We as black people have gotten so out of hand that we don't think that a relationship is normal unless it's combative. How crazy is that? We think that loud, brash females are "strong" and that disrespectful, aloof males are "hard."
Black baby mamas and daddies try to get leverage on one another (at the expense of the child). Black men and women always want to say what the other gender is doing wrong without ever evaluating themselves.
We sometimes have no interest in doing what's right, but more interest in doing what feels right. It doesn't matter if it sets a bad example for our kids or not. It doesn't matter if it could affect our job status. It doesn't even matter if it contradicts something in the Bible that we've read. If we feel it then we do it. It's completely counterproductive and stupid to think like this.
The dynamic between black men and black women is atrocious and has been for decades now. Every new interaction between a black man and black woman is potentially a bad experience. A black man's approach to a black woman can get sideways pretty quick and those who have been around it know that I speak the truth.
These guys make it very difficult for a man with good intentions to even get her attention. She gets so many disrespectful Facebook inbox messages and so many "Say, Slim?" remarks at the gas station that things of that nature make her assume that the next guy, who may be nice, will be as "thirsty" as the last guy that approached.
On the flip side, some black women tend to think that just by being a black man that you have to accept certain qualities about her. Some feel that you must allow and account for her less than pleasant and negative reactions to different things simply because "it's what black women do." As if not putting up with stereotypical black woman qualities, that have made reality TV billions, somehow make you less of a man. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life. You're proud of being an a-hole? Really? SMH. Act like a lady and maybe someone out there will treat you like one.
So, much has to change in the black communities, but the relationship between the black man and black woman may be the most important one. Once that's solved then everything else will start to fall in place. But it can only happen if both sides treat each other with respect and that task should start with the men.
I know that a lot of guys are frowning and mentally throwing shade on the post because you expect women to do everything first, but there's a reason why I say that: Black women have never stopped loving black men. Despite our differences, the frustration from some women is the fact that they still love us, yet we don't reciprocate the love. We've abandoned her in a storm (it doesn't matter the reason) and she's waiting in the rain for us to come back. It's up to us as men, to get our women out of the storm.
The very essence of a man is that you take the lead! That doesn't mean in some things, but in all things. That includes extending an olive branch to our sistas to reclaim the relationships that we once had back in my parent's generation.
Love, honor, respect, and and most importantly, protect her and she will love you in return with an undying passion. Her uplifting words will give you the confidence to take on and defeat any of life's obstacles.