I'll name some behaviors associated with sexual addiction. Just for fun, I'll list the type of people who would probably partake in the act:
1. Compulsive masturbation - most men
2. Multiple affairs (extra-marital affairs) - most politicians
3. Multiple or anonymous sexual partners and/or one-night stands - most NBA players
4. Consistent use of pornography - most college students
5. Unsafe sex - see #3
6. Phone or computer sex (cybersex) - most nerds
7. Prostitution or use of prostitutes - see #2
8. Exhibitionism - strippers
9. Obsessive dating through personal ads - again, see #2
10. Voyeurism (watching others) and/or stalking - ugly guys
I think that even if you were to combine multiple "symptoms" listed above that it doesn't necessarily make a person a sex fiend. If so, then I know a lot of people who need rehab!
Can you really be addicted to sex? I guess like everything in life, too much of anything is bad for you. So, I do think that it's more likely for a person to be horny to the point of unhealthy. However, I don't think any of the above (at face value) define what a sex addict is in my opinion.
When I think of an addict, I think of someone who is willing to regularly put their life (or someone else's) at risk in order to get the high that they're seeking. I think of a crack head stealing from their own family. I think of an alcoholic continuing to drink despite having a bad liver. I think of an overweight person scarfing down a triple cheeseburger despite having high cholesterol.
I don't think of a person watching porn or making a booty call as a sex addict. I don't think a person reaches the level of a sex addict until things like molestation or rape comes into play. When you get to the point that you're willing to take it when you can't get it, then you're an addict. Or engaging in unhealthy activities can probably qualify you, too.
Tiger Woods was once a member of a sex rehab located about 90 miles from my hometown. He threw his marriage away over a few romps in the sack with some cafe waitresses. Does that make him an addict or just an idiot?
Pee Wee Herman once got busted for playing "pocket poker" in a theater. Addict or freak?
(Insert man here) gets a woman pregnant because he didn't practice safe sex. Addict or irresponsible?
So, I do believe there is a such thing as a sex addiction, but I think the symptoms have to be a lot more severe than what's listed. If you're spending your very last dime on a monthly subscription to SweatyBiceps.com, then maybe you do have a problem. If you're buying sheep, but you're not a farmer, then maybe you qualify as a sex addict. If you think Ann Coutler is sexy, then maybe you have issues (or a praying mantis fetish).
I'm torn on this one. There are people who are addicted to porn or fetishes and can't get off unless certain things are happening. That's not exactly what you're talking about here.
ReplyDeleteI don't think NBA players or high profile men are "sex addicts" I just think there are more women throwing themselves at them willing to do anything for their attention and men have egos that demand feeding, are away from their wives, and higher opportunity for cheating (with a higher quality woman) will lead to a higher statistical possibility of cheating. I honestly believe they term it an "addiction" to remove their blame in it all. SO they can turn around and say, "It's not weakness...it's an illness." Does that make sense?
Now, all that being said I think there are certain people who are actually addicted to sex (just not those tools). There is a heightened sex drive, an above average desire to have sex, and then there are those who willingly have unprotected sex with anonymous people for the endorphin high it provides and the band aid to their low self esteem. *Note these are not people who just enjoy sex but do so safely* These are people who answer personal ads, meet strangers with no concept of safety, and then end up in dangerous or deadly situations because they can't say no to sex. To put yourself in those situations I would think you'd have to be addicted...why else would you ever take such a risk!?
Well, a lot of things I mentioned were cynical in nature. I don't think NBA players, politicians and the likes are sex addicts, I just think most of them are horny and irresponsible. That's why I was stating at the end of the blog is it something an addict would do, or just a freak? I do think that people can be addicted to anything, but like you said, some people want to use "sex addiction" as an excuse to cheat. I think that's what Tiger probably did. It's not like he was in some back alley getting a head job from a skank with tuberculosis or anything. He was just taking advantage of women who probably were enamored by the fact he paid attention to them despite them lacking social status amongst the stars.
DeleteYou should read the book "Choke" by Chuck Palahniuk if you haven't already. You will get a good view on a sex addict in that one, as well as a good story.
ReplyDeleteI've never heard of it, but it sounds interesting. Thanks.
DeleteI think, like a good number of modern disorders, there is probably a very, very small number of legitimate cases of sex addiction. A much larger portion of the "addicts" are just assholes making excuses for bad behaviour.
ReplyDeleteLOL! Exactly!
DeleteGeorge Collins, best selling author of Breaking the Cycle, Free Yourself from Sex Addiction, Porn Obsession, and Shame is angry and he's not going to take it anymore.
ReplyDeleteHere is his article entitled "Sex Addiction is Not a Myth. Dr. Ley is Wrong, Sex Addiction is Not a Myth .
This article is a direct response to Dr. Ley's article "The Myth of Sex Addiction" by George Collins, Therapist, best selling author, and former sex addict. Both Dr. Ley and George Collins are debating this precise issue on the vicereport.com's audio blog series in the next couple of weeks. The vicereport.com is the largest new site in the English speaking world about sex addiction and porn addiction and the impact these sexual compulsions have on self, family, employment, policy and the law.
My universe, my practice, and my life is filled with hundreds of brave men and women (mostly men) who realize that compulsive pornography and sex is ruining their lives. Many who see me have either lost their spouses, jobs, children, obscene amounts of money. Some are near suicide. Many have been sexually molested physically or emotionally or both. Most have suffered some profound trauma that would make a grown man cry. I know because I do.
I wrote my book, Breaking the Cycle: Free Yourself from Sex Addiction, Porn Obsession, and Shame to treat what a clear majority of physicians, psychologists, addiction specialists, and therapists are calling a public health epidemic. Extremely graphic and hardcore pornography has never in the history of mankind been more available to more people, including children.
I'm sorry, but is this a comment or an advertisement?
DeleteI completely think that it's possible, but because it's a relatively new diagnosis and there is such a huge grey area that I believe there are many people that use it as an excuse.
ReplyDeleteI think we need an investigation. I'd be willing to interview five sexually addicted women, in-person of course, to see if it's true. :)
DeleteI have actually done a bit of research on this topic and what most of the doctor-written books indicate is that, like with other things that can cross the line between normal and addiction, there is a distinction and set of criteria that shows a progression into the addiction mindset.
ReplyDeleteThere are clinical studies that show the "high" that sex addicts get during the pursuit and act via brain scans and such and that is well and good but the more evident clue is when a person puts themselves in danger and/or risks losing everything to pursue sex. That's a very simplified definition of course but I think you get the point.
The debate of whether it's legit or not continues, but when you look at reactions and consequences that would be found in any other addiction set, it bears discussion in my opinion.
Great comment. I only had a "high" after my very 1st time having sex. It was all downhill from there. I never wanted to do anything that would cause regrets by having sex. I'm far from an addict.
DeleteI love talking about sex and everything pervy. My wife and I have a D/s relationship - both in and out of the bedroom. On top of that, we both just love one another and sex... I can't think of a time in the five years we've been married that we haven't had sex. We've even "done it" when sick, haha. We also usually have morning and evening sex. I think there are two sorts of sex addicts. Girls (and guys) like myself - all about self love and sex with your partner, trying new things, studying the juicy and even technical facts, putting together hott outfits and costumes, etc., etc. Also, as I said, the D/s side is a little more lifestyle for us than it is for the regular bedroom-kink types. We also love toys and often buy lingerie like once a month.
ReplyDeleteNow... I think there are also bad sex addicts. Like people who are addicted to porn, web cam girls, or just sex in the sense of fuck anything they see. Or people who repeatedly cheat because they need more, more, more. I think if you're hurting someone, or ignoring important parts of life because of sex - that can be a very bad addiction.
Just my pervy two cents. ;)
And a very good pervy two cents it is. D/s is dominatrix/submission, isn't it? Morning and evening sex would wear me out. LOL! Maybe back when I was 24.:)
DeleteSex addiction is a form of OCD, and there may me other mental health factors at play for sex addicts. It's sad, and the people who go through it are left with a lot of shame and guilt. This is different from people who can't keep it in their pants and cheat, as it's an actual disorder and not just a personal flaw.
ReplyDeleteYes, I watched Dr. Drew's Sex Rehab! :)
Dr. Drew would be so proud! The more comments I read, then the more serious I think the addiction could be. What started out as a light-hearted post has really taught me a lot.
DeleteAccording to the DSM-IV-TR (the mental health diagnosis bible), paraphilias (sexual disorders) "are recurrent intense sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors generally involving (a) nonhuman objects, (b) the suffering or humiliation of oneself or one's partner, or (c) children or other nonconsenting persons."
ReplyDeleteThere is no formal diagnosis for "sex addiction" in the DSM-IV-TR, but...you could diagnose someone who has a "sex addiction" problem with Sexual Disorder NOS or Impulse Control Disorder NOS (not otherwise specified) - because there ARE always shades of gray in life.
I think if someone is engaging in ANY behavior that is so out of control that it results in negative consequences or getting consistent feedback from others about the behavior being a problem - it's time to get help. I'd argue that there are one or more underlying diagnoses for someone who might be dealing with a "sexual addiction." I think it's just like a substance addiction - it's just covering up something that's buried deep within the person - so it's more like a symptom of the REAL problem.
Sorry...I had to get all clinical up in here!
Go ahead, Dr. Reck! Do your thing! :) Now I have to go get a medical dictionary and look all of this stuff up to see what you said. LOL!
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