Monday, December 19, 2011

I Do... Until A Hottie Comes Along!

Kobe Bryant joins the list of athletes to recently file for divorce (Tony Hawk, Deion Sanders and Troy Aikman to name a few). And it's for allegedly cheating. Imagine that. Kobe and his soon-to-be ex-wife, Vanessa, met when she was 18 and he was 21 on a music video set.

Back in '03, Kobe got into a scandal that almost landed him in jail as he admitted to having sex with a lady in Colorado who later accused him of rape. Well, that didn't sit well with Vanessa and it took a public apology and a $4 million dollar ring as a gift from Kobe to get back in her good graces. Now, after a 10 year marriage and two daughters, Vanessa says that she's had enough of "The Black Mamba." She seeks spousal support and custody of the two girls and let me also mention that there is no pre-nup. She may receive money that rivals Tiger's ex, Elin Nordegren.

I think this scenario is the perfect lesson for guys out there. Just because you meet someone you really like at a young age doesn't mean you're obligated to marry her. There are steps to a relationship and marriage is the ultimate step. Ultimate means "final." "Final" is a word that should make anyone think when it comes to making a decision. Most of us put more thought into a cell phone commitment of two years than we do a marriage.

I went to school with so many classmates who married their high school sweetheart only to divorce less than 10 years later. Why? Because men are stupid. Sounds harsh? Well, let me explain: a lot of men don't realize at a young age of the opportunities (women) that will come our way once we get older, smarter and established. I was in love for four years when I was 23 years old and was engaged. It would have been the worst decision I could have made in my life had I married her. Not simply because I found out she wasn't the one for me, but because I had no idea how many more women I would meet in my life who would virtually throw themselves at me for whatever reason. Luckily, the engagement dissolved and as a single man at 23 years old, I made the most of my life before my first date with The Mrs. at age 28.

Very few men mature early enough in their 20's to sustain a marriage. Even if we maintain a faithful relationship for the early part of the marriage, at some point, we start to think of what we missed. Kobe probably wanted to be the perfect husband and father when he got married. What he didn't anticipate was women in every city throwing themselves at him. I take that back. He knew that was going to happen, he just didn't know that he was going to eventually give in to it. If he would have not married Vanessa at 21, would she have waited on him? Would she have hung around and allowed him to "sew his royal oats."

Maybe. Maybe not. That's beside the point. If things are meant to be, then they'll happen, right? After all, I took The Mrs. to my high school prom as a one-time thing and a decade later, we started dating. Had we developed a relationship back when I was younger and dumber, she'd probably still hate me to this day because of my immaturity at that age.

The point I want to make to the guys is that there is no rush to get married. Now, I'm not saying date someone for 10 years or anything, but what I'm saying is live your life before you decide to settle down. Enjoy yourself. Travel. Party. Flirt. You'll never get it all out of your system, but you can at least feel as if you've lived your life to the point that you will be able to resist temptation once you're married. Some guys are mature enough to do the young marriage thing, but let's be honest and admit that most of us guys would struggle and/or fail in that situation. It's easy to say "I do..." until a hottie comes along.



  1. I got engaged when I was 19, married when I was 20, divorced at 27.

    So I cannot agree more with this post.

    Beware. Sometimes when you grow up, you grow apart. Sometimes, the other half just doesn't grow up...

  2. Totally, completely agree. There is just nothing more to say, you've said it all and said it well!

  3. Yeah, the person who you are at age 22 is not the same person at 32. Hell, even at 26, a whole lot changes in the early 20s.

    That being said, Kobe seems like a philanderer.

  4. Getting married that young is premature anyway. You are right about not knowing what's out there and for some men, it's like a free for all when they think they have missed out. I had a ex- boyfriend say, he wanted out because he wanted to venture out and see what was out there, I said, "There's the door".

    Was I mad? No, but he did me a favor too because as a woman I could say thing same thing about women too. Now in regards to athletes, any woman getting involved with these fools, better make sure no PRENUP is signed because if he acts up, take his ass to the bank.

  5. personally I couldn't imagine getting married in my 20's...but each to their own and sometimes things just don't work out

  6. I totally agree with this post. At one point I was a little jealous of my friends who were getting married while I was in college. But many of them are divorced or still married but miserable. I think love left them kinda short-sighted about what opportunities they would be passing up so they couldn't really be prepared for it. You are right on it with this one!

  7. Mrs. C & I met when we were teens just out of high school. We've been together 15 years since then but I think what worked for us is that we dated for the the first 7 years before saying "I do".

  8. @ LiI - Very well said. Sorry that you're the perfect example.

    @ Lawfrog - Thank you, ma'am! :)

    @ Tsaritsa - When you have Kobe's clout, maturity is even more important. He probably could have benefited being single until he retired from the NBA.

    @ LogAllot - Vanessa is going to do just that to Kobe. He may have to play ball until he's 50 to cover the spousal and child support she's going to hit him with soon.

    @ G - I know, right? Some people can pull it off. I have a co-worker who married his high school sweetheart and they're 21 years strong in marriage. I think those instances are very rare these days.

    @ Tori D - Thanks for making me sound smart. LOL! Same scenario for me. Although I wasn't jealous, I did take notice of all of my friends tying the knot. They were jealous of my club hopping in the mid-90's. LOL!

    @ My Cousin Vinny - You're definitely a lot more mature than me. You found the one for you and decided it wasn't worth taking a chance on losing her and that's great!

  9. Personally, I have no words.. as usual Q :o) So I guess I'll just say HI since I am the EXACT thing you are talking about.. I'm 23 & engaged... been engaged for about 3 years. Am I young to get married, sure but am I ready? Now more than I was a year ago. We are happy. That is all that matters.. right?

  10. @ TOAR - Hey, I didn't say that it couldn't work. It's just the odds are pretty rare, in my opinion. If you both feel as if you have a good thing and aren't missing out on anything, then great! But, men, unlike women, after they get older and more established, will attract women without trying. Especially if they're engaged or married (go figure). It's hard to say "no" to that when you're a 20-something. Shoot, some men are 30 and 40 and can't do it. It depends on the maturity and character of the man.

  11. Q. OK, here I am trying to post a comment. It appears that I will be allowed to do so, but I have little to add to the above.

    There would also be my ten ex-wives... I have tons os experience to comment on this subject yet not one ounce of expertise.

  12. @ Mooner - Well, it's hard to compete with 10. Experience is supposed to be the best teacher, Mooner. Nothing learned after #3? :)

  13. Had I married my high school sweetheart, we'd have divorced by now. He never grew up,and thankfully I realized that when I started college.

  14. @ One Mommy - I'm glad that you did, too. Things change when guys start to develop more independence and establish themselves in life. It's just part of the process for most of us. Thanks for commenting!


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