50 Shades of Hype

Let me first say that the title is not in reference to the movie itself. It's in reference to the critics who have come out against the movie... I saw "50 Shades of Grey" last Friday. It's not the type of movie that I'd see at the theater, but I was out with The Lady and she had interest in it. The night before there were local news stories galore of people boycotting the movie because it promoted domestic violence. Well, to those people I have to say, "you obviously didn't see the movie."

I think that they're basing that complaint on either what they've heard or read. There were people who said that the movie promoted lust and sin. Well, to those people I have to say, "you're absolutely right." LOL! However, so do a majority of primtetime TV shows you same critics enjoy. John 8:7 much? Be consistent is all I'm saying. No one likes a "hypo-Christian" (hypocrite).

As far as the movie goes, I actually enjoyed it. I've never read the book nor do I have a desire for that, but the movie was a solid 7 out of 10 for me. The first hour was really good as the characters developed. The second hour kind of dragged on a bit too long for me, but it wasn't bad by any means. It just kind of lost my interest for a bit. However, I think that the average person would enjoy the movie as the main characters both played their roles very well. I would definitely be interested in the sequel.

To speak on the domestic violence angle, there wasn't any. Maybe the book plays out differently, but the movie didn't have any domestic violence or degradation of women whatsoever. Everything was consensual and nothing was ever forced. In fact, Christian Grey, the lead character, constantly gave Anastasia Steele options to leave at any time if she didn't approve of something. Aside from some "stalkerish" tendencies Christian had, the movie wasn't something worth protesting in my opinion.  Again, I'm a guy, so take it for what it's worth. However, The Lady seemed to agree with me on that point.

Now, the sex. I know that's what a lot of people who have yet to see the movie want to know the most about. In my opinion, the sex was no more than what I've seen in movies like "Fatal Attraction" with Michael Douglas or Glenn Close. It definitely wasn't as graphic as Lisa Bonet and Mickey Rourke in "Angel Heart." I still have nightmares about that one. It was just movie sex. Not as bad as Cinemax, but bad enough for those under 17 to not be allowed to see it. No frontal nudity or anything.  In fact, if it weren't for the nudity, this movie wouldn't have been any more provocative than an episode of "Scandal" or "How to Get Away with Murder."

So, let's do away with the "50 Shades of Hype" for those trying to condemn this movie. It's just a movie. And if you are chomping at the bit to criticize it then can you at least see it first? Do what a majority of social media participants don't do and make an informed decision.

Why So Much Hate on Valentine's Day?

Valentine's Day has been around for quite some time now. However, what was once embraced as a favorite holiday for some has turned into a time to be salty for others. I don't get it. Who hates on a day of love? People with social media accounts, that's who. Folks who think that because they have followers that it makes them some sort of expert on certain topics. Well, I'm no expert. I just have opinions. And I'm quick to admit that. But, there are two type of people who make my butt itch when it comes to Valentine's Day:

The Non-Traditionalist type

This is the person hates everything traditional.  They believe that all things can be done differently from how you celebrate Christmas to making up their own definition to what a relationship is.  They will comment on multiple threads explaining why Valentine's Day doesn't define the love you have in a relationship. They will get on their high horse and say things like, "well, we celebrate love in our relationship/marriage all year and not just on one day." Or something like "A box of candy and flowers that will die in three days don't symbolize love. It's just another commercialized holiday."

Look, if you don't want to celebrate the holiday then that's fine. Don't.  But, it's a bit petty to voice your opinion on the timelines of people who didn't ask for it. Any day of the year is what you make it. Some people make a huge deal about their birthdays. They may even count down the days for months. That's not my thing, but I don't go plastering comments on their timeline about how I treat every day as my birthday in an attempt to look superior.

Instead, I let them enjoy their moment because as long as people are happy then why should I care what is causing it? What makes them happy may not be a big deal to me and vice versa. But, a lot of people in social media don't have a mind that works like that. They camp out and look for an opportunity to pounce on your updates to show you that they're "smarter" than you just because they're different. It's actually kind of a sad cry for attention if you ask me.

The Single, Don't Need A Man type

We all know this person. Quick to give advice that obviously doesn't work because they're perpetually single. Most of the time this person is simply ignored. Everyone knows that she wishes that she was out enjoying herself on V-day, but because she's not, she's downplaying the holiday. "I don't need a man to celebrate. My son/daughter loves me." Or "I'm going out with my girls and celebrating V-day. I don't need a man to have a good time and be loved."

Look, if you're single then by all means enjoy your children (if you're a mom) or your friends on Valentine's Day. But, don't act like there's something wrong with those who may have a man. I read so many posts on FB of ladies saying "he may be taking you to dinner tonight, but he was with his side chick last night." Or "If his cell phone rings while you're at dinner with him then that's the woman he told that he had to work so that he could go out with you."

Seriously? You're over 16 years old and you're posting stuff like that on your timeline? SMH. By the way, that last quote is an actual comment from Facebook.  You can almost tell who is single or in an unhappy relationship/marriage on FB or Twitter just by reading some of the status updates. Social media allows people to think out loud and so we now realize as a society how many people hate almost anything they can't do successfully themselves.

In conclusion, Valentine's Day is a day of publicly expressing love. That's all it is to me. You can make of it what you want, but that's my opinion on it. It's why you send your lady flowers/candy to her job on Friday the 13th instead of giving it to her in person on Saturday the 14th. You send it on the 13th because you want her coworkers to see the expression of love delivered to her. It allows them to see her be happy as well as inspire some of the non-haters to want something similar to that happiness.

It's why some get dressed up and go out to dinner that evening. You do so as a way to publicly express your love/care. It may not appear to be a big deal, but it means a lot to what appears to be a majority of people in this country. It can be an expensive holiday and it's true that it is commercialized like every other holiday. However, if it makes people smile then why complain about it? Because you don't do it? Because you honestly think that no one has ever considered it your way before?

You can wear an over-sized t-shirt, sweatpants, and eat McDonald's on the couch with your loved one if you want. You can go to Chuck E. Cheese's with your kids. You can visit a relative, go shopping, write a blog, or whatever it is that you want to do. I'm not telling you how to celebrate (or to celebrate at all). I'm just saying that if it's "just another day" for you then act like it. And please refrain from trying to damper the spirits of others on a day that they wish to celebrate.

If You're Broke Then Don't Date (Man or Woman)

Relationships are easy to get into, but difficult to maintain.  So, it's safe to say that you have to avoid certain pitfalls in order to find one that works.  You have to put yourself in a position to succeed if you want something that could end up in a long term or permanent venture.  In order to be a spouse, you have to become a spouse.

Now, that sounds redundant, but if you heard me say it instead of just reading it then you would think that I was a philosopher or something. :)

To "become a spouse" you have to have your life in order.  Any chaos in your life will transfer to anyone you try to date.  No matter how you try to hide or suppress whatever is causing strife at home it will come to the forefront.  And more than likely it will be the wedge driven between you and your significant other.

One of those things that drives a wedge in relationship is money.  Generally, the lack thereof.  Any time someone doesn't know how their next bill is going to get paid then that's the pure definition of "stress."  You're "robbing Peter to pay Paul," you're getting extensions, paying late fees, and other things just to maintain some necessities in life.  But, you want to go out this weekend with someone you just met?  Child, please.

For men, we're expected by most of society to "court" the woman.  That can mean taking her to dinner, movies, etc.  There are free and inexpensive ways to get to know someone, but that depends on the woman.  There are some women who don't care where you go or what you do.  They just want to spend time with you and be treated with respect.  Most men refer to those women as "potential wives" or the "kind you take home to Momma."  If a woman has to go out to eat, drink, socialize just to be with you then most men like to call them "rentals."  Harsh, but true.

Now this blog does not apply to college students who are usually broke.  We understand your situation.  But as an adult it's imperative that you have some sort of income that will allow you to date.  There are some females who don't require being courted, so they'll be okay with "coming over to chill" at the crib with you.  A DVD and fast food can turn into sex.  You can get by being broke with them because they have lower standards anyway.  That's why I referred to them as "females" instead of "ladies."

However, ladies generally want to be courted and expect the man to entertain.  That actually rubs some guys (notice I said "guys" and not "men") the wrong way.  Some guys will sit back and think, "well, I spent $50 on dinner and she didn't spend a dime.  She owes me."

Well, some women do treat the man every now and then and it's a wonderful and appreciated gesture.  Yet, a lot of guys are quick to holler, "Why doesn't she treat me every other date?  She works a full-time job just like I work one!"

Well, consider this, fellas: most women buy a new outfit when they go out with someone new.  Let's just say hers cost $100.  She also wants to get her hair and nails done.  Add in another $100.  Do you still think that she kept her purse closed for your date?  Absolutely not.  Because she wants to look just as impressive if not more impressive than the time you met her and asked her out.  Guys, you probably actually come out cheaper just paying for dinner than what it cost her to get ready for dinner.  I'm just saying.

So, don't be so quick to ask her to foot the bill when all you did is get a hair cut, um 'kay?

The bottom line is: "Romance without finance is a nuisance."  Money isn't necessary to have a good time and enjoy someone, but in today's society it's very important.  Very little is free these days, so finding entertainment can be costly depending on where you live.  So, if you find someone worthy of your time then be in a place where both of you aren't restricted because of finances.  Being financially secure can give you a peace of mind that can make you a lot more pleasant to date.