Tuesday, February 10, 2015

If You're Broke Then Don't Date (Man or Woman)

Relationships are easy to get into, but difficult to maintain.  So, it's safe to say that you have to avoid certain pitfalls in order to find one that works.  You have to put yourself in a position to succeed if you want something that could end up in a long term or permanent venture.  In order to be a spouse, you have to become a spouse.

Now, that sounds redundant, but if you heard me say it instead of just reading it then you would think that I was a philosopher or something. :)

To "become a spouse" you have to have your life in order.  Any chaos in your life will transfer to anyone you try to date.  No matter how you try to hide or suppress whatever is causing strife at home it will come to the forefront.  And more than likely it will be the wedge driven between you and your significant other.

One of those things that drives a wedge in relationship is money.  Generally, the lack thereof.  Any time someone doesn't know how their next bill is going to get paid then that's the pure definition of "stress."  You're "robbing Peter to pay Paul," you're getting extensions, paying late fees, and other things just to maintain some necessities in life.  But, you want to go out this weekend with someone you just met?  Child, please.

For men, we're expected by most of society to "court" the woman.  That can mean taking her to dinner, movies, etc.  There are free and inexpensive ways to get to know someone, but that depends on the woman.  There are some women who don't care where you go or what you do.  They just want to spend time with you and be treated with respect.  Most men refer to those women as "potential wives" or the "kind you take home to Momma."  If a woman has to go out to eat, drink, socialize just to be with you then most men like to call them "rentals."  Harsh, but true.

Now this blog does not apply to college students who are usually broke.  We understand your situation.  But as an adult it's imperative that you have some sort of income that will allow you to date.  There are some females who don't require being courted, so they'll be okay with "coming over to chill" at the crib with you.  A DVD and fast food can turn into sex.  You can get by being broke with them because they have lower standards anyway.  That's why I referred to them as "females" instead of "ladies."

However, ladies generally want to be courted and expect the man to entertain.  That actually rubs some guys (notice I said "guys" and not "men") the wrong way.  Some guys will sit back and think, "well, I spent $50 on dinner and she didn't spend a dime.  She owes me."

Well, some women do treat the man every now and then and it's a wonderful and appreciated gesture.  Yet, a lot of guys are quick to holler, "Why doesn't she treat me every other date?  She works a full-time job just like I work one!"

Well, consider this, fellas: most women buy a new outfit when they go out with someone new.  Let's just say hers cost $100.  She also wants to get her hair and nails done.  Add in another $100.  Do you still think that she kept her purse closed for your date?  Absolutely not.  Because she wants to look just as impressive if not more impressive than the time you met her and asked her out.  Guys, you probably actually come out cheaper just paying for dinner than what it cost her to get ready for dinner.  I'm just saying.

So, don't be so quick to ask her to foot the bill when all you did is get a hair cut, um 'kay?

The bottom line is: "Romance without finance is a nuisance."  Money isn't necessary to have a good time and enjoy someone, but in today's society it's very important.  Very little is free these days, so finding entertainment can be costly depending on where you live.  So, if you find someone worthy of your time then be in a place where both of you aren't restricted because of finances.  Being financially secure can give you a peace of mind that can make you a lot more pleasant to date.


  1. I'm not sure how I feel about this one. You GOTTA get out and meet people no matter what your "status" is. There is something to be said for good planning, but I'm equally in favor of living in the moment and allowing passion and fancy to rule. I wouldn't make it such a cut and dry rule here... Just sayin'

    1. Thanks for the comment, Lisa! There's always an exception to the rule, so I completely get what you're saying. However, I think that everyone needs a starting point and then they can take the evaluation from there to see if the exception applies.

  2. Yeah - I agree with Lisa! Not sure how I feel about this one either. People who do not have money can still be happy and make great partners.

    1. Oh, absolutely! It can definitely happen, but in today's society with so much stress financially it can be a lot for some to overcome. I've seen more examples of it not working than working. Maybe it's different in bigger cities where there are a lot more free activities.

  3. Q, I get what you're saying. You get what you put out when dating. I've dated guys who, although they had money, acted like they were broke college kids. why? Because they lack respect for the female they are dating. They'd rather make as little effort as possible, whether cheap, free or spending money, because all they want is a quick lay. You get what you put out. If you put out there that you are looking to BE a cheap date, then you're going to get cheap (as in skeezy) people in return to date. It's not about how much money you have or how much money you spend on a date, it's about how you present yourself in order to attract the right person.

    1. Great points, BSG! Money definitely isn't the end-all, be-all. It's just something that can enhance a good time and make it a great time. There's frustration that comes with not having money and that frustration can transfer to a mate really quick. Second to infidelity, the lack of money breaks up more relationships than anything else, so it is important for sure.


Search This Blog

Share Me!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
Pin It button on image hover