do is ask yourself, "what just happened?"

Someone once told me that "certain people are placed in your world to get you to a certain place in life."  I'm a firm believer of that statement.  I think that it is sage advice and that is very true.

I felt that way after losing The Mrs. to breast cancer last year.  Although she is no longer with me, I am in a better place as a person because of the time I had with her.  I didn't realize how much that I learned from her until I had to use it on my own.

We go through life expecting the people that we love to always be there each morning we awake.  We wake up thinking that today will be pretty much like yesterday, but that's not always the case.  Things change.  Our loved one could move on to another phase in life like an out of town job.  Maybe a change in lifestyle or a work schedule means that you're unable to see each other as much or at all.  Or maybe, God forbid, they pass away.

No one wants their "cheese moved," but the one constant in all of our lives is change.

You don't know what to do.  

You don't know what to say.  

You don't know where to go.  

However, it's how you adapt to change that defines you as a person.  You can let it negatively affect you which may lead to your life spiraling out of control.  Things start to have a domino effect on you and before you know it, an unfortunate situation has turned into multiple unfortunate situations.

Or you can meet the change head-on, face your fears, and go on with your life.  You realize that whatever you once had was just a piece of the puzzle in what you call "your life."  It was a part of your life that somehow makes you a better person, regardless if you realize it or not.  Also, aside from the person dying, whatever happened doesn't mean that person is gone from your life forever.  Just like the double helix pictured below, maybe your paths will cross again.

Who's Your Modeling Agency? Instagram?

I see so many models ladies on the web showing off for the camera.  They think that because they take "back shots" or show some skin that the 1,000 male followers they have makes them something they're not.  I know, I know, some of you are saying, "Q, why are you being so hard on these ladies?"  Well, it's because of what I encountered recently.

I received an e-mail from a young lady who wanted to be on my radio show.  She has over 2,000 followers on Twitter and almost 2,000 on Instagram.  I won't post any of her photos or give her name, but her "portfolio" basically consists of photos of her in nightclubs drinking from a champagne glass and flirting with the camera.

The young lady is attractive and her outfits don't look bad, but I can't help her.  I've had a video vixen on my show before and not only was she good-looking, she was also a theater major.  She also had an agent which said to me that she was serious about her career.  It was a pleasure to interview her as opposed to potentially talking to someone who hasn't made a dime (to my knowledge) off of her "work."

Models are in the business of advertising a product.  Don't think that Brooklyn Decker is in Sports Illustrated simply to show off her boobs.  She's selling those bikinis that you see her in.  Swimsuit companies pay her good money to make their products look desirable.

I'm all for promoting people who are trying to gain as much exposure for their craft as possible.  However, having a bunch of horny guys following you doesn't make you Sofia Vegara.  Photos of you drinking something "top shelf" in a swanky nightclub don't make you Gisele Bündchen either.

People, stop it.  I'm all for having fun, but just stop it.  You don't have 1,000+ followers because people think you're the next Tyra Banks.  You have 1,000+ followers because you're half-naked in every other photo.

Please learn the difference.

What Happened to Pride?

Pride starts at home.

I really try hard to do the right thing.  I really try hard to be a good person.  But, for what?  What is the pay off for me working so hard to be presentable to the public?  My mom passed away last year, so it's not about trying not to embarrass her.  My father is 72 years old and I don't do it to impress him either.

What is it?  What makes me go about my life the way that I do?  What makes me watch what I say in public,  try to dress appropriately for where I'm going and give maximum effort on my job?  Pride.  What happened to pride?  You could see it in so many people back in the day and now it's almost non-existent.

I listened to stories that my parents told me about when they were kids.  People back then had so much pride to the point that it almost seemed like a full-time job within itself.  I have relatives who were janitors, maids, etc. who didn't feel any shame in the jobs that they did.  In fact, they were completely the opposite.

They were so proud of being employed that they worked as hard as they could and rarely took time off.  My parents instilled that same pride in me.  They taught me how to always do my best and work hard.  I do the things that I do because I now have pride in myself.  It wasn't always like that though.  I had to evolve.

When I was younger, like most kids, I acted accordingly not because I cared how I looked in the public's eyes, but to make my parents proud.  I knew that as long as they were happy, then more than likely, I would be, too.  It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out.

However, as I got older things changed.  The things I did became more about me and less about my parents.  I realized that I didn't just represent them, but I had my own reputation to uphold as well.  It took seeing some of my peers establishing bad reputations to realize it.  However, what people thought wasn't my only motivation to be a certain way.  What I thought of myself played the most important role in establishing pride in my life.

I cleaned my house when I knew no one was coming over.  I brushed my hair even though I knew I wasn't leaving the home that day.  I realized that I truly had pride in myself when I found myself putting forth a maximum effort doing things that no one would ever see.  I thank my parents for that.  I spent so much time in my life trying to make sure they were happy with my behavior, that I didn't realize that I was benefiting from it myself.

Pride is becoming extinct and it's almost completely non-existent in males.  No one feels ashamed for what they say, how they dress, or how they perform because you can't shame someone who doesn't care.  And if a child doesn't have parents who instills pride in their kids at an early age, then that makes it that much tougher to develop good habits.

This is the society that we live in now.  No one cares any more.  And the people who do care try to keep their families as far away as they can from the people who don't.  I can't say that I blame them.  So many influences of the wrong things flood our television and radio markets and what do we do as parents?  We allow our kids to partake in it.  Why?  Because other kids are doing it.  They're going to hear it anyway.  Why do we let our kids dress like adults?  "Because other kids are doing it."  "They're going to do it anyway."

That's our justification for promoting shame and demoting pride.  SMH.

Do you think that the days of people caring about anything are gone now?

If the parents don't care, then you know the kids won't.

Internet Rehab

If you're like me, then you love the internet. I can go online and literally surf for hours. Well, I probably should clarify that: I do a lot of work regarding my blog and radio show, but I am a heavy surfer.

But, what do you do when minutes turn to hours and hours turn to days? Well, on 9/9, the Behavioral Health Services at Bradford Regional Medical Center in Pennsylvania opened the first internet rehab center.  Give them 10 days and they will detach you from your web dependency for the low, low price of $14,000!

I'm always one who is skeptical of things and this rehab is one of them.  Charging $14,000 for something somebody can fix by disconnecting Wi-Fi in their home and confiscating smartphones sound a bit steep to me.  I know people who literally tweet almost a thousand times per day, but they still have a life.  Are there people out there who are so bad that they basically shut off the rest of the world?  That could be.  However, what's the difference between an internet junkie and a video gamer?  I wonder if there is a gamer rehab?

I'm skeptical of celebrity rehabs, too.  Celebrity rehab centers normally come off as vacation resorts, so it's hard to take them seriously.  Especially when so many celebs "fall off the wagon" shortly after leaving the resort rehab.  I just don't think someone can be rehabilitated in a week's time when it comes to some of the places you hear about on television.  Substance abuse is something that should take months or even over a year, if you ask me.

I love watching football a lot, so there could be a pigskin rehab some day. Don't be surprised at other rehabs that show up to take your money over things that are trivial in nature.  An addiction to anything is a problem, but everything doesn't require rehab. If it's not a substance abuse, then I question the validity of the rehab services that come to mind.  Most "addictions" probably aren't even addictions.  Some may just require a parent's intervention method called FTB (foot to butt).

Do you think rehab is necessary for web browsers or is this an overreaction?

Sex is Why You're Single

"None of this until you mow the lawn, Mr.!

Sometimes, I understand why some women are single.  They have the complete wrong idea on what it takes to establish and maintain a relationship.  I watched a YouTube video recently of something an associate of mine put together and I shook my head almost during the entire 32 minute video.

Seven women were sitting around acting like they were know it alls when it came to men.  The women appeared to range from ages 25-40 and the amount of ignorance in their speech was staggering!

There was so much bitterness and anger in some of their voices.  They talked about not giving engagement rings back, men and strippers, and other things.

However, it didn't take me long to figure out why there was so much bitterness and anger in them.  In fact, it stood out to me like a "quadricorn."  The one constant that I saw in the video was the reference of sex.  Almost all of the women in the video subconsciously considered sex as a bargaining tool.  I heard so many examples of it:

"He won't take me out to eat, but he thinks he's getting sex?"

"I'm not giving his engagement ring back if I don't marry him.  He can't give my sex back!"

"As long as I'm 'putting it down' in the bedroom, he ain't going nowhere!"

Those are just a few of the things that I heard that opened my eyes to why so many women are single.  Someone once told me that "sex is a weapon that always misfires."  That's a very true statement.  The moment that a woman says or insinuates that she's "giving" a man something, when it comes to intimacy, is the moment she lowers herself in the eyes of the man.  The guy may not even realize it himself, but it happens.

She may think that she's the "best he's ever had," but that doesn't matter.  Keep in mind that men don't cheat for "better," they cheat for "different."  You can have Grade-A stuff and he may still cheat with Grade-C stuff just because her hair color is different or she's six inches taller.

A man can have sex with no emotional attachments.  That's why it's so easy for guys to go from partner-to-partner with no conscious.  If a woman treats sex as a conditional reward, then how is she separating herself from the masses?  I hate to put it this way, but the analogy fits: "A dog only begs when he knows that he's getting a treat."  No treat?  No effort.  That's what's being created in that type of environment.

Sex is an intimacy that should be shared.  If you and your man do not experience sex as one, then you're voluntarily grouping yourself with every other woman out there.  You're reducing yourself to: quid pro quo (this for that).  That isn't healthy in a relationship.  If the two of you aren't getting enjoyment out of sex, then maybe you're not for each other.  However, if it's enjoyable when you do have it, then why hold on to it until the light bulb in the kitchen is changed?  Don't take the mindset of, "if I can't have what I want done then no one is happy."  What are you, 12?

A man should treat his woman like a queen because he feels that she is one.  Not only because he wants sex.  Because once he realizes that she's treating sex as a reward, then he'll start rationing out his good behavior only when he wants intimacy.

Do you think that bargaining with sex can be self-destructive for women?

"I'm not cooking and giving him sex, too. He has to give up at least one."

Speak Now or Forever Shut Up!

We all know that famous line that is given out in most traditional weddings. Yet, very few people take advantage of the opportunity to present an argument to the marriage. Most of us just sit on our hands and allow our friend/loved one to possibly jump into the biggest mistake of their life.

What is the best way to tell someone you care about that they're making a mistake? Most people who are in love see their significant other through rose-colored glass.  So, how do you come between that when you know in your heart that your loved one may get hurt?

We've all seen movies or heard of nightmare scenarios from others about how their sister's husband had his hands all over another woman or their cousin's fiancee was seen head-bobbing in someone else's backseat.  It can leave you in a dilemma on what to do.  You know that if your loved one doesn't believe you that they will probably hate you for life behind your accusations.  Even if you prove that the accusations are true it doesn't guarantee you'll be as close as you once were.

The other side of the coin is doing nothing.  If you sit back and do nothing and it is later revealed that you knew all along, then how will that sit with your loved one?  Seems like a lose-lose situation to me.

How do you approach a loved one to tell them bad news about their s/o?  Or do you not approach at all?

Think Like A Woman

"Think Like A Man, Too" arrives in 2014.

I saw this movie on Blu Ray a few months ago and it was pretty entertaining.  The story wasn't bad and it had a lot of funny parts.  The ton of product placement in the movie got old, but that's just the world we live in these days.

However, what I didn't like about the movie is the message that it sent: the movie, like the book, basically insinuates that if a woman thinks like a man, then she can find a good one.  Well, I think that's the farthest thing from the truth if I ever heard it.

Don't get me wrong.  There is something to be learned from the movie.  Most of it are things that the average adult should know already, however, sometimes we all need to get back to the basics on things.  Dr. Phil wouldn't have a job if it weren't for people needing the basics from time-to-time.  But, when it comes to what a man wants...

A man wants a woman who thinks like a woman.

I mean, surely that makes sense right?  If a man wanted a woman who thought like a man, then he would probably date a man.  A woman who is plotting and scheming her every move based on how I would think probably shouldn't be with me in the first place.  After all, if you have to keep a step ahead of the man you're dating to prevent him from getting over on you, then he's not a good guy in the first place.

Dating can be pretty hard.  Finding two people on the same page isn't easy and I get that.  Men have so much leverage these days because there are plenty of women willing to make things easy for us.  That makes it harder for the respectable women to date and that's a shame.  The respectable woman has to either wait on a man to decide that he's not about the games any more or work twice as hard to get his attention.

I know that it sounds like I'm hating on the movie, but I'm not.  The movie isn't bad.  However, it's just that: a movie.  It's entertainment.  Yet, I've seen so many women, especially on social networks, treat it as if it's a documentary.  All of them are pretty much still single, too.

Do you feel like "thinking like a man" can help you land a good one (or change a bad one)?