Good. That's exactly what I want. I hope I step on so many toes with this post that I leave a room full of dislodged toenails after I'm done. I struggled with my approach to this post because at first, I didn't want to upset any one. Afterwards, I thought to myself, "this is one of the many reasons black people are stuck in the rut we've been in for decades now. Why be nice?"
Your child deserves two parents and if you disagree, then you're an idiot. That doesn't mean that a single parent can't manage on their own, I'm not saying that. What I am saying is that a single parent's love can never possibly match the love of a two-parent household.
"Children of unmarried mothers of any race are more likely to perform poorly in school, go to prison, use drugs, be poor as adults, and have their own children out of wedlock" according to the column that Jesse Washington, an AP National Writer, wrote.
It doesn't take much research to figure that one out. If the mother is having to work, clean, pay bills, etc., then who in the world has time to fool with kids, right?
Parenting is meant to be a team effort. That sentence would look good on a t-shirt right about now. It takes a phenomenal person to raise a child successfully solo. Contrary to what most of you believe, most of you aren't that phenomenal.
And to the sperm donors, let me give you my two cents. Some black males have no clue of what "being a man" truly is. It pains me to say that. You're so focused on putting rims on your car, buying jewelery and wearing name-brand garbage that you can't see what it's all about and it sickens me.
You continue to go through life thinking a woman's job is to take care of you because you, too, probably came from a single-mom household.
We gotta break the cycle. Why not be the person to do so? Why not start educating today? Why not bring back that unwed mothers are taboo in the black community?
The black community's 72 percent rate dwarfs that of whites mothers at 29 percent, the most recent year for which government figures are available. The rate for the overall U.S. population was 41 percent.
Dag, if you can't have sex responsibly then close your legs until you say "I do", black people! I've heard the reasons that lead to single-parent households and the main culprit is "irresponsibility". Sure condoms break or other birth control methods fail, but we all know that people have unprotected sex like it's Woodstock 2010. I'm not saying it's all the fault of the female, but given the fact you're normally the one left to raise the kid, it should mean more to you than him.
My parents made it very clear to me that bringing a child home before marriage was not an option! The odds of me surviving a plane crash while riding on the wing was higher than my survival rate of bringing home a baby. And if it were to happen, which it did not, then my days of being "free" were over. They said that I would basically waive my "right to party" the moment that child's heartbeat started.
How many baby mamas and daddies do you see in the club every weekend? More than you can count, huh? They drop off their kid(s) at grandma's and roll out to make more.
That same message that was given to me by my parents is not in our households today. My generation dropped the ball and made it "okay" to have a kid. At one time, having a child out of wedlock was considered taboo. Now, losers like the "Octomom" are coming unhinged at the hip from having a litter of them.
Okay, my rant is over. To all of the single, black moms, I'm not saying that your child has absolutely no chance of being productive in society. I'm not saying your child is a "mistake".
I am saying that you got careless. For whatever reason, you got hot in the pants, wanted to trap your man, birth control failed or maybe you actually thought being a single parent was easily do-able.
Well, regardless if your reason is any of the above, then more than likely, you didn't have the best interest of your child in mind. And if you're not doing all that you can to prevent others from falling into the same trend, then you're not taking the best interest of your community either.
Tell them that pregnancy should be planned after a wedding. Not shacking, but marriage. Why some of you think living with a guy is the same as marrying one is beyond me. Why would a woman think she's good enough to get impregnated and good enough to shack up with, but not good enough to take her baby daddy's last name? Are your standards that low?
So many of my beautiful sisters complain that there are not enough eligible black men in the U.S. who are suitable for marriage. Then where are all of these "suitable" men coming from to impregnate them?
No good black men left in the world? How many black women without kids are left?
I'm guessing less than 28%.
Q - I'm just going through reading some of your older posts and this one caught my eye. I agree with what you're saying about it taking two parents to successfully raise a child. Every child DESERVES to have two parents present. When I decided to divorce my husband (for a litany of reasons) - I was so pained by the fact that my son would never have the memories of "family vacations" with both parents - and that he probably wouldn't remember what it was like to have both parents living in the same house at the same time (because he was only three). I get the gist of your post - don't do the crime if you ain't ready to do the time after - I agree with that part. I was married for 3 yrs before my son was born (and he was a surprise - bc we didn't plan to have children). I dragged my exhusband to marriage counseling for 5 years before I threw in the towel. The part where I will diverge from agreeing with you is that when you have made every last attempt to make it work with your child's other parent - sometimes splitting up is actually better for the child bc it sure beats the hell out of having the child live in the north pole (seeing as how it can get rather frosty in a home where two parents are at each other's throats all of the time). So - the only thing I would add to your argument - and I don't care WHAT race we're talking about - is that if you choose to split up - Y'ALL BOTH better be present as parents and involved in that kid's life after the fact! It SUCKS being a single mother. And it sucks WORSE being a single mother with a baby daddy who pays his child support on time (only because he's afraid of losing his driver's license) - but for all intents and purposes, has nothing to do with the child's upbringing. THAT is why I went back to court to get full custody of my son - I will be making all of the decisions and I don't need to ask his dad's permission or consult with him or any of that "cooperative parenting" shit - but only because he didn't do it anyway. So, to anyone who chooses to bring a child into the world - black, white, yellow, red, purple or rainbow colored - BOTH parents need to step up - if you decide not to "be together" in a marriage - then you DAMN sure better play your part as a parent - because the only person you hurt is that child. And I'll agree with you again, Q - it sets a bad example (absent parenting) - you could just be growing the NEXT irresponsible parent. Sorry to rant so long!!
ReplyDelete