Friday, July 25, 2014

The Walking Dead

No, this isn't about the popular TV show that features zombies galore.  This is about people stuck in a lame duck relationship/marriage.  You know there's no chance for anything in the future, but you're still wandering around aimlessly like a zombie.  Instead of searching for brains you are searching for change.  Hoping that something will flip the switch in your mate and help them to realize that they are drifting away.

But, most of the time they will not change.  I think most people who drift away in relationships do so voluntarily.  It may not start as a conscious act, but when you ultimately want to get rid of someone it's easier to frustrate them into leaving then asking them to do so.

So, what do you do when you find yourself in that situation?  Well, you have a few choices:

  • You can stay and fight for what you want.  If you believe that he or she is a good person then you will communicate your feelings to them and hope that they snap out of it.
  • You can remain in the relationship and enjoy the convenience of having a pretty sure thing when it comes to having someone to go out with or engage in intimate acts with now and then.  Although their mind may be elsewhere their bodies may still be available for dates and sex.
  • You can walk away from it all.  If you don't think the person cares for you any more than find someone who does.  You shouldn't have to beg someone to love you.
Hopefully this never happens to you, but if it does then don't let it ruin your life.  It's a lot more common than people realize.  Relationships are all about people being on the same page and it's okay if you're not on the same page with your mate.  That's life.  Just try to figure out which of those three situations work best for you and remember that there's no wrong choice if you believe in your decision.

4 comments:

  1. I like how you said there is no wrong decision. Everyone has to do what is right for them; so take time to figure that out and feel confident in whatever choice that may be.

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    1. Exactly. Sometimes people just have to do what makes them happy. It may be hurtful to the other, but ultimately the "dumpee" should want to be with someone who reciprocates the love.

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  2. Great post Q! And it's true... there is NO wrong decision. I've seen people come back together and the drifting partner make a full 180... I've seen people ditch the situation and be perplexed how it seemed to happen in the next relationship, and the next... never realizing they may be part of the problem... The bottom line is, it's all a process... a journey. As long as you are not being abused (mentally, physically or otherwise), then no one can tell you what's right or wrong. BUT it does pay to listen to the counsel of friends and professionals, if we fear our vision may be skewed on the situation!

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    1. Thanks, Lisa! Exactly. Friends play a huge role. Real friends, not cheerleaders. Break ups don't have to be ugly. They can wind up pleasant enough for the two to share a room together at a party without it being weird. But, only if it's done right. Relationship Rx had a great blog post on how to break up with someone that posted just recently.

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