Thursday, April 21, 2011

Charlie Sheen and Snooki Polizzi Get Married

Okay, no, they really didn't get married, but if they did, how huge would it be?  As much as I hate reality TV and how TMZ makes D-list "celebrities" into stars, I think Charlie and the Snookster need to get with me on this money-making opportunity!

Let's be honest, TV determines what we like and dislike.  Stupid, right?  Well, welcome to America: where most of us get our instructions from the boob tube!  Anyway, since we know this fact (and I challenge anyone to prove otherwise about TV thinking for us), let's continue to do even more manufacturing of a news story, shall we?

Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi gained her fame by being a reality show participant on the now-famous "Jersey Shore."  Snooki, who is actually Chilean, but raised by Italian-American parents who adopted her, has gone from a no-name to a best-selling author and TV personality.  She gained her status through being argumentative, disrespectful, a drunk, and whoreish.  Any one of those qualities can get you 15 minutes of fame in today's society, but if you pull off all four, then you're a bonafide star!

Charlie Sheen, born Carlos Estevez, has turned a so-so acting career into a huge money with "Two and A Half Men."  A show that I've only watched once or twice, but it was a Top 25 show each week with the Nielsen Ratings.  "Chuck" Sheen made over $1.25 million dollars per episode of that show.  Per episode!  To celebrate, he did more hookers and blow than Keith Richards in his prime or Simon Adebisi on a work-release from "Oz."

So, why not put them together as a couple and let the cash roll in?  Charlie, Snooki, get with me and I'll make you some serious cash!  First you two need a couples' nickname a la "Bradgelina."  I'm thinking something simple like "Charlie Shore" or "Jersey Sheen."  Then you can release a sex tape showing how a Treasure Troll and a warlock get down (Bow-chicka-wow-wow).  Finally, you can spring your love child on the world!  Can you imagine how much magazines will pay for photos of Snooki and Charlie's child?

Introducing Snooki Charline Sheen - Age 3

Snooki Charline Sheen - Age 20
Think of the headlines: "No Class meets Shot Glass."  "A Bag of Snacks meets a Bag of Smack."  "Tan Lines meets Coke Lines."  Duh, winning!

Afterwards, I can work with Paula Abdul / Simon Cowell (their love child will be an air-head that wears tight shirts) and Kim Kardashian / Donald Trump (that child be will all booty and hairpiece).

What two TV personalities would you match in order to get America's tiger's blood racing?


  1. That is worse than hooking up "He Who Shall Not Be Named" with either P.Hilty (Paris whoreface Hilton)or Lindsey Lohan. Can someone please send those jacktards off on a one-way trip to some place far, far away?

  2. It is because of people like this, that I propose we find a way to keep people from breeding. Make it a privilege, not a right.

    Kind of like driving. You need a license, and need to pass certain tests, before you're allowed to make babies.


  3. Another why people on TV shouldn't be looked up to. They make money on how stupid they behave in public. It's sad to see how TV has dwarfed into this mess. But as long as we continue to watch it, it will be there for our entertainment.

    The mixture between them 2 would be gross.

  4. @ Lynn - Think of the money they would make!
    @ Empress - Although most of us with common sense despise why they're famous, we have to face the fact that we're in the minority. We're not far from a reality TV personality running for President.
    @ LiI - I posted once about people needing a license to have kids. Maybe we can get a movement started.
    @ Sonia - Oh, I have a post on "role models" coming soon. Noticed I used quotes. LOL!

  5. OOOOH! You dropped "Oz" in there! I loved that show!!! How scandalous is it that O'Reilly (Ryan, not Cyril) is doing those creepy insurance commercials now?! Oh, sorry...I got sidetracked. Thank you for the education today on those two nimrods...I didn't know anything about "Snooki" bc I've never watched any of that crap. And the only reason I ever liked Charlie was because of his performance in "Platoon." (one of my all time favorite movies) We all need to stop giving these "celebrities" and sports stars our attention. We need to take the money they "earn" (HAH!) and re-allocate it to people who really deserve it - like our military, our police, our paramedics, etc...

  6. Reckmonster, "Oz" was my show. It's one of the many reasons (but, the main) that I refuse to go to jail! LOL! I can't whip an Adebisi type. I follow all of the "Oz" graduates. All of them end up on "Law & Order" at some point. I love O'Reilly's commercials. "Shaky, shaky, shaky." LOL! I guess I got sidetracked, too. I need to blog on "Oz." Anyhoo, don't forget teachers from your list. They're severely underpaid and very disrespected. I'm glad that I could educate you in some Snookology!

  7. OOOH! OOOH! Yeah - you totally need to blog on Oz!!! Seriously - that was one of the DEEPEST shows like EVERRRRRRR. And yes, you are absolutely right in that it is a HUGE incentive to NEVER go to prison! (or WORK in one, for that matter! LOL)

  8. A baby from these two would be messed up, yet somehow a part of me wishes it were true for entertainment value. I'm a sad sad person :(

  9. @ Alice, it's all about being entertained, right? Standards need not apply!


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