Sunday, June 26, 2011

More Honey, Less Bee

A lot of time we get stuck in comfort. We get so familiar with a person that we tend to show more than what we should. Sometimes you can go from royalty to a peasant with just a few actions.

Now, over at The Chocolate Knot, Mrs. Maberry has already listed eight things for women not to do in a relationship. So, I figured I would piggy-back that with some traps for men to avoid (even though seven of those eight things she listed could apply to us as well. I'm sure you can figure out which one doesn't apply to us.)

I heard someone on a BlogTalkRadio show (Chloe Brainstorming) that used the phrase, "More honey, less bee." It basically means more of the sweet stuff and less of the bug behind it.

Men, we make our mark on women by our actions. We do things in the beginning of the relationship that captivate our mate. We give her the honey. It could be through flowers, dinner dates, foot rubs, or washing her car. Whatever the way, we're bombarding her with sweetness.

But naturally, over time, we decline in producing nectar. She starts to see more of that big-eyed bug walking around the hive and less honey in which to satisfy her cravings. It's easy for long-term couples to lose focus and forget what attracted their mate to them in the first place.

Treat each interaction as if it's your first date.

If you do that, then your significant other will have more honey than she can eat. Wanda Sykes once said that if a guy and his woman are sitting on the couch and he catches her looking upside his head for no reason, it's because she's thinking of the guy that she should have married instead of him. Don't give her second thoughts.

Treating each day like the first date will also prevent her from falling prey into any of those eight things that are mentioned at The Chocolate Knot. Sometimes, that lack of honey can even lead to her letting her guard down and becoming more like Peg Bundy or Mrs. Castanza instead of more like June Cleaver or Claire Huxtable. We fellas love to say, "she let herself go," but maybe we helped motivate her slothful behavior.

I won't lie and say it's easy. Everyone reaches a comfort zone. It's very difficult to maintain focus when every day is the same routine. Be different. Be out of character, but in a good way. If you're the same ol' "plain John" each day, then your wife may start paying more attention to the guy she runs into regularly at the grocery store and start to think about the fact you haven't been in a grocery store since you were single (guilty as charged). It doesn't mean it will lead to anything bad, but it does break down the image.

Men and women should all have an image of their significant other as the most perfect person in the world.

If you don't, then why are you with them? With every fart, act of selfishness, or any other rude act, that image breaks down even further until you're nothing more than friends who occasionally sleep together or worse, roommates.  That's how you go from royalty to a peasant.  You take away from being special.  You take away from being different from the others.

Don't allow your image to be broken down. Protect your brand.

My final thoughts to the ladies: Go to The Chocolate Knot and start crossing those things off of your list. Protect your brand and be the queen he thinks you are.

My final thoughts to guys: be the man she fell in love with originally. Be her knight in shining armor. Give her flowers for no reason. Cook her dinner. Tell her how nice she looks. Say that you love her.

(Memo to self: take my own advice)

Gotta go.


  1. It's a double-edged sword, really.

    With my ex, I adored her. I treated her like my queen, and did everything I could to show her how much she meant for me.

    After a few years, the nectar didn't slow down, but it wasn't as sweet as it used to be. She took my love for granted, and saw my signs of affection as the norm. If I didn't offer her backrubs, or do the normal "I love you" stuff, she flipped.

    It was as if I set the bar too high, and anything short wasn't good enough. My A game was expected, at minimum.

    Ladies, we will treat you like Goddesses. Just please recognize when we do. Don't act like "yeah, you BETTER..." act like it means something.

  2. Excellent advice. It definitely takes two, but is not as hard as some make it out to be.

  3. @ LiI - You're dead on with your scenario. So many guys go through that. They try to give their women the best and instead of being appreciated, they're taken for granted. It's frustrating to have someone set unreasonable expectations on you. I've been taken for granted in countless relationships and it's easy to see how some guys throw their hands up and say that a woman can't be satisfied. Your actions used to yield a "thank you," but now you get a "why haven't you" instead.

    @ CurvyGurl Chronicles in the house! It's not that hard. It's about appreciating the other person. Unfortunately, it's hard to find two people willing to do it. It'e either one or the other, but rarely both. It's hard on women when they try and don't see results and for men, it's just plain tiring. Especially if you're married and know that your life will be like that until either death or divorce.

  4. I will admit, I miss the honey. After 20 years together, it would be nice to get flowers a bit more often.
    But, when he still perves on me in the shower and tells me how nice I smell when he kisses me, well, I melt and forgive pretty much all his taking for granted moments. It's about the little things and he does love a naughty text in the middle of his work day..

  5. But Q...what about us "not so feminine" chicks?! I'm sorry, but I do a lot of "less than princessy" things in front of my homies - and that's just ME. If I am with a dude, then he'd better get used to it from the get go. It's just funny to me. That doesn't mean I don't appreciate sweet things too...or doing sweet things. But, that list of 8 things seems partial to "appropriate" prissy chicks. I am neither.

  6. @ Mynx, I think that's great! It's great that he still shows affection for you and also important that you respond to it.

    @ Reck, I guess you have to make sure you find the right one who can appreciate that. There are plenty of people who would probably appreciate a lady being "one of the guys," but to what extent, I'm unsure. It's all a matter of preference, so the girly stuff definitely isn't required for everyone.

  7. Good advice, Q.
    There's a scene in "Play It Again, Sam" when Woody Allen's girlfriend is leaving him because he's become boring, he doesn't interest her anymore, no flowers, no dates, no EFFORT. As she's pulling away he's hanging on her car window trying to reason with her by saying, "But no one could keep up that level of charm! I'd have a heart attack!"

  8. LOL @ Squatlo! Good one! He's right! It's impossible to maintain the standards that some people want. It's hard to satisfy someone if they keep raising the bar. But, it doesn't excuse us from trying.

  9. I dig. Once I get used to a certain behavior of his then he switches it on me, I catch an attitude lol. Like, "what happened?!" Shit if you can't keep up the facade then don't put up the front! Guess that goes both ways though.

  10. @ Em, yeah, but as guys, we tend to over-extend ourselves with things to please our women in long-term relationships. Women need to recognize that and know that it can't be a regular thing. Now, guys shouldn't set the bar so high too early because then the woman has a right to expect it regularly. But, if in a long-term relationship he does something out of the blue, it should be appreciated and not taken for granted. That goes for men, too. It's easier said than done though.

  11. I completely agree, if you want a harmonious #relationship, there has to be "More Honey, Less Bee". Too often than not the spark goes away when one partner stops trying and the other partner loses interest. But you do have a point, you are responsible to make yourself look good and present the true image of yourself. Be yourself and keep up the hotness!


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