Saturday, August 14, 2010

Tiger Would, But I Won't

Man, I wish people would get off of Tiger's case. Now, before you get started, I'm not condoning anything he did. Tiger would, but I won't. I've been married eight years and I could not inflict that type of heartache on The Mrs. like Tiger did to Elon.

Even though I think the media is unfair to him, I'm not a fan of Tiger's. I haven't shown him any love ever since the day he turned down a chance to speak at Jackie Robinson's 50th anniversary for breaking the color barrier in '97. He said he had another engagement for his American Express sponsor. Jackie Robinson is the difference between Tiger "putting on grass" and "cutting the grass", so I felt like he should have dropped everything to speak at that event. I haven't cared for him since.

Having said that, the media has torn into Tiger so badly that he's actually become a sympathetic figure.

Some want to argue, "Tiger portrayed himself with this squeaky-clean image. He scammed us. He deserved to be treated harshly."

If you feel as if Tiger Woods betrayed you by cheating on his wife, then you need a hug. How is he suppose to portray himself in the spotlight? As a loser? As a degenerate? And how does his image cause you to feel betrayed in your life?

I don't get it. Charlie Sheen tries to kill his wife (allegedly). He's done hookers, drugs, and now has an attempted murder charge yet he gets a contract extension on "Two and A Half Men". Tiger cheats on his wife and has to call a press conference to apologize? A golfer? Not a political figure, but a golfer? Are you kidding me? Now every time he misses a shot it's because the "guilt is weighing heavily on him".

I never thought Tiger had those types of mental issues, but now I see that he does. Tiger has given in to the media pressure. The man who I thought had the most focused mind than any other sports athlete on the planet has crumbled.

So, what does Tiger need to do in order to get back on top (no pun intended)? Actually, maybe that is what he needs to do. Finalize that divorce with Elon so she can get her $400 million for being a high-priced nanny and get his butt back to the Waffle House and find another minimum wage chick.

Yeah, I know it sounds chauvinistic, but I'm talking about re-establishing the man's career. Do what got you there. If running women after-hours made you the best golfer on the planet, then do it. As long as you're single, then who cares?

In fact, I would be willing to take time out from my busy schedule to introduce you to some of my favorite waitresses at Burgers & Blues or IHOP. Just because I'm a nice guy.

So, Tiger, get at me. Let me help you out. You don't need a Swing Coach to help your game, you need a Life Coach.


  1. lmfao AMEN! Now the part of me that has a vagina wants to cut tiger's dick off! ...but the part of me with sense realizes that what happened needs to be out of the public eye and behind closed doors!

  2. You truly type exactly what you're thinking at the time. LOL!


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